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cubmom04
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A Southern Haunting (2023)
Pure Garbage
I have no idea what the writer/director was going for in this movie. It's not scary, first of all. Second, it's so slow and disjointed that it's boring and nonsensical. Did most of the movie get cut? Because there was such bizarre cuts between scenes, like one scene you see a boy hunting and then suddenly his dad appears out of nowhere. I'm worried that the director was using a bootleg copy of a film editing app on a really old cell phone.
There's absolutely no explanation or dialogue to describe what is happening for the first half of the film. The "scary" part is a black mist that randomly appears, a guy that goes catatonic for most of the movie, and a woman in a well. Oh wait, two women in a well. This movie was a waste of time, and just confirms that there's no end of money for mediocrity. The actors are all fine, they make the best of really bad material.
Scorsese would weep if he watched this.
Maybe I Do (2023)
Oh my word this is as bad as it gets
How does someone get a movie like this made? The first 26 minutes are torture followed by an hour of drivel. Cliches abound and the dialogue is stilted and dull. How can this many great actors be in such a bad show with such awful writing? Two married couples who are miserable together are trying to give their respective children marital advice, when they are the last people who should advise anyone on relationships. The cutesy twist is that the couples are cheating with each other unbeknownst to each other because they haven't met. This is possibly the most un-funny romantic comedy of the last decade, if not eternity. This is an hour and half that you will never get back.
Triangle of Sadness (2022)
Imagine being on the worst date ever
And it just never ends
The movie opens with a casting call for models where it is explained what the triangle of sadness means. Don't worry, it's stupid.
We are then transported to the worst date ever between two people who should never be together. They are having a lovely argument and they both suck and are both stupid and I stop at this point because it's beyond annoying and it's not even ten minutes into the movie.
A few weeks go by and I try again.
Don't worry, the date and subsequent fight all the way home is only terribly stupid. We are then inexplicably dragged along on what passes for a vacation of stupid guy photographing stupid girl and both of them being genuinely annoying people. Lucky for everyone else on board, this ship will sink and only a few people will survive so they won't have to witness the woman from hell gagging for her instagram feed or the shmuck taking her pictures any longer.
Oh yay, Woody Harrelson is the Captain! Surely there will be jokes, mirth, happiness?! Nope. Our captain is an alcoholic who seems unable to drive the ship. Thank goodness for the ship being hit by a torpedo or something. I am not sure because I'm only hate watching at this point.
Once the survivors are shipwrecked we are given a chance to see how some folks behave when shipwrecked. Oh, what a deep, philosophical look at humanity! Nah. It's as predictable as every episode of the Housewives series and it drags on for nearly as long.
Oh, but there's a really cool twist at the very end! At this point, I was hoping for an earthquake to swallow the island but no.
The only thing that this movie proves is that there are women making great movies that can't get funding but there's no end to the money available for some POS like this. I don't know who the director is, but dam. He should find a new line of work.
You People (2023)
I can see why people hate this movie.
That being said, I think it's at least worth a watch if you like any of the actors. This movie will make some people angry and they will shut down. Others will just feel awkward and uncomfortable and forget what they saw. This movie is far from perfect, but I think it has some redeeming moments. We have a single Jewish man who looks like a screw up to most people. His job is not impressive, he dresses like a slob, but he seems to be a decent human being and of course he falls for a young Muslim woman. An entire documentary could be made about this kind of interfaith-interracial relationship, but what we get is the sarcastic "funny" view of the relationship through the eyes of their families.
I don't mind the awkward moments, but after a few, it comes off hackneyed and trite. We've seen this stuff before, why belabor the point? I didn't hate this but I doubt I would watch it again.
The Fabelmans (2022)
Boring boring boring
If any of you watched Nomadland a few years back and wondered what the fuss was about, you'll be pleased to know that The Fableman's picked up where Nomadland left you asleep in the theater.
I was excited to get a glimpse of Spielberg's life, he's a great filmmaker (usually), and I'm fascinated by his career. Maybe he's just too close to the subject matter to be able to tell his own story.
There are flashes of brilliance here. Michelle Williams brings a terrifying delight to the slowly falling to pieces mother. Like many women she hides it so well, until she is dancing around a campfire in a nightgown on a family camping trip. Most of the family watches entranced, even the husband, and of course, out comes the camera. One of the daughters is watching from the tent crying, because she seems to understand mom is cuckoo and this is not just more campfire entertainment.
Judd Hirsch makes an all too brief appearance as an estranged uncle. I wish he'd had more than 6 minutes of screen time, he's a genius.
The rest of the movie is a meandering trip through an antisemitic high school to a Jesus loving girlfriend to the shocking revelation that tears the Fableman's apart. Truthfully, we don't know how any other Fableman's feel about the shocking revelation because this show is all about Sam and his mother and so little time is spent on the rest of the Fableman's. The other Fableman's are present, but mostly in the background, which is a shame.
As with the plodding Nomadland, I'm sure that this will win an Oscar, and I'm sad to say the rest of field is disappointing. I found Banshee's, All Quiet, Tár, and Triangle of Sadness all inexplicably boring. I didn't finish All Quiet or Tár because they were literally painful to watch. I'm so glad I didn't go to a theater, although, I guess I could have at least gotten my money back.
Disenchanted (2022)
Worst sequel ever
I am so disappointed to say this, but this sequel was even worse than Hocus Pocus 2, and that's saying something.
Enchanted is one of those movies that successfully mixed the whimsy of a fairytale with the annoying reality of modern life while being funny and endearing. The songs were cute and catchy without being cloying, and the notion of a real fairytale princess in New York City played well, especially when coupled with the story of the long-suffering Queen's minion Nathaniel, and the clueless prince.
The sweet, simple joy of Enchanted is nowhere to be found in Disenchanted. Giselle and Robert decide to leave the big city and Morgan, now a teenager, is not happy about moving to the suburbs. The movie goes sideways before the boxes are unpacked.
If you're gonna make a musical, the songs really need to be good. In this case, they are awful. I found myself muting the volume because they are just that bad. Amy Adams brought a joyfulness to Giselle in Enchanted that was cute and bubbly, without being weird. There's no joy here, it all feels forced and awkward. Adding Maya Rudolph as a nemesis doesn't help matters, and even though the movie is two hours long, the storyline is thin and weak.
Save yourself the trouble, stick with Enchanted. This was a pointless sequel to a good movie.
Plan A (2021)
Fascinating story, poorly told
The premise of the movie is fascinating, survivors of the Holocaust getting revenge on the people who looked the other way as they and their families were dragged from their homes and tortured and murdered. We are introduced to several characters, one is a Jewish man who returns to his home to find that it is occupied by a German family he knew before the war. The German man is less than welcoming and the Jewish man sets off to discover a new life.
Sadly the pacing of the story and explanation is too slow and aside from the character Anna, lacking conviction. This would have been better off as a documentary.
Mr. Malcolm's List (2022)
Terrible writing, boring movie
I really wanted to like this movie because I love costume dramas. Welp, it was one of the worst and I've watched a lot of movies/shows in this genre. The plot is contrived and the writing is lame. If you're looking for a great story with a beautiful backdrop and costumes, there are plenty of amazing choices available for free. The actors do the best they can with the lackluster material, but there just isn't enough to do with this screenplay. It's based on a book, and I'm in shock that the filmmakers couldn't cobble more of a plot and story together. With only 254 pages, maybe there wasn't enough in the book to make a movie. It's obvious that since Downton Abbey everyone is desperate to make a show that will rival its success. This is sadly not the one.
Auschwitz (2011)
Better than reviews let on
This is a difficult documentary to watch, mainly because of the portion of live re-enactment. I personally don't think this portion is necessary, because the rest of the documentary is much more compelling. The interviews with German teens is fascinating. Some of the students are very knowledgeable about WWII and the Holocaust, while others don't seem to know anything at all. What isn't clear is whether this difference is because some of the kids have had immersive study in the subject, while others are not. Several of the teens know quite a lot about the war and rise of Nazism, and are also able to contrast with other genocides and the ongoing wars in the Middle East.
I recommend watching this film, but fast forward through the re-enactment portion. The best part hasn't gotten as much attention as it should.
As for the other reviews that crank on Boll, that seems like a more personal ussue than reviews of this actual film. Ignore the cranks.
Penny Dreadful: City of Angels (2020)
Dear god in heaven and hell and huh?
I've just finished the series and I'm speechless b/c it was just that disjointed and nonsensical, while the actors delivered solid performances. The trailer for the show was exciting and drew me in, and I was so excited for the show to start. That is where the excitement ends. For some reason, there is an angel of death and her sister who is... the devil? a demigod? The devil/demigod sister is able to shape shift which is kind of cool, and the angel of death is the emo chick everyone tries to talk to but can only get a few words out of at a time. She's super fun. There's a cute cop, an old cop, a bunch of evil cops, Nazis, religious zealots, political hacks, surprising undercover agents, a mathematics genius, sweet little boys, an evil little boy, a kindly doctor, a loving mother with loving children, a vibrant small town filled with hard working people, fun dance scenes, a calculating woman, a scorned wife and so much more. With all of that, this show meanders from episode to episode unsure of which story it's telling because there are so many stories competing with each other. In the end, none of the stories are given nearly enough attention. I really wanted to like this series, I loved the first Penny Dreadful series, which was dramatic and engaging. Not so with the City of Angels.
The Thinning (2016)
Mother make it stop!
I was *forced* to watch this awful movie because my son liked Logan Paul. The truth is, some people are just not creative. They re-tread old ideas instead of creating something new. Some actors are just hacks, and I guess he's a new actor or something, but for pete's sake, this guy sucks. The best thing about this movie? It's very short.
The Space Between Us (2017)
Just say no.
Good lord, what an awful movie. Beyond the plot not making any sense, the dialogue is awful. I actually cringed and laughed at some of the lines. There are so very many other movies out there that are wonderful, if you're looking for romance, this is not it. If you're looking for sci-fi, this is not it. I promise you, there is something better out there...this is not the movie you seek.