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It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963)
Others Who Say "Mad World" is LOUD, OBNOXIOUS & UNFUNNY, hit the BULL'S EYE!
Fellow reviewer Leon Louis Ricci stated the plain (& sad) truth as he began his review of Mad Mad World with the following 2 paragraphs:
"This Infamous Comedy with all of it's Comedians, Cameos, and Excess never goes beyond Average at Best. Endless Car Sequences that never approached anything as Funny as the Keystone Cops and THAT was done Before Movies Learned to Talk.
Ethel Merman all but Ruins the Movie and starts Shouting, Yelling, and generally is Overbearing, Obnoxious, Grating, and Insufferable from Her First Scene and it Never Stops in the Movie's Long, Long, Long, Long Running Time."
Mr Ricci could have also noted the obvious fact that the writers of the movie in trying to provide material for a large collection of people who were the most well known comic actors of the early 1960s, resulted in those writers failing to invent even 4 or 5 memorably funny lines for those comedians to speak in a film that's just under 2 hrs & 40 min long. I defy any of the easily pleased folks who think Mad World is the funniest movie ever, to name even 4 truly funny lines that are heard in this long, long movie. One enthusiastic fan of the film wrote in his IMDb review that he experienced the film at 9 years. Well, maybe to people with the sort of sense of humor found in typical 9 year olds, think such things as the Sid Caesar character and his wife destroying the stock room of a hardware store that they're trapped in is laugh out loud funny, but I'd think that adults would find well written comedic lines delivered by veteran performers to be much funnier than sheer destruction. But apparently the movie's writers merely thought that they could cause audience members to be screaming with laughter by inventing scenes as basic as a building at a gas station falling over because 2 idiots had been involved in a brawl that involved them throwing each other into walls. That scene was about as funny as those found in some of John Wayne's weakest and most mediocre westerns in which a barroom brawl breaks out and about a dozen cowboys are suddenly breaking whiskey bottles over each other's heads, or bashing other guys in the back with wooden chairs. Of course folks who've ever been involved in, or even just witnessed, an actual barroom fight that put people in the hospital, or even caused a death, know how stupid & unfunny that the ridiculous bar fights in some of the Duke's worst movies really are. Yup, make-believe fighting & destruction really pales in comic value, if it's compared to well written lines which are spoken by skilled comedians who have excellent comic timing. But truly funny lines are in extremely short supply in Mad Mad World, even though the nearly 2 & 3 quarter hour long running time of the film sure provided ample time to include enough lines funny enough that many would easily spring to mind! However, compare Mad Mad World to 1981's Arthur, in which Dudley Moore played a rich lush, who arguably, (but many agree), was the funniest drunk who ever appeared in a movie, although the late Mr Moore did not drink or use drugs. (I have nothing against drinking, myself) Anyhow, few people, if any, would even try to argue that the drunk that Jim Backus played in Mad World, was even a fraction as funny as the lush that Moore played, particularly since Mad World's writer's did not supply Mr Backus with any dialog that was truly clever or funny. Plus, not only was Mr Moore excellent at portraying the mannerisms & actions of a drunk, but the actor was fortunate enough to have been given some of the funniest and most clever lines that ever came out of the mouth of a drunk in a Hollywood movie. And although at a mere 1 hour and 37 min length, Arthur is FAR shorter than Mad World is, I can easily name 9 or 10 lines in that film which are spoken by Mr Moore's Arthur character, or by Arthur's butler Hobson, played by John Gielgud, (who won an Oscar for his comic role), YET NO fan of Mad World is able to name even half that number of truly clever & funny lines heard from its cast of characters, EVEN though a much larger number of people have lines in Mad World than the far smaller number of performers heard in Arthur. So I'm being generous in giving Mad World 3 stars out of 10, because though the movie truly strains in attempting to be funny since its lack of clever, funny lines for the comic actors to speak, left the film's creators having to resort to using loud mouthed characters arguing, fighting, and creating destruction, in the absence of intelligent comedy. So the 3 stars I think the movie does merit are due to it containing a few mildly entertaining scenes, and a musical theme heard throughout the film that's actually MORE rousing & enjoyable to hear than most of the dumb nonsense heard from some underused comedians who were just forced to constantly argue, yell, or brawl, instead of actually having much that was funny for them to say!
Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles (1975)
This Is Really A Rating Of The Absurd Sight & Sound Movie Critics Poll
Just read Wikipedia's article about this film "Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du commerce, 1080", and concerning the movie's director, Ms Chantal Akerman, the article's author wrote this: Akerman used an all female crew for the film, which she later said "didn't work that well - not because they were women but because I didn't choose them. It was enough just to be a woman to work on my film ... so the shooting was awful". The film had a production budget of $120,000, but many Marvel superhero movies cost well over $120 million, that's a thousand times as much! So the fact that a film shoot conducted solely by women, was able to produce a 3 hour plus film, on a tiny budget, which wouldn't pay for a half day's shooting on one of Hollywood's juvenile comic book movies, yet the movie still managed to make a type of social statement, are, IMO, THE 2 main factors that moved critics to pull such a minor & minimalist film out of obscurity, & make the insane choice of naming it as the #1 Greatest Movie of all time! Yes, I'm glad that women in recent years, have finally gotten opportunities to create movies which present the female perspective with the full consideration that it deserves. And I share the opinion of most movie critics that the majority of Hollywood's movie productions simply waste vast sums of money with little creative value resulting from each dollar that's used to make a typical American film. So I understand precisely why movie reviewers like to champion & publicize low budget movies which otherwise might remain unknown to most movie fans. Just as I realize why the critics also have a particular sympathy for how female movie makers have long struggled to achieve opportunities to adequately present the world from a woman's point of view. BUT, as the term "movie" has always indicated, motion pictures should involve movement, so naming a film as the greatest movie of all time, although it includes a lot of static shots in it, which each last for 4 minutes, or more, just points to how ridiculous that the Sight & Sound critic's poll has become, largely due to reviewers trying to be politically correct. BTW, in no way would anyone who knows me, ever define me as being a conservative, a fact I mention, because most folks who are heard complaining about political correctness usually tend to hold conservative political views. No, my views on issues, particularly on social issues, definitely put me in the progressive camp.
The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
A Totally Dialog Driven Film like Fail-Safe is still Terrifying, But NOT The Witch
The Witch is a very dull & pretentious film about religious fanatics. But IMO, at least it earns 3 of 10 stars for some fine photography, good acting, & realistic set design & costuming. But the film is such a SLOW CRAWL, never reaching a strong climax that might have made it worthwhile to slog through all of its tedium! Over the years I've often liked film's like 1964's Fail-Safe, a movie that almost totally LACKS having any real scenes of action, since roughly 95% of its running time consists of people conversing with each other. But since that dialog between characters is so interesting, and even riveting, at times, Fail-Safe creates a feeling of tension & fear that increasingly grips a viewer to an ever greater degree, as the movie continues on. And when the host of Turner Classic Movies introduced Fail-Safe for its telecast last year, he certainly did not exaggerate as he described the movie's climax as terrifying! But I have to say that people here who've used that word terrifying to describe The Witch in reviews, must be folks who are frightened by their own shadows! Fail-Safe is a 58 year old black & white movie, that at 112 minutes in length, is a full 20 minutes LONGER than The Witch, but manages to maintain an atmosphere of tension & dread, which certainly goes way beyond any similar such elements that Mr Eggers was able to maintain for any substantial portion of his shorter movie. BTW, in Dec. 1973, when William Friedkin's The Exorcist was released in America's movie theaters, I recall that there were numerous news reports of adult men even fainting due to the feelings of dread and terror that the movie filled them with. However, the only way that The Witch will ever cause an adult to pass out, is from it lulling him to sleep, with its snail-like pacing!
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Fraudulent Movie Reviews Conned People Into Paying Money To See This Crap!
In the summer of 1999, after reading a couple over zealous (to say the least) film reviews, which heaped much praise on "The Blair Witch Project", while helping to bring more public attention to the flick, such publicity, unfortunately, led my wife and I to become victims of being suckered into wasting some of our hard earned money to buy tickets to one of the top frauds ever pulled on unwary moviegoers.
Certainly, low budget horror films, such as the original "Night of the Living Dead", and "Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer", to give just 2 examples, have proven that genuine chills and suspense can be generated by some very modestly produced film efforts. But for my Mrs and I, the only reactions that "Blair Witch" was able to create in us were tedium, as well as my wife becoming nauseous from the constantly jerky camera movement, which was the major defining feature of the movie's purely amateurish photography. I wouldn't dignify that "camerawork" by calling it cinematography.
Some people who tend to overrate "Blair Witch", try to claim that in order for audience members to be able to perceive the supposedly authentic horror and terror of the flick, those viewers must be able to effectively use their own imaginations to fully appreciate the film. But that's just pure BS, folks! Because with "Blair Witch's" middle school level of overacting, and its crude photographic technique, in order for my imagination (which is quite good) to really succeed at helping the movie create an actual sense of terror, I'd have to work as hard at exercising my imagination, as would be required for me imagining that Megan Fox is actually treating me to some nice oral sex, right now!
BTW, without me presenting any specific spoilers here, let me quote an actually HONEST professional review of "The Blair Witch Project" that comes directly from the 1651 page "2007 DVD & Video Guide", by Mick Martin and Marsha Porter.
Here's their entire capsule review of "The Blair Witch Project", as it appears on page 114 of that handy & informative volume, about movies available on video.
"A fiendishly clever publicity campaign fueled the release of this ultra-low budget quickie, which turned out to be one of the biggest swindles ever perpetrated on unsuspecting movie audiences. This "faux documentary" about three young filmmakers who meet an uncertain fate while investigating an old legend in the Maryland woods, fails to deliver, on all counts."
So, as many readers will have already surmised, from the description of "The Blair Witch Project", provided in that DVD/movie guide, the authors of that book gave "Blair Witch" their LOWEST rating, which is their classification of TURKEY, that's reserved for really poor movies. And honestly, if IMDb's ratings included a ZERO STAR rating, that's precisely what I'd assign to crap like "The Blair Witch Project"!!
La mariée était en noir (1968)
If This WAS A Truffaut Homage To Hitchcock, It Certainly Didn't Flatter Hitch!
Being a longtime admirer of the films of Alfred Hitchcock, from the early movies of his British period, to his work for Hollywood in the 40, 50s, 60s, and early 70s, what a disappointment it was for me to finally catch up with Mr Truffaut's supposed homage to Hitch's immense talent.
The Bride Wore Black honestly struck me as being seriously lacking in suspense or dramatic tension, as well as simply failing to possess any genuine credibility.
As another reviewer pointed out, Ms Moreau's "Plain Jane" appearance in portraying the film's vengeful protagonist, as well as what I'd describe as being her consistently glum persona, as that character, really makes it hard for the audience to believe (at least this audience member, anyway) that men could fall under her spell in the way that the writer and director of the film, present a couple of male characters as being enticed by such an unappetizing, would be seductress.
SPOILER ALERT about a comment to be made after this point.
And one of the killings accomplished by Jeanne Moreau's character was so absurd for her method of murder supposedly succeeding, that the ridiculousness of that killing actually made me angry at the director and screenwriter, for resorting to such an insult to the intelligence of movie viewers. Of course I'm talking about the murder of the avenging bride's 3rd victim. In this case, her victim was a rather tall, and fairly strong looking man, who Moreau's character pushes into a closet, and quickly shuts a fairly flimsy looking door behind the man. But the only thing blocking the man from forcing the door open, to escape, was a light duty draw bolt that the bride slid into position, to lock the door. But, it was obvious by the way the bolt is shown as being attached to the wood of the closet door, that if the trapped man had directed one good kick, or even a determined push, to his side of that door, the wood holding that bolt would have instantly splintered, sending the bolt flying through the air, and allowing the man an easy escape. But instead, though the closet door is so poorly constructed, that its loose fit allows the man inside to easily see a lot light coming past the edges of the door, the prisoner is still portrayed as being totally helpless, giving Moreau time to find some tape, and then proceed to tape the edges of all sides of the door, so her incredibly helpless captive is powerless to accomplish anything, as his captor is so thorough in covering every opening in his containment with tape, that the man eventually suffocates, while his 5 year old son, who's asleep upstairs, is totally oblivious to his dad's struggle to stay alive.
That suffocating/closet murder scene, to me, was just PURE EVIDENCE of writer/director laziness, and a plain lack of effort to accomplish some plot details which would present an audience with a believable storyline, or, at least, create situations that could appear to be somewhat realistic.
Years ago, an article I read by a newspaper's film critic, had that reviewer admit that since foreign language films had a very tough time getting major bookings from American movie theaters, or theater chains, unless those theaters were located in fairly large American cities, movie critics would often tend to overpraise fairly good, or even mediocre, foreign films, to help them find a larger audience.
In other words, a movie of a quality that might just gain a film 2 and a half, or 3 stars (out of a possible 4 stars) from a movie critic, if it was an American made movie, might be given 3 and a half, or 4 stars with that same quality, if it was a foreign language film, since some critics often tried to make up for the fact that so many Americans, were automatically staying away from films that had viewers reading subtitles, with many folks even avoiding movies dubbed into English.
And, after seeing that Truffaut's totally suspense lacking, The Bride Wore Black, was given 3 and a HALF STARS out of 4, in Leonard Maltin's thick paperback on movies, IMO, that's another SAD CASE of a reviewer giving EXTRA BONUS POINTS to a movie, that actually deserves no better than a 2, or 2 and a half star, rating, (AT THE MOST) being RATED HIGHER, simply because TBWB is a French film.
BTW, my 4 stars for TBWB are only for the film containing some good cinematography, and having a music score by the great Bernard Herrmann, although that music isn't as good as most of the scores that Herrmann wrote for such directors as Hitchcock and Orson Welles.
Manchester by the Sea (2016)
A Film That Continuously Strikes A Dark and Depressing Note For 137 Minutes
After suffering through Manchester By The Sea, on blu-ray, in our living room last night, along with my wife, and our friend, a likely explanation occurred to me which may account for why many critics just lost all perspective, as they heaped more and more raves upon this movie.
Because most professional movie reviewers must sit through so many brainless, non-stop action flicks, as well as absurd superhero movies, that any relatively quiet drama, though it may wallow in the slow tedium and pain of the mostly dull and plotless lives that so many people lead, actually comes as a welcome type of relief, to certain movie reviewers who are exhausted from having their ears constantly assaulted by the loud sound effects present in big budget action flicks, that often contain little intelligence to compensate for the high volume chaos.
Of course, I really enjoy a smartly written, and even witty, action movie like 1993's The Fugitive, with Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones. The Fugitive actually deserved having been included among the only 5 films that were nominated for the Best Picture Oscar for movies released in 1993. Of course, instead of The Fugitive, it was Schindler's List that ended up getting 1993's Best Picture Oscar. And to me, it's awfully hard to disagree with that choice, because as a drama that says a lot about the pain, evil, and ultimate tragedy involving human beings from the individual, personal level, up to the experiences endured by a large group of people, Schindler's List is a powerful drama that is not only far more enlightening about the human condition than the one note drama presented in Manchester By The Sea, but in spite of it's grim subject matter, Schindler's List actually seems shorter than "Manchester", although it is about 55 minutes longer than the film about a depressed alcoholic who becomes his nephew's guardian.
Actually, the fact that a movie containing such stark scenes of human depravity and suffering, as presented in Schindler's List, can still present us with a film that hardly seems much more than 2 hours in length, to many viewers, though the movie is actually more than 3 hours and 9 minutes long, is evidence of Steven Spielberg's terrific directorial skill, which tremendously dwarfs the directorial skill that's indicated by a 1 note film, like Manchester By The Sea, being a result of it.
BTW, the 2 stars that I gave to "Manchester", are not only for it having some nice cinematography, and a few good performances, but also to give some credit to Mr Affleck for having almost super-human patience in being able to continually go on in portraying such a constantly dreary, depressed character, all throughout the many days of filming that Affleck had a camera and microphone focusing on him.
Ryan's Daughter (1970)
Very Slow Pacing Dilutes The Power of Ryan's Daughter, Weak Film For Lean
David Lean's Great Expectations, Bridge on the River Kwai, and Lawrence of Arabia, are all timeless masterpieces, but his Ryan's Daughter will simply have many viewers repeatedly checking the time, wondering when this plodding film is actually going to get somewhere.
And please don't misunderstand, I was not looking for an action film. Having seen Ryan's Daughter during its 1970 release I remembered that it had a deliberate pace, when my wife, my mom, and I sat down to watch it on our giant screen TV six years ago. But, boy does RD ever crawl along. The 3 hour long film Schindler's List is longer than Ryan's Daughter, but feels like half it's length. And one of my favorite films, A Man For All Seasons, consists entirely of dialog, with virtually no action, yet its 2 hours feels like 45 minutes compared with the glacial pacing of Ryan's Daughter.
If David Lean had carefully edited Ryan's Daughter down to 90 minutes, I feel it could have retained all of its plot elements, while resulting in a much tighter film.
Yeah, I had to keep asking my wife and mom to stick with the film, but I still rated Ryan's Daughter as high as 7 due to its beautiful cinematography.
I guess Ryan's Daughter stands as a good example to illustrate that even a master of epic film making can not hit a home run with every film.
Wise Blood (1979)
Too Much Effort To Show That The Emotionally Needy Are Easy Marks For Con Artists
If this film is the masterful adaptation of one of Flannery O'Connor's works that one user review claims it is, then life is really too short to spend any of my time delving into Ms O'Connor's writings. In a nutshell Wise Blood seems to be repetitively making the obvious point that emotionally needy, as well as weak minded, people can be counted on to either be duped by preachers and other con artists, or even to simply just con themselves. Personally, I'm just disappointed that the nonsense of religion in general, and the Christian version of it, in particular as sold in the U.S., still is able to infect the minds of many who are otherwise fairly intelligent people. The Age of Reason, written by the great Thomas Paine in the 1790s, should have permanently exposed the so called holy bible as the sick, sadistic, and ignorant book that it is.
And a 1 hr and 46 min movie was not needed to underline the basic truth that P T Barnum was right, there is a sucker born every minute. Can never forget that, due to the multitudes that gather in churches each week.
Maniac (1980)
A Film For Sickos Who Desire Slaughter Where Minimal Plot Gets In The Way
Maniac, for me, is an illustration of why it's probably a bad idea to make decisions about movie purchases near the end of an all-nighter. Using part of a modest inheritance, I've bought more than a 100 Blu-rays from Amazon in the last 3 months.These films fall into all categories, from historical epics to sci-fi and horror. Recently retired, it's nice to be able to take the time to really enjoy being a movie addict. But the putrid, mostly plot less Maniac is easily the lowest bottom feeder that I've wasted my time on, over those last 3 months. The writer of the 1st user review on this site mentioned not having seen Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer, but hearing that it and Maniac had much in common. Let's clear up that nonsense right now. The only thing that the 2 films have in common is that they both feature characters who commit multiple murders. Martin Scorsese praised the skill with which "Henry" was made, calling it the best first film by a director that he had seen in 10 years. Rest assured that Mr Scorsese would have the opposite sort of opinion regarding Maniac, but fortunately he is not likely to waste his time on such pathetic, poorly made, garbage. BTW, gore does not phase me, but what is even more gross than the bloodletting in Maniac, is the film's gross stupidity. On the other hand, because it's made with such skill, the equally low budget "Henry" is far more chilling and unnerving than anything that transpires in Maniac. Maniac is basically for those who get their jollies watching a knife slowly cutting across a victim's forehead as the film's killer scalps a woman. I would not be at all surprised to learn that those who truly enjoy Maniac have some homicidal tendencies of their own. It's also not surprising to learn that Maniac's star, Joe Spinell, is known to have done a lot of drinking & drugging prior to acting in the film. That may provide some explanation (if no good excuse) for how someone can go from the heights of the first 2 Godfather films to the bottom level of putrid crap that is exemplified by Maniac. On one of the extra features that accompanies Maniac, on Blu-ray, it's mentioned that director William Lustig was trying to create something in the vein of the original "Halloween". Well, sorry Bill, unfortunately, your effort only ended up yielding one of the ultimate examples of "Crapping on the bed".
The Master (2012)
Ebert Was Right, With "The Master" There is VERY little Substance
Reading the piles of pretentious praise that The Master's admirers heap upon it, is actually more interesting than any content to be found in the film itself. Would be most interested to know how many of these folks are in therapy. People praising the film sometimes even seem to contradict themselves. For example, while giving the film lavish praise, the writer of the first user review states that The Master can be hard to sit through. Apparently, it may be news to that reviewer, but no truly interesting film is hard to sit through. Interesting ideas or developments make you want to sit through a film. While the empty and pretentious double talk constantly spouted by characters in The Master, I must agree, makes it one tough film to sit through. And any point the film sought to make about people falling for the pontificating of con artists, was all too obvious.
I have no doubt that many (if not most) of the meanings derived from the film by its most ardent supporters, are ideas that were never a part of P.T. Anderson's intent, or ever even occurred to him.
Back in 1981 Roger Ebert pointed out that he had never seen a film with the level of energy possessed by Spielberg's clever, witty, Raiders of the Lost Ark. Unfortunately, I think that Raiders played a role in largely ruining American films because too many producers took its success to mean that people merely wanted to see constant action, even without the kind of inventiveness found in Spielberg's work.(even Vincent Canby heaped praise on the creativity on display in Raiders)
IMHO, a major reason that some people will overrate a film like The Master is simply because it is the antithesis of the many loud action films that take up too many of America's theater screens. Where those movies are filled with constant action, The Master could be classified as the perfect "inaction film" whose supporters really value its quiet way of unfolding. It's just too bad that the film's 2 main characters are totally unsympathetic, one being a phony who cons people, while the other is a violent and mentally unhinged alcoholic. And the fact that these two have little, if anything, interesting or meaningful to say, only serves to help firmly place the audience in the black hole that is The Master. If the imaginary place known as Hell actually did exist, never ending replays of this film would be a perfect punishment for the inmates. Basically, I think that people who like this film have been conned in much the same way as were the boatload of characters in the film who were subjected to the ravings of Hoffman's character.
I think that for admirers of The Master, P.T. Anderson should shoot a 3 hour film about a used car salesman sitting in a hospital waiting room with a wino, and the two of them offering their observations on the progress of a group of ants that take the entire movie's running time to traverse the length of the room. I have little doubt that Mr Anderson's most devoted supporters upon being accorded the "privilege" of being
among the first to view such a piece of art, would come up with raving appraisals like: "With his latest film, Paul Thomas Anderson has raised American cinema to a new level of courageous and creative brilliance."
The Office Girls (2005)
European Women Being Much More Natural In Making Love To Other Women
The Office Girls may be a 9 year old film, but it does not suffer one bit compared to today's releases. Anyone who enjoys French kissing and other acts of love between pretty women will be enraptured by this flick. Back in 2007 the cover of The Office Girls caught my eye sitting on a rack in the "back" room of our local rental store. It was the luckiest "blind choice" I ever made with a rental, whether with porn or regular movies. Soon I learned that British director Viv Thomas and the mostly Eastern European women who populated his productions, were creating a type of female with female eroticism so much more real, beautiful, & steaming hot than their American counterparts.
The problem with the vast majority of our homegrown g/g productions is that you can tell by the tentative, hesitant way that a lot of the American women approach French kissing each other, that they aren't really enjoying doing it. Thankfully, most European women don't experience the religious brainwashing that victimizes so many Americans, so being sexual to them is as natural as eating their favorite meal. This helps explain how in The Office Girls, the women can just slowly, deliberately gorge themselves on each others mouths and tongues. And they seem to want to just keep their focus on the other woman to maximize her pleasure. Very simply, it's like these women are genuinely in love and want to just relax and and savor every part of each other. In fact when The Office Girls was shot Nelly(also known as Nella) who is a quite beautiful brunette, was the live in girlfriend of Helena a very pretty blonde. Both women are slender and not the slightest bit masculine, and they share a knockout scene together. Sadly, for us girl/girl fans though, the stunning Nelly left girl/girl porn for the mainstream European fashion world 4 years ago. She's certainly beautiful enough to do magazine shoots in any country, and I hope she is healthy & and very successful. BTW,some of the women in The Office Girls (Like Nelly & Helena and Lisa & Stella, and Vera & Stella and Kylie & Lisa even spend some time licking the asshole of their female partners like it's the most comfortable, natural, and relaxing thing that they could be doing. I assume, and it appears, that these ladies just washed themselves quite thoroughly prior to an ass licking scene. Just have to say that with the pretty asses of the 20 something to early 30s cast, those goings on are super erotic.
After all my rambling, anyone reading this surly realizes that The Office Girls, IMHO, is definitely one top notch example of women with women heat. But even as a fan of girl/girl porn, if you should be under the impression that women sticking their tongues in the butt holes of other pretty women sounds gross, I really doubt that you'd still hold that view after seeing these women in action. Kind of a shame that the rating system only goes up to 10. Well, how about a 10 quadruple + for the fine eroticism of The Office Girls.
Where the Boys Aren't 9 (1997)
Doubt That The Heaven People Believe In Would Be As Pleasant As This
Actually, female with female porn connoisseurs, gotta say that you just might think you are in heaven watching the 1st and the 2nd to the last scenes of girl/girl lust on this beautifully clear DVD.
Bought this disc right after getting my original DVD player, and when the first scene came on my mouth fell open seeing the view from behind the beautiful body of Jenteal, who is on all fours, as Christy Canyon gives Jenteal's pretty little butt hole a nice, and thorough tongue bath. This scene is an absolute knockout, as was my favorite porn scene for quite a long time.
Plus, there's another terrific scene with the gorgeous Alexis Christian and Dyanna Lauren, looking like angels, naked except for white see through vails covering their bodies. Don't worry, the vails are soon discarded, but the ladies look amazing in them anyway.
Overall, mainly due to the 2 hot scenes discussed, Where The Boys Aren't 9 is definitely the hottest & most erotic of the 18 volumes of this series that I have rented or bought. And the icing on the cake is that all of this hotness is presented in one of the most crystal clear pictures that I've ever seen Vivid provide. This DVD is a solid 10!
Where the Boys Aren't VIII (1997)
Janine & Dyanna Lauren Will Heat Up Screen & Your Shorts At Same Time
Not giving this the highest score of 10, but just 9, since although the Dyanna Lauren/Janine scene is girl/girl porn at its finest, the rest of the scenes all range from so so, to so crappy.
But the terrific Dyanna Lauren/Janine scene is the one you should click on as soon as the disc loads, because why waste time getting to one of the all time best beautiful butt & boobs banging bad ass lesbian duos in a boner heating & totally rod stiffening performance.(Ya think I like it?)
The 2 ladies never looked better as this was them as they looked back in 1996.(Probably their prime days and Janine hadn't obscured her beauty yet by covering her arms & shoulders with obscenely ugly tattoo stuff)
And, even though this porno was shot 18 years ago, you get to enjoy the cover girl faces and gorgeous bodies of the women in crystal clear quality, unlike the soft, foggy looking, crap video quality that Vivid so often foisted off on unsuspecting consumers in the 1990s and during the early half of the 1st decade of the 21st century. Just keep some water handy, because Dyanna & Janine may just scorch your Skivvies.
Call Girl Wives (2005)
The 10 Rating Earned By The Hot & Erotic 3 Woman Lesbian Scene Alone
Have read that fans of this late night soft-core gem have been having a real tough time finding it on DVD. Unfortunately CGW was never released on DVD in the U.S., so count myself as lucky, that I made a VHS copy off Cinemax, using the highest quality recording speed. Then, later transferred the VHS recording to DVD. OK, I'll be honest, I only transferred the tasty 3 woman lesbian scene to DVD. It's simply, IMHO, the hottest, most erotic scene, not only in Call Girl Wives, but in any late night soft-core porn that's been shown on cable.
With the restrictions that soft-core must operate under, it is extremely difficult to shoot a scene that succeeds at both actually being erotic and also at avoiding the look of phony, simulated sex. I think this classic all woman 3-way scene goes a long way toward reaching both goals. For one thing, the plentiful amount of French kissing between these sexy ladies is obviously not simulated. Most red-blooded American males, as well as many actual lesbians, no doubt, will really enjoy seeing all the shots of the ladies licking each others tongues. Also, quite erotic, is the sight of the buxom Shyla Stylez seated between the other 2 ladies, as they both gently caress her naked breasts. Yes, this movie's director, and also the ladies of course, really deserve kudos for pulling off this classic example of erotica. And one other element really contributed to making this scene work, and that's the music that accompanies the on screen action. The music is never over powering or blaring, but for once in a sex scene, it actually complements the scene. In conclusion, I really agree with a critic who said that the 3-way lesbian scene in Call Girl Wives should be shown at the "soft-core college" to demonstrate how erotic scenes should be done. (If there actually was such a place.)
The Best Sex Ever: Boy Toy (2003)
2 Beauties Pleasure Each Other In A Very Erotic 3-Way Lovemaking Scene
Have to at least give Cinemax credit for several things in producing this episode of The Best Sex Ever. First, the lighting, photography, & editing serve to maximize the erotic effect of the sex scenes, which is fortunate, since those scenes don't have a lot of time to build up the erotic heat. Secondly having Monique Alexander as Sandrine, and Alexa Rae as Chelsea is a case of inspired casting. Monique, who later became one of the "contract girls" for hardcore porn company Vivid, perfectly plays the naive young (and petite & Pretty) innocent, who is lured into a world of lust. And the gorgeous, shapely, Alexa Rae is also well cast, as the worldly, more comfortably sexual, of the 2 female roommates. Fellow reviewer Scarecrow-88, is certainly correct, that the highlight of the show, its girl on girl on guy scene, is too brief. But I think we notice the shortness so much because we have been enjoying the most beautifully shot girl/girl/guy scene, with the best looking pair of women, that I've certainly ever run into on late night cable. I'll tell you, that scene is such a case of beautifully photographed, realistically acted eroticism, that if it seems too short, you may just find yourself playing it back in slow motion. By the way, hesitated to say realistically acted because I'm not so sure that the 2 ladies were faking their attraction to each other. BTW, my rating of 10 is for quality, not quantity.
KissMe Girl 10 (2012)
Beautiful French Kissing By Totally Uninhibited Women
Fans of women with women erotica have to be glad that we are now living in the true "Golden Age of Porn". For years people have bestowed that title on the 1970s to about the early to mid 80s. However, being a big g/g fan since 1986 (and having seen some of the stuff older than 1986) when supposedly sexually free spirits like Ginger Lynn & Nina Hartley ruled the day, I disagree. Because in most situations where 2 women are supposed to lust after each other, you would expect a lot of French kissing between them, or at least some. But back in the 70s & 80s you were about as likely to find any significant amount of French kissing in a woman/woman film as you are to find a Playboy magazine in a locker room for Franciscan priests. The lesbian scenes of that bygone era always seemed to rush to breast sucking, then oral sex, after having quickly shot through a few moments where the women, with mouths closed, quickly gave each other a few, almost sisterly, pecks on the lips.
Fortunately though, today we live at a time where more and more women like Riley Reid and Dani Daniels seem to fully enjoy not only engaging in extended French kissing, but even sucking on the tongues of their female partners. And these pretty women look a lot more comfortable and natural doing it, than those earlier women did, when they just barely touched their lips together. Yeah, today's economy may be bad, and the politicians as crappy and dishonest as ever, but some things, I'm glad to say, really suck, and that's the mouths and tongues of pretty women while in contact with the mouths and tongues of other pretty women.
The Best Sex Ever: Dirty Dancing (2003)
Woman Receiving Dance Lesson Is Object Of A Quite Sexy Seduction
This particular episode is at about the top of the scale, as far as a non-hard core cable channel can reach in terms of eroticism. The very pretty brunette character Diane takes a dirty dance lesson from a quite stunning blonde named Crystal.The gorgeous instructor slowly moves her body to soft music with Diane, seducing her in a very erotic scene. The blonde instructor looks sexier fully clothed than 99% of actresses on mainstream TV, and of course, is stunning naked. Her brunette student also looks terrific in the buff. Since both women have very pretty faces, and come off as intelligent women, rather than ignorant bimbos, this also adds to the erotic atmosphere. The other gentleman who reviewed this for IMDb said he would make sure that 2 such women "ended up bloody" "or worse" if his wife was one of them bringing home a woman to him as happened to Diane's husband in this show.(I wonder about any guy who would bloody women who were not trying to attack him. Sounds real Old Testament to me.Plus, judging by all the plot details discussed by that reviewer it's pretty obvious that he was still sitting there watching when the married woman character brought her female lover home to her husband, which touched off the final scene of lesbian love making. Only this time, the husband joined in on the fun, to make it a 3-some. While that fellow IMDb member was getting all moral on us, would have been nice at the same time, if he had been honest enough to admit that his enjoyment of lesbian sex scenes is the obvious reason why he did not switch over to some other station like a Church channel. All I can say is that 90% of the guys I know, including me, would be no more able to resist a wife offering a chance for a 3-some with a gorgeous blonde like Crystal, than the husband in this program was. About any guy having decent blood flow below his waist, would be forever thanking his wife for allowing him such a kind gift which would give him a memory he would treasure for the rest of his life. Of course people like Televangelists Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker used to condemn programs like Dirty Dancing all the time. Then Swaggart was caught with a hooker, cried on TV for forgiveness, then was busted by the cops 2 years later with a 2nd hooker who told the cops that Swaggart actually wanted a hotel room with X-rated movies available. And who could forget Bakker, who constantly complained about the sexuality shown on the 3 major TV networks, before he ignored his own marital vows as he "ministered" to a foxy young church secretary under the covers. Anyway, have no problem enjoying erotic shows like Dirty Dancing, because I learned a long time ago that people who condemn erotic material, usually turn out to have had one of the biggest porn stashes in town. And I'm not talking about soft core stuff like this show, either. It's just too bad that the porn collections of these hypocrites aren't usually discovered till after they've died. BTW, would have rated the show higher if the writing had been more clever. But in the soft core eroticism department it deserves about a 9. And, as an overall program-an 8.
The Art of Kissing 3 (2008)
Nella and Jo Are 2 Very Erotic Ladies
I rate this video so highly because of one very magical scene. That scene features Nella and Jo, two beauties who are favorites of people who follow women with women scenes made by the Brit who is renowned as the finest creator of lesbian erotica, Viv Thomas.(Look up Viv in Wikipedia)
A hallmark of Viv's movies is beautifully done (and extended) French kissing. Now the scene that Nella shares with Jo in The Art of Kissing 3, will have anyone who views it swearing that these 2 pretty young women are deeply in love. They are so relaxed and comfortable together, and give no sign that they find anything they are doing the slightest bit distasteful, which is often the way women actually seem in American made lesbian films. No, unlike the American make believe lesbians, these 2 ladies definitely seem like they are enjoying the fact that they are holding absolutely nothing back. Actually I read that the gorgeous brunette Nella was living with a woman as part of a couple for a while. Too bad, about 2 years ago she left erotic films to do regular European modeling. But, I hope that makes her happy, and that she's well treated by that industry.
Anyway, as these 2 ladies lie on a couch, entwined together, making love, it is definitely one of the prettiest sights I've ever been lucky enough to see. They are simply gorgeous together. I never watch any other scenes on this disc, because the other scenes are much inferior anyway, so I'd just rather view the scene that is simply the gold standard for what's possible in female with female erotica.
Dani (2012)
For Women Loving Women Fans This Is Truly As Good As It Gets
Lovers of women with women erotica owe it to themselves to absolutely make sure that they catch up with "Dani", the video named for beautiful brunette Dani Daniels. The eroticism in Dani keeps up right to the end. The movie is launched with Dani, as a high class call girl, paying a visit to a woman in a luxury hotel. The woman, Georgia Jones, just looks delicious, as she waits, while lying on her side,atop the bed covers, dressed only in some pretty little black panties. Both women proceed to make a feast of each other, doing a lot of French kissing, as well as licking every orifice of the female body. Both of the women have beautiful faces & gorgeous bodies.
The rest of the scenes on "Dani" are also very erotic. There's a scene with the very hot Veronica Avluv, a pretty MILF who was about 38 when "Dani" was shot. The contrast with Ms Daniels who was in her early 20s at the time, is interesting.
There is also a hot scene with Skin Diamond, as well as a delicious one with Holly Michaels. In essence, I simply guarantee that if you enjoy female/female love scenes you won't be disappointed here. Plus, no toys are used, which I think is great, because a woman's tongue and fingers are 10 times more erotic than a piece of plastic or glass, which would only put a barrier between the ladies, in my opinion.
Girlfriend (2000)
Some Scorchingly Erotic Moments
Racquel Darrian and Janine, 2 of the better looking women to ever do erotic films, star in this video.
Don't usually appreciate orgy scenes because they usually suffer from the tendency to constantly change camera perspectives, and who is being focused on.
But the orgy that is the concluding scene of "Girlfriend" is hot with a CAPITAL H! Actually, it raises the flick to a 9, all on its own.
It's nice to see an erotic movie where the director and cameraman can settle down and not resort to a quick MTV type of cutting style just because they are filming more than one couple.
This movie provides evidence that the director really knew what he was doing.
Unfaithful 5 (2010)
Absolute Top Quality Woman With Woman Eroticism
For fans of passionate women with women lovemaking Unfaithful 5 is like a visit to an erotic Nirvana. Have seen the entire series and this one is the hottest, and simply most beautifully erotic entry in the bunch. (And by a good margin) The first Unfaithful film was only mildly erotic compared to Unfaithful 5.
Jo & Eve Angel's 2 scenes are off the charts. Both women have beautiful bodies and the sight of Jo laying on a bed clad only in little black panties is breathtaking, as corny as that might sound.
And Nella & Lisa create some lovely erotic heat in their scenes together.
As is usually the case with a Viv Thomas production the kissing between the women is the most well done that you'll find in woman with woman erotica. Have to say that any woman with woman fan that does not get totally turned on by this movie needs to get to a doctor fast!
Anyone fortunate enough to buy this movie will be glad to see that it's easily worth every cent of the cost.
Pink Velvet 3: A Lesbian Odyssey (2005)
A Hotel That Seems To Be Heaven For Women Who Love Women
I'll keep this pretty brief.If you enjoy sensual scenes of women pleasuring each other you will very much appreciate the goings on at the Eastern European hotel in this movie, which is the site for some beautifully erotic lesbian hook-ups.
Although the scene does not get as explicit as some of the later scenes, I found particularly erotic an episode near the beginning where a supposedly 18 year old girl (she appeared every bit that young) is seduced in a Jacuzzi by the female owner of the hotel. The at first tentative touching,then kissing, leading to the older woman gently stroking the young woman's private area, was to me, extremely erotic.The fact that the young girl was quite pretty and the older woman was also very attractive, certainly didn't hurt the erotic atmosphere, either. I'm giving this movie a 9 because Unfaithful 5, also by Viv Thomas is even hotter in my estimation. But tastes vary, so that's merely my view.