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dwd94
Reviews
Brainiac (2004)
Genre-confused mess
A drug called Nirvana has turned its inventor into a monster that sucks the brains out of people. That's the whole movie. Writer Greg Bayan gives a bland performance as said inventor, and Lisa Nistri plays Dr. Sunday Morgan, the scientist trying to figure out just what the hell is going on (I was still wondering what the hell was going on even after the movie ended). The movie's total run time is 92 minutes-- about 20 of which is spent on opening titles with effects that looked like they were done on Windows Movie Maker.
I'm no expert on horror movies (Ive only seen about 3 of them in my life), but I know this much: they should be scary. Overlit scenes and rubber halloween masks with a penis-shaped, brain-sucking claw don't make a movie scary. They make it look like fodder for MST3K.
You don't need a lot of money to make a good film, but you do need a script with a focused story arc, and characters with at least one dimension.
The cast of Brainiac is comprised mainly of amateurs (and perhaps friends of the filmmakers). The only professional is Joe Hansard (Det. Danko) who uses his comedic talent to play a lazy doughnut-eating cop. I enjoyed Hansard's performance, but it felt out of place in what was supposed to be a "horror" movie. Hansard's talent would have been better suited for a comedy, or a real horror movie with a script that didn't try to spoof itself.
Lost in Transportation (2005)
Very charming short film with feature-length potential
Anyone who's ever been blamed or yelled at for something that's not their fault (who hasn't?) can relate to the main character in Lost in Transportation. Sometimes the best movies are those where we identify with the underdog, and it this case the underdog is Joe Schlepp, (with two p's of course) played by co-writer and co-director Joe Hansard. Joe seems to be content with his job as a baggage handler at Baltimore-Washington International airport, as long as he's not being yelled at. His main duty: returning lost luggage to their respective (and often ticked-off) passengers. His supervisor and best friend Fred (Fred Strother of HBO's "The Wire") is happy to do the job he gets paid to do, as long he gets to dig through peoples' luggage and use his trusty typewriter instead of that intimidating piece of technology called a "computer". About the only thing that brightens Joes day (besides reading girlie magazines in the airport's magazine shops) is an unexpected encounter with his dream girl, local beauty queen Miss Randallstown (Joy Haynes). The film is a bit silly at times, (Haynes appears again as the Goddess of Lost Luggage, who inspires a distraught Joe to keep trucking along with his miserable job) but with a little tweaking, could be developed into a full length film (which I believe was the filmmakers' intention.) The film was shot in an office building in Arlington, Virginia, but the building's uncanny resemblance to a real airport makes it the perfect shooting location for a production on a tight budget. The end of the film leaves you wanting more. I especially wanted to see more of a relationship between Joe and Fred, maybe a back-story. I can only image what a feature length adaptation might show us about these endearing characters. The possibilities are endless. Being a 17 minute short, the film best serves as a sampling of what could be a great feature. That's not to say it isn't entertaining on its own. Hansard has a natural gift for comic timing. There are some very subtle bits of offbeat and quirky humor throughout, especially in the dialog between Joe and Fred. Billy Bob Thornton's "Sling Blade" evolved from a short, so don't rule out "Lost's" potential. It's a great little film that could blossom into a feature-length sleeper hit, because everyone loves characters with whom they can identify. With some more character development, an expanded plot line, and bit of extra cash, Lost in Transportation could be made into a charming, funny, and touching full-length film.