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Black & Blue (2001)
A confusing mix of cliche plots,cheesy humor, and bland action...
Black and Blue feels like someone wanted to collect all the tropes and cliches surrounding entertainment aimed at African American audiences into one movie without realizing how weird and confusing that it would get. The movie wanders between sitcom scenarios at a dumpy fast food restaurant, gang related crime, hokey family drama, and tons of gay, racial, and mental health stereotypes that were pretty offensive even at the time. I get that the movie is low budget and independent, but there is just nothing worth forcing yourself to sit through the hour and forty minutes for. I usually try to find something to compliment when it comes to no budget movies, but I barely managed to finish this one. Best left in the dollar store bargain bin where you are sure to find it!
High Ambitions (2003)
Pretty boring but decently made despite being a no budget movie....
Cheesy acting, predictable plots, and dull camera-work are par for the course when watching no budget movies, but this one manages to one up most by being well lit, having decent sound, and not trying to do anything too ambitious with action or special effects. The movie, while nothing special or worth making a special effort to seek out, is watchable. The main problems are the bland story and attempts at humor that stumble into cringe quite a bit. At its best it feels like a cheesy, 90s lawyer drama and, at its worst, a local theater production. I do not want to be too hard on the filmmakers or actors though because it is obvious they were trying their best.
The Dead Sleep (2010)
Feels like one of those scripts written by an A.I.
The Dead Sleep is one of the most bizarrely made movies I have ever bothered to sit through. The acting, writing, pacing, and general plot will surely leave you scratching your head if you don't turn it off after the first five minutes. Between the almost thirty year old actress playing a sixteen year old character as if she is five, the wooden dialouge, the overall randomness of most scenes, and the meandering plot, I barely managed to finish it. Without spoiling too much, if you've seen Jacob's Ladder, the Forgotten, or the Sixth Sense, then you have seen this story done so much better! If not, why aren't you watching those movies?
Bloodmonkey (2006)
For people who felt Congo just had too much going on...
Bloodmonkey is a terrible, low budget Congo ripoff that manages to be so much more boring and tedious than the original film could have ever hoped to be and had me longing for Amy and sesame cakes by the ten minute mark. I am usually pretty forgiving of these low end Sy-fy channel movies and can even enjoy them on occasion. Some of the other movies from the Maneater series are pretty watchable, so long as you turn your brain off, but this one is just one of the most boring movies I have ever watched.
It is set up like a typical, modern slasher movie with a lot of characters you can't wait to see get picked off, but the movie is almost over before anyone dies, and almost always off-screen with very little gore or blood. The majority of the screen time is spent on walking through the woods or repeating the same conversations over and over by some really terrible actors. Worst of all, the title character is only seen briefly in the very last shot of the movie and looks like something out of a N64 game. Skip this one if you know what's good for you!
Holidaze: The Christmas That Almost Didn't Happen (2006)
Too Clever for Its own Good...
This stop-motion animated movie does something that I have come to really dislike about recent Christmas specials for kids in that it tries way too hard to be clever and toss in constant references to other specials and pop culture. The animation and voice work should lend itself to a fun and festive experience, but I found it annoying and rather grating every time the story came to a screeching halt to point out how clever the writers were or, worse, to shove in some blatant product placement for Coke, Walmart, and Campbell's soup. Can't recommend this one...
Forever Loyal: A Salute to the Cubs Fans and Their Field (2003)
A Nostalgic Look at the Cubs and Wrigley Field...in 2003
If you are very nostalgic for the Cubs or the city of Chicago around the early 2000s when the Cubs nearly made the World Series, then this documentary is for you. For everyone else it will get a bit dry and tiresome after a while since it lacks any real substance. The first segment details day-to-day operations and is fairly interesting, but the second segment and bonus material consists almost entirely of fans fawning over the team and constantly defending their record. It is a short watch at only 90 minutes, but the pace is slow and will on!y entertain hardcore Cubs fans for very long.
Above and Beyond (2004)
Stock Footage and Royalty-Free Music
This documentary series is a boring and very basic look at space travel and flight that feels like those really dull videos that you used to have to watch in school. Grainy stock footage is narrated over by an Australian with a thick, mumbling accent that is often drowned out by loud, mismatched music and/or voices from the original footage. It becomes sleep-inducing trying to focus on the mostly basic information sandwiched between endless repeating of names and just explaining what even a young child can grasp just watching the pictures. So much is repeated over and over that the 26 episode series could be reduced to about an hour of content if properly edited. You are better off with any of the stuff on the Science Channel or National Geographic.