Change Your Image
paul-catanach
Reviews
The Jurassic Games (2018)
Low grade CGI + poor script + dubious acting = The Jurassic Games
The opening scene with the game show host wearing some kind of dinosaur's skull as a helmet sets the tone for what is a truly bad film. Numerous illogical twists in the plot, poorly thought out fight scenes (a 110lb girl hangs a 240lb man by placing a noose around his neck and running the rope over a branch. She weighs HALF of him so how does she haul him off the ground?) had me laughing for the first 30 minutes before coming to my senses and abandoning the film.
Don't waste your time on this. Go for a walk, a run, a drink, a meal or shopping. Anything but this. You'll thank me.
2:22 (2017)
Lacks credibility
Now I know we're supposed to suspend disbelief when watching a film, perhaps even more so with sci-fi, but some of the early scenes are just so far from being accurate that I stopped watching.
Yes some airports will operate two, intersecting runways at once in what is called Land And Hold Short Operations (LAHSO) but not so close as to have one aircraft touch down and the other take off at the same point on the ground.
And surely it wouldn't have been too hard to get some technical advice? If they had they'd have known that advancing the thrust levers (throttles) on an aircraft does not lower the gear and flaps. That's like having a scene in a car where you see someone's foot press down on the throttle and then the next shot shows the brakes coming on and the doors opening. Utter rubbish.
Now having read the reviews on here I can see that by quitting at the ten minute mark I saved myself from over an hour of more drivel.
Altitude (2017)
The worst film I've seen in a long time.
Other reviewers have already highlighted the gaping holes in the technical side of this abortion of a film so I won't go into detail. Suffice to say that they must have had absolutely no input from anyone who knows the first thing about aircraft. It's beyond bad, it's beyond awful. It's monumentally diabolical.
As for the plot, what plot? A tired old story of aircraft hijack by baddies with dozens of improbabilities and impossibilities. Continuity errors are rife and the budget CGI just draws the eye to the flaws.
Whatever you do don't pay to watch this.in fact whatever you do just don't watch this.
Wild Horses (2015)
Deliberately amateurish and disjointed, an 'in' joke or something else....?
At first I thought this was going to be the sort of film requiring extra attention on account of being out of the ordinary. It's certainly the latter but I wondered whether the director was deliberately attracting attention by having the whole cast act a bit odd. For 'odd' read 'badly', so many of them were stilted and unconvincing it's as if the budget dictated fifth-stringers only.
Then there's the editing. Scenes jump from one to another and within themselves are so unconvincing it detracts from what was a promising script. In small doses you might almost think this was an attempt to portray real life but it's not that at all. It's just bad.
I watched it all the way through to see if it improved. It didn't.
The Quiet Hour (2014)
Utterly, utterly dull.
I really should learn to check reviews before watching these things. I could have gone out to the shed, got some paint, daubed it on a wall and sat down to watch that dry instead.
Described as "sci-fi" there was very little to merit that description apart from a few brief CGI shots of alien spaceships hanging from the clouds like haemorroids. At least that was all I saw of the sci-fi element in this film before I realised that its lack of pace was casting an air of gloom over me and switched off.
The plot is slow. I mean, glacial. It's also, how can I put this.........dull.
I tried really hard but gave up after 35 minutes.
Coffee Town (2013)
Slow And Barely Amusing
There must be two Coffee Towns because the one I'm watching certainly doesn't tally with the reviews describing this as hilarious. Maybe you have to be one of the people who squats in one of these places to see the sub-text containing the secret hilarity but half an hour in and there's no sign of it.
Forty-five minutes. Nope, still dull.
One hour, losing the will to live.
One hour, fifteen minutes and I'm wishing I had some drying paint to watch instead. Nah, I give up. Can't even bear to stick with it until the end. I'm out.
Continuity errors are irritating too.
The Fourth Kind (2009)
Truly Abysmal
Anyone who hasn't realised that the whole film is fiction, even the supposed archive footage, after more than a few minutes is probably gullible enough to swallow the whole thing. That's fine by me. Let them stay home and watch similar films to this and reduce the oxygen they waste.
Unconvincing storyline, annoying characters with whispery voices, not even a hint of novelty in what laughingly passes for a plot. At about the ten minute mark I wanted to pull the plug. At thirty minutes I wanted to pull the plug. After the halfway mark I wanted to pull the plug but kept watching in the belief that it had to get better. If your instincts tell you to pull the plug, do so. It doesn't.
I want one minute, thirty three minutes of my life back.