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Reviews
Goth (2003)
Awful.
This is, by far, the most awful movie EVER. And I really mean that! I've never seen a dumber plot (and I've seen The Necro Files!), I've never seen worse actors, worse camera-work, and I really can't remember the music, so duh. Most "bad" movies are bad in a funny kinda way, this one is just terrible in every way. I hated the acting, I hated Phoebe Dollar, who is SO overacting that it's ridiculous, and I hate the way "Goths" are "portrayed" in this movie. I'm no Goth, but I do hang out with a lot of them, and they... Well, this movie is an insult to Goths.
I wish Phoebe Dollar and the director of this movie herpes. It stole 90 minutes of my life and 1,75 a day for renting it out. Hell, I remember our local DVD store having a rack with 1 DVDs and Goth was in it once, and I always thought: "Hey, you can't make any mistakes for a euro!"... That was until the day they offered Goth. This movie isn't worth the DVD it is burned on. Do never, EVER, watch this. Worst movie in the history of movies!!!
Zwart water (2010)
Some movies go from 0 to 100, this one does it the other way around
Well...
I still don't know what to say. The movie start out pretty cool with a few very good shock effects, "creepy little kid galore", and then... Well... It doesn't built tension, it releases it. In my opinion, the movie gets lamer with every minute...
What you get, though, is descent camera work and music. The actors look like they know what they do, although I really can't recommend the German dub, this plain sucks. Yes, I watches it German, and the voices sound stupid most of the time. And with stupid, I mean REALLY stupid. Tried a bit of the movie in it's original language, and it sounded better, although I didn't understand very much, the voices seemed much more believable.
If you ask me, the movies biggest flaw is that it starts REALLY creepy and after maybe half of the movie, it tries to develop into some sort of drama. And for the whole second half of the movie, it doesn't what what it wants to be: horror movie or drama.
And yes, with this being a "new age" horror movie, you will (of course) get a major plot twist towards the end. Which doesn't save the movie from being boring, except for the first 15 or 20 minutes or so.
Don't buy it! Go rent it out instead. If you wanna see creepy little kids, then you're right, but turn the player off after 60 minutes. Or go for "The Orphanage".
Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)
Not as bad in German
Well, of course, this one's bad. Not as bad as other "Asylum"-movies, though. My luck was I first watched it with German dub. The voices seem to fit better to the characters and lets them act way better than in the "original". For a low budget movie, the monsters are okay, of course not on a ILM-level, but okay. You shouldn't expect too much out of this one, it's a lower-than-low-budget cheap c-movie rip-off of flicks like "Jurassic Park" or "Journey to the center of the earth". This one isn't made for movie critics, its made just for people like me who enjoy watching these cheap d-movies.
So give it a try if you into cheap monster movies. You got nothing to lose: Dumb story, bunch o pretty nice gals, monsters, more monsters and monsters who go after these pretty gals. Oh, and did I mention the monsters? I think this one is rated so bad because it has become some kind of "standard" to bash the Asylum-movies, but this one really isn't as bad as "Megapiranha" or this VERY STUPID "Megashark"-thingy.