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Reviews
It Chapter Two (2019)
Oof
Yeah this was a rough movie and I sincerely hope Hollywood doesn't try to adapt It again. Here's the thing: the book is pretty weird at points (not even counting "that scene" from the book - you know the one). If you don't want to tell the same story as the book then why bother? They really should've just put the turtle and the macro verse in to this adaptation - it may have been weird but it certainly wouldn't have been any worse than what they chose and would've been true to the book.
There are a number of huge issues with this movie. The first glaring flaw is the use of ignorant Native American mysticism. The irony is that one could potentially expect this kind of nonsense from a book from the 80s ("It" was published in '86), but Lo and behold, the addition of "Native American chief gave me a drug in a ritual" is from 2017. Low effort; I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
Second: wow what in the world is going on with these musical cues? It felt to me that this movie was trying to mix in some Marvel/Disney lighthearted comic relief... in the weirdest possible moments. It was jarring and weird and just didn't work. It's one of those things where I'm just thinking, "did the producers watch this and actually say, 'Yes this is good'?"
Third, this movie has some ridiculous plot armor for the main characters. I suppose that's true for the book too but goodness me the whole finale is Pennywise continuing to *almost* kill the main characters but never actually doing it. And wow, it sure was thoughtful for Pennywise to give Bill Denbrough the opportunity to process his guilt in the end there by talking to his child-self - I guarantee your therapist can't give you that kind of treatment!
Finally, dialogue and writing was rough and ending was cheap. None of the MacGuffins worked on Pennywise, oh noes, now what do we do? You cast Vicious Mockery, that's what. The end. Over 2.5 hours (not counting part 1) for a weak ending.
Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022)
Cringe
Where to start with this movie...
Idk the last time I watched a movie where the jokes fell utterly flat the entire runtime. I let out a single "ha" only once. The entire movie is a nonsensical macguffin for the writers to cram in as many pop-culture references as possible. Pop-culture references arent comedy. It's like a bad fan fiction or a 14 year old's level of humor, where one gag that could work as a throwaway or a single joke is instead used over and over until any potential for laughs is destroyed. We get it, the first live action sonic design was weird, this movie is just telling the same joke we all already heard multiple times.
Most egregious of all is that virtually every character in the movie is the same "in real life" as they are in their respective show or movie EXCEPT Chip and Dale: Lumiere is still a talking French candelabra, Peter Pan still wears his green outfit, even the other Rescue Rangers are exactly like their on-screen characters - so why then are Chip and Dale the only ones with different voices? I like both John Mulaney and Andy Samberg but hate their voices for Chip and Dale and it truly makes no sense. The writers decided to make a movie about a world where cartoons and humans co-exist but didn't actually do anything to make it make sense - instead they just figured they could be meta to make it seem like it doesn't matter? And what in tarnation is with Gadget and Zipper? Why.
The animation was good and the live-action + animation worked pretty well and I appreciate a Tenacious D song so that's where 4 stars comes from but dear lord, this movie is so cringe. I hate that it got made.
Archive 81 (2022)
Lots of hype, mediocre payoff
Certainly not the worst thing you can binge right now, but not the best. With contrived writing and no shortage of horror-movie character logic (go out the front door, not up the stairs!!!), this show built a lot of hype and mystery in the first half that didn't payoff in an equally satisfying way. Cool enough idea, some good execution on spookiness, poor execution on storytelling.
This show has all the same issues with "found footage" stuff, like "why are they taping right now of all times?" And "Why did that other person pick up the camera if they don't care about the filming?" Usually with found footage, the audience only gets to know as much as the character *watching* the footage, but this show merely shrugs at that restriction, which muddies the point of view of the show.
This show does have some creepy moments without resorting to jump scares. However the ending was not satisfying and the explanation for it is weak.
The Vow (2020)
Fails to characterize the atrocities from NXIVM
The doc is great and it does give a unique and interesting perspective but it barely scratches the surface on how awful Keith and DOS were. It spent a lot of time talking about how great NXIVM was for Sarah and Mark at first and hardly 1 episode talking about Keith's twisted and toxic views on gender relations and how those views were implemented in NXIVM almost as a test bed for manipulating women in DOS.
Yes there will be a season 2 that I imagine will go deeper in to his crimes but I found it irresponsible to not mention the atrocities inflicted by Keith and his followers that go way beyond the branding.
Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)
Meh Movie, Awesome Music
Could stand to be shorter. But the Song-A-long mash up absolutely slaps and was absolutely worth any drag in the movie.
Space Force (2020)
Failing Upwards
John Malkovich is the best thing about this show and he's fantastic. Steve Carell (General Naird) is miserable to watch - he's the Bad Guy! The show consists of Naird blundering around, disregarding all intelligence besides his own opinion which results in a problem, him dealing with the fallout while continuing to listen to no one else having learned nothing, then saying one profound thing intended to redeem himself of his incompetence. It's Michael Scott except he's not even good at sales, just an idiot.
There are funny moments but it really doesn't outweigh how cringey Naird is. I get that the show is making fun of the govt and military spending and such but it's just hard to watch.
The Boys (2019)
Brilliantly Depressing
Truly a dark dystopia. So awful (world, not the show itself) that I couldn't look away.
The Boondock Saints (1999)
Hasn't aged well
Interesting movie with some pretty rough humor by today's standards. First half is a lot more fun than the second.
Mononoke-hime (1997)
Weird but also amazing
Yeah there are definitely some weird parts from my American perspective. But the great thing about this movie is that it shows you human vs nature with care towards each of them. It's an Epic and the world is masterfully built. Music is wonderful as well.
Finally, Sub > Dub on this one. No offense to the voice actors (Keith David is amazing) but there's just something off about the sound mix.
BoJack Horseman (2014)
Free Churro
This show has a slow start but let me tell you, it's something special. One of the strengths of this show is how it balances emotion with silly gags. It leads you down a path of "oh this show doesn't take itself all that seriously" and then hits you with powerful, sometimes challenging, moments. It's overflowing with character and is some of the best TV I've seen. It's not all perfect of course - some of the story lines are a little meh. But the heart of the show is 10 stars from me.
Uncut Gems (2019)
Cringe
This movie is just people shouting over each other constantly for 75% of the runtime. If my eardrum was a chalkboard then this movie is Adam Sandler scraping his finger nails on it for 2 hours. It's death from 1000 pin pricks, each one a character's voice screaming over the others.
The Prestige (2006)
After like the 8th viewing I still love it
If I watched this for the first time today I may feel differently. But I've loved this movie for a while and after seeing it again I went back and updated from 9 to 10 stars. There are a handful of movies that do not live up to the hype I placed on them when I was younger and when I rewatch a movie I usually expect to come away less excited about it than I was before. But I didn't get that with The Prestige. It has a couple of small imperfections and if you don't buy the Tesla mysticism I can see it being a dud. But I feel it's masterful. The exposition is well executed, the twist isn't cheap, I think the story is both engaging and well told. The story does jump back and forth but I've seen the movie enough to know what's going on.
Anyway, I'm still impressed with this movie. Although I do have to turn subtitles on a couple of times to understand what's being said.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Post Sequels Perspective
Went back and watched this after watching the Sequel trilogy to see how they compare. Conclusion? This is not a good movie. If it weren't for Qui-Gon, Darth Maul, and pod racing this would be an atrocious movie.
But it stands out against the sequels because it is actually *trying* to be something new and tell a new story. It actually has a vision. It expands on the universe by showing an entirely different world than the original trilogy. It adds the Republic, the Jedi Council, Midi-chlorians, pod racing, new star fighters, gungans (for better or for worse). What did the sequels add? TFA was largely just a remake of A New Hope. The First Order is no different from The Empire. X/A/Y Wings look almost exactly like X/A/Y Wings. Disney tacked a new shape on the side of TIE fighters every couple of movies and called it a day
This is a not good movie, but Rise of Skywalker was a pointless movie. At this point I don't know which is worse.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
"I don't know how it happened but it did"
So begins the movie. Entirely new plot with not much connection to the previous movies, retcon-ing to make it work and fill in missing pieces from TLJ, hamfisted exposition and cringey humor, predictable characters, plenty of things to strain your suspension of disbelief.
But it's still Star Wars and that carries much of it, despite basically no character development. They just seem shallow. There are lots of things that made me say "wait, what" or "are you serious" but at this point it's really not worth applying even light scrutiny.
The Art of Self-Defense (2019)
How do you review a movie that just makes you uncomfortable?
It's hard for me to say how good/bad this movie is. All I can say is that it was fairly predictable and made me really uncomfortable.
Leaving Las Vegas (1995)
Pointless
Nick Cage's character has no depth - he is a walking liquor bottle with no true thoughts or feelings. No redeeming qualities. In fact, he's a creep. Shallow character. You could replace Nick Cage with a paper bag and it'd be the same movie.
Joker (2019)
Loner Murder Fantasy
When I heard about the fears about the possibility of violence at the opening of this movie, I thought "there's no way it's actually as much as a wet dream as people think it is." Welp, it is.
Arthur has no redeeming qualities. Taking care of your mom and weirdly bathing her does not a relatable character make. His "descent in to madness" is shallow because he was there the whole time - his psychosis/hallucinations were not new given that he had already been institutionalized before the events of the movie. Arthur's pain is used to justify his atrocities and with no redeeming qualities it is kind of gross at how many people see him as a "relatable" character.
Turns out the guy who thinks PC culture is ruining comedy still thinks it's funny to make fun of little people. Shocking.
If you want better depictions of mental illness then watch Netflix's Maniac or Amazon's Undone.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Tried To Do Too Much
TL;DR Action and animation were awesome, story was not well told and pretty cheesy. Too many undeveloped characters. Awesome idea in a cookie cutter package.
Bird Box (2018)
Bad storytelling
This movie had a lot of potential with such a stacked cast and an interesting premise. But it's just not a well told story. The characters were not well developed and I couldn't bring myself to really care about them. The story jumps around constantly. There's some bad horror-movie-logic with no explaination - I really thought this movie wouldve been better than that.
All in all, was hard to care about this movie and it didn't take long before I gave up on it.