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YaBigGaymo
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Reviews
Lullaby (2022)
Bad CGI Baby Vs Parrot: Battle Of The Lungs
They weren't kidding, it really is a movie about a crying baby and a parrot fighting for who could grate your nerves raw the fastest. I unfortunately couldn't even finish it because, while I understand they're trying to create tension and drama, I didn't turn a movie on to be so annoyed and distracted by noise that I couldn't even focus on the plot. The characters themselves were vaguely likeable despite being very shallowly written and somehow totally immune to the discordant cacophony around them. I definitely don't recommend this movie unless you're very hard of hearing or willing to watch it on mute.
Goosebumps (2023)
Another familiar title slapped onto soulless crap
Wow. This whole thing was a contrived, cringe-inducing crapfest. Big studios need to just accept that they will never be in touch with the youngest generation and stop trying because I'm beyond tired of wasting my time on this endless fountain of multimillion dollar sewage.
The characters are shallow and stereotypical, the script is lame, the story is boring and predictable, and there is absolutely zero homage to the original series to make it even worthy of sharing the namesake.
My all means Disney & Co., continue to make this kind of excrement but stop clickbaiting us into watching it by slapping familiar names onto it. If it's not worth an original title then maybe it's not worth making.
Pearl (2022)
Dear god, put me out of my misery and shut up
The monologue that has some people going nuts made me want to feed myself to the gator in the pond. I couldn't stand Mia Goth's incessant foamy, snot-nosed, glottal-frying rambling and the only thing that stopped me from turning it off was that I was watching it with other people. She was great in X and the rest of this movie was alright but I am, overall, very disappointed in this critically acclaimed pile of crap. I think a lot of the necrotic tissue could have been shipped and this movie would have been a fantastic short film. Call me uncultured if you'd like but, much like the movie Hereditary, the acting was great but the story felt nothing but.one long yawn with a couple of interesting hiccups thrown in just to get my hopes up.
Barbarian (2022)
Absolutely blindsided at every moment
I loved it more than I expected to, and it was faaar more messed up than I expected it to be. Every actor was fantastic, every moment felt natural and every line was believable. I didn't know what to expect at any given moment and I was uncomfortable and tense the entire time - which I live for. It didn't feel exhausting, boring, or drawn out and everything was very directly told without it being contrived or dumbed down. There were several moments when certain realizations "clicked" that just made my jaw drop in disgust. It was claustrophobic, grungy, damp, dark, revolting, heartbreaking, and I can't wait to see it again.
Queer as Folk (2022)
Cringe inducing stereotypical B.S.
A group of horrible people doing horrible things to each other all while being somewhere in the LGBTQ+ spectrum. I'm so tired of finally getting representation and it being crap like this where the characters are all catty, backstabbing, drug-addled sex addicts. There are so many beautiful and meaningful facets to humanity and it feels like this show just stripped away all of them in a really disgusting attempt to be edgy. The most unintentionally hilarious part of the whole thing is that they mock a celebrity for exploiting a tragedy when this show literally takes place after a FICTIONALIZED VERSION OF THE ORLANDO PULSE SHOOTING!! I was really looking forward to Keitel's portrayal of a trans woman and, while it is extremely refreshing to see an unconventional woman represented so brazenly, Ruthie is the second worst person on the show so far (after Brodie, which should go without saying). We won't even get into the way she treats her partner because the way she treats her STUDENT alone is abhorrent. The whole thing is just revolting and I'm extra pissed off as a member of the community that anybody could stumble onto this drivel and even fleetingly think it represents us.
The Last Rite (2021)
Pretty generic
Nothing remarkable but not the worst possession film I've seen. None of the characters are remotely likeable, relatable, or interesting. While I understand one could reason that the boyfriend was behaving the way he was because of the demons presence I am countering that argument with this- he's just a knob.
Old (2021)
Thrilling existential crisis
Very interesting concept though at times I wished Shyamalan didn't try so hard to appeal to the PG-13 rating. I usually appreciate his "show less, leave it to the imagination" approach but I felt that this movie would have been much more horrifying with more graphic visuals in some scenes (the fall). Although others were handled with perfect subtlety and dignity (the bones in the blanket). Overall I would definitely recommend to anybody that likes a tense look at human deterioration and the ties that bind.