davidnhewko's Reviews

Gatlopp (2022)

7/10

13 January 2023

If this movie's title caught your attention on your local streaming service, you'll probably like it. I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I would. In fact, I enjoyed this so much, I would watch a sequel!

The story is what the IMDBs says it is, old friends reuniting over a drinking game that may or may not be from hell. Of course, nobody reads the rules, so how were any of them supposed to know that before they started drinking? The acting was good, I enjoyed the cast's chemistry. It was surprisingly good considering the characters seem to have almost nothing in common.

It has some funny, some thrills and something for your feelers. You'll probably like it.

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Jolt (2021)

6/10

Not as bad as I expetced

14 April 2022

Remember this is a movie. With Kate Beckinsale in an action role. So you should have an idea what to expect.

Although, I love ridiculous action movies like this one, I was hesitant because of Beckinsale. But Stanley Tucci is in it, so I made a compromise. No regrets. I thought Kate did a great job (for her), taking advantage of her character's unique condition and adding a sick sense of humour. Granted the writing wasn't the best, with a premise like this I wouldn't expect much more.

Summary: It's only 90 mins, it scratches the action itch and made me laugh.

Enjoy!

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Aleta: Vampire Mistress (2019)

2/10

Blatent Disrespect for Their Audience

2 May 2019

I'm always digging for b-horror movies, it's one of the great things on the world wide web. That said, the filmmakers on the set of "Aleta: Empress Vampire" seemed to have low expectations in the audience they would attract. 10 minutes into this simple yet over explained plot, I felt like an idiot for hitting 'play'. I just thought the idea of mixing some Chinese history into the cliche vampire story could be interesting and if all else failed at least there were boobs ( the boobs were the sole reason I gave it 2 stars instead of 1, judge me if you want but look where you are, why are you reading this?). Writing wise, there was only one moment in the movie, during Aleta's backstory, where I thought 'interesting', the rest I just felt disrespected as an audience member. Here's my list of technical issues I found too distracting to stay focused; the camera man has clearly never watched a movie or tv (nor the director for that matter), most of the special effects were obviously added in post, there were no sound effects just whatever the mic picked up, the fake accents were really bad and completely unnecessary, the acting is pretty much what you would expect...I could go on but I wouldn't want to spoil all the "fun". The things the director seemed to care about didn't make any sense and the things the director should have cared about he didn't at all because the audience will probably be too dumb to notice. I guess the issue is on my side of the screen because I know how the laces in my shoes work and I don't drool when I talk. If they tried to make this funny it could have worked, there were some unintentionally funny moments that made me wish the "filmmakers" didn't take themselves so seriously. I find it hard to believe that everybody behind the camera was proud of this one.

That's my honest opinion, I'm not going to tell you what to do.

Watched on tubiTV, 2019.

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Don't Fuck in the Woods (2016)

6/10

Horror Cinephile's Delight

2 May 2019

I am a bit of a horror movie nerd. I went to film school with the best of intentions only to wuss out and find a job with a more secure future and regular work schedule. That said, I enjoyed this and I am a little jealous of the filmmakers for pulling this one off. They kind of knew what they were doing and had fun with it. It felt like they made it because they wanted to, they weren't looking for awards or trophies, they were looking for a good time and it looks like they got it. Memories for life! It even had some funny moments where they clearly tell the audience what they're getting into, hell, the title says it all. If you were expecting more then why did you hit the play button?

I like natural girls and Motionless In White, both are present here.

To keep this brief-ish. The acting wasn't painful to watch, the dialogue made me laugh and the characters weren't the type that make you want to reach through the screen and slap them around for being so stupid. Clearly this movie was made with effort over budget and a passion for the genre. Making movies is hard because there are so many details that the audience will only notice if you eff it up. I didn't notice too many eff-ups in this one. Grab some munchies and spark a j because you found what you were looking for.

Watched on tubiTV, 2019.

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The Haunted House on Kirby Road (2016)

1/10

Boo? More like Boooooo! See what I did there?

30 October 2017

It really sucked. Within the first 10 minutes, I knew I had made a very big mistake. I watched it on my computer and it became plan b to whatever else I could find on the internet. I don't know how it ended and I'm sure it doesn't matter. The only good part was this awesome hip-hop song that played while they were in the convenience store, it was such a cool sounding song that I came here to see if I could learn more. I don't see anything IMDb and if you don't have this info, who does? Google brought me here!

Edit - That song is by Slaine and it's called "99 Bottles" and it's awesome!

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Life After Beth (2014)

7/10

"Lavender! IT'S SO PRETTY!"

27 October 2014

Halloween get's me in the mood... so when I chose to watch "Life After Beth", I was looking for a ridiculously, over-the-top, cheeseball zombie movie with a thin story line and fake blood that consists of corn syrup and red dye No. 9. When I hit play, I honestly had know idea what I was getting myself into.

The first ten minutes effed me in the brain, Dane DeHaan, John C. Reilly and Molly Shannon? That guy from Criminal Minds? Paul effin Reiser???(What the f**k? He finally rolled out from that rock he's been under since "Mad About You"). And then I finally get good look at Beth, Aubrey Plaza! I've had this strange crush on her since I saw her in "Funny People" and yes, I JUST looked her name up.

This isn't your typical zombie flick, it's more of a dark rom-com about a hopeless romantic understandingly hesitant about falling back in love with his dead girlfriend. The path the story took kept me on the edge of my seat because I was watching a zombie movie that wasn't predictable nor was it a blood spattered gore-fest, it was tasteful and the cheese was kept to a minimum.

I recommend this to anybody with a dark sense of humour and half a brain who can stomach some light necrophilia. It's perfect for the approaching Halloween-horror-o-thon that you're inevitably planning within the next week. The girlfriend will even like it, the gore is minimal, the acting is great and this take on the zombie genre is quite refreshing. Enjoy!

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Behaving Badly (2014)

9/10

Offensive, disgusting and ridiculous, I f**king loved it!

4 September 2014

That's right I gave it a frickin 9! I read the other reviews and I'm guessing they're all 16, and don't seem to know what they're talking about. I'm an 80s baby, we made this genre.

First off, who gives a s**t about Selena Gomez, she was a footnote in this movie and the least entertaining part. Second of all, 95% of the raunchy teen movies are about the same thing, kids acting out, but in this one it's the kids who are the responsible ones and the adults that are truly f**ked. That's where this idea is original. Sure there's some first-person p.o.v. stuff, slightly unnecessary and beside the point but, it was only because Morgan Freeman wasn't available to explain the mayhem of the twisted plot and somebody had to.

The cameos were awesome. Seeing Jason Lee and Patrick Warbutton beyond the boundaries of a PG rating was refreshing and reminded me why I loved them and they were just the tip of the filthy iceberg; Cary Elwes made me laugh as soon as he opened his mouth, I've had a crush on Elizabeth Shue since Back to the Future and probably will until she's at least 80 this movie made sure of it, Dylan McDermott brought stuff to the table I didn't know he had, apparently Heather Graham is still hot and don't even get me started on Mary-Louise Parker...awesome.

So if you're like me and love dirty, dark, raunchy comedies that have the balls to say it, you'll love this and wish more movies were like it. This movie is definitely not for kids even though it's starring a few so wait till they're in bed and enjoy!

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Raze (2013)

7/10

"Raze"n hell. Ha.. Did you see what I did there? I'm a genius, you should read my review.

5 June 2014

I'm going to start this review with a secret: I decided to watch this movie because it looked hot. I mean, hot chicks brawling in prison, there's bound to be at least a nip-slip and if it sucks, there's a good chance I'll see some nudity, so I still win. So, as soon as the girlfriend left, I pressed play. Then I saw Zoe Bell cave some chicks head in.... game changer, not what I was expecting at all. At that point I realized there probably won't be a lesbian shower scene. But, as soon as I recognized Zoe from "Death Proof" I got a little excited in another way because I also remembered that she's a freaking awesome stunt performer. From that point on, the movie went in the direction I hoped it would. The action was quality and ruthless. Zoe Bell should star in more action movies, she's one of the few females in Hollywood (I know she's Australian, but you know what I mean, don't be a smart ass.) that I could easily take seriously as an action hero. I'm not sexist, it's just that many women in Hollywood are super skinny and frail looking (like, how much would getting punched by Kate Beckinsale really hurt? seriously?). There were even moments in this movie where I uncontrollably cheered aloud, at home... by myself... in my underwear.

For the people with children, if you're even considering showing this to your kids, you're a bad parent. For the dudes with significant others, you might want to watch this one alone. She probably won't like it, and she might question you're sanity because you'll like it.. which will probably come up again in some sort of fight 3 months later. So I recommend putting it on a shelf with the porn and wait till she's out to watch it. For the ladies, if your the metal-head/horror movie type, you'll probably like this and somehow find it empowering.

I just noticed that all I did was praise this movie and you're probably wondering why I gave it a 7? The story was a little weak and nothing can be perfect...except for "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" Dave

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Seven Psychopaths (2012)

8/10

I was thinking more like 8.5, that's just not an option.

14 March 2013

Mindset before movie: What a cast! Sam Rockell! Christopher Walken! Woody Harrelson! That other guy, oh, Farrell. Never been a huge fan of Farrell, except "Horrible Bosses", he just seemed to fit that character so perfectly... As soon as I heard about "Seven Psychopaths" and its cast I decided I wanted this movie to be one of those ones where I avoid previews and reviews because I don't want to know what to expect. I just want to maintain my blind faith and hope for the best. Expectations were high but relatively reserved.

Mindset after movie: Wow. I definitely didn't think it was gonna be THAT good. This movie is a great example of why I like these actors. I felt they all did what they do best; act like a bunch of psychopaths! Walken, Harrelson and Rockwell hit all levels of batpoop crazy. I fell in love with these actors all over again...except Farrell(I think it's the eyebrows, they're suspicious). This movie had it all; I laughed, I cried, I cheered and I was kinda caught off guard by how amazing and innovative the writing was. I was so sucked into this movie, I didn't get up once and those 2 hours went by very fast. I want you to know this is only my opinion. I seriously believe whats going through your head before and during the movie directly affects your viewing experience. For me I kept my hopes reserved low which usually leads me to being blown away by any movie, it's kind of like what happened to me with "Blade 2" (the last time I watched it, I couldn't remember why I liked it so much when it first came out...oh yeah, the first Blade). But every which way I re-analyze what I watched it was awesome.

If you're like me, a man with common sense and a little bit of psychopathness mixed in, you will love this movie. The acting was great (it's really easy to look beyond all the Colin Farrell), the story was surprising and there was some sweet action mixed in there. What else do you need?

Guys: Will probably like this if they have half a brain.

Girls: Will also like it if THEY have half a brain. But I've been finding a lot of girls to be closed-minded when a little gory violence is involved, so it's kind of hard to meter.

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Red Dawn (2012)

5/10

Not entirely necessary but still a good way to kill a couple of hours.

6 March 2013

Mindset before movie: I watched the first "Red Dawn" for the first time about 2 years ago. I enjoyed it, it had some really good action and the story is a great idea. Was I surprised there would be some sort of follow up? Not really. I was pretty excited to find out Hemsworth was in it, "Cabin In The Woods" and "Thor", his career is shaping up nicely. The recent remakes and sequels have shown me that the passion of making a good movie is more and more becoming the passion of making a good buck with the 'real' filmmakers being way too few with far between, with that in mind my expectations were hopeful but in doubt.

Mindset after movie: Not bad. I felt a strong presence of the original throughout with the wardrobe, haircuts and action sequences. Hollywood decided to take the original and mix it up with some more current events while ignoring some of the military and technological advances of the past 30 years(because then they would have had to re-write a lot more of the story and who wants to put in that kind of effort?) The action was just as solid and of course the special effects were a lot better. My biggest problem with this movie, as it exists with many others coming out of post-production these days, is the way too over-dramatic acting. I've yet to meet anybody in the real world who talks or responds to situations in any style resembling these types of characters, I know it's a movie, it just makes it hard to relate to the characters I'm supposed to relate to. I found myself not even caring about the characters (I don't blame the actors because they all acted this way... which means the fault lies between producers, director and writer(s)). I was still sucked in by a story good enough to justify all the crazy action sequences, I even caught myself cheering aloud at some of the scenes; there were some really good ones.

If you're like me and are a big fan of the original "Red Dawn" you will probably find the new "Red Dawn" is a lot like the old one, just a little more current. If you couldn't give two craps about the original's existence and you like action, you will enjoy this movie because it has most of what you're looking for. I'm still not sure if this remake(or whatever) was entirely necessary but Hollywood is running out of ideas so everything is necessary, apparently. The ideas don't have to be good, they just have to make money....

...our world is dying...

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Casa de mi Padre (2012)

7/10

...And that's 2 more points for Mr. Ferrell.

27 February 2013

Mindset before movie: I didn't know what to expect at first. In the last few years I've seen Will Ferrell in a lot of mould-breaking movies like "Stranger Than Fiction" and "Everything Must Go". I've heard nothing about this movie, didn't even know it existed. When I saw it on this Netflix, I thought it looked like it was gonna be a typical movie from that side of Will Ferrell I'm not a big fan of. With that said, expectations weren't at their highest but I still wasn't sure...

Mindset after movie: I think he just went up 2 points. This movie gives you an example of the some of the talent Will Ferrell possesses, he is seriously one talented man. I really enjoyed this, it was filled with the over-acting and subtle humour that Will Ferrell is known for while maintaining a serious and violent story. And Will didn't scream once. He yelled a couple of times, but the scenes called for it. FYI: It seriously is a Spanish language movie. There's a warning before the movie starts, but I wasn't sure if I should believe it because he's tricked me before. This movie made me think of "El Mariachi" (the only Mexican movie I have ever seen) while also reminding me of those cheesy Mexican soap operas that were on the Spanish channel... late nights... around the time I was hitting puberty... But, this movie has no boobies, the story was good and the overall production value was waaay better.

If you are like me and are a Will Ferrell fan for the most part, you should watch this, it's very funny and it was put together really well. You too will probably have more respect for the man, I mean he did it in Spanish! He didn't just do the accent, he did the language! Tom Cruise wouldn't even learn German for "Valkyrie" and he was payed waay more.

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The Hunger Games (2012)

3/10

If you read between the lines, this movie is pure evil.

24 February 2013

Mindset before movie: I was on a aeroplane heading back from PV, Mexico. I saw "Hunger Games" on the on-flight guide and I figured what have I got to lose? I'm stuck on a plane for the next 5 hours anyway. I never even heard of the books until my other half mentioned she read them, so I had no idea what it was about. All I knew was there was a huge buzz around it and the critics raved and blah, blah, blah... Despite all the hype, expectations were low.

Mindset after movie: Wait a minute... I've seen this before, except it was called "The Running Man", and instead of Jennifer Lawrence it had Arny. I like "The Running Man" more and it too wasn't nearly as good as the book(which was ghost written by Stephen King). In this version of "The Running Man" I felt very conflicted; I didn't want to root for the hero, Jennifer Lawrence, because it is what the rich people involved in this production (the kind of people loosely portrayed as the 'bad guys' in this movie) wanted me to do but, I felt I had to root for her because the character is probably gonna start a movement that will help the underdogs of the story take down the cash chuckers, you know what I mean? Beyond that, I see a bright future for Jennifer Lawrence as an actress, I will always love Stanley Tucci and Woody Harrelson no matter what they do. I honestly think the major killer of this movie was all the hype around it and that nobody seems to remember "The Running Man". They should have just remade that instead. With that said I can tell you that anybody who likes this movie is probably still in their teens and are more than likely rolling with the hype or they love the book series so much that it has subconsciously put them in a temporary state of denial.

If you're like me, have matured beyond your teenage years and have seen/read "The Running Man". This movie will make you angry because they just ripped off "The Running Man" while ignoring its existence instead of remaking it. However, if you're a pop-culture sheep who just likes everything that is hyped to death, like "Twilight" or Lady Gaga you'll probably like it. Oh ya, my girlfriend read these books and she hated this movie too...she also forgot that "The Running Man" existed...WHAT IS GOING ON IN SOCIETY THESE DAYS?

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Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

9/10

About time!

24 February 2013

Warning: Spoilers

Mindset before movie: I saw the preview and as an 80s child, I was screaming with excitement. I told all my friends about it and bugged my girlfriend until it came out, we went and saw it right away. I actually just watched it a 2nd time to see if I still felt the same. Sometimes when you're so excited about a movie the excitement carries through the movie so much that you can even convince yourself something is good even if it's bad because who wants to be that wrong, right? Just like when I saw "Batman Forever"...up yers Joel Schumacher.

Mindset after movie: It's just as good the second time! This movie was perfectly casted John C. Reilly is awesome, I just wanna hug Sarah Silverman's character (..or the real Sarah Silverman, love her) but the best was King Candy played by Pirate Steve himself, Alan Tudyk. The writing in this movie was amazing, didn't miss a beat. It's one of those ideas that seems to write itself with the endless creativity available in these video game environments. And the throwbacks; Street Fighter, Sonic, Q-Bert, Pac-Man, Centipede, more than I know. I had all these systems and played most of these games growing up. This movie made me feel like a kid again. I know that actual kids will love this too, all kids love candy and there is candy everywhere. The little kid that's in the parents of these kids will spend most of the movie having flashbacks to when they were a kid, like I did. The only thing that sucked was when it ended and I was back in the real world and I realized I'm an adult with adult problems, kind of a bummer.

If you're like me and you grew up in the 80s and loved video games, watch this movie! You'll love it, the kids will love it. I'm gonna buy it even, I know, crazy! I wouldn't get your panties in a twist about the lack of Mario. The fact the Nintendo world was barely touched means there are endless possibilities for a sequel. I'm putting this on the 'hope there will be a sequel' shelf right next to "The Incredibles". One day...

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Texas Chainsaw (2013)

4/10

I'm a saaaad Panda.

23 February 2013

Warning: Spoilers

Mindset before movie: I was pretty excited to find out there was a horror movie coming to the theatre that is rated R. I didn't even care what it was, I mean 3-D horror movies, right? I already missed out on "Silent Hill: Revelation" in 3-D. But with all the recent slashers, excluding 2 or 3 in the last few years, horror has been letting me down a lot lately so I had some hope, but expectations were low.

Mindset after movie: I forgot what I was watching until that guy with the chainsaw started killing people. I couldn't remember which slasher movie I was watching a sequel/ remake of. I was waiting for Sarah Michelle Gellar or Jennifier Love Hewitt to pop out somewhere, nope. Same old script, just different players. When they introduced the characters, I had some hope for the MMA trained guy, I thought maybe he would kick some ass, the ass kicking never came, not even a little. All the characters are stupid teenagers again, who all live in America and don't have any guns, again, all that stuff you think is gonna happen happens. I understand that this is a sequel to the original horror godfather of slasher movies, but that movie was great because it was one of the first. Now that plot line has been done at least 23,657 times(this figure is intended to be an exaggeration and is based on nothing) anybody with half a brain who has seen any slasher movies in their life can tell you exactly what's gonna happen, how it's gonna happen and won't hesitate to roll their eyes every time somebody trips on a tree root while running or fumbles with a door knob for 20 mins. There were a couple parts that were cool, don't get me wrong, like when the main star(I would look her name up on this website, but I don't respect her, so I don't care)bails hard running out of the house, I laughed really hard. When stupid characters do stupid things, bad things should happen to them. Needless to say, I was rooting for Leatherface because he was a smarter character (even with his handicap) and I knew he would survive. So the production wasn't terrible, the script was a regurgitated crap-shoot, the acting was as good as you'd expect from horror these days and there were some cool parts, oh, and that girl you want to see naked sooo bad...that didn't happen either.

If you're like me and have seen a lot of slasher movies since the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre, you will be let down by the it's "sequel". Letaherface started a movement in the 70s, a movement that hasn't changed at all since, other than the realistic gore they can make these days. Apparently slasher movies have to be the same. Same plot, same stupid teenage kids, same setting, same old bull crap. I'm starting to think that the producers who make slasher movies expect each member of its audience to watch only 1 or 2 slasher movies in their lives because every one they produce is only a shocker to an entirely new and oblivious audience. Either that or they just know we're all a bunch of suckers with wallets and hope for another slasher revolutionary like "Behind the Mask" and "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil" .

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Hostel: Part III (2011 Video)

2/10

I don't think this one should count as a "Hostel".

23 February 2013

Mindset before movie: I was a little drunk, just came home from a concert. I just wanted a movie that didn't require brain cells. So, I turned to Hostel Part 3. I liked the first one, but I didn't like the the 2nd "Hostel" so I really didn't think I'd like this one at all. Expectations were so low that I thought this would be a good movie to fall asleep to.

Mindset after movie: Yup...that was lame, I wish I fell asleep. I'm pretty sure they only said it was another sequel to "Hostel" for the money it would attract. Other than the word appearing on a window in the movie, I feel like it had nothing to do with it's predecessors. If I didn't see the preview before watching this I'm pretty sure I would have misinterpreted the point of the live audience and what they were doing, but that cocktail waitress' dress was pretty hot, I wanna find one for my girlfriend.

In closing, the first 10 minutes of this movie may give you a little hope, but it's false hope. My advice would be : don't pay to see this movie, unless you like throwing money around like a rapper. If you're a fan of the other 2 don't see this one because it'll probably just make you angry.

P.S.: Is it me, or does it suck to be a fan of horror these days?

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The Man with the Iron Fists (2012)

7/10

For real fans of the classic kung fu.

20 February 2013

Mindset before movie: Excitement! After watching Kill Bill and Repo Men, I've seen what RZA can do with a soundtrack, I was looking forward to see what he can do as a director. Especially with Mr. Tarantino backing him up alongside Russell Crowe and a group of Lius?! I was sceptic at the same time. I've seen some of the spaghetti kung fu westerns Tarantino has funded recently, so I kind of braced myself before I hit 'play'. I was also thinking in my head; "Please make Russell Crowe's character a bad-ass...I miss bad-ass Russell Crowe!" But really, expectations were middle of the road at best.

Mindset after movie: I am so jealous of RZA. After seeing RZA in a number of interviews around Kill Bill, I know how much of an addict of kung fu he is. I'm willing to bet that this movie has been a dream of his since he was a kid. He gets to star as a kung fu master birthed into a story in a style that he had the chance to create. How many times have you projected yourself onto the screen as that bad-ass hero who gets to murder a bunch of bad guys that had it coming? He just did that...for real! I really enjoyed this movie. This is the 70's kung fu movie China would have made had they the funding and the resources. I'm pretty sure that's what the RZA intended and I think he pulled it off. It had a lot of over-the-top blood-spattered action, with some cheesy scenes that will make you scratch your head and Russell Crowe wasn't as bad-ass as I hoped he would be but at least he was a little bad-ass. The RZA's acting wasn't that good, but I'm letting that one go because he's fulfilling a dream. If I had the chance I would have done the same even though I'm probably a terrible actor and I would be like "eff you, I'm living my dream!" On another note, the props master was a creative one, the weapons and combat gear in this movie were pretty cool and the fighting seemed more for the look because it's fancy and unrealistic but it doesn't have to be realistic because it's a kung fu movie.

If you're like me and enjoy the kung fu classics for the action and not the realism, you will enjoy this. I saw scenes that reminded me of some scenes out of movies like Enter the Dragon and some classic Jet Li titles that I have watched over and over when I was a kid. On the other hand, if you only said you liked the kung fu movies because you thought it made you look cool to your friends or boyfriends, you're probably not gonna like it.

Guys: Will probably like this.

Girls: Probably won't

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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

6/10

Over-the-top CGI action AND style..and that's it.

19 February 2013

Mindset before movie: I was invited to see this movie last-minute, during my long commute home from work. I was tired and a little flustered by the rush to get to the theatre on time. Being vaguely familiar with the fairy tale and uncertain about my opinions of either lead cast member, the preview looked cool. Honestly, I was expecting a Resdident Evil/ Underworld kind of movie.

Mindset after movie: Pretty much what I expected. Over-the-top, stylish gory action with computer animation sprinkled all over it. Acting was good enough to keep you focused on the plot and it's holes(instead of the terrible acting). The movie was rated 18A(due to the gore, I think), it felt directed towards more of a PG-13 audience. It was full of that cheese that brings out that inner child from the era of Arny and Van Damme and just like when I was a child, I even found myself saying "Woah! That was cool!" a couple times out loud. It also had some dark horror undertones with cameos from some familiar monsters and creatures from horror's past. Although the movie had the style of a few fairy tale movies that were recently released, the idea behind the film was a good one; instead of just another Hollywood style fairy tale it's an original Hollywood style sequel to a fairy tale.

If you're like me and have an unexplainable addiction for those ridiculous action movies with style and gore where the director's priorities placed making it look cool over good plot line and the physics, this movie delivers. Just remember, it's a movie. If you want something real, don't look at Hollywood.

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Here Comes the Boom (2012)

7/10

Kevin James? Say what?!

18 February 2013

Mindset before movie: I watched this on an air-plane returning from a 1 week vacation in Mexico. I've been fighting airport security, line-ups and the Mexican language barrier for 6 hours so I was very tired and unamused. My thought was that though my respect for Kevin James as an actor was hanging by a thread I felt I could use a laugh, whether it was laughing with or laughing at, I didn't care. It was the only comedy on the flight's selection, and it was free, so losses would be painless. Expectations were low.

Mindset after movie: Still tired and slightly disoriented but mind-blown. The respect for Kevin James is now hanging by a rope. You can tell he worked hard for this movie. It had very little of that cartoonish, off-the-wall, slapstick that I have grown to expect out of Kevin James casted movies. There's something at work behind that awkward plump figure of a man. Henry Winkler, hitting the role of a seemingly complex comical character on the head; I feel we need to see this man in more movies. Other notable performances include the big guy with the accent, Bas Rutten. This guy was awesome, sharp, funny and it didn't seem like he was one of those sports figure heads doing his best to do what the director says. The other was Gary Valentine who apparently only plays Kevin James' sibling. It blew my mind to find out they aren't related.

When the credits started rolling I felt the same way I did at the end of "School of Rock". I felt warm and fuzzy and damn proud to be such a devoted music fan. If you're like me and don't like Kevin James or anything Happy Madison has put out in the last 10 years (excluding "Grown-Ups" and "Hotel Transylvania") I still think you should give this movie a shot. It's fun for the whole family over the age of 8. And if there is any scrap of a UFC fighter in you, he/she will be somewhat satisfied as well.

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Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

1/10

Losing faith in the horror genre.

18 February 2013

This is the first time I have ever felt the need to review a movie. The rage inside has built during the course of this movie to the point where I have to let it out on the internet. This is a sad day for Dave; maybe also the start of something beautiful.

Mindset before movie: I loved the first Silent Hill movie. I had only played the first 2 video games, though a little dry, I enjoyed them as well. I wanted to watch the sequel since I heard of its release. I was excited to say the least. With life getting in the way of seeing it in 3-d at the theatre, the desire to see it increased. I should also note, the first Silent Hill heightened my expectations... apparently.

Mindset after movie: I have a new found hatred for writer and director Micheal J. Bassett. Congratulations goes to Carrie Ann-Moss for finding work. The respect I have gained for Sean Bean after watching the re-make of "The Hitcher" has been lost, good luck getting that back. As for Malcolm McDowell I can never blame you for randomly appearing in 80% of the recent horror movie releases, I would if I could. As a fan of Horror, well, you know that saying; fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me? Well shame on me, again. I feel like a complete fool for being a fan of Horror lately. Hollywood keeps showing me these amazing previews for 'a promising new horror movie'. Only to spit in my face, metaphorically, again and again. With the same plot lines, characters, predictable 'twists' and the 'any excuse for gore is a good excuse'. If you are like me, a fan of horror and at the same time a fan of good movies, you have already seen this movie; it will only hurt your feelings and enrage you.

If you have read this and you agree let me know. I'm always open to movie recommendations from others with similar tastes.

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