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Reviews
Troll 2 (1990)
Second worst movie ive ever seen
First worst movie ive ever seen is Never Ending Story 3 (that's right... you didnt even know there was a third one... and that's a good thing)
Troll 2 almost dethrones NES3 as worst movie ever made, but at least you can laugh at what a cinematic abomination this is. Save this for a night when you literally have run out of all, and I mean ALL, other movie options, have absolutely no expectations and possibly marijuana. This isnt bottom of the barrel; this is a rollie polie underneath the barrel
Django Unchained (2012)
Tarantino re-dresses his ultra-violent franchise in pre-civil war south
Wonderful acting, pristine production quality, original plot.
That being said... it's just another Tarantino movie, meaning the usual checklist of violence is complete - rape, torture, death of a parent in front of a child, knee-cap shots, gut shots, genital mutilation/dick shots, eyes gouged out (there's even a scene when Django is practicing shooting on a snow man - Tarantino even manages to gouge out the snow man's eyes and get a dick shot in on the snowman too). There are no good guys, just bad guys - the villains being pure evil with no redeeming human qualities; the protagonists are just as bad as the bad guys but parade under the justification that the villains are worse than they are so the violence is justified.
The villains are one-dimensional at best (white slave owners that torture their slaves), and at worst simply names and faces to set up and knock down.
Beyond the Black Rainbow (2010)
Cosmatos rehashes The Truman Show as an acid trip
Much as The Truman Show tells the story of reaching for paradise, perfection, and happiness through extreme control and psychological manipulation, as well as the hero's journey of escape from a manipulated false reality he is born into, beyond the Black Rainbow tells this story and more, drowning the viewer with tightly controlled sights and sounds, depriving them of any sense of normalcy, release, or security. The viewer becomes Cosmatos'cinematic gimp for 110 minutes. Without doubt, if he had been able to, Cosmatos would have placed you in a zentai suit and shoved tubes in your nose and mouth controlling tastes, smells and sensations to further immerse you in his rich story that's trying to tell you... something. It's one of those movies you'd most likely have to watch over and over again to understand. But it's so masterfully creepy, the question becomes is it worth it, when the same questions can be explored in safer, more accessible ways.
Artistically, the movie is masterful, fibrously rich with intensely deliberate choices cinematic choices. It is told in a language only decipherable by the right-brain, moving entirely beyond simply being symbolic or dream-like imagery. Which, since it's not entirely clear what Cosmatos is doing to your right-brain comes across as tremendously creepy. The pulsing lights and the binaural sounds are technologies actually used to alter consciousness in the real world (dad was into that kind of stuff before he went screw ball); Cosmatos uses them in the movie without any explanation of the effect they're supposed to have on you - which, is hardly consensual, to say the least. Overall, regardless of existential or potential literary merit, the movie comes across as a cinematic rape.
Literarily speaking I found the resolution of the story grotesquely unfulfilling - it's almost mind blowing such an intense movie could end with a deus-ex-machina.
Rainbow Brite (1984)
Rainbow Brite, the guardian of Rainbow Land and all the colors of the universe battles the color-stealing forces of the world with her stead Starlight and the Rainbow Kids
This beloved 80's children's' show is the epitome of formulaic, and like Rainbow Brite's horse Starlight is a one-trick pony with practically no character development. This was my favorite Children's show as a toddler, and it remains one of my all time favorite Children's' shows now that i am 28. It is the a shining jewel of innocence, good doing and magic. What it lacks in innovation it makes up for with a universal and eternal set-up: the battle to keep our lives bright and full of color and ward off "the pits." When we boil down the complexities of our lives, in essence are our lives any less formulaic? What it lacks in depth of character and development of character, it makes up for in pristine idealism and purity of heart; our lives are full of complexities, but in these times were unshakable rocks like religion are not favored as they once were, rainbow brite fills in as a non-denominational example of love and joy; to develop her character beyond that would eat away at the idealism and integrity of what Rainbow Brite is. At the beginning of the season, the show seemed to start of with real-world examples of how to keep your life bright (for instance the episode where she meets Brian, her human friend), but quickly fell into a generic battle to save Rainbow Land from various color-stealing forces. If the show had found a way to continue providing real world examples of keeping our lives bright, or provided a more firm metaphorical basis for the threats against Rainbow Land, perhaps this beloved show would have had a deeper genius than simply being beautiful and of pristine spirit. There is obscure depth in Rainbow Brite, but regrettably, like the color crystals mined by the color sprites, it must be unearthed by the viewer. Stay bright, Rainbow Brite!