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Robots (2005)
Geared Up Good Time
The Story: Rodney Copperbottom (Ewan McGregor) is a young inventor looking to make it in the big city by getting a job working for his hero, Big Weld (Mel Brooks). Unfortunately, some 'bots looking to place profit over providing have set Weld out of the way and Rod gets kicked to the curb. There, he falls in with Fender (Robin Williams) and his barely constructed crew. When they learn of the horrible things Weld's replacements have in store for their out-moded kind, they start a revolution to set things right.
The Good: Funny funny funny. If there's one thing these guys know to do, it's setting up the laughs. The good Mr. Williams steals virtually every scene he's in, as usual, making every line count. If you're looking for a good time, this movie's it.
Oooh, and it's purty. The robots themselves have great designs and the rust flecks, paint scratches, and such are very well done.
The voice acting is excellent all around. I was pleasantly surprised at Ewan McGregor's performance, which managed to hold the young dreamer quality throughout the movie.
The Bad: The love interest bit is tacked on. REALLY tacked on. I don't think I'm giving anything away in saying that it's Rodney and Cappy (Halle Berry), as it's amazingly obvious even from watching the mostly uninformative trailers. The predictability isn't really the problem, however, it's the fact that it's hardly ever brought up (it's only really implied that the two of them get together) and even when it is, it's horribly forced. There's also the bare elements of a love triangle, but it doesn't go anywhere. And personally, I think the setup for the second chica in the triangle would've led to a far more realistic resolution if they'd gotten together.
Really, though, this is just a single symptom of a much larger problem. While the movie is most definitely funny, and the main plot line pelts along fairly well, the rest of the story is largely undeveloped, even for a family or kid flick. Fender and Piper are siblings, but little is done with it besides a couple of quick gags. It's never really touched on why Cappy ends up helping the out-modes (just can't resist a ruggedly rusted face, I guess), or why the bad guys want to trash the old 'bots besides basic greed. Several several points like this are brought up briefly just to be set on the wayside as soon as they stop providing laugh fodder, and because of this the movie becomes far more style than substance than is generally acceptable.
And finally . . . well, this last point isn't really in the bad section because I think it's bad myself, but because it might influence those who are going to be taking their kids to see it. Strangely, for a movie about robots, there's an large amount of scatological humour. The "third oil change today" joke shown in a couple of the trailers isn't an isolated event. I took it all in stride, and the folks I was watching it with thought it was all funny as well, but parents who are leery about their kids seeing such might want to be careful going in.
The Deal: Though it's set on a mostly incomplete foundation, Robots is extremely funny and definitely worth seeing. It's a fun family flick, and I'm sure it's going to end up taking up room in lots of peoples' DVD collection eventually.
Man of the House (2005)
Watched It For Free, Still Feel Cheated
The Story: Roland Sharp (Tommy Lee Jones), Texas Ranger, gets placed in charge of protecting five sexy yet annoying cheerleaders after they witness a murder. Clean and simple.
The Good: There's the occasional laugh. The cheerleaders are worth looking at. It doesn't immediately make you want to shove a sharp implement through your ocular cavity and mix your brain into pudding to make your escape.
The Bad: To begin at the beginning, there's this little two-screen effect they do during the intro credits that shows Sharp and his partner trying to arrest bad guy Morgan Ball (played by Curtis Armstrong, yay). While it was an interesting idea, it ended up being just visually distracting.
So, during the split-screen nonsense, partner lady gets . . . injured or killed or something. I'm not entirely sure which. She ends up being carted away either way, and her situation is mentioned ONCE afterwards. Sharp's feelings on his partner's predicament are brought up, but never resolved. If she was, in fact, only injured, it doesn't really matter because she's never seen again. It has the rancid stink of a subplot that was never fully developed, but couldn't be fully cut because there was no time and/or money to refilm the opening scenes.
The cheerleaders are supposed to be annoying. This is expected. This is one of the reasons people go to watch the movie. We want to see the stodgy Jones be antagonized by these fine but annoying ladies for the comedic value. Sadly, what's annoying is the fact that they often try TOO HARD to be annoying. The result is that their efforts fall flat and I ended up being more bored with their personalities than annoyed by them.
Ready for a shock? There's a romantic subplot! *gasp* But the fact that this was going to be included in the movie whether we wanted it to be or not isn't the problem. The problem is that its delivery is so horribly hamfistted that it's even more difficult to buy into than most other romantic subplots. Even worse is that it's hardly predictable only because it's introduced only half a minute after the romantic interest herself first graces the screen.
Speaking of hamfistted, the whole cheerleader/Texas Ranger dynamic is horribly off. Sharp goes from "I ain't tellin' you my personal problems" to "I'm divorced and I don't connect well with my kid" in all of five minutes. There's a little emotional connection between Sharp and a couple (and I really mean only a couple . . . the rest just seem to follow the group) of the cheerleaders, but much of it seems completely unconnected from his finally opening up.
There's not even the slightest pretense at trying to hide who the real bad guy is. It wasn't really necessary that they do so - especially since it was painfully obvious, even from the very beginning - but there wasn't any reason NOT to, either, and it might have added at least a little bit of tension to the generally lifeless plot.
*sigh* I could go on and on, I really could, but I think I'll leave it at that for now.
The Deal: Ugh. Y'know, one of the oddest things about being named Roland is that, for some reason, virtually every character named Roland in every movie, TV show, or whatever has something horribly wrong or disappointing about them. They're scummy criminals, disgusting social rejects, boring wallflowers, insane jerks, or something else that makes you wonder if everyone on the planet grew up with someone named Roland that they really really hate.
In this case, Roland is the main character in a horrible failure of a movie.
The real shame of it is that there is a good deal of potential lurking around the edges of this movie. There are a few action scenes that are quite good . . . unfortunate that they're horribly misplaced, breaking up the comedy pace that the rest of the movie tries so desperately to set up. This potential and the cheerleader hotness is the only reason I'm not giving this movie the lowest score possible.
If, for some reason, you DO still want to see it, you'd be best off waiting to rent - or, more preferably, borrow - the DVD.
The Pacifier (2005)
Surprisingly Good
The Story: After failing to save a scientist - not his fault, just to be clear - Navy SeAL Shane Wolf (Vin Diesel) is assigned to watch over the man's children while their mother helps the government retrieve a program that he was working on. Cue wackiness!
The Good: Hey, it's funny! Which is strange, since I went into it expecting extreme lameness at every turn. Which, yah, it had a share of jokes that fell flat and stuff that just didn't really work, but the good, honest laughs in it far outweighed the bad.
Vin Diesel does well in his role . . . but then he's been playing the badass character for a while, so it's nothing really new for him. He's taken well to the humor aspect also. He managed to pull off a harried super-disciplinarian quite well.
The children are all great, too. The little ones are especially adorable. And the connection that's forged between all of them feels quite genuine and touching.
The harness that Shane wears throughout the movie is awesome. Military meets soccer mom . . . I like it.
The Bad: Not original in the least. Seems like hardly anything is nowadays. There are a number of jokes that are recycled directly from other movies of this type, even. Maybe not done as well as in this one, but still. And the story moves along pretty much as one would expect. They were obviously trying to be predictable and comfortable as possible . . . this is a family flick, after all.
The beginning of the movie (the first fifteen to twenty minutes, I'd say) moves EXTREMELY FAST, jumping from one bit to the other at almost breakneck speed. The movie is pretty long as it is (I didn't keep exact track or anything, but surely it can't possibly be 91 minutes!), so I'm guessing that this is because a lot of cuts were made, and most of them were concentrated up front. The main problem with this is that there's a real difficulty feeling anything concerning the family's loss until much later in the movie. Up to that later point, there's just sort of a sense of "Eh, so what?"
There's some cops that show up at the end. And . . . well, they don't really do anything. Seemed like the filmmakers just had some budget padding they wanted to liquidate right quick.
The Deal: Virtually everything about this movie - from the story to the characters on down - hits its target demographic right on the mark. It's a perfect flick if you want to bundle up the kids and the spouse and head out for a fun couple of hours. And even if you don't have kids or a spouse, check it out anyway. It's got enough chuckles and full out belly laugh moments in it for everyone.
The Wedding Date (2005)
By The Numbers Romantic Comedy
The Story: Kat (Debra Messing) hires male escort Nick (Dermot Mulroney) to aid in making her ex-fiancé super-jealous while they attend her sister's wedding. The basic romantic comedy nonsense follows.
If you can't tell, I don't really like these things. I was dragged to it by my wife as penance for making her watch Boogeyman . . . though I think I got punished too in that deal, don't you? Anyway.
The Good: While most of the movie isn't, there's one scene of the movie - where a big secret is finally revealed to Kat - which is actually quite effective. All of the actors were wonderful at this point, making the moment all it was supposed to be. Even those who had been lagging behind finally stepped up their performance.
Most of the acting was passable, with a few (Jack Davenport, for instance) hitting above par. I especially liked the character of TJ (played perfectly by Sarah Parish) . . . shame she didn't get more screen time.
The Bad: As stated above, this movie is strictly by the numbers. There's all your basic romantic comedy bits . . . the unlikely pair being unexpectedly thrust together (even if in this case, the thrusting is actually deliberate), getting close and then being suddenly torn apart when one of them fails the trust of the other, one of 'em heading for an airplane terminal or train depot or whatever, the final resolution of their one, true love, blah blah blah. So there's no surprises here whatsoever. Even the big secret mentioned above is extremely predictable long before it's said outright.
Like virtually any movie based on a novel, there's points where audience members who haven't read the book (like myself) feel like they're missing out. The beginning just sort of dumps the viewers right into the middle of the story, and even as the story progresses, we're told very little about who and what some of the characters are supposed to be about, especially guy hooker Nick.
Nick's character, in the end, bothers me anyway. Not because he's a male escort or because of any failing on the actor's end (Mr. Mulroney does a pretty good job, actually) . . . the character itself just rubs me the wrong way. He has this very ill-defined (as far as the movie shows, anyway) homespun philosophy that pops up from time to time and seems to be little more than time filler. Hardly anyone listens to what he says, making me wonder why they even bothered with it at all. He's called the Yoda of Prostitutes (or something of that nature) a couple of times, but I didn't really see it.
The Deal: So. I didn't like The Wedding Date. However, other than the points that I brought up above, I realize this may be greatly due to the fact that I don't like romantic comedies much. That and the few effective parts are the only reasons I decided to give a score of four rather than one or two.
So if you're into the romantic stuff, grab your significant other, buy your tickets, and snuggle up together in the theater. You probably won't be disappointed.
But if you're like me and can't tell one romantic comedy from another, you'll be better off looking for something else to spend an hour and a half of your life on.
Boogeyman (2005)
Scary, but Pointless
The Story: When Tim Jensen (Barry Watson) was just a kid, he lost his father to the Boogeyman lurking in the closet. He becomes estranged from his family, who is convinced that the father simply ran off, until his mother dies. After attending the family and meeting back up with a childhood friend, he decides to confront the spectre of his past and put it to rest for good.
The Good: Um . . . hmm. Good question. I'd say the scares themselves are pretty well done. Startled the heck outta me on several occasions, even when I knew they were coming. Unfortunately . . .
The Bad: . . . the movie is NOTHING BUT these jump out of nowhere, blargity blarg, "look out behind you!" scares. In the end, there's no real suspense about it, and after a while you'll probably get used to the sudden jumpcuts and chaos. This overdependence sucks dry the only thing the movie really had going for it.
The acting is lame. Mr. Watson does TRY to bring some life to his character, but most of the time he just ends up looking confused as to how he got stuck in this movie. This is especially bad during his "staring at closet doors" scenes (of which there can't be less than twenty) where he's supposed to be apprehensive, but instead appears to be solving a particularly difficult long division problem in his head.
Despite many people's protestations to the opposite, there actually IS a plot . . . it's just that it doesn't really GO anywhere. It takes Tim forever to even come to the final realization that the whole Boogeyman thing isn't just in his head, and then he just sort of vaguely gets around to trying to stop the punk.
The ending is equally pointless and vague. Things just start happened one right after the other with no actual explanation . . and in some cases, no explanation at freakin' all. It had the potential of being really cool and interesting, but the way it's presented as a chaotic jumble of nonsense merely leaves the viewers with a sense of "Wait wait wait . . . what the hell just happened?"
The Deal: Unless you're just into people jumping around corners and yelling "BOO!" at you, or you want something to watch while you and your buddies imbibe your intoxicant of choice, this movie is a definite pass. The only reason I gave it three stars instead of just one is that it does, in fact, succeed at being scary for the most part.
Not a good psychological scare or suspenseful scare, but a scare nonetheless.
Cursed (2005)
Silly Werewolf Romp
The Story: Ellie (Christina Ricci) and her teenage brother Jimmy (Jesse Eisenberg) cross paths with a werewolf and end up cursed with lycanthropy as well. To save themselves (and everyone around them), they have to figure out the werewolf's identity and how to kill it before they fully succumb to their new alternate natures.
The Good: Surprisingly funny . . . though I suppose that's something that should be expected from all good Mr. Craven's work nowadays. There were a good number of laugh-out-loud scenes that were, believe it or not, actually meant to be laugh-out-loud scenes. The unintentional yuks were satisfyingly few and far between. Or perhaps UNsatisfyingly few, depending on whether you like watching scary movies just to laugh at them or not.
The werewolf is suitably vicious, and the attack scenes are quite well done. The CG and the guy in the wolf suit are almost seamlessly woven together, excepting a few parts.
I wouldn't say that the storyline is anything spectacular, but it works quite well enough for what it was aiming at. There's only one real surprising twist (the werewolf's identity, dun dun dun), but that's okay. The humour and the general consistency of the story more than makes up for that.
The acting is above average, which in a sea of horrible horror acting is a good thing.
The Bad: Scott Baio? He's still alive?! Weird. Apparently, his scenes were supposed to have been cut, and they might as well have been. His two appearances are purely gratuitous (they should have just put a huge "Hey, kids! It's SCOTT BAIO!" sign above his head and been done with it) and wouldn't have been missed if edited out. Same for Craig Kilborn . . . who, according to the movie, is supposed to still be the host of the Late Late Show. Heh.
Unfortunately, while this is an enjoyable movie, there's little original about it. They might as well have called it American Werewolf in L.A. or Teen Wolf 3. It certainly borrowed enough elements from those two werewolf franchises.
The nudity was all tease and no real skin! Which isn't that big a deal, really. Didn't detract horribly from the film. Just thought I'd mention. ;)
Finally, there are a couple of times (fortunately only a couple) where it's obvious the werewolf is a guy in a suit. Ah, well.
The Deal: Cursed is definitely worth a look. Probably not for a true horror film buff . . . but for the folks looking for a good silly scary flick to waste a couple of hours with one weekend, it's perfect. Most everyone else might want to wait for the DVD to come out so they can let the extras enhance their experience.
But still, overall, a definite thumbs-up.
Son of the Mask (2005)
Funny Stuff
The Story: Tim Avery (Jamie Kennedey) is a struggling cartoonist who has a run-in with the infamous Mask which leads to him and his wife Tonya (Traylor Howard) having a bouncing baby boy (Ryan and Liam Falconer) who can, in fact, bounce via his inheritance of the Mask's amazing powers. Meanwhile, Loki (Alan Cumming), Norse god of mischief, has been charged by papa Odin (Bob Hoskins) to retrieve the Mask before it can cause any more trouble on Earth.
Wacky hijinks ensue.
The Good: HILARIOUS! There were several several laugh out loud points in this movie. There was the great possibility that this would be one of those movies where the only funny parts were shown in the previews (baby Alvey Avery saying "Mother" in a deep voice still makes me crack up just thinking about it), but such was fortunately not the case here. This movie took the flavor of all the old cartoons I and a few generations before me watched growing up - like the Flintstones and Looney Tunes, both of which are cameoed in the film - and ran headlong with it. Virtually every joke was pulled straight from the cartoon old school, which was just as it should be.
The acting is, for the most part, superb. Cumming does a great job playing the crazified Loki, and Hoskins is a convincing grumpy old man-god (go figure, ha ha). The gem of the film, however, is the main man himself, Jamie Kennedey. His tour as the frizzed out, completely at the end of his rope father is played to the hilt, and it's great fun to watch him gradually go crazy as his son happily drives him there.
With one exception (which I'll elaborate on in a moment), the special effects are also spectacular. The Cats & Dogs crew may not be on the top of the visual effects heap in Hollywood, but for this movie, they don't really have to be. It actually helps that you can tell that the characters are animated when they're doing crazy things, because they're supposed to be doing things that only animated characters can do. If some super-snazzy ILM-like group had come in and made everything up super-realistic, THAT I would have complained about.
The Bad: Now, Mr. Kennedey was great and awesome and wonderful as Tim Avery, but . . . well, as soon as the Mask was slapped onto him, something bad went wrong. It's almost as if the people applying the latex to his face did it incorrectly, and it kept him with almost the exact same facial expression the whole time. It's a big detraction when his face bends and contorts better when he's supposed to be a regular guy than it does when he's supposed to be a cartoon character.
While this is a good movie, I think it's sadly before its time. Son of the Mask really feels less like a direct sequel and more like the end of a trilogy. I believe New Line would have done a good deal better if they'd made a different Mask movie in between this one and the first one.
Finally, there's a short period where Loki loses his powers. I won't go into the details, since I don't wanna be a spoiler, but the duration of this powerlessness is disappointingly short, and not much was really done with it. Which is a shame, since there were several different things that they COULD have done with it . . . ah, well.
The Deal: Overall, I thought this was a very satisfying movie. Sure, it isn't complete brilliance or movie genius or whatever. It isn't going to win any awards or change anyone's life. It's just a series of quick, side-splitting laughs strung together with funny animations. But that's all it really NEEDS to be!
So just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride, neh?