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emma_ennis
Reviews
Killer Legends (2014)
Are You Kidding Me?
For a documentary based on Urban Legends the 'journalists' do a shocking lack of research into the origins of Hallowe'en.
"Turns out Halloween really comes from the ancient custom of druids collecting kids for sacrifice"....
ARE YOU F@$#ING KIDDING ME?
Have they even heard of Google? Because that's about as far down the rabbit hole anyone needs to go to find the origins of Hallowe'en if they really want to. As an Irish person, I'm highly insulted!!!
I didn't care so much for the 'journalists' insinuating themselves into the film unnecessarily either, but despite the cringe factor, I'd have continued watching until the Hallowe'en part. After which it was a swift 'nope' from me.
Sick (2022)
I Fell for it Again
Blumhouse shouldn't be allowed to market as horror. There should be a whole new rating created for Blumhouse - Under 10s Horror. When your scare moments are limited to cut scenes of blenders mixing up smoothies and electric toothbrushes laving protagonists' teeth, you know you've run out of material; just admit you're making these things for the kids.
I knew the second I saw the BH logo crop up on the opening credits I'd regret it. But once again, I fell for it. "Maybe this time", says I. Alas, not this time. Or any of the last countless times. I couldn't even stick out my usual requisite 40 minute grace period. It's Friday the 13th. I'm moving on. NEXT.
Love Hard (2021)
Hmmmm
Not a bad film, worth the watch, but am I the only one who thinks it's more wrong to condone catfishing than it is to sing Baby it's Cold Outside? Carrying a conversation to a relationship online with a fake profile, fake pictures, deliberately falsified information etc isn't okay. It's frustrating, it's unfair, and it's lying, there's no way to sugar coat it. Then to turn it back on the other party, accusing them of being shallow (which is the favoured comeback of catfishes) for being upset because the reality doesn't match the promise... I dunno how I feel about normalising this. Anyway, there's still a few giggles in here.
They Live Inside Us (2020)
If this film had been any slower it would have gone backwards.
And I'm talking ten minutes looking at a bloody doorknob waiting for himself to open the damn door we know he's been meant to go through since the year dot. The entire script must have been made of up HOLDs. I think they thought it was arty? But any tension they managed to build up (which was very little) was lost in the hour-long breaks taken to look down a hallway or at a flippin wall.
How many 'legs in the orange light under the doorway' and slack-jawed mouth-breathing darting-bug-eyed expressions can a viewer be subjected to? This question needs to be answered and communicated to the writer/director/editor/cameraman.
Mind-numbingly boring and predictable.
12 Feet Deep (2017)
Seriously?
There is so much wrong with this film. To sum it up, the first solution they found was the obvious, and ultimate solution that freed them. They'd have been out in 20 minutes but for reasons that completely fail to suspend disbelief. 'I'm scared of getting my hair caught'...
Seriously?
Classic example of flogging a dead horse. Someone had a premise that wouldn't even fill a short film. Solution? Scrap the idea..
No! Let's add a bad guy whose reasons and motives also completely fail to suspend disbelief. To keep them trapped like that for no apparent reason would take someone inherently bad. Not someone who decides to come back to finish the job, but ends up handing back the bloody engagement ring.
Seriously?
No only was this an angering waste of time, but I believe I've strained my eyeballs from rolling them.
Seriously?