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Yakrakus
Reviews
The New Mutants (2020)
What movie are these people watching?
The sheer number of 1 star reviews on here lead me to think that these people haven't seen very many movies. Or they don't understand how a rating scale should work. I honestly think anyone who rates a movie like this a 1 should be discounted so that the review score can actually be useful for everyone else. This isn't a terrible movie. It's better than most of the other recent x-Men movies, which themselves weren't absolutely terrible. They won't win any Oscars by any means, but I was entertained while watching them. Having seen lots of movies, even the worst of them wouldn't score below a 5. They're typical summer blockbuster style movies. There are better ones, there are worse ones. Shut your mind off and enjoy the nonsense. This one was fun because of the spin it tried to put on a super-hero movie. Everyone does a perfectly fine job. I found them all likable and their accents weren't bad (and I'm from Kentucky). The special effects weren't bad, and Back to the Future and Terminator have plot holes you could fit this entire movie into. Seriously, you'd think the director had run over some of these reviewers mothers. It could be considered an average movie at worst, but ignore anyone giving it less than a 4. Personal taste could take you that low, but below that and I don't think you know what an actual "bad" movie is. Me, I liked it. I'd give it an 8. Not a perfect movie, not a great movie, but really good. I'll probably watch it again someday.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Somewhere between Hostel and Child's Play
This is one of those classic love it or hate it movies. If you liked Blair Witch, check it out. If you liked any of the recent crop of "torture-porn" movies (Saw, Hostel, Last House on the Left, anything by Rob Zombie), avoid it. While some of you will be exceptions to the rule, I'd say this is a fairly adequate dividing line. A more complete distinction would include "see the villain" (Cloverfield & Quarantine) or "don't see the villain" (Blair Witch).
This movie isn't perfect. No one is as dense as the boyfriend or as flighty as the girlfriend. The selling point is the creepy atmosphere. It's what you don't see. It's the implication that "this could happen to you", without the the disturbing "this has happened to someone and we're gonna show you how" feeling of torture-porn flicks. Even if you don't believe that something like this could happen, there are more than a few real world accounts of similar happenings. If nothing else, that makes it a little scarier than killers in hockey masks, vampires, and zombies.
I enjoyed it immensely, despite some major flaws. But then, I'm on the Blair Witch side of the line. As much as I enjoy a good zombie flick, this is the kinda film that gives me the heebie-jeebies. It's obviously not for everyone. But, if your fear meter falls between horrible things that can happen and bizarre things that could never happen, check it out. Everyone else will probably be a little (or a lot) disappointed.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Did you like the trailer? Well watch this movie instead.
Before I write anything else, let me establish some things.
I wasn't offended by the violence in this film.
I wasn't offended by it's portrayal of Germans/Jews/Tennesseans.
I wasn't disappointed by the campy, occasionally over-the-top performances.
I wasn't disappointed by the action movie size plot holes.
I wasn't upset with the alternate reality turn of events.
I enjoy Tarantino films, but not enough to own all of them...
... and this is one of them.
It wasn't a bad movie really. It was just kind of boring. While there was some action and humor, mostly there was just dialog. And while I enjoy dialog heavy films as much as any three line action flick, I like to feel there's actually a point to all the talking. Where Tarantino once put a lot of character into quirky conversations or tense exchanges, here he just seems to be filling up space. Some of that character occasionally pops up in Basterds, just not often enough to keep me interested. Any tension that was built up early in a scene would slowly fade away as the conversation just marched on.
There's no real fault with the cast here. All the actors do a fine job with what they're given, it's just that they were given way to much or, oddly, not enough. For every character that has nearly endless lines of dialog, there's another who, despite seeming to be someone of significance, wanders though a scene and (usually) dies. Even more bizarre were the characters who were introduced, talked endlessly, and then died. They weren't around long enough or didn't say anything that made us really care for them and, despite being ably acted, mostly seemed to exist just to extend the length of movie.
The best thing I could equate this film to would be sitting in a restaurant, eavesdropping on the table behind you for two and a half hours. Half the people at this table are utterly uninteresting and the other half are obnoxious assholes. Every now and again there's some conflict and occasionally something funny gets said, but mostly they just prattle on while you're waiting for dessert.
As a side note, for a bunch of guys who built up a reputation as Nazi-killing boogiemen (during a period the films mostly skips over), they seem incredibly inept or unlucky when we catch up to them. Any tension I felt was from wondering how they would manage to screw up what was coming next. I would have been more interested in a movie about the Basterds and who they were than what Tarantino decided to show us.
Deadline (2009)
You've seen it before, only better.
I went in with high hopes but low expectations. Given the cast's past bodies of work, I was hoping for a watchable film at the very least. As it turns out, the film is unoriginal and dull. It's one of those films were the director seems to think long drawn out scenes of mundane activity somehow equals "building tension". I found that I could actually watch extended sections of this film in fast forward and not miss a plot point. This is because quite a few "tension building" scenes don't actually lead anywhere. We're given plenty of chances to watch Brittany Murphy walk slowly from point A to point B, only to discover that nothing is really happening at point B, followed by a cut to a different scene. The performances are passable and the cinematography is adequate, but the script is uninspired at best. The movie did keep me guessing till the end, but only because I wasn't sure which clichéd twist they were going to use. We've all seen the twist ending employed here before, but when taken with the rest of this film, it still almost seems nonsensical. And if you've ever seen a made-for-TV thriller from the '80s, you've heard the score before. Seriously, listen to the music over the opening credits and try not to smile at that last line. Overall, this isn't the worst film I've ever seen, but unless you're trying to keep a complete Murphy or Birch film collection, watch something else.