Reviews

I saw this movie many years ago and I've forgotten a lot of it, so this comment is likely to contain some inaccuracies, but here is goes: From the beginning to the end, it is a short and absurd story about - just like the title says - two men and a wardrobe.

Two unknown men arrive at a beach carrying with them a worn and soaked wardrobe. They travel to town but meet problems wherever they go. There's no accommodation for them, not at mention the wardrobe. Nobody wants them there and the wardrobe, which they carry with them wherever they go just causes to annoy and bother the people they meet. The wardrobe, not very mobile furniture in any way, gets more and more damaged as the story unfolds. It is eventually destroyed (or perhaps not - I can't remember) and the men return to the beach traveling back to wherever they came from.

After I saw it I didn't understand anything of it. Was it just a simple and absurd story without any message at all? Hardly. I'm not going to interpret it in any profound way, but If I said that Roman Polanski (the director of the movie) is a Jew with a lot of horrible memories from Europe during the second world war and that people always carries baggage with them, either metaphorically or literally, then this should give a little hint at the symbolical messages within the movie.

Considering the fact that the DVD only cost me around 2dollars I didn't exactly have my hopes up for something extraordinary. But, I decided to hope for the best: maybe it wasn't that bad a movie despite it's ridiculous price. Hell – Snoop Dogg is in the main role – at least it looks like that since he is so very much present on the cover. How wrong I was. They should have paid me for watching this crap.

First of all, this is not per definition a film: It's shot on video, not film. The first impression you get is that this is something shot on a really crappy camera, probably bought second hand on Ebay. Locations? The nearest factory around the block.

Secondly, Snoop Dogg doesn't have a role in the movie at all. You see him for like 30 seconds in the beginning. He is sitting still facing the camera and saying some stuff that has nothing to do with the rest of the plot – if there is any. It seems like they have used stock footage of some interview of him talking about his music and then pretended like it was actually made specifically for this movie. What a ripoff! How about the rest of the actors? Well, Ice Cube makes a lousy performance with monotone gangster dialog the whole movie trough. This is also the case with the rest of the crew. One of the themes in the movie is dope, and in one scene one of them tastes the stuff to see if it is any good. It is, and I truly believe it's real. How else can you explain the exceptionally lousy performances? This also explains the low-budget-feel you get from watching the movie: They spent the whole budget on drugs. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

If you are gonna pick just one word to explain the whole movie it has to be "random". Everything about it is: The lighting changes disturbingly each time they change angles. The soundtrack doesn't follow the pictures either, it's just boring rap playing in the background all the time. And so it goes.

I see a lot of movies, and I've seen many bad ones. I've even seen the one that is officially the worst one of them all, "Plan 9 From Outer Space". Whoever makes these lists have some updating to do. This is unquestionably and without doubt the worst movie EVER. Ed Wood is Spielberg compared to Albert Pyun.

Heed my warning: do not watch this movie. If you do (god help you) you gotta have a VCR with a good fast-forward function. This makes the movie a little more bearable. But just a little.

I do wish I could write more about this movie, but considering my mental health I do not dare to. I can feel my brain rotting just thinking about the movie. However: every movie deserves a catchphrase. Thinking about one my brain wanders to "Apocalypse Now" and Kurtz lying in his deathbed saying "The Horror…!!! The Horror…!!!"