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Morbius (2022)
Better Than Critics Say
I've seen people absolutely trashing this movie and it really isn't bad. Some of them seem to have a personal vendetta against Jared Leto and it is clearly influencing their ratings of this movie.
If you had fun with The Last Witch Hunter or Gods of Egypt (same writers) then you'll probably have some fun with this movie too.
The story isn't trying to be art, it's only try to be entertainment. And lets face it, half of the Marvel movies (at least) are totally unremarkable and uninspired. The only real difference between this movie and those is that Morbius (the character) doesn't have millions of rabid fans who blindly buy tickets and praise everything with his name on it.
Army of the Dead (2021)
1 hr too long, stupid plot
Most pointless heist in a heist-movie. No likeable characters. No interesting character motivations. Cliche estranged father and daughter subplot. Physics and logic left at the door, but only for reasons of stupidity and not to make the movie more fun. Would not watch again unless I were paid and/or threatened.
Fei lung gwoh gong (2020)
Started Funny, Ended Stupid. Strongly Anti-Japan
The setup was good and the there were legitimately funny gags in the beginning of the film. Unfortunately, the film starts to drag in the second half fizzles out by the end.
Apparently being fat is no obstacle to athleticism at all. Donnie Yen can sprint long distances, perform parkour, and do acrobatic moves in combat. A villain even gets shamed for calling him fat! I think fat also made him bullet proof because he survived getting shot in close quarters. Why even make the protagonist fat if it doesn't affect the story at all apart from his appearance? Do the filmmakers really think obesity is strictly a cosmetic problem? The ending voiceover by Donnie Yen seems to imply that is indeed the case.
There are several lines attempting to paint Japan in a negative light by implying that corrupt police are normal in Japan and another line after a mild earthquake that was something like, "Let's never come to Japan again."
Near the end the bad guy says several lines completely in English. I can only guess that this is to associate English speaking with villainy. There was no other reason for him to switch to English that I could see.
The ending fight is overly long and it tries to copy Jackie Chan's style of comedic combat but instead fails miserably.
After the fight, Donnie Yen's girlfriend pushes him against a railing and gives *him* a kiss, because #Feminism. Then they have to get out of Japan quickly to escape those nasty Japanese police who would have interrogated him "until the next century." Yes, that was said.
I would not recommend this movie, I want my 1hr and 36 min back.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Last review was deleted!!!
I saw my review posted with full text and now it is gone, not even readable from my account. They are purging negative reviews. Do not buy this terrible movie!! It is not worth 2.5 hrs of your time.
The writing and plot are the worst of any DC movie so far and that is saying something. Unfortunately, the stylized action and good CGI that helped make the previous installments rise above the writing is not present here. The CGI is bad and there isn't much action. I think Wonder Woman felt less strong as a person in this movie than the last one. The villain was lame, and the armor she wears in the promotional material was pointless.
Love, Guaranteed (2020)
Predictable Ending, Ridiculous Morals
The main character states in the beginning that the lawsuit is a gotcha cashgrab, and it is. The only thing that changed is that she decided she liked the defendant and his plans for the money and also her firm was broke. Furthermore, the assertion that the defendant was not looking for love is a true one. He stated that he planned to hit 1000 dates and test the guarantee. Also there is no way he could go on three dates a day and not become too detached to form a relationship with those girls. He was going into each date expecting it to fail. In fact, one of the girls he dated even stated that he might have thought he was looking for true love but she had the impression he was proving it didn't exist.
Finally, there is a stupid line implying that nobody uses dvds anymore which I found pretty cringey considering Netflix's current position as a streaming platform. Physical media collecting is very much alive. I have over 300 blurays myself and know of several online communities dedicated to their collection.
I gave it 4 stars for the four times I laughed. Some of the writing in the first half was pretty good.
February (2015)
Tries too hard to be Artsy
This director must've watched Pulp Fiction and the main thing that he took away from the experience was: "Non-linear storytelling is the bees knees guys!"
Basically, the director focused so much on making this movie interesting to look at that he forgot he was supposed to be telling a story. It's really hard to feel a sense of dread or foreboding or to put yourself in a characters' shoes if you are spending the whole moving trying to figure out what order events take place in.
I give it three stars because I think there was an interesting (if extremely simple) story somewhere in this over-edited mess. It has a lot of positives honestly, but it completely fails at storytelling and that's a dealbreaker.
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
I feel no conflict, only disgust
Remember how The Force Awakens left you excited about Star Wars again and wondering what would happen next? Well Rian Johnson's "The Last Jedi" stomps all over those expectations while making a mockery of them. It's almost as if he went out of his way to make all the payoffs in this movie as unsatisfying as possible. What's worse, after seeing this movie I was left with no anticipation for the next. It will be an easy decision for me to skip further installments in theater, and this is coming from a longtime fan. I have been watching these movies since I was 12. I have read countless Star Wars books, dueled my brothers with homemade lightsabers, and enjoyed great Star Wars games like SW: Republic Commando and the original Battlefronts. I love Star Wars. I hated The Last Jedi. I have concluded that what Disney is making right now is money, not Star Wars.
Specific ways this movie fails at being Star Wars in my eyes:
- Star Wars has always felt like it's own world, "A galaxy far far away" and now we are seeing phone jokes, your-mom jokes, and illegal parking in Star Wars. Fuel has also never been an issue before in these movies, but apparently after years of operating a Rebellion, Leia forgot to have her crew gas up in this installment!
- Plot holes! It's o.k. to add new things to canon, but it needs to mesh. Light-speed kamikaze runs make the dogfights around the Death Stars seem unnecessary. Lightning-summoning force-ghosts seems to beg the question what all the other ghosts have been doing this whole time.
- TLJ includes some really obvious virtue-signaling. Leave the politics to Star Trek please! If you start involving real-world politics/issues as blatantly as was done here, you bring us back from the galaxy far-far away and out of the experience.
- TLJ seems to be overtly telling fans to let go of the past. Maybe this would be more convincing if Disney Wars could do the same. What are the New Order and Resistance factions besides a rebranded Empire and Rebellion? When Lucas went to make the prequel trilogy, he did not recycle the same factions, ship designs, and conflicts.
- Apparently Rian Johnson considers himself a big fan of Star Wars, but I would argue he fundamentally misunderstands what Star Wars is. Star Wars is a fantasy in space! It has knights, princesses, and evil emperors. Turning it into Sci-fi is only o.k. insofar as you do not compromise the escapism that exists at this series' core. In his enthusiasm for subverting the audiences expectations, I think Rian has robbed this installment of all its "romantic" qualities and left it cold and dead.
- The struggle between Good and Evil is less believable when the villains become comic relief. When was Darth Vader ever funny? He was more effective that way.
I could spend a lot more time and get into detail about various plot-points, but I wanted to focus on why this movie fails at being Star Wars.
Please show this review to anyone who tries to tell you "No one hate's Star Wars as much as Star Wars fans" or, "People who hate The Last Jedi are misogynists who don't like Rey."