Reviews

Looking for a different British television show with some entertainment value? This is not it. That Britain is using a Mercedes Sprinter based off of the Mercedes/Dodge Sprinter as a riot van is laughable. That this shows what these silly blokes put into this vehicle to make it riot compliant, is even more laughable. That they are using Peugeot 308s as common police vehicles (beat cars) is a disgrace. Luckily, like England's food being tame and bland, much of their crime is tame and bland as well. The narrator states the facility runs like a F1 garage. Please. They are also mataining six police bicycles and undercover bycicles, like these bicycles are like they are James Bond vehicles. The narrator states they have vehicles that can keep up with the fastest supercars. Even their fastest BMW suvs and cars are stock and not beefed up mechanically to even come close. I wouldn't mind the cockney accent of the narrator using the Elton John pronunciation of garage as "GAIR EDGE", but she takes every chance she gets to slaughter the word. This whole show is childish and amatuerish. It shows a few training procedures and a few actual exercises that are tame at best as well. How is this the country that ruled an empire the sun never sat on? These vehicles and police officers, along with this toy car garage would never make it a day in the U. S. Even the 1200R motorcycles are not tuned for doing a motorcycle job in the U. S. I know England, particularly Cheshire, is small and has narrow and twisted lanes, but come on. This is no more entertaining than U. S. staged "reality" sasquatch and ghost hunter shows. We won't discuss how some of the people working in this division take paperwork home to work on. Go to any trucking fleet main garage in the U. S. and sit back and watch, and you'll find more entertainment. Sure, this is for British people first, but it should have been for British people only. It almost makes you want to sing Roger Miller's whimsical "England Swings" with the lyrics, "Bobbies on bicycles 2 by 2." There for sure is no police brutality and high speed chases in Britain like there is in the U. S.

I did not know this existed but wish I had seen it so much sooner. While the special effects hadn't quite made it to the CGI level of The Day After Tomorrow nor did it have the budget, as this was a made for cable movie, it did make a good impression. I truly liked how Udo Kier's character went from the I'm right, you're wrong scientist who tried to get the other higher ups to listen to a hateful elitist trying to save himself. Other than the U. S. president (a Canadian actor) being a true patriot wanting to listen and being the last to abandon ship, the rest of the higher ups do just what they do in real life, tuck tale and save themselves. It shows a little of what is happening around the world but tries to focus on a small group so the film doesn't feel watered down with too many stories. It's nice that this disaster movie doesn't revolve around NYC for once. We also see more of a realistic societal breakdown. You don't get the sweeping views of mass destruction, but the story gives you enough to make it believable. The premise of a major sunspot created by a rogue planet burning up on its surface causing a mass cooling is no less plausible than any of the other Hollywood theories. The television actors made a go of it better than big movie stars do. If this had received big Hollywood blockbuster treatment, we probably would have had a better visual movie, but I dought Hollywood A listers would have done a better job. They tend to overact these parts. Maybe if Hollywood would spend more money on made for cable or made for TV movies like this and less on over budgeted CGI overacted the masses could be entertained more often with less money. That's how studios made a large chunk of their revenue through advertising and cable subscriptions a few decades ago, so why not do it again? Recap on one aspect, the story focuses more on realities of real people and not on a sweeping far away look. It gives you the ideas of people left in prisons, stranded in airports or bus stations, feudal fighting for necessities, power grids shutting down, pipes frozen and so on. This one makes you think in the end instead of having some sappy get together ending.

I wish I could just leave the review title, but no, I have to fill in 500 characters. And then some.

Gregory Hines should have ran or at least tap danced his way from this movie. Too many things wrong.

This Dutch main character was in real life, far too young in to have so many letters in front and behind her name, more than the general has ribbons as said by Gregory Hinds about her titles and PhDs, yet she tried to play a much older woman with a hot body. Apparently, in the 80s, she was supposed to be a Dutch sex symbol. Hardly. In her youth she was a gymnast. Here, she just looked like a cheap 70s porn star, and acted much like one, cheap and fake.

The fact that ye olde U. S. government wouldn't have put a nuclear device loose in a test weapon makes this movie stalled from the pits. That it was being tested on human soil in civilian settings with said weapon is even more stupidly plotted.

Then there was only one Caucasion fenale model. At first, there was a Caucasian male model who was canceled. This makes no sense in a real world situation. Sure, you can speculate their could have been more models, but there couldn't have been because the model made was a clone of the woman who was in charge of her creation and also had her memories, flawed memories at that, which also wouldn't fly in any weapon in any nation's arsenal.

I guess we're supposed to also believe that when an android gets damaged, it's supposed to take memories into context, but it didn't. It got hormonal. Also, why would the clone cyborg have memories to steal an uzi, go steal a red mustang, obtain only 250 9mm rounds, go to a sleazy motel/bar, get in a sexual situation with a rural cowboy/lumberjack/truck driver, and then remove his privates with her mouth? Or would the clone intentionally try to kill random people? These were mostly hormonal actions. The rest would be actions done by the clone of a female street walker. None of these would have been in the memory of the Dutch doctor the memories came from. Just an all around mess.

Let's get to the rest of the mess. Cops facing a known armed and dangerous fugitive, the flight to New York, the mustang beamer wreck, Gregory Hines supposing to be a sharpshooter, but shows up with probably one of the worst firearm setups possible, the inability for anyone to be able to shoot this android, cyborg, whatever you want to call her, through the eye, it's unfathomable.

One of the biggest bloopers in the movie was the air bag deployment in the BMW. While the 1987 Mustang used in the movie didn't have air bags (that was only standard equipment from 1990 on), people in the bloopers state so many things about the BMW air bag being deployed from the color to deploying from a rear end collision. There surely wouldn't have been an air bag deployment, not because of the collision point, but because, just like the Mustang, BMW 325i didn't have airbags until 1990. This was a 1984 BMW 325i in the scene. Air bags have been around since the 1920s, but the first one in real use was in a 1973 Oldsmobile. They weren't standard equipment in pretty much any vehicle until the 1990s. So, for the producers of the movie to use this as a minor plot device to show how psycho and hormonal a cyborg was, is totally unbelievable. This mindset persists on throughout the movie. Let's make things up that are totally unnecessary to the plot and purely garbage for the movie to plod on.

Then, you have poor old Gregory Hines in a roll that no one could play. While he has played cops and military personnel or arms dealers in the past, he never did it well. For him to play the best choice the U. S. had to take on the world's most top secret weapon is the biggest laugh of this movie. Let's ask Gomer Pile to take on Vladimir Putin. That would have been more realistic.

Then the only person who can kill the cyborg is the creator herself by shoving the blunt barrel of Hine's horrible weapon choice into the cyborgs supposedly armored forehead. Come on. This is Nickelodeon cartoon writing.

The creators of the Terminator films were probably laughing at this sad attempt of a copycat. Who knows? It bombed so bad, it probably flew below their radars.

Best thing is to avoid this poorly written, badly cast, and horribly directed hodgepodge.

Yes, there are spoilers, but I have to speak about the subject matter. I watched this with my wife and two daughters. I wish my 20 year old son could have been home to watch this with the family. He and my almost 19 year old daughter had a friend in school who committed suicide due to bullying from her legal guardian, her aunt (father's sister), who was a special education teacher at their school. Her mother had died when she was young, and her father didn't want her around. A straight A student, she was shy at school, but she had her friends in theater and choir, the only place where she could come out of her shell. This needless loss of life was not committed on social media as the attempt was shown here, but the reaction and aftermath of an attempted or actual suicide in a school setting like this has a much more devastating emotional reaction than the one in this movie. This is my reason for only a 6. It just did not show the stark realism, maybe because the actors couldn't pull off that level of realism or because the producers wanted to keep it pg13.

As for bullying and abuse as children: for those that say they have never seen it, like one reviewer stated here, you either were home schooled or are lying. Then, growing up, children are either the victims of bullying, the bully, or the one who stands up for the bully and gets the bullying stopped. The ones that stand by are just as bad as the bullies. Children have mouths. They can at least report bullying. No, they are not snitches. Suicide is the ultimate death. It can be prevented.

This subject, I'll not go deeper into, but between my wife and I, we are qualified in the storyline. This was less traumatic than our childhoods growing up in a very hostile and religious setting. And my two oldest, at least, championed at their school for antibullying. They obviously couldn't prevent it all on their own, but they did their best. My youngest hasn't gotten to that age yet.

So, as you can tell, this is about bullying, self doubt, and the consequences, to the point of attempting to or actually commiting suicide.

Alex Kersting plays the main character "Butter". He is an obese teen with an overprotective and overindulging mom at home and an indifferent dad. He is a not totally unpopular kid at school. He has friends in his group.

Alex is the main reason I only gave this a 6 instead of a 10. He just doesn't have the ability to act the part he's given. He may have personal issues with weight in real life, but I doubt he has ever been the victim of any real bullying. When he is supposed to cry, his attempts are laughable and as fake as his attempts to play that saxophone he's supposed to be so good at. My son and I both play the saxophone. My son was in a jazz band. This was a main part of this movie as well, so I have to review it. Fingers didn't even come close and his embouchure was too far off. If Alex were to be able to play that saxophone that well in real life, he wouldn't be in movies, he would be a professional musician because his character's supposed level of expertise is far better than his acting ability. Also, as he stated, he wanted to stay in good enough shape, so that he didn't get out of breath because playing the saxophone was all that mattered. Another mess. You can't blow that hard and that long and even remotely think of getting out of breath. Totally unconvincing.

The other reason for the 6 is that in the end, the reactions and consequences are a bit underplayed.

I figure it has to stay pg13 and end on a good note, no pun intended. If it had been closer to real, my wife and oldest daughter would have been bawling instead of having dry eyes at the end.

As for the 6 stars. This movie did a decent job in showing bullying, self image, overindulgence, self confidence, and suicide. It shows the newest form of bullying, at that; cyberbullying.

The story, the directing, and much of the acting are spot on. You know who the main bully is. No matter what happens, he will always be a bully for the rest of his life. That's just who he is. Then, there's the victim. He will most always remain the victim. Even when he tries to abandon that position, if there's a bully, he'll always be the victim. Those in school that are bullied and make it aren't victims. They abide their time and ultimately overcome their oppressors in the long run.

Then there's the stand by and enabler groups. They see it and just stand by and do nothing or advance the problem to the breaking point. These were all played fairly well.

I believe this movie could have been every bit of a 10 if only they could have found a real actor to play the main character, one who could convey emotion and realism, one who could draw you into every aspect of his life.

And then there were the less than real emotions and underwhelming consequences at the end. This could have still been pg13 and shown the stark realism of attemped or actual suicide and bullying. It could have shown the gut wrenching emotion and the harsh consequences of both. The children watching that video, no matter how old, how supposedly jaded, no matter how tough, even the bully, would have been freaking out and bawling. There would have been more noise, reaction, something. Come on, they are watching a suicide attempt of someone they know. This isn't a police brutality video, where the people are standing around with their cellphones trying to video the injustice. Those people are just as bad as the cops. They are void of anything moral. If they really cared, they would have saved the person getting murdered by the police. These are supposedly kids that still have moral value.

Butter, you aren't a poor kid in a hospital bed being fed by your mommy who can't let you feed yourself with a plastic fork and knife because of your suicide attempt. You'll more than likely be in a lock down facility or handcuffed to a bariatric bed, due to your size. Maybe even strapped down for a few days, because you wouldn't be receiving food orally. You would be receiving fluids and nutrients through an IV while you were in the coma. You would still be using that as a source of sustenance after you wake up, and since it would be in your arm, you would have to be strapped down due to your suicide attempt so that you don't try to rip out the IV. ALL SUICIDE ATTEMPTS ARE TREATED THE SAME pertaining to an IV. Also, with your size, you could still harm yourself, medical personnel or police or emergency personnel. Then you would be a 5150 until you have finished evaluation and mental treatment.

So much wrong with the ending. But, I digress. It had to fit in a certain time frame, and it had to hold the audience without scaring them away from the true nature of bullying and suicide. That's also why I didn't give it a lower rating for delving into unbelievably happy endings.

Watch this for the story that tries, I say tries, to be honest, the rest of the cast that are somewhat more believable than the main character, and enjoy that it had a better happy ending than what is reality.

There's no need to use words that a big city rag critic would use here. This is a pure junker of movie.

Why is this even listed as a comedy? This is listed as a comedy but shows only people entitling other people's psychosis. Why is this listed as TV14, when the language turns reprehensible for anything less than an R or MA rating?

At first glance, the cinematography isn't bad, the actors are not looking like cardboard cutouts reading lines, like most other independent micro budget films. But, then... It drags and drags and drags.

And then you realize that this is not a comical bigfoot movie. The whole main cast is drugged and robbed by a scammer. The main protagonist is mentally unstable after his mother's death, his wife and either pets or children have left him, he steals his sister's credit card number to buy flight tickets, and he has this weird obsession of seeing bigfoot. His older sister has a teaching doctorate at an early age, which makes no sense how she is so unintelligent to allow her brother's obsession and psychosis. Then after they are robbed and drugged, they are rescued and are being put on a plane for home loke the rest of the simpletons that were robbed, but the sick brother, decides to steal a car to try to go back to look for bigfoot. His sister jumps in and unconvincingly tries to get him to stop but continues on with him. They are arrested and jailed. Still no ID on them to get proof of who they are. The man that originally scammed them, somehow gets caught by these same rural police because he wanted to pull more scams in the same location. Wow. Who wrote this? He is put in the same empty cell as the brother and sister. Has this cell ever held any living creature? Well, the criminal puts a piece of paper on the cell door lock before the officer can close the door so he can make his immediate escape. It was so blatant that a real cop with the IQ of Barney Fife could have seen it. When the door was shut, the sound and the feel was different. It was beyond cartoon level stupidity. And then the sister and brother engage the scammer in monolog before the sister hits him, and the he walks nonchalantly out. The two didn't yell or scream to let the officer know the scammer was about to or did escape.

Now the sister, with this title of doctor, she just follows her brother out the same way the scammer went. More depressing cartoon logic. The sister and brother almost make it to the Ape Canyon while they go back and forth with the hows and whys of his messed up childhood psychosis that has clearly become full blown. The rangers close in with their handguns drawn to re-arrest both of them. He runs, falls, runs again with her in tow. They stop and breath in a fake emotional and physically drained manner. He tells the police it was all his fault. He then is shown by himself, breathing in the mountain air, and he hears the howls of what we're supposed to believe is a bigfoot. Fade to credits.

Last statement about the cast. The sister's husband look like his family could have been inbred Vermont maple suckers. She has a doctorate at this young an age, first she would not have had time for a marriage type relationship, and secondly a marriage to what looked like a gas station attendant about to o.d. On meth.

I can't say there are any plot holes. There has to be a plot in order to have holes. I could easily say this is the worst movie I've ever watched because I've seen quite a few stinkers as of late. But, this movie is so bad, it makes you forget how horrible other movies could be. It seems as if this movie is a black hole of bad that sucks your memories of other bad movies away.

There are no bogfoots in this movie. There is no actual footage of them actually making it into Ape Canyon. There is no comedy. There is no action. It's just a sad piece someone with this psychosis would produce.

Let's put this into context. 1st, due to a freak accident, I'm recently disabled and under severe pain throughout the whole night and day. This means I get very little to no sleep. This also means I have limited mobility and end up being stuck reading or being entertained by a television screen which I never have really done before. I don't watch sports, and I don't have cable. So, after scouring through a couple paid streaming services and several free streaming services over a two month period, the pickins were getting pretty slim. I had just reached the bottom of the barrel by looking through ROKU and PLEX.

I found this on PLEX and became interested because it was a Finnish movie. To date, my two favorite foreign films are Rare Exports and Big Game. I started really studying Finnish culture after watching Rare Exports so that I could get some of the context of rural Finnish life on the Russian border.

So, here I am early in the morning, while everyone else is asleep, scanning FLEX for something that would even be midly entertaining. I see this one, I briefly turn it on to see if it is something that would be so entertaining that I would stay up. Unfortunately, it wasn't or I couldn't. But, it had been watched long enough that it stayed in my continue watching list. So, I sat during the day and put it on.

This is a quirky movie with a look into rural life Finland. Also know that death metal is big in Scandanavia. The sound originates there. Then, you have to understand the reliance on reindeer farming and reindeer blood being a main food source in the arctic region. So, when you do see that blood, it's not just there as a plot device. I do wonder the reason the individual was there to purchase it. Was he there to purchase it for his own personal food source, or was he there to purchase it for a food source or as part of the special effects at the upcoming metal festival across the border in Norway? We'll never know, since it accidentally got dumped on him.

There are a few far fetched scenes that I can only see being put in for the lampoon effect. This one was pointed out by another review. The drummer, that has legally been declared dead in the past, passes out while choking on food that he seems to have at all time, but he is still managing to keep a beat on the bass drum. Further on, he finally is killed in a van accident that would seem hardly likely to kill him. Then, the rest of the band jumps off a cliff, after his coffin falls off the cliff. They all land on the rock below, but are not killed. In between, the band, with the new and black drummer from the local sanatorium, are crossing the boarder at the same time another group of young men are coming through. Their is a local skirmish, at the crossing led by a very comedic slapstick female colonel, against the other van. The other van's occupants are coming back from q party they dressed as Jesus and the last supper, but are mistaken for the "terrorists" (Arabic looking) that the colonel has been told to be looking for. After they've arrived at the bottom, they take a viking reenactment cosplay boat to the port where, guess what, the festival is being held But, knowing it is supposed to be lampooned is totally hilarious.

In the beginning, we see a group of young men that fit the death metal genre. They are treated like degenerates by the locals. The guitarist lives with his parents who run the local reindeer slaughter house. The band practices in his parents basement. The lead singer is secretly in love with the local flower shop owner, who happens to be in the radar of the local music talent as his sexual conquest. She also just so happens to be the daughter of the local police chief, who also despises the lead singer and the rest of the group. The bass player is one step away from being Einstein. This sets for one actually funny and warm hearted comedy. The main twist comes out of a sheer accident when the guitarist storms upstairs because he can't come up with an original riff (The band no longer wants to play covers but wants to make original music). He finds the sound they adopt by getting the carcus of a reindeer stuck, with his knife, in one of the industrial meat grinders. While there is not a whole lot of death metal played in the film, this is the main theme for it. You can tell it takes death metal seriously from the Finnish locale's point of view. Like I stated, this genre of music originates in Scandanavia not anywhere else, which includes the U. S. So, if you are American, you must see it from a Scandinavian context and not one of American entitlement. Their are also two separate scenes where the lead singer projectile vomits before he starts singing in front of a crowd, duevyo stage fright. Why is it done twice? The first time it shows that this ends in failure and the band wasn't actually invited to the music festival, which reverts the locals back to disliking the band. The second time, the band does get ro play at the festival due to their very recent notoriety, and the lead singer pukes onto to front row attendees. But, he immediately goes into the beginning growls of the song, so the ones that did get vomited on cheer the band on harder, probably since it is a death metal festival and the crowd expects these kinds of sick displays and antics. Somewhere in there, they dig up the coffin of the dead original drummer (to honor him and take his body to the festival), they steal the van of the cad that sought the conquest of the florist, and they also liberated the drugged mad man that became their second drummer. Even this lunatic drummer's t shirt, in the end, has a rather humorous saying on it.

I wouldn't say this is a movie for younger teens because of the mild gore and one overly sexual scene that doesn't show skin, but it feels more like a fun adventure that can be watched by teens with adult supervision. I would say that this movie is good enough to actually be watched more than once. I believe this will turn into a cult classic on a lesser level like the Blues Brothers (this movie is most definitely in that vein) has in the U. S.

I am a huge fan of the Dukes of Hazzard. I am a huge fan of the Smokey and the Bandit franchise. I am also a big fan of the muscle car movies and cross country race movies that dominated the era.

This movie, people believe to be a tribute to all that, is far from that. John Schneider should be horse whipped for this.

From the start, you can tell this was overdone with lips to rear of The Dukes of Hazzard first and the to the Smokey and the bandit.

There is a mockery of the General Lee with doors that open. There is a real disgusting mockery of the Bandits car with a poorly cut up t top Dodge speed brick SLOPAR SMELLCAT (you can really see the bad chop job that was done) that plays Dixie car horn like the original General Lee. It is black with a white eagle on the hood that looks like a kindergartener painted on.

There are stunts that poorly mirror both TV series and movie. There is the creek jump, There are badly choreographed chase scenes.

This badly mirrored Bandit and Dukes movie use the same name of main characters from both. Schneider doesn't go by Bo, but is conveniently named Duke and he references Luke. Minus the overt Dukes references, they are trying to say they can do in real life in 24 hours what a movie in the 70s did in 28 hours.

I feel this could be good B-Movie fodder for some fan boys and girls. For true fans though, it just seems like a slap in the face.

These actors stink so bad as well. John was cool back in the day as Bo. But, he should have left it there. There's a reason Tom Wopat (Luke Duke) wasn't involved in John's grown up fantasies.

Everyone in this movie portraying the Bandit side of it made my eyes and ears hurt so bad... there's just no words I could ethically use here.

This movie is like the independent studios like Asylum that make clear ripoffs of blockbuster movies with slight changes in the name to con unsuspecting consumers or for the people that try to make them into cult hits.

Then there were clear horridvreferences to other movies and music in that era. Then, there was horrible modern country music constantly playing in the background.

It also has bad effects including horrid green screen, bad cinematography, very grainy wide shots overlaid on the green screen. It wasn't even filmed well for a bad b movie. It was a far cry in filming from the classic movies and TV shows it is trying to copy. From green screen to home movie day at the races quality, this just further stinks.

I accidentally found this on a free streaming site, and as I am currently bedridden, I have all kinds of time, so I wasted the time to watch this all the way through, so you could read this and save your time.

I truly wanted to like this. I really did. Even if a group of film students from some southern redneck college had made this, I probably would have enjoyed this more, but that John Schneider made this and acted in it, well that just sank it even further for me. You could watch tellatubbies and a sharknado-esque movie at the same time and had something more entertaining and less gut wrenching annoyingly bad than this movie.