Reviews

If this programme didn't contain characters with the names Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D'Artagnan, nobody would think twice about considering it an adaptation of anything.

One could argue that the aforementioned characters are, in fact, based on those of the same names found in Alexandre Dumas' masterpiece "The Three Musketeers," but the only similarities are found in the base stereotypes and character tropes that could be boiled down to apply to any thousands of characters through literature and television for hundreds of years.

Therefore, it is a shame that the creators of this programme believed it necessary to use these iconic names, and to call this programme inspired by "The Three Musketeers." This assertion causes literary buffs like myself to look forward to a retelling of a greatly loved tale, and to new portrayals of characters and relationships that I have come to deeply admire.

Alas, it is because of these expectations that I have come to be disappointed by this programme. I admit it: I watch adapted material judging more on the basis of adaptation than individual product--and without a doubt, this is a poor, poor adaptation. It is a squandered opportunity; for I believe, with the programme's production values and decent cast, the creators could have created something fresh and exciting. Instead, they have labelled this an adaptation and, instead of forging new characters, have butchered characters much loved by many.

Imagine--a brand new period piece on television: marvellous costuming, rollicking plots, flashy sword fights, brand new characters establishing their own original quirks and worthiness. *Sigh*. Rather, we are made to wait for contrived reveals about characters "reimagined," and for bits of familiar plot clumsily inserted into what could have been original story lines.

Perhaps, if I pretend that this is simply a television programme about three unknown musketeers in the service of the king at *around the same time but not necessarily when Athos, Porthos, and Aramis were musketeers* I will be able to enjoy it. If nothing else, Tamla Kari plays a wonderfully refreshing female character. I hope she doesn't lose her quirks and depth as she inevitably develops into a love interest.

"The Time of the Doctor," or "The Time When The Doctor Took The Easy Way Out For A Whole Episode And Never Really Mentioned Why And Dragged The Episode On For A Great Deal Of Time Without Ever Doing Really Anything At All."

The Doctor doesn't save anyone, he doesn't have any plans, he doesn't allow himself any friends (not even the TARDIS), he doesn't have any last adventures; he doesn't give any reasons, he doesn't give any explanations, he doesn't give his fans a reason to continue watching the show.

This is the worst episode of Doctor Who I have seen since the television movie; perhaps worse. At least the TV movie had an engaging Doctor who actually tried to save the world by doing something. "The Time of the Doctor" has a Doctor who sits around and grows old because apparently that's the only way to save Gallifrey--or was it Trenzalore? The names of these now-meaningless planets are all jumbled around in my head.

I'm sorry, Matt Smith, that you had to go like this. It's a shame--a great shame. What a sad, sad development in the world of Doctor Who. I only wish I could dismiss this episode from my memory.

While the production quality was excellent and the acting above par (the actors did what they could with the script), this mini-series was a huge disappointment.

I was an enormous fan of the previous series ("The Pillars of the Earth")--indeed, enough of a fan to sludge through the tastelessly pretentious and mind-numbingly boring novel afterwards--so I was keen on a sequel series. Alas.

Major issues: None of the protagonists had *any power whatsoever* the entire length of the series. None. I understand the whole "rising above the odds" trope that the plot was going for, but this series took it too far. "The Pillars of the Earth" used this trope, but perhaps due to actors with less charisma, or a weaker script, or something else, "World Without End" was simply painful to watch. Even the conclusion was weak--bad guys die in a hurry, hooray. The protagonists are never empowered. The antagonists, of course, are both many and powerful, and even receive the better half of the script.

I couldn't cheer for any of the protagonists. One, because they never won anything; and two, because they were hardly given enough character for me to cheer for.

You could call this a "sprawling epic," but I would place the emphasis on "sprawling." It overreached itself and fell on its face, sprawled on the muddy floor to be--hopefully--forgotten.

Want to watch a pre-Bilbo Baggins Martin Freeman engage in graphic (but exquisitely artistic) sexual foreplay or sit in a latrine populated by fifty semi-naked sweating men? Look no further than this bizarre and uncomfortable art film by genius bizarre and uncomfortable art filmmaker Peter Greenaway (who has directed other such bizarre and uncomfortable art films as Prospero's Books and The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover).

Despite its many bizarre and (more) uncomfortable aspects, Nightwatching is an utterly brilliant piece of artistic filmmaking. Martin Freeman portrays famous Dutch painter Rembrandt van Rijn as he plots and paints the work known as "Nightwatching."

Every single frame of this film could stand on its own in any self-respecting art gallery (though, of course, some of the more bizarre or uncomfortable stills would have to be displayed in certain, hidden, passageways); indeed, some of the film's scenes have been structured purposefully to evoke or mimic some of Rembrandt's own work.

But of course, with its graphic nudity and sexual antics, its latrines, and its strange symbolism, it cannot help but be defined as a bizarre and uncomfortable art film; only, emphasise the "art" aspect of the genre.

Featuring Australian actress Emily Browning in the titular role, this bizarre and uncomfortable art film is almost worth watching for her exquisitely pretty face alone; but alas, she plays an utterly depressed character completely devoid of feelings, emotions, and, well, character—a combination uncomfortable to watch whatever face is behind it.

Sleeping Beauty finds Emily Browning portray a college student who allows herself to be drugged into unconsciousness and played with by perverted old men for money—though in a bizarre turn of events it turns out she seems to care for the money as much as she does her maltreated body.

She also has a bizarre friend known as "Bird Man" who seems to be in love with her. Whatever the case—long periods of naked unconsciousness; old wrinkled men in the buff; and a seriously depressed, repressed, oppressed, and suppressed protagonist make this a very bizarre and uncomfortable art film.

(Disclaimer: The film features gorgeous cinematography and has an affecting plot, even if it isn't entirely discernible. Certainly worth watching)

As far as bizarre and uncomfortable art films go, Nicolas Winding Refn's Valhalla Rising is pretty tame. In fact, it is so comparatively tame that the film's marketers felt they could serve it up as an action-packed Viking film—a terrible decision that caused the film to be a horrendous flop; because after all, this is a bizarre and uncomfortable art film. When I say "tame," of course, I do not mean it does not have an explicit evisceration scene—because it does—I mean it has a relatively discernible plot and characters with names.

The protagonist, One Eye (Mads Mikkelsen in a stark, fearsome performance), does not say a single word in the entire film. The other characters do a lousy job of filling in the silence, for I think I counted somewhere in the vicinity of twenty-four lines in total.

In addition to long periods of silence, the film also features clay-covered voodoo rock men, inverted dream sequences (I think), and a lot of existential symbolism—making it, without a doubt, a very bizarre and uncomfortable art film.

(Disclaimer: The film features starkly beautiful cinematography and brilliant performances. Certainly worth watching)