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The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
They get points for historical accuracy and characters, but lose points for, just about everything else
Remember back when we first started seeing trailers for "The Witch" or as it called itself, "The VVitch" (yeah, I still don't get the double V thing), and it actually looked terrifying. The trailers made this look genuinely scary, and as the film got closer, we started getting more hype in the form of reviews saying that this is "the most shocking movie you'll see" and "it feels like something we shouldn't be watching" and so on and so forth. It seemed like the closer this movie got, the more hype it received. Unfortunately, the film itself does not live up to said hype, not by a long shot.
So, what's the story? In the early colonial days of America, a Puritan family is exiled from their town for religious reasons and forced to live near a forest. The family soon learn that the forest is home to a coven of witches that are conspiring to tear the family apart, which causes paranoia and finger-pointing among the family, particularly towards their eldest daughter, Thomasin (I think that's how you spell it). Now, if there's one thing that I have to give the movie credit for, it's the characters. Other than Thomasin and the twins, who are both unlikable and annoying, respectively, I found myself getting attached to this family. They didn't seem like cookie-cutter horror protagonists, but rather real people with real struggles. The father in particular was a complex character, one I wound up feeling sorry for. The movie also does a good job at trying to realistically represent the time period, even down to the dialogue, which sounds very old- fashioned and unfamiliar compared to modern English.
Sadly, this is where the merits of the film stop. The fact of the matter is, the film works fine as a period drama but as a horror movie, not so much. The titular witches are barely ever on screen and when they DO make an appearance, they don't really do much. We don't know of their motivation, their origins, or really anything about them other than the fact that they're crazy flying naked women doing weird stuff. Of course, because of this, the movie has a noticeable lack of scares. It has a few creepy moments and disturbing scenes (including a very tasteless attempt at shock early on when the witches kidnap and kill the infant son of the family), but no real scares.
All of this, um, non-action ultimately leads to nothing really special as the ending is disappointing and sort've out of nowhere. So here's what happens: the father locks his remaining children in the barn as he believes them to be involved with the witches. Somehow, a witch enters the barn in the middle of the night and runs off with the twins. The dad finds out, gets gored by the goat (more on him later), the mother goes nuts so Thomasin stabs her, and then later finds out that the goat is the Devil, very quickly signs her soul away to him, becomes a witch, floats into the air, the end. Yeah, it's THAT kind of movie.
You know, I feel like this film would have worked better if there really WASN'T anything supernatural going on, and the family's belief system and paranoia were all that were tearing them apart, but when you try to still play up that angle while at the same time revealing that there really are witches doing bad things, it doesn't really work as well, especially when you have critics and audiences talking about the "paranoia of the times" and "rethinking your religion." I admit, the belief system of the early Puritans was questionable, but in the universe of the movie, when the things they're afraid of actually exist and pose a genuine threat, doesn't that kind of justify the paranoia a bit? This movie appears to send mixed messages. There's also another aspect of this movie that bugs me, and I've seen it quite a lot in these types of movies lately: the absence of God. The movie quite clearly establishes that the Devil is real, but he can't exist without God too, so why is he just mysteriously absent? These "demon" and "witch" type films lately give credence to the existence of the demonic, but for whatever reason leave God out (prayers and exorcisms don't work "just because", or Divine intervention seems almost nonexistent). As a Christian, this kinda bothers me. That's why I like movies like "The Rite" or even the original "The Exorcist" that showed the threat the forces of Satan pose while also acknowledging that the power of God can beat them. Okay, enough of my ranting, time to wrap up.
"The Witch" is a film that doesn't work because it tries to be too many things at once: a period drama, a commentary on 17th century beliefs, a tale about family bonds, AND a horror movie. With all of these different genres thrown in together, what you have is a disjointed mess of a film that does some things really well, such as drama and character development, but other things like horror and a clear message, it falls flat on. This leaves us with a movie that should have worked and should have left me disturbed and emotionally shaken, but ultimately just left me disappointed and wanting back the money I spent on the ticket!
The Pyramid (2014)
Actually not as bad as everyone says it is
I caught this film last night on HBO for the first time, having wanted to see it for some time but never got the chance. I've heard that most reviewers panned the film, but I still wanted to see it and judge for myself. My consensus is that, while I'm glad I didn't pay to see it in theaters, I'm still glad I saw it nonetheless.
The movie involves a father-daughter team of archaeologists who have discovered a unique-looking pyramid in the Egyptian desert, and have invited a film crew to document it. Long story short, they all end up exploring the pyramid and find themselves trapped inside, only to discover that they aren't exactly alone in the pyramid and that something is picking them off one by one. There's really not a whole lot to say about the characters themselves as they do their job well enough but are still basic horror movie tropes. You've got the headstrong leader, the cocky nerd who's clear monster-bait, the arrogant woman who's kind of a bitch, the submissive, cowardly guy who grows a pair by the end, and of course, the pretty-yet-smart "last girl". If you've seen any horror movie ever, you can probably guess in what order these people are going to die, nevertheless, the movie never gets stale and keeps you tense the whole time.
Now let's move on to the interesting stuff: the threats. Perhaps the greatest threat in this movie is not the monster but the pyramid itself. I love the way it's designed, with its ominous hieroglyphics, twisting, winding passages and "Saw"-esque death traps. The room with the rising sand honestly made me feel claustrophobic. There's also this mysterious pack of carnivorous sphinx cats living in the pyramid too. Their presence didn't make a lot of sense, but they were still fun to watch.
Now on to the monster itself. The movie does a pretty good job of keeping its main villain hidden for the majority of the time, always keeping you guessing as to what it is. The final reveal of the monster's identity in the film's climax may disappoint some hardcore horror fans, but I was willing to buy it, mainly because it was different. This particular creature had not really been seen in a horror film yet, and so it was nice to see a rather unique villain rather than some faceless ghost or human killer.
So the main thing this movie has going for it is its uniqueness. It gives us a different setting, different threats, and a different monster than most horror movies provide. And while the identity of the monster may make the film less scary, it is still no less tense, and it keeps you watching until the end. Now of course, the movie still does have problems. The CGI does look a bit dated; it's not enough to kill the movie, but it is noticeable, especially on the sphinx cats. Also as I said before, the human characters are really nothing special, just the same cookie-cutter horror protagonists you've seen before. Yet, I could still sympathize and root for them.
In closing, "The Pyramid" is an interesting, if flawed, film that gets more flack than it really deserves. It may not be a cinematic masterpiece, but it's a fun way to kill 90 minutes if you're looking for something fresh with a monster you haven't really seen before in a horror movie. The movie does still preserve a few clichés, but you can tell it's at least trying to do something different. So if you're curious about the movie, give it a watch. You may not be scared out of your mind by it, but you'll have fun!
Alien: Isolation (2014)
This game was one wild ride!
Literally ever since the original movie came out in 1979, developers have been attempting to make a worthwhile game out of the "Alien" franchise, and let's be honest, with the exception of the not- terrible-but-could-have-been-better AvP game that came out in 2010, most of them have been rather dismal. So what gives? "Alien" appears to be one of the easiest movie franchises to make an interesting game of? The answer was already apparent among fans: devs have been focusing on James Cameron's "Aliens" and its sequels for inspiration, and ignoring Ridley Scott's original classic. The titular Xenomorph alien was being used the wrong way: as weak bullet fodder instead of the threatening nightmare it was intended to be. Finally, just last year, Creative Assembly realized this mistake and corrected it. The result is "Alien: Isolation", and it is beautiful, but it isn't perfect.
Let's start with the good stuff. The atmosphere is spot-on with the movie, complete with cramped corridors, bulky retro-futuristic machinery, and an overall dark, claustrophobic feel. Just the look of the space station itself made me hesitant to walk through. Next, let's talk about the true star of the game: the Alien itself. Rather than being a weak enemy attacking you in hordes, there's only one here, and if he catches you, it's instant death. Also, you can't kill or run from the Alien, so you'll have to rely on hiding and strategy to escape him. Just don't do the same thing every time. The Alien is a learning creature and will adapt its hunting behavior to your play style. One final word about the Alien: it effectively conveys a sense of fear and dread that I believe has been lost on the Xenomorphs over the years due to unimpressive iterations in media and over-saturation. Here, however, as the creature was sniffing the locker I was hiding in, I knew to respect it as a fearsome threat.
Now, we move on to the things that maybe weren't so great. First off, the story, while not bad, was very generic. Other than protagonist Amanda Ripley, none of the characters really had any development, so it was hard to really care when they were killed off. Also, the very basic "escape the Alien and get back to the ship" story stretched out for a bit longer than it should have, with a couple of fake-out endings thrown in there. I played through two levels I thought to be the endgame, then realized I had another several left afterwards. Finally, the ending (which I won't spoil here) was a bit of an anticlimax.
Another detriment to "Isolation" came in the form of its secondary antagonists: the Synthetic Androids. If I can promise you one thing it's that you will grow to hate the synthetics. They're way too observant, deal a lot of damage, and are hard to kill. Honestly, encounters with them were more irritating than tense.
Other than these minor nags, "Alien: Isolation" is an amazing game, the only one that's really scared me since the original "Dead Space". It's definitely a game that should be played by fans of the movie franchise or sci-fi/horror in general.
Noah (2014)
Not a particularly good movie.
I want you to imagine the original story of Noah from the Bible. Got it? Now, take that story and add every ridiculous element you can think of and make Noah himself as unlikable as you possibly can. What are you left with? This movie. I wanted to like it, I really did, but this film was just so inane and, well, silly, that it's hard to defend.
Okay, we all know the story of Noah, right? Near the beginning of time, not long after Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden, mankind had fallen into sin, all except for Noah and his family. Thus, God commissions Noah to build a giant boat known as an Ark in order to save him, his family, and two of each kind of animal from the flood that will wipe out the rest of mankind's wickedness. This movie somewhat follows that, except here God (known simply as "The Creator" in the movie) never actually speaks to Noah, but rather the latter has a rather ambiguous dream about the world perishing in water, which sparks him to build the Ark.
To complicate things, a tribe of sinful barbarians, led by a villain known as Tubal-Cain, decides he wants to use the Ark to save himself and his tribe, to which Noah declines, sparking the main conflict of the movie. This is all well and good, after all the original story is rather short, so they have to add some subplots to stretch it out into a feature-length film. However, aside from this the rest of the movie majorly jumps the shark (or, sails an Ark over it, rather). I haven't even mentioned that there are sentient rock giants called "Watchers", who are supposedly fallen angels, that help Noah construct the Ark. Noah also is in possession of some sort of magical snakeskin that I guess belonged to the snake that tempted Adam and Eve, though I have no idea of its function. The movie never really explains it.
I could actually forgive all this, after all this wouldn't be the first dumb fantasy actioner I've watched. However the movie commits its worst sin in the second half after the flood has erupted. During this time, the movie makes Noah into the biggest asshole you will ever see in the role of protagonist, almost to the point to where he could be considered a villain. Okay, so apparently Noah has it in his head at this point that God (sorry, "The Creator") wants to eradicate ALL of mankind, including him and his family, so not only does he allow the woman his son loves to die pre-flood, but later he gives his entire family a somber speech about how they will be the last and that the youngest will bury the next eldest and then die alone. But if that weren't enough, later he finds out that his adopted daughter Ila has ended up pregnant. At this point, Noah turns into a full on psychopath by threatening to kill the child if it's a girl, as she could then theoretically carry on the human race. Sure enough, twin girls are born and Noah pursues Ila to try and kill the infants, even going as far as to destroy her escape raft when she attempts to flee. Of course, predictably, he doesn't kill the children due to a last-minute change of heart, but come on, we're supposed to be ROOTING for this guy! How are we supposed to cheer on someone who's trying to slaughter infants? I guess it's understandable then that I was sort of half-rooting for Tubal-Cain in the final battle.
I guess if this movie had any redeeming qualities, it would be that the special effects were pretty good, even if they were used to animate rock creatures and other goofy magical elements. The acting was also not bad, you could tell the actors were really trying their best to make the movie work, but when the script itself is faulty, the actors can only do so much to save it.
This was a movie that should have worked. The story of Noah is really a fascinating one and seems like one of the easiest Biblical stories to adapt to the big screen. If its creators had only toned down all the fantasy stuff and not made Noah a psychopath, then I think this could have been a great film. As is, it's a wasted opportunity and a reminder of what could have been.
Aladdin (1992)
A true Disney classic!
This is a movie I have literally grown up with. It came out shortly before I was born and I have been watching it ever since I was old enough to know what a movie is. Emerging with the many other well-done Disney films of the 90's, "Aladdin" stands out as my personal favorite because it has literally everything I look for in a good Disney movie: a good story, a likable male lead, a beautiful and equally likable female lead, a hilarious comic relief character, a memorable and intimidating villain and, of course, numerous catchy songs. "Aladdin" has all of these.
For those of you who, somehow, don't know the story, this movie centers around a young man named Aladdin. Aladdin is a homeless thief living in the fictional Arabian city of Agrabah and is constantly ducking the guards. One day, he comes across the beautiful princess of Agrabah, Jasmine, who has fled the palace because she is tired of never having any freedom. The two meet and instantly begin to hit it off, but shortly after, Aladdin is captured by the town guard.
Whilst in the dungeon, Aladdin is greeted by Jafar, the royal adviser and secretly an evil sorcerer. Jafar tricks Aladdin into going into the mystic Cave of Wonders to retrieve a magical lamp, but Aladdin's monkey friend, Abu, attempts to steal a giant ruby, causing the sentient cave to become angry and collapse. While trapped in the cave, Aladdin discovers that the lamp contains a magical genie that will grant him three wishes. Aladdin uses the wishes to try to win the princess's heart and prevent the evil Jafar from gaining ultimate power.
What really can I say about this movie? It's just a blast to watch. The songs are all catchy and will get stuck in your head, the characters are all lovable and not at all annoying, the story is engaging and coherent, the action sequences work, and the Genie, played by the late Robin Williams, is absolutely hilarious! I'll be honest with you, I can't find any downside to this movie, to do so would require some major head-scratching and nitpicking. If you haven't seen "Aladdin" yet, you definitely should, it's one of Disney's best.
Frozen (2013)
Enjoyable, but not Disney's best
Being a fan of Disney movies all my life, I was admittedly eager to see "Frozen". After all Disney had been on a roll lately with animated movies, producing new hits like "The Princess and the Frog", "Tangled", and "Wreck It Ralph". Sadly, I missed "Frozen" in theaters, but was able to watch it on DVD. For the most part, I enjoyed the movie, however I think it does lack that extra something that made the classics of the 90's so great.
The story is loosely based on Hans Christen Andersen's (forgive me if I spelled that wrong) novel "The Snow Queen", this movie centers around a young queen named Elsa, whose uncontrollable icy powers have covered her entire kingdom in snow. Now, her sister Anna must try to reverse the spell with the help of a mountain man named Kristoff and a snowman named Olaf. The main characters are likable for the most part, though Anna's stubbornness can get annoying from time-to-time. But Elsa is sympathetic and all around likable, and Kristoff's sarcasm is amusing, as is his goofy reindeer Sven. Of course though, the snowman Olaf steals the show. He's very quirky and hilarious. He had my whole family laughing, and we're all adults! Safe to say, because of the characters and humor alone, there's plenty to enjoy in this movie.
However, there are those aforementioned elements that hinder "Frozen". The first of which are the songs. Now, I know a Disney film is supposed to have songs, but this one had too many, especially in the first half. Practically every time a character opened their mouth, a song came out. I think I even remember asking out loud "am I watching a musical or an opera?" Also, other than the ever-popular "Let It Go", the songs in this movie weren't really that good. I mean, I guess they were serviceable, but the lyrics really felt improvised and crammed in at times and they just didn't have that catchy spring in them that the songs in earlier Disney films did.
My second problem with this film is actually more of a personal gripe, but I feel like it's worth addressing nonetheless: this film lacks a strong villain. I know this movie HAS a villain (it has two, actually), but neither really makes that big of an impact on the film or leaves a strong presence. There's not really a "final battle" either, one baddie just kind of fades from the movie as he becomes less important to the story while the other more primary villain basically goes down with one hit (well, really one hit and one magical "shockwave". Watch the movie, you'll see what I mean). I really wish they'd either left the Snow Queen (a.k.a. Elsa) as the villain or made one of the others steal her powers, because a bad guy with magical powers just works for Disney films: they provide great action scenes and guarantee a breathtaking climax. As is, when compared to the likes of Jafar, Maleficent, or some of Disney's other rogue's gallery, "Frozen"'s bad guys are pretty limp.
Still, despite some of its shortcomings, I did enjoy "Frozen". It had charm, it had humor, the characters were likable, and while I thought it could have been better, I did enjoy the story. So if you're a Disney fan like me, or you're just looking for something to cheer you up, watch "Frozen". It may not be perfect, but taken for what it is, this is still a great movie worth recommending!
The Devil Inside (2012)
A compelling horror movie marred by the final two minutes
I love horror movies, especially supernatural thrillers. I also love found footage movies (the good ones, at least), so when I heard about this movie, I was intrigued; the trailers alone were enough to keep me up at night. Finally on opening weekend, I sat down in a crowded theater hoping to be treated to a memorable, horrifying experience. Sadly, when I left the theater, I felt robbed of the 7 or so dollars I paid to see this, which is a shame because it actually was a good movie, up until the ending which ruined all of it.
Let's start from the beginning, shall we? The movie opens with police footage of a multiple-murder scene, which leads to them discovering the culprit: a woman who appears to be almost feral and saying odd things. This is Maria Rossi, the vessel the supposed demons have possessed. Fast forward a little bit and her daughter, Isabella, travels to Maria's mental asylum in Italy to prove that her mother's actions were the act of demons and not insanity, which is the authorities' belief. To do this, she enlists the help of a trio of unconventional exorcists and together they learn that the force they're up against may be more than any of them can handle.
What I like about this movie is that its possessions are very realistic in that they don't rely on levitation, projectile vomiting, or any other of the usual exorcism movie parlor-tricks, thereby allowing you to question whether the individuals are really possessed or simply insane. The movie also has a hyper-realistic feel in that it is shot not only in found-footage, but almost exactly like a documentary, adding to the chills. To be able to illicit such scares with so little actually shown definitely takes talent.
Sadly, such talent is wasted due to a few problems. One is the obvious glaring plot hole of why an American mental patient who's committed murder is being sent to a mental asylum all the way in Italy, but I suppose you could suspend your disbelief of that long enough to get through the movie. The second problem is not so forgivable: the ending. Oh man, the ending completely destroys all the good things this movie had going for it. Now, I understand that most found-footage movies do tend to lose their way towards the end, but "The Devil Inside" really did it. Without giving too much away, I'll just say that the ending was abrupt and anticlimactic. It was almost like the movie was building up to a climax, but then just...bam, the end. Right at the end of the second act. I felt ripped off, the friends I went with felt ripped off, the whole theater started calling out "that's it?" and "seriously?". I only hope that there is a "Devil Inside 2", if nothing else to finish this story properly! It was actually good starting out, but that ending just destroyed the entire movie and left it feeling incomplete. Such a shame.
BioShock Infinite (2013)
Disappointing
When "Bioshock Infinite" was first announced, I was instantly disinterested. Being a die-hard fan of the first two games, I was disappointed that the next installment would not be a return to the iconic underwater utopia of Rapture, but instead some city in the sky called "Columbia". For me, the change was as drastic as setting the next Harry Potter installment on the moon! But, after reading several positive reviews, I finally relented and gave the game a chance. My reaction after finishing? "Eh", basically.
The game does have visual appeal, Columbia is very beautiful to look at and does have the charm of an early 20th century American city. Protagonists Booker DeWitt and Elizabeth are also likable characters, although Elizabeth's voice sounds a little valley girl. I was expecting her at any minute to blurt out a "like, totally" or "duh". No, my main problems with the game stem from two areas: the story and the game-play.
Let's start with the story (spoilers in this paragraph): it starts out with Booker DeWitt being sent to Columbia by two mysterious figures to rescue Elizabeth from the city's religiously fanatical leader, Zachary Comstock. Okay, so it's basically a "rescue the girl, kill the bad guy, live happily ever after" story, right? Well, it STARTS down that path, but then halfway through the game, you learn that Elizabeth has a superpower that allows her to open portals to alternate realities (the game calls them Tears) and this is where the story goes crazy. The second half of the game is a muddling plow through alternate universe after alternate universe where some convenient event that didn't happen in your world happened, completely negating any consequence or purpose of doing anything because "oh, well it all worked out in Reality #178 so we'll just hop over there." And this all leads up to a completely confusing ending where (MASSIVE SPOILERS) Booker DeWitt was actually Comstock the whole time and Elizabeth was his daughter, and he had somehow been sent back in time, or forward in time (I dunno, I got confused) to rescue her and right the wrongs in his life, and that the only way to truly stop Comstock was to kill himself before he was able to make the choice to become the monster he eventually did, so he allows Elizabeth to drown him, causing her alternate versions to fade away before the credits roll. Wow, talk about a mess. In my opinion, the simple "go to the city and rescue the damsel in distress" angle would've worked fine without all this confusing inter-dimensional crap.
Okay, now on to problem #2: the game-play. Well...if you love shooting things, you'll love "BioShock Infinite" because that's pretty much all you do from beginning to end is shoot things. Granted, BioShocks 1 and 2 had their fair share of firefights, but at least there was enough variety to keep it interesting. You could do other things like hack machinery to fight for you, you could sneak past certain enemies, you could employ advanced weapon strategy. Here, there's none of that. You literally just plow through with the strongest gun you can find and just blow everyone away. There's no strategy, you can't hack the machines, and with the exception of one level towards the end, there's no element of stealth because as soon as you poke your head around the corner, every enemy in the room is instantly on you. What's worse is that these fights are constant. The first two BioShocks knew when to give you a cutscene or a moment where you're doing something besides fighting to cool you down, but here it's literally: firefight, firefight, brief dialogue, firefight, firefight, plot point, firefight. After a while, this cycle just got old and repetitive.
In summary, I guess this wasn't a terrible game, I did find myself at least enjoying it enough to play through to the end. The problem is that when you include it in a franchise like BioShock, fans expect the world from it and if the game doesn't deliver, it's a letdown. If this was its own separate i.p. just called "Infinite", then it may have more favor in my mind because as a shooter game, it's not bad. As a BioShock game, it's a major disappointment.