Change Your Image
theSquirmingcoil
Reviews
Dark Legacy (2009)
Bad Presentation, Obviously Biased, Awesome Information
I would love to see a detractor of this film go through the information provided, piece by piece, and explain how or why it should be dismissed - instead of just umbrella-dismissing anything and everything that's been labeled by WHOEVER as a a 'conspiracy theory.' Conspiracies actually exist, therefore it is an absolute fact that some 'conspiracy theories' are valid, & to dismiss an argument solely on the basis of it being labeled a 'conspiracy theory' is idiotic at best. Its truly odd that intelligent individuals can dismiss so many eye witness accounts & mounds of physical & circumstantial evidence, going so far as to vehemently attack anyone that doesn't agree with the Warren Report? If everyone thought like this we'd all still be the loyal subjects of a king, worshiping whatever gods we were told to...
However I digress, Dark Legacy is the most fleshed out, thought provoking JFK assassination theory I've encountered. Again, I would love to see a detractor of the film go through the information provided, piece by piece, and explain how or why it should be dismissed.
Nova: Universe Revealed: Alien Worlds (2021)
Great production, not so great narration
Just as always, a wonderful production almost all-around. My only complaint is the narration... It makes me feel like I'm 6 years old listening to my mother read a bedtime story. There are plenty of female minorities out there who have great voices (not to say that the lady narrating now doesn't have a wonderful storytelling voice, it just doesn't serve an adult narrative) who I'm sure would love to narrate Nova.
The Shape of Water (2017)
Stereotypical, cliched and outrageous to a fault
The Shape of Water is, by all means, a beautiful film to look at. The set, art and photography are all award-worthy, but there's little else that is. I I feel like this film is throwing the political ideology of the liberal-left in my face and demanding that I too must believe that white, heterosexual men are all evil racist misogynistic homophobic a-holes...Ok, but other than the obvious political statement this film regurgitates distastefully, it is also supposed to be a love story, and I don't believe it, or feel any emotion other than empathy for our monster. I certainly don't understand why the sex with a monster was even written in the screenplay other than to try to say sex with different species of animals is groovy? The Shape of Water just came across as pushy, full of itself and a little weird, in a bad way. I guess this films not-to-subtile undertones skip hand-in-hand with Hollywood's modern mantra.
The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
I Don't Understand...
9/10
I don't understand how this film could earn any less than six stars, regardless of who's reviewing it. "The Witch" was as fresh of a suspense/horror film as I have ever seen, and shines above the rest of the genre by the philosophy of less is more. "The Witch" isn't the easiest movie to watch, but the payoff is rich and immersive. By way of well crafted innuendo and beautiful photography, our brains are rewarded by the connections we must make. It felt a lot like reading a book...and the book is always better!
"The Witch" makes you think, and leaves you thinking...hence some of the poor reviews here.
Silent Hill (2006)
A Cliché Of Bad Cinema
I caught this waste of airtime on starz today and I came here to assure myself that my dvr didn't cut off some portion of the movie that would have explained wtf was happening and why in Gods name it was happening to begin with!
Then as I scrolled through the majority of reviews for this trash I came to an awful realization, I didn't miss a thing, and 10 year-olds really do determine 90% of Hollywood's budget...
The movie begins with a mentally ill, sleepwalking child, whos family lives on a freeway by a waterfall...and they don't even have any safety features to keep their sick child from sleepwalking in front of a Mac truck or off a 200ft plateau? Then, instead of seeking medical attention for the kid, mom decides to take her to a ghost town. On the way there mom stops at a gas station/diner that is completely absent of vehicles but full of people (I guess they all walked there...at night) and runs from the police for what reason? Then proceeds to speed down an extremely foggy road (keep in mind all of this is with her child in the car) and wreck. Of course she's knocked unconscious, even though the suv is undamaged and she didn't hit anything, and awakes to find child gone.
Next we get some crappy visual fx, unconvincing monsters, a barbed-wire attack, a bunch of screaming and a story of religion, sexual abuse, a demon and coal fires. None of it makes any sense at all and all of it is completely unbelievable.
This is in the top 10 worst movies I've ever seen. I hated it, and I really hate to see people admit that the writing and direction sucked AND STILL give a it a 9/10-10/10 because it was a decent adaptation of the game!?!
What a waste of time and money, save both of yours.
The OA (2016)
Painfully Unorganic
This feels like story-line that would have never made it to production without some serious overhauling...
Netflix was really kissing Brit Marlings ass and doing her a disservice by not asking some serious questions. I read a review that called "The OA" pretentious, which I think perfectly sums up the show. It wants to be more than it is. The believable relationships between characters is a cliché.
For example the group she's picked to help her go somewhere where the borders are hard to cross, or whatever she said (and she doesn't actually go anywhere for half the series) are way more into this story than I think they would be. Maybe I was expecting too much, given what I've come to expect from a NF original series? I was certainly disappointed.
Cryptid: The Swamp Beast (2014)
A Valiant Effort, But. . .
OK, OK, OK, I understand! You just want to believe soo bad that of course you're going to give a History Channel show (a MAK Pictures production) a chance, right? Discovery Networks has tried this before with "Mermaid: The Body Found", and I'll admit astonishingly had some success.
Well here we go again with Cryptid: The Swamp Beast. I gotta say, a lot of people are going to believe this production, and even in it's complete ridiculousness more will tune in to watch it. Within 3 minutes of tonight's airing, I heard the following 'buzz'words: Indian graveyard, killer, murderer, black magic, dark spirits, voodoo, zombies, shape-shifters, the ?aroogaroo? and more I cant remember.
The acting is bad (which I guess is supposed to lend credence?) but the photography, even in scenes they couldn't possibly get 5 perfect perspectives for a spontaneous event, is always a nice production quality.
I guess I gave this two stars for withholding cast & crew credits and trying to build up a believable back-story for the Cagin Beasts (Check out their fake website for their company, with no contact info (because they're filming, they say. . .right). No other real-life company removes contact info because of filming, and you don't film 24/7. . . I can't post a url here but it's Cagin Beasts without the space, and you can figure out what goes before after that). They've put a little effort into making it appear real so I guess they deserve some credit.
If you believe or want to believe in silly monsters, check it out!
Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
Tough to watch. . .
I've read a few reviews attempting to judge this film in comparison to Requiem & Trainspotting, which is to be completely unfair. A very broad and brief synopsis of the 3 would be similar, but that's where the true similarities end. DC is in truth a hard movie to watch. . .there's nothing glorious or funny or pretty about it. There is no cool or hip vibe, the violence isn't blood and gore but is ugly and real. I can't even honestly say I enjoyed it, but I felt it and thought about it for some time after.
To me, DC feels more honest than other in this genre, Very dark and uncomfortable, yet strangely gripping. In my opinion, Matt Dillon is at his best. Graham, Lynch and Le Gros are competent. 8/10
Hollywood Hillbillies (2014)
C'mon people. . .
I'm generally not one to argue simply for the sake of arguing, but the two previous reviews have earned a retort. HH is silly and crude, our characters are not physically pretty people and once in a while it comes off as scripted, but I must say it made me laugh. While the 'story' revolves around Michael, Me-Maw is the driving force of its lite humor. I can certainly see how this show wouldn't appeal to everyone, but it's not hateful or truly offensive, no more than any other reality show. Yes, Me-Maw's every other word is dam_, but since when has that been offensive? I am from the deep south, and even though the show is mocking rednecks, I can relate to a few of the characters and enjoy it nonetheless.