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The Unforgiving (2010)
Is this a joke?
Is this movie a joke?
Generally, I always rate movies higher than most people, mainly because I'm easily drawn into a good story and interest characters, even if the overall movie has some flaws. But this is awful, all around. It's almost "so-bad-it's-good", though slightly below the threshold.
This movie was described on this website as a South-African take on the "Saw" genre. Of course, I was gullible enough to rent this, based on that kind of feedback.
Bad actors, bad storyline, awful music (the type of "suspense.mp3" you can download from a free soundbank website)... The worst is the cinematography. Can we stop the yellow-ish, high-contrast look of these movies? It looks dreadful, and only leads to headaches. The fast-moving shots will give you nausea, too, so you'll get the full sensory experience.
When it comes to the gore, well, let's just say it's as bad as the rest. Squishy sounds at every opportunity, like the characters are made out of strawberry jam. Laughable. "Saw" worked, as the lack of budget was compensated by talent and a vision for an overall story. This is just a cheap cashgrab, absolutely uninteresting on all accounts. I gave it a 2/10 instead of a 1/10 because the main detective character is pretty handsome. But that's it.
DON'T FALL FOR THIS TYPE OF CLIKCBAIT MOVIES!
Leatherface (2017)
Unworthy of the Texas Chainsaw franchise! Boo!
This is one of the worst horror movie I've ever seen. With the premise of a chase between a group of psychopaths and a cold, violent sheriff, I expected something along the line of "The Devil's Rejects", a movie at least entertaining in terms of action and characters. But it was not.
The characters are dreadful. Leatherface is useless most of the movie. The psychopaths act in the most idiotic ways possible, even on psychopath standards. I won't even dignify to explain how mental illness is represented in this movie. One would expect, at least, a part of mystery and chaos in the antagonists, but they are only pseudo-edgy, dumb cardboard stereotypes. The "good" guys are predictable and hollow. I only added 3 stars for the sheriff character, who is played well by Stephen Dorff, and the old cars, which are cool. All in all, the characters come and go, meet one another at a random pace, until there is nothing left in the viewer's mind but confusion.
The cinematography is dreadful. The good old "yellow taint" by day and "blue taint" by night to give a dirty feeling are well worn-out by now; it's unoriginal and boring. The gore scenes? Yes, there are a few. Most of them are only based on cheap squishy noises and CGI blood. Boring and truly worthy of a direct-to-video movie. Add to that shameless rip-offs of iconic scenes from other movies (I won't spoil anything, but you will quickly understand this reference).
The scenario is dreadful. It never goes anywhere. It's suppose to be a HUNT, but it somehow manages to be boring! Were the screenwriters on a vacation?
Here are some other issues I won't develop: idiotic Texas accents (and I'm from Europe!), cheap music, bad sound effects... In the end, you will be thankful to see main characters killed: at least, they're a change from the rest of the story.
My advice is: stick to the most iconic Texas Chainsaw movies. Leave a part of mystery in Leatherface's character. And, most importantly, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!
Hush (2016)
Not enough horror movies talk about physical handicap in a serious way.
Unfortunately, many horror movies show physical handicap as a "light" subject. It is sometimes just used for cheap one-liners. But "Hush" takes a different approach, for the better. Here, physical handicap (i.e., the loss of hearing) is tackled with maturity, in a humane way. "Late Phases" did that also, but not as seriously as "Hush".
Even though the main character suffers from a handicap, she manages to show great survival skills, and an incredible will to survive against an unnamed assailant. Consequently, the movie builds an amazing suspense throughout.
This kind of movie is above-average in the horror/thriller genre. This a powerful, dark and creative work of art, that will keep you on your toes right until the end. It's not perfect -especially with regards to the choice of music, or the fact that the mask of the killer may not be shown enough-, but in the end, it's still thoroughly enjoyable.
Ironclad: Battle for Blood (2014)
Not as good as the first one... But fun none the less
The first Ironclad was not to be taken too seriously, historically speaking, but still had interesting details, and the no-nonsense characteristics of the fights made the film overall quite well-made.
This sequel is far from being as good as the first one, regarding the cast, the dialogues, the cinematography (shaky camera shots tend to be overused)... But it still is fun, and never gets dull.
It's full of medieval clichés: daily public beheading, dark monasteries, dirty brothels and taverns, and so on, and so forth. Also, the historical side is thrown out of the window altogether.
The one-liners are cheesy, the fights violent, and the jokes overly "saucy". It's not badly made, especially concerning the atmosphere. If you liked the first one, give it a go! Don't expect a masterpiece, though. Also, some scenes are not for the faint of heart.
The Terminators (2009)
"So bad, it's good" at full speed
Another "mockbuster" from The Asylum... And, like most of them, it manages to be both weird and incredibly bland at the same time.
Mediocre acting, awful special effects and green screens, stereotypical characters, creative commons soundtrack... It's all there! It still manages to stay fun the whole way through, most of the time involuntarily. See a man spill blood all over the walls just because he had his head knocked on a table, poorly rendered space battle, cheesy plot-twists, and so on, and so forth.
I give it 2/10, because kudos to Paul Logan as he keeps running throughout the whole movie, which must have been exhausting. This guy is pretty badass.
Knight of the Dead (2013)
Seriously, why all the awful reviews?
I rarely write movie reviews, but I mostly do when I feel that a movie is either unnecessarily praised, or excessively denigrated. "Knight of the dead" is the latest. Seriously, this movie was rated worse than "Sharktopus" on IMDb?!?
This is your typical B-movie way of making movies. Low-budget, actors you never heard of, cheesy and cheap FX... But this movie is really positively surprising. Low-budget, that's for sure, but there is still a guaranteed minimum of gore (with mutilations, guts, blood, you know the drill). Also, the landscape is absolutely stunning. You never get bored watching this 1h18min movie, mostly filled with bandit raids or zombie attacks. And the zombie makeup is pretty well-made: not at all times, but it does the job.
Of course, there is some bad CGI from time to time (creating full hordes of zombies, or adding blood), but it's far from being REALLY annoying, and believe me, I HATE CGI. That is still a bit of a shame.
All in all, what can be said about KOFD? Cheap b-movie. Crazy concept. But still fast-paced, gory and fun. Recommended for anyone into zombie movies.
The Mephisto Waltz (1971)
Strange, beautiful thriller about occult rituals.
This 1971 movie is pretty difficult to define, and thus, difficult to judge. Very quickly, the storyline: a famous pianist (Duncan Ely, played by Curd Jürgens) is about to die. In order to avoid his death, he decides to practice an occult ritual, allowing his spirit to be kept intact in another man's body (played by Alan Alda).
Is there another way to say it? This movie is just really well made. Not afraid to combine the codes of many different genres (horror, thriller, mystery...), the director Paul Wendkos managed to build up an amazing atmosphere, beautiful and macabre at the same time.
This is why the cinematography, being indubitably the strenght of this film, keeps the viewer captivated. Every shot could be a painting I'd like to see in my house. The nightmares, the fake relationships between characters, the depraved parties organized by Duncan Ely, everything leaves the viewer unsure of the reality of what he sees.
But even with such a mysterious atmosphere, the suspense and the rhythm of the storyline get a bit dull at times. And, although most of the actors give a great performance (especially Curd Jürgens), some characters tend to have odd reactions to some dramatic events. But then again, it might have been deliberately chosen by the director...
A strange movie, but a must-see for the fans of films like "Don't Look Now" (1973) or Lucio Fulci's "The Psychic" (1977).
Killer Crocodile (1989)
The charm of old cheap monster movies.
This movie has the charm of the old and cheap monster movies. Well, not that old (since it was filmed in 1989), but it definitely has a 80's feeling to it.
Let's start with the good points of this movie : "Killer crocodile" (and its sequel, filmed at the same time) is cheap, but most part of the budget went into the crocodile itself. No CGI, but a full (plastic) giant crocodile, which is a good starting point. There is a certain amount of gruesome deaths (with limbs cut off and everything), and, since there is an attack about every 10 minutes, you don't get bored watching the movie. Also, the music was made by the famous Riz Ortolani, who was already familiar with horror movies set in beautiful locations of south American forests, as he is also the composer of the theme for the infamous "Cannibal Holocaust".
But the gruesome deaths don't really make up for many other problems in the movie. The acting is definitely the worst part of it : it's just ridiculous (except for the late Ennio Girolami, playing the character of the mysterious Joe, a boor and lonely hunter out to kill the beast). The dialogues try to underline plot elements that don't really lead anywhere, when not being completely over-the-top.
And the crocodile might be giant, but still : its big yellow eyes and deep growls make him seem actually cute at times.
In conclusion? Don't watch it if you're looking for a masterpiece. But it definitely is pretty entertaining... Although not for the reasons the director wanted it to be.