IMDbGMB's Reviews

Unfrosted (2024)

2/10

21 May 2024

I saw that Jerry Seinfeld was behind Unfrosted along with an incredibly talented cast. One after another the actors (look up the cast list, incredible) are comedic giants.

So how is it possible that this movie is SO painfully unfunny? I don't get it? Is Seinfeld really this untalented? Was Larry David the sole genius behind "Seinfeld" but no one told Jerry Seinfeld?

Again, not funny: simplistic humor that never hits, forgettable characters, no insight or cleverness, too many references that didn't relate. Seinfeld's dryness came across as just plain flat. Writing too cute for its own (and our own) good, with little intelligence.

Gave it two stars because the sound quality was great. If you have a surround system you'll feel it.

(Repeatedly mumbling to self: "How can it be THIS bad, how, how? How?"....)

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Longest Third Date (2023)

3/10

Annoying and More Annoying Make a Movie

19 May 2024

Oh my lord how is it possible two people can so quickly screw up a "falling in love under strange circumstances" premise?

ANSWER: Cast the most self-absorbed talentless guy that films everything in his (dull) life like it was Citizen Kane and pair him with a shallow 30-something woman that speaks like a teenage Valley girl from the 80s. Gag me with a spoon this couple was repulsive.

I can't give it only one star though, as the production quality was pretty good and the Costa Rican scenery was impressive. The random shots of wildlife were fun too.

Still, I find this movie impossible to recommend short of *only* using it as a cautionary tale of what you might dredge up on Hinge. Scary.

Don't do it. Just don't.

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The Final Countdown (1980)

3/10

SLOW, hasn't aged well, nonsense title, cool F-14 jets

6 April 2024

The title of this review sums it up:

The movie is ungodly slow to get going. Even the intro credits are ridiculously drawn out. Why?? Yes the technical aspects of the Navy and the Nimitz are apparently technically sound. But do you have to film every little operational details and show over and over again? Of course not, unless you have a thin screenplay.

Next is the title: what does it mean and how does it relate to the plot of the movie? Answer: Nothing and it doesn't.

The time travel concept has been done many many times after this movie came out and much much better. The twist was seen coming pretty much right when the particular character was first introduced. I won't reveal spoilers of who that was.

Kirk Douglas was not a convincing captain. He flip-flopped his decisions based on what exactly? I couldn't tell. He couldn't either. Martin Sheen (Apocalypse Now) is one of my favorite actors but didn't have much to do here. Wasted talent.

Watching the F-14s fly around was pretty cool though. Just wish they would've blown more stuff up.

Oh, one last thing. The musical accompaniment during some of the action scenes was intrusive and overdone. I wanted to yell "shut up, I'm watching a movie!"

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Tramps (2016)

5/10

Mixed performances, not as smart as it should be

28 June 2023

Right off the bat it's obvious the female lead Ellie/Grace Van Patten is a star and fits naturally in the role. She just doesn't look like she's acting, which is the whole point. She's perfect. I think I've met her before, well not really but it feels like it.

In complete contrast sits her male counterpart Danny/Callum Turner. Totally unbelievable: mannerisms, movements, speech patterns and accent. Comes across as he's forcing himself to act at everything. Didn't surprise me at all to learn he was born in England, as his voice slipped several times. Annoying.

The story is too drawn out. The dialogue is kind of dumb, overly simplistic, especially when it's trying to make points about the human condition, managing grief, and so on. The movie just isn't as smart as other reviewers seem to want it to be. I think that has to do with Ellie's performance. It's pretty much perfect. She needs help to make this thing work as a good movie, but never gets it.

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Flamin' Hot (2023)

4/10

Even if true (it's not) the story wasn't done that well

12 June 2023

It's pretty well established that Montañez was not the originator of Flamin Hot Cheetos. OK fine, the story is embellished. That's pretty common in Hollywood. Knock a couple stars off for that.

But what's inexcusable is the bland story telling and overuse of stereotypes. He grew up poor, became a small time criminal, took a menial job even though he was smarter than everyone else who opposed him at every turn, until getting his only chance ... yada yada yada. Can you develop some interesting characters that are more than two-dimensional please?! The only one that hit hard on an emotional level was Montañez' father played by a wonderful Emilio Rivera (Alvarez from Sons of Anarchy).

It's just not as interesting a movie as I thought it'd be. Full disclosure I like regular Cheetos better anyway. What can I say?

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All Quiet on the Western Front (2022)

7/10

Missing several themes; hypnotic music must hear

11 February 2023

I recognize the film is not supposed to be an exact representation of the book, but film missed several key concepts while endlessly repeating the carnage.

How many times do I need to see someone shot, blown up, bayoneted, or set on fire to realize it's bad?

Answer: about 258 times fewer than was depicted in this film.

Yes, war is brutal for the soldiers. We know this. Now visit other themes and the process of making these killers. Example, the book depicts the dehumanizing element of basic training - how a human is stripped of his civility and individuality. Paul doesn't evolve from a happy patriotic young man (boy), he is manipulated, formed. The psychopathic nature of the one particularly cruel instructor in the book was never depicted. Big omission. THAT GUY was as deadly as any piece of hardware.

The biggest miss was failing to portray the short visit home by Paul, before going back to the trenches. The short time he went home he was clearly changed, while everyone else in Germany was still rah-rah positive. We missed the speech when he said, in effect "You don't know what you're talking about, there's NOTHING good or patriotic about war, it's simply misery."

Still, the video quality is stunningly good. The background scenery is strangely beautiful. The sound and music throughout is haunting to this moment. Probably worth watching for the music alone, though you should go back and read the book. It's not long.

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Afternoon Delight (2013)

3/10

Annoying film that goes nowhere

20 December 2022

Kathryn Hahn is normally ungodly hilarious. While the writer/director didn't kill all of Hahn's humor (that's impossible), they almost did.

Self-absorbed, unaware, annoying is Hahn's character in a nutshell. And she's the best one among her friend.

Juno Temple as the "sex worker"? Vapid.

The guy characters were more like props. Let me correct myself, they had no character, they WERE merely props. Could've been mannequins and saved salary.

Back to the movie. Supposed to be a feminist? How? The Temple character is treated first like a pet, then thrown away like trash. Hahn's character starts out frustrated and unhappy. She ends with the same situation, further lack of humanity, but with makeup sex.

Hahn deserved better.

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Hunting in Wartime (2016)

10/10

Every American needs to see this documentary

27 December 2021

This is a documentary about a village in Alaska that produced a disproportionate high number of soldiers that went to war in Vietnam.

They were all Native Americans.

They experienced discrimination growing up, many also felt it after the War in having their fishing livelihood compromised. Add the public negativity felt by many Vietnam vets after coming home, PTSD, depression, alcohol & drug addiction, suicide, etc. And you'd expect these men to be completely embittered.

They were not.

Splendid Americans. I've never seen better.

Watch this movie and learn.

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Begin Again (II) (2013)

10/10

Keira Knightley is impossibly adorable

9 December 2021

Totally fun movie. Both leads were great, but Knightley was exceptional -- talented, friendly, clever, funny, and of course beautiful.

Given the large age difference between Ruffalo and Knightley I wouldn't have expected such warm chemistry between them, but there was.

The rest of the story follows about what you'd expect for a romcom, maybe a few small unexpected shifts.

Totally worth a watch. You'll feel good afterwards.

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Zola (2020)

5/10

Read the Twitter thread, it's better

9 December 2021

The movie is described as a dark comedy, and it is...heavy on the dark, light on the comedy. Yes, there were some laugh out loud moments, but in a bizarre uncomfortable way. I caught myself saying "No, he did NOT just do that, did he?!"

And where this movie fails IMO is the dread imposed on the viewer without any redeeming counterweight. Like a bait and switch comedy/misery. The joke is on the viewer, played by the director. Reading up on the director, it seems that's her thing though -- misery. It's as if she's telling us to believe her description of this movie as "comedy" instead of our lying eyes.

In contrast, the Twitter thread the movie is based on is written much better. Crazy. Concise. Dark but kinda twisted fun. Go look for it.

Oh, before this review comes across as too negative, it must be said that Taylour Paige did a nice job as Zola. Sympathetic. Believable. In a better movie she'd be a star everyone would know.

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Green Room (2015)

3/10

It can't really be this stupid, can it?

14 November 2021

Warning: Spoilers

I read several top critics reviews before deciding to watch Green Room, with many writing about the lean and smart script.

It's much more aptly described as "simply stupid."

Look, I understand you have to suspend belief in most movies, and that the characters are supposed to be average punk rockers, but come on, to even *consider* giving up your gun when asked by your enemy is beyond stupid. But they did. The skinheads have a code? Yeah, a nine year old could create one that made more sense. What, did the writers enjoy the TV show Batman as a kid? How else do you explain the bad guys repeatedly leaving their capturees unwatched. Why?!?!?!?!? Yeah, I know they're supposed to be setting them up....blah blah blah.

Nonsense.

Finally, casting Patrick Stewart as the chief villain is laughable. Picture a doddering Captain Picard who scares no one as the top bad guy. It looks like he's acting in another movie -- Wuthering Heights or some such. And he has zero connection with his supposed lackeys. None.

When the most believable and sympathetic acting is performed by the dogs, you have a problem movie.

Yet the critics rated it highly -- how?!?! Did so few want to come across as uncool they couldn't give it a rotten rating? Does the writer/director have special insider influence? I don't know, but I wasted 1.5 hrs tonight on something that was trying so hard to be cool it circled so far around and became ridiculously nerdy.

Avoid.

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John Wick (2014)

5/10

Like watching someone play a FPS video game

17 August 2021

If you're no older than 14 (or think that way) and love playing Grand Theft Auto, this movie's for you.

Otherwise, the ridiculous plot, infantile dialogue, and cartoon-like violence will have you looking at your phone instead of straining to hear Reeves' few lines.

I couldn't finish it.

Even the incredibly cute pups in the film couldn't save it, but they did prevent me from rating it lower.

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Baby Driver (2017)

4/10

Just a soundtrack with mismatched players

13 August 2021

Can't understand some of the incredibly high reviews.

Yes, the music was good, but so what?

The name brand actors - Hamm, Foxx, Bernthal -- looked like they were acting in three different type movies. Foxx' comedy didn't fit. Hamm's a pretty boy who's unconvincing as a murderous thug. Bernthal was scary-creepy, which he's great at, but this movie isn't supposed to be dark, it's part comedy.

Also, the ridiculous neck tattoos on looked juvenile.

Baby's girlfriend was nothing but a waitress barbie doll.

Oh, and Eliza González character is simply too good looking to be hanging around with a bunch of violent nitwits that everyone knows will get imprisoned or shot. What she really looks like is a fangirl of Jon Hamm that wondered in the set and was hired because the casting director was experiencing a cocaine hangover and couldn't think straight.

Get the soundtrack, forget the movie.

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Burn Notice (2007–2013)

10/10

Most interesting, funniest, coolest series EVER

21 May 2021

This "spy" series is simply too much fun.

Based in Miami, you get lots of attractive, but not *too attractive*, actors and actresses, gorgeous scenery, and some of the most deliciously convoluted and funny storylines ever. There are new situations every episode that are usually neatly resolved by show's end, along with overarching arcs that last full season(s).

And then there's the cast. The three leads - Michael, Fiona, Sam (and later a so so Jesse) are wonderful. But it's Sharon Gless as sardonic cigarettes-inhaling Madeline that steals every scene she's in, even if not trying to.

The plotlines have already been described in other reviews, so I won't get into that. Just let it be known that if you have a problem, any problem, give Michael and crew a call. The bad guys will be amusingly clipped, the good guys will be taken care of, and you'll suddenly have a craving for yogurt.

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Hellraiser: Judgment (2018 Video)

8/10

Disgustingly unholy...in a good way

9 May 2021

Fans of the Hellraiser franchise *have* to be OK with viscerally revolting visuals and situations.

And so H:J accommodates. It also incorporates some biblical references, which may put off some, but so what...the envelope is being pushed.

As far as writing, acting, and plot -- this one's the best since Hellbound: Hellraiser II. Nothing matches the original though.

Anyway, there's a great villain, sympathetic protagonist, a decent Pinhead (it's not Bradley though) with a clever fate. New henchmen add a different and appreciated repugnant angle. Some sexuality.

And then there's Jophiel <3.

Worth a watch, especially Pinhead lovers/loathers.

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Frank (II) (2014)

6/10

They...didn't seem like musicians

28 April 2021

Every now and again I watch a highly rated (IMDb or Rotten Tomatoes) movie and ask myself "Why would anyone rate *that" as good, because it isn't? At all.

And so it is with Frank. First of all, and quite simply the band members didn't come across as musicians. They didn't produce sound that was musically flowing, didn't move with rhythm, and don't seem to love their instruments. They looked like what they are -- actors pretending they know what it's like to be a musician. And it was too obvious when professional musicians stepped in during certain scenes. Yeah, the movie gets its point across that mental illness and creativity walk together on a very narrow path.

So what.

And I expected more from Fassbender.

I give it 6 stars because it's clearly an earnest effort, and I do kinda like certain characters (Clara). But the messaging isn't strong enough, and the "music" is awful.

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Frankenhooker (1990)

10/10

Want a good time?

15 February 2021

Awesomely fun movie that transforms and places Shelley's Frankenstein into a splendid crack-era NY City.

With gratuitous -- but ungodly hilarious -- nudity & violence.

The writing is cleverly ridiculous, the make-up is quite simply perfect for *this* film.

And the two leads -- Lorinz, Mullen -- empathetic and lovable (especially Mullen), put this over the top.

Find this and watch. TODAY.

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Being Evel (2015)

8/10

Man, he's a jerk. Who knew?

28 November 2020

I'm one of those 70s kids that literally wore out my Ideal Evel Knievel toy cycle. There's nothing it couldn't jump (in my mind).

So it goes without saying I adored the guy at the time.

No longer.

I always knew he was a person that lived on the edge, but never knew how abusive he was - emotionally, and notably physically - to the people close to him, until I saw this wonderful documentary.

We learn briefly about his upbringing, and the rough life in Montana. Looking back then it's clear he was a self-obsessed grifter. And we get to hear from the people that knew him best, but no one seemed to like him. At all.

Have no idea why his wife stuck with him for so long. She seems a sweetheart.

Anyway, the movie provides a lot of insight into the man, accompanied by lots of footage I'd never seen before. Well done and moves quickly. A notable piece of 70s Americana. Definitely worth a watch.

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Mystery Road (2013)

2/10

Offensively stupid

21 November 2020

Warning: Spoilers

The bases for all these high rating is baffling to me, because this movie hits the trifecta of terrible movies: 1) bad writing, 2) bad acting, 3) too much 1 & 2.

Seriously, if you're trying to create uncertainty around whether the cops are bad or not, I recommend not making the first scene full of cops having every "corrupt cop" stereotypical tic in cinema history.

Oh, about the moronic gunfights. I recommend the cops and criminals NOT abandon fortified positions (e.g. behind a car, a wall, a tree, etc.) in order to run around in the open desperately drawing attention to yourself until you're shot dead. You aren't getting the Oscar for that one.

The two actresses playing the murdered individuals look like they're holding back smiles while supposedly bloody/dead. I'm grateful the actresses are happy, but it kind of takes away from the messaging when the corpses in the movie look to be having a better time than the protagonist.

And can every cop (Jay's the exception) and criminal please stop eating while talking!?

I'm mad at myself for watching this until the end, foolishly thinking it'll get better. It doesn't.

Two stars instead of one because the scenery is shot well.

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The Green Girl (2014)

10/10

You've seen her more than you think

23 January 2020

Came across this documentary on Tubi and watched because I remember her from the Star Trek episodes when I immediately fell in love.

I had no idea she had so many appearances in so many different shows.

Anyway, this is a review. I gave 10 stars because it was informative, interesting, and not too long, like documentaries often are. Lots of people who knew her were interviewed. All of had great fondness for her, and sometimes more. A little sad. Definitely worth a watch.

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Little Evil (2017)

3/10

Don't believe the positive critics

10 November 2019

I chose to watch this movie based on the positive critical reviews on Rotten Tomatoes from smaller publications and web sites.

I shouldn't have because this movie stinks -- poor casting, writing, and acting. The idea is great, but the execution is not. Painfully unfunny.

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Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre (2014)

10/10

Not a movie, a troll job

8 January 2019

After watching 45 seconds of this movie I concluded that it was created for the sole purpose of having those associated with it laughing at the reviews from people that mistook it for a serious production.

$50 million budget?

No.

Correction, I should say: "No, unless $50 was spent on production, and $49,999,950 was spent on cocaine and Doritos."

But I do give it 9 stars for professional quality trolling -- see other reviews and associated high word count.

As a public service, it should be said you do see two women topless -- one white, one black.

So an additional star for inclusiveness.

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Get Up (2018– )

2/10

Can't think of a reason I'd watch this show

10 August 2018

When choosing a sports show, I look for something unusually informative or entertaining.

Get Up is neither.

Greenberg is mealy-mouthed, Rose speaks in a torturous monotone, and Beadle, well nothing comes to mind when I think of her.

Can't give the show one star, as it seems they're trying hard. There's simply no chemistry between the hosts. I don't have a reason to ever watch the show, and won't.

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