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myronweatherbee
Reviews
Clash of the Titans (1981)
The pits. An awful mix of babyish effects and great actors.
You wonder why this stinks so much , I mean, Haussen's "Jason and the Argonauts" was older, maybe less accomplished, and magical. This thing is a groan fest. Olivier, Bloom, Meredith - these are superlative actors, why are they in this thing? It's not an Actor's movie - the point is to tell a story, entertain kids, and kids don't need to know Olivier is Zeus, just get on with the action. But the action seemed so laboured, totally lacking the flair and intrigue that marked Ray's earlier films. Were they trying too hard to make an epic in the great style with all this talent? Then they should not have had all these toy monsters flying around, it's an imbalance in genres, and as for that owl, you just want to shoot it, honestly.
Behemoth (2011)
It stinks.
Look, I mean really... I didn't think that they still made films this bad. Did 'Robot Monster' teach us nothing? Endless shots of cliffs, and mountains, then some trees. People walking around, warning us... about... something. 40 minutes in, and nothing, absolutely nothing, has happened. Finally some dorky guy gets killed - you hope the rest of the cast will do likewise and end the movie but sadly, no. While some of the cast are hunting, well, whatever it is - Gramps and a sort of Latino babe are stuck in a diner. It's riveting stuff. Climax of the movie is when this dame falls off a step ladder. Cut back to guys on the mountain. The monster finally appears - it yells a lot but it seems to be stuck in that crater. Quick! Ahh! Do something! Cut back to Gramps and the girl- now he's fallen off the step ladder! How did they come up with this brilliant plot twist? Anyway - back to the critter - The Hero fires at it. With a gun he's never used, never seen before in his life. At 400 meters he gets the one and only shell he has (You know..."Don't miss! It's the only chance we've got!!" Brilliant device for adding suspense. How do they think of these things?) So it's a hit, kills it, they all drive down to catch up with the other two, lots of hugging and smooching because, hey, they've saved the world and that feels good. Let's all go home. The End.
The only thing that could possibly save this piece of turdola is the fact that everybody was apparently absolutely sincere in their work - they meant every word of it. So, who knows, maybe in 30 years' time at bad film festivals they'll be loving it.