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Reviews
House of Temptation (2014)
Not good
I have no idea who the folks posting all the gushing reviews are, but this is not a good film: the acting is terrible, the pacing slow, the premise maudlin. If you have absolutely nothing better to do, try and find something else to do, since this film will make nothing but regrets. The film feels like it was shot in a weekend with the director's friends and then he asked his family to come on here and post reviews. All of which is fine, but there really should be some way to mark for review obviously bogus reviews. The one comparing this to The Exorcist? Please. That should just be a red flag.
Phantasmagoria (2014)
Try hard waste of time
Odd music video look and feel with weak acting and flat dialogue. Imagine a film by Jean Rollin's cousin who has no sense of humor but good visuals and editing. The portmanteau format is just cobbled together with a "fortune teller" animation that's fun, but the voice over is straight ridiculous. I watched it to see just how bad it would get.
Blood Red Sky (2021)
Wasted opportunity
Inside this bloated movie (which gives away every element of suspense) is a good one that's half an hour shorter. All the novelty of the plot is dissipated by the narrative structure and telegraphing so loud you'll swear you can hear Morse code.
Little Joe (2019)
Ugh
Why would someone capable of appreciating the danger of a plant put that plant in a child's bedroom?
This is the same problem as "A Quiet Place." Oh, the monsters have sensitive hearing? I wonder if we can stun them with sound. Oh, this plant can mess with your mind? I wonder if it will mess with people's minds?
When you make a genre film that fans of the genre figure out by watching the trailer, you need to stop making films in that genre.
Bad Ben: The Way In (2019)
Back to the formula that worked
I like Tom Riley's sense of humor and wry style. This one is a lot like the first one, and sticks with a simple story that's somewhat derivative, but still fun.
THERE DEMONICALLY POSSESSED DOLS. HE CHAINS THEM UP BACK TO BACK. It's funny. .
Gorgo (1961)
Fun British Godzilla
I'm rewatching this film and enjoying the quality of the monster suit; it's expressive and distinctive. What's odd is that no one in the story didn't simply let the baby Gorgo go after it becomes obvious what the big Gorgo wants. I mean, buildings are falling on people, tunnels collapsing, etc., and no one except a drunk guy says, "Hey, let the little one go."
Silent Screamplay (2003)
Garbage
Unwatchably bad. Plotless, amatuerish, annoying. Don't bother. I have no idea how this isn't rated much, much lower. The titles at the beginning should have been enough, but no, I kept watching and now I don't have those minutes back. Don't be like me. Don't watch this.
Spirit Stalkers (2012)
Surprising even with a home-made feel
The acting feels amateurish, but this hooked me. There's a simplicity to it, especially the build up in the first third, and the acting started to feel like regular people going about their lives. It's not terrifying so much as interesting. Even the clunky editing and the shaky camera didn't bother me. The neighbors visiting seemed odd like an actual meeting of new neighbors you've not met.
Don't expect anything but goofyness, but if you like that its worth it. I gave it 6 stars, but mostly because whoever made this were clearly having a good time and it was contagious.
Chasing the Devil (2014)
Called every "twist"
Predictable and silly, this badly acted found footage foray feels like it was thought up by people drinking beer on a back porch and then shot over a weekend. There's a vaguely organized demonology mythos that borrows from a raft of movies with a nod toward Christian theology that doesn't exactly follow church doctrine. It even has a 1950s matinee gimmick ending, which will leave you feeling SPOOKY! Or not. Mostly likely not.
Haunted (1977)
Take off her clothes!
This is bad. Really bad. Bad acting, script, sets, everything. It's in English, but its dubbed. Into English. The story is stupid and offensive, the characters laughable. and the acting like the spoken parts of a bad musical. I love movies so bad they're good, but only if they have a sense of humor. This movie has Also Ray and Virginia Mayo instead. And don't forget that when you first see Virgina Mayo she describes her first sexual encounter in a way that will make you not want to have sex. And there's these two guys running around in cut off blue jeans looking for the adult film they're supposed to be in.
"Just turn it around in your mind, and you'll see. See? We're friends already."
So, 1 star as a movie, but 10 stars as something to watch when you're high.
Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988)
Horro-ible
Dreadful, and not in the good way. This is like watching a porn movie without the porn. The acting is terrible, the plot is stupid, and the movie made me want to hurt myself.
In Memorium (2005)
Misspelling of "In Memoriam"
I get what they were going for here, I think, but the reviews claiming this is wildly frightening or ingenious are nuts; this is an interesting premise executed by mediocre actors without having thought through the premise to anything intense or exciting. I watched it because I watch everything horror, but I wouldn't try to sell anyone who wasn't a hardcore genre fan. The main characters aren't particularly likeable, and the scares are fairly pedestrian without establishing either something viscerally or existentially disturbing. The only other point I'd make is that the "found footage" thing is a little goofy because SO MANY CAMERAS that it comes together as an edited film.
Frankenstein Island (1981)
What did I watch?
The first moment of "acting" in this film will make you feel really, really good about yourself: If these people can be in the movies, so can you! It never lets up on making the viewer feel far more talented, capable, and intelligent than all the people involved in this film, except for John Carradine and Melvin the Dog, both of whom are above the judgment of mortals. My only wish is that the musical sound track was available on Spotify so I could use it to punish my cat when I'm not home. If you continue watching until the leopard-bikini clad woman says "You are pretty," don't stop, because your wild ride of hilarity is about to attain escape velocity.
Vampires of Sorority Row (1999)
Usually I'm game for anything
But not this time. Was this a pornographic film with the sex edited out? An improvised satire on bad independent film-making? An effort to popularize bad howling sound effects? A promotional video for handheld voice recorders? I'm not sure. "I'm guess I'm gonna have to hurt you, but first I'm gonna have some fun!" If only the movies was fun, I wouldn't have minded the hurt. Also, since when are sororities in suburban tract homes?
Nightworld (2017)
Predictable Genre Mash up
If you're ever seen The Guardian, Nightwatch, They Came Back, and Pet Sematary and then wondered what would happen if you tried blend them all into one movie set in Bulgaria, making sure that it doesn't cross into R-rated territory or a coherent plot, then this is the movie for you. I love bad movies, so I actually enjoyed watching it, but make no mistake that regular people will find this oddity incomplete and probably unsatisfying, in much the same way as The Unborn.