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Reviews
Battleship (2012)
Incredibly retarded
I went for this movie expecting to see some CG. While there was plenty of CG and fx all over the movie, they were so imbued with a plot so meaningless, retarded, idiotic to a point that it was even painful watch... that no amount of CG could ever make up for it.
Same goes for the music, which even though well realized, was so extremely clichéd and full of irrelevant noise, that my brain ended up hurting.
The little "plot" there is, is so extremely shallow and irrelevant, it seems like a silly afterthought.
Overall: I WANT MY 2 HOURS BACK. If you consider watching this movie, better consider watching your pet stone for 2 hours straight, you may enjoy and even learn more from it.
Upside Down (2012)
First there were the Visuals, then someone thought up a story
Let's imagine an impossible setup, and tell it like it was science. Then start ripping it apart with every action, each one more impossible than the one before it. Add some impossible beings, made impossible by the previous impossible setup, and make them a secret central point of the whole plot. Now throw in some socio-political overtone to everything you say and do. Don't explain it, just throw it in, it doesn't need to make any sense. Also add some romance. No one will know where it came from, or how it got there, but nevertheless this will be the main plot.
Oh, and make some stunning visuals. No matter if the rest doesn't make any sense at all, the few stunning scenes you thought up will more than enough to make up for that. Just repeat each scene a couple of times throughout the movie.
End up with something nobody expects, makes no sense, is completely impossible according to all you told your audience before, and adds nothing to the story... except some stunning visual and a faint political statement.
Makes you think the film was not "written then filmed", but rather the other way around: first there were the visuals, then someone sprinkled some random stuff all over them, and this movie came to being.