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Reviews
Dick Figures: The Movie (2013)
This film can go all night baby. It's a nocturnal
Alright, I'll admit I was a tad bit skeptical when I first heard about DF, but after I watched it, I found it so hilarious that I decided to see the movie. It is a very enjoyable film, a 9/10 stars if I may say so myself. One of the things I really enjoyed about this film was the plot. It never felt like Red or Blue ever used an utterly stupid solution to their problems, and many of the conflicts they face were beyond incredible. Also, it doesn't stray far from the series at all! Most films based on a series forgets the point of the series, but this one looks like it could've been an episode. The thing that really got me was the lesson of the film. While most films with the "friendship is important" morale seem overused, this one really does it right. Seriously, it really moved me how Red finally started to see how much trouble he was causing Blue by being such a jerk, when Blue literally devoted his life to taking care of him. This is a must-see for fans of the series, or just someone that needs a fun movie with action, romance, comedy, and drama!
South Park (1997)
Hello, Comedy Central? It's Disney Channel. You win.
South Park, the cheapest animation meets social and political satire made to deliver. So, why is it that it's not popular? Wait, who am I kidding? It totally is!!! That's right, this is, next to "Drawn Together", CC's most popular a viewed animated television series. Heck, it could even be the most popular show on the channel! It's not for kids, despite it's innocent look. It's also not for the easily offended, easily disgusted, grumps, or Oprah Winfred. Why? Well, firstly, it's VERY adult-related humor. Secondly, it is in no way innocent or for children. Not just because of the mature language and situations, but also because it is not something children should understand. The only flaw in it is that over time, the series has changed. Characters have become smarter and dumber, environments have expanded, and Stan learned not to puke as much. However, it's a rather normal thing for TV shows to do, so I shan't complain. What I will say is "keep up the great work"!
Jessie (2011)
Whatever Debby Ryan gets paid for to do this show could go to much better use.
Jessie, you make me happy. Why? Because now, if I ever get into show business, the competition will be weaker than than the US' current economy. See, this show is moronic. It ruins an already dead network with clichés, stereotypes, and an awkward way of launching the careers of tons of soon-to-be movie stars. Hopefully, the people in this show will somehow manage to terminate this from their records as an actor/actress. They might have a better chance of finding more work if they do. The deal with this crud is that they try to appeal to the same audience they ALWAYS do. Then, the show becomes a clone of all other shows on Disney Channel. Unfortunately, most of the people that grow up on this garbage will probably go into TV, and this cycle will start itself back up. So people, if you want to see a GOOD Disney show, you should check out "Teacher's Pet", "Lloyd in Space", or "The Emperor's New School". If you want to see a BAD Disney show, you should probably get professional psychiatric help before settling on this riff-raff.
Shake It Up (2010)
Get off the dance floor!!!
It sucks! It sucks! It sucks! It sucks! It sucks! It sucks! It sucks! I hate it! So cheesy! It sucks! I would rather not watch it! It's bad! It's terrible. My life was ruined when it aired! Not even the Russian characters are funny any more! Why do people tune in to it?! Watch Dan Vs., by the way. This show died before it started! Okay, I will be frank, don't watch this garbage! I literally had to fill FIVE lines of my review telling you how bad it is. Please, spare your children the despair, and go watch some bees pollinate flowers on Animal Planet instead. It is about ten times more entertaining than this. (Although ten times zero IS still zero. Maybe math shouldn't be a huge part of your decision over whether or not to take my recommendation.) Point is, save yourself the trouble!!! And I MEAN trouble!!!
Teacher's Pet (2004)
Much better than Teen Beach Movie!
What you may find when you look at the cover of this movie is some oddly drawn people, one of which being a dog wearing clothes. What you find when you look at the movie, however, is an auroma of cute characters, funny jokes, a touching story, and hummable songs. Spot Helperman is quite frankly one of the best dog characters in cartoon history. Nathan Lane's portrayal of the character is stunning, to say the least. The cast is very well chosen, and the writing is clever beyond belief. Teacher's Pet has a peculiar animation style to match it's clever and original plot. The art is something you will only find from Gary Baseman. While the animation can be awkward at times, it has a rather adorable way of standing out in a crowd of millions. Let me be the first to say that Teacher's Pet is one treasure you want to cherish for years to come.
Teen Beach Movie (2013)
And I thought Dog with a Blog was cliché.
Oh no, Disney Channel did it now. This time, they took the clichéd beach movie idea about bikers and surfers. Terrific, now I have a new thing to criticize!!! Yes, the concept has worked well in many olden movies throughout the years. However, last time I checked, the date was not 1955, and that the Soviet Union has apparently disbanded. So yeah, that era has ended rather abruptly. Before I comment any further, however, let's give them some credit. They finally decided to parody movie ideas, instead of simply robbing the heck out of them, which is a good step. However, the next step they made ended with the entire ground breaking in half and my hope for humanity being burned by Earth's iron core. That is, on the fact of the main problem. My trouble is how stereotypical DC always makes their teen characters, which seems to be dramatically overused in this film. I mean, COME ON!!! "TEEN Beach Movie"?! I can't name one teen that would step three toes into the same room as the movie. But I did, so I'd better take that comment back. The problem is that the target audience is clearly teenagers, which they fail miserably at. Oh, why this movie surpassed "Teacher's Pet" in ratings will be a lifelong mystery.
Austin & Ally (2011)
What just happened?
I LOVE this!! It is SO funny! Dr. Evil is my favorite charact... Oh, wait. This isn't "Austin Powers", it's that lame Disney Channel show everyone despises. My criticism will be direct and to the point. It relies on cheap humor and irritating song writing, two of the "wonderful" things Disney Channel has become known for. Austin is just SUCH an obvious character that I already knew EVERY thing that was going to happen. I'd reveal it, but IMDb would not like that too much, so I will not. However, I will say this: crossing over with Jessie was a mistake. It was basically combining two bad shows into a program that would require a true warrior to be able to finish. It's not as bad as Shake it Up, (but, hey, what is?) which I will praise. I like the setting of the show. Unfortunately, that is about it. And by setting of the show, I meant Austin and Ally. Shake it Up is set in a bad area. But this bag of hurt is for Austin and Ally, not Shake it Up, so I would like to remind you not to watch either. Unless you like bad shows. Which would be weird, and you'd probably not be reading my epic review of the show anyway, so it is not much important what my recommendation would be to you. Except that you would not follow it.
Dog with a Blog (2012)
The clichéd story of a talking dog.
I only gave two stars to be fair. I mean, I love dogs, but this dog makes me want to donate my television to Jigsaw from "Saw", so he can use it to torture me in a much healthier way. Why, this unfortunately is NOT the worst show on DC. Shake It Up probably is, quite frankly. What's bad about this show is that it is much too clichéd. It's just another one of those "family has problems, siblings are battling, and they secretly have a talking dog" type deals! I feel bad for whoever is forced to watch it. Don't worry, though. You only have to suffer for 22 minutes before... NOOOOOO!!! Another episode?!? Why does this world hate me?! Okay, back to the constructive stuff. I just don't like the fact that the story is SO overused. My guess on how many people have USED this idea: probably much higher than I am thinking, which is still a pretty impressively large number, by the way. My advice: if you want to watch a TV show about a talking dog that is good, watch "Teacher's Pet". If you want to watch a BAD TV show about a talking dog, you know just where to look. (Ps. I was talking about THIS show, in case you did not know.)