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Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Kiddies play Spidey.
I saw the trailer on Netflix and the animation looks slick.
But it's a wide-eyed little boy trying to save the day and almost wrecking it as result.
We will probably have a little baby kindergartener wearing the spiderweb mask next. :P
Mamma Mia! (2008)
Sophie is a complete bimbo.
And the apple obviously doesn't fall far from the tree as her own mother had freely slept around in her youth. So the kid doesn't know who the dad is.
What to do??? The dizzy young blonde secretly invites all THREE of Mom's ex-boyfriends to her wedding - WITHOUT her approval or permission or KNOWLEDGE at all, of course. Naturally, the old lady is quite pissed when her former lovers all turn up at her exotic little hotel on an idyllic-looking Greek island, ready to be wedding guests.
Whatever. The wide-eyed princess with some deep-seated daddy issues as well as the aging mamma herself will both live happily ever after, giggling, squealing, and dancing with their equally air-headed girlfriends all the way into sunny eternity on the dreamy tropical paradise full of white sand beaches and fruity drinks. Unless...the little girl somehow gets KNOCKED UP by one of her three so-called "dads" during a magical boat ride, perhaps resulting in her own future daughter wanting to know WHICH is the real father is - and then inviting them all to HER own wedding, too - to prove that SHE will not be still another floozy in a new generation.
This rather corny little movie is rather like Broadway, where the characters either all act like giddy schoolgirls or suddenly break into song and dance routines here and there to move along what seems to be a wish-fulfillment fairy tale.
Teen Wolf (1985)
I HATED this movie when I was younger.
I first saw it with my mother and sister back then, when I myself was a teenager (just in junior high school, BTW.) It was a hideous-looking movie that may actually teach young people to do bad things, like throw sleazy parties where kids wrestle nude in that nasty white goo, dance on top of the moving van, and young tramps get naked in front of the kid (no wonder we have a very serious problem with teen pregnancies, BTW.) But then again, I am hearing-impaired, so I really didn't hear the hidden message in the movie at the time. So oh, well - as long as young viewers aren't stupid enough to do stuff like that in some scenes! :P
Rabu Hina (2000)
The poor kid must be a STARVING glutton for punishment!
(Possible spoilers ahead.)
He not only worked himself to death trying to get into some elite university just because of some kiddie "promise" he made with some little girl way back in kindergarten, but he also relentlessly chased after the same girl (or not?) even after she kept physically abusing him for endless sexual harassment that he never meant in the first place.
Yes, the anime is certainly pretty to look at, but I just CAN'T stand the characters who all live comfortably in a gigantic cathouse - oh, I mean an ancient Japanese inn originally ran by the boy's grandmother who cheerfully gave it away to him so he can become the puppet for falling into unfunny "fanservice" traps as well as becoming an overworked slave to the female bevy, which isn't as funny, either.
The "eye candy" assortment seems to consist of a manipulative man-eater, a sword-brandishing "tough girl" who is really a fainting damsel in distress, a half-animal waif who seemed to come from a Southeastern Asian jungle, another waif who is more demure and doe-eyed, and of course, that abusive wench our hero is doomed to marry (if he ever makes it into that fancy school with her, that is.)
And the whole idea isn't really new to anime, either. In fact, it has been done over and over again, like an otaku's wistful fantasy. In fact, it also speaks loudly of a young Japanese man's insecurity about getting a date - as well as getting into a good school so he could get a good job - mainly to SUPPORT that stuck-up princess he's supposed to win, of course.
And naturally, it will never be resolved by an accidental peek at the panties or the painful blow to the face by the poor, "violated" little sexpot, of course.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
That Michael Bay should be fired!
First of all, he did bad enough by ruining the looks of classic Transformers that we so fondly grew up with by turning them into huge, unsightly piles of Swiss Army knives that swarm around by themselves in the first movie.
Now he has completely filled the second movie with nothing but hooker-wannabes and stupid, juvenile attempts at laughs to win the younger audience (actually, the very last members of the original Transformers fandom just turned 20 this year, just in case he doesn't know.) In addition, he probably thinks of true love as hitting upon tuna-lipped porn stars like Megan Fox.
Michael Bay, thank you very much for tainting the very image of our beloved, funny robot characters for money and personal gain. So just go away and grow up, please.
Deck the Halls (2006)
FAR too idiotic to be funny.
(Some spoilers...go ahead and read; won't make a difference.)
And it's also so embarrassing I CAN'T look directly at Dan DeVito's face, especially after he cuddled up naked to Matthew Broderick in the back of the van! (Tries my best to wipe this disgusting sight from my mind!)
It's all about a nerdy dad who tries to encourage his long-suffering wifey-wifey, an unimpressed prepubescent son, and a harlot-wannabe teen daughter to get into Merry Christmas spirit.
Then along comes a short, balding weirdo with his aging Barbie trophy wife and two bimbo supermodel "daughters" (where'd he pick up those three blonde floozies, BTW? Maybe they're really all SISTERS and in service to the old sugardaddy?) to shake up things a bit with the dork of dad, especially with the issue over Christmas lights.
Then things really get stupid around the town between those two demented blockheads, resulting in both families storming out of the houses (heh, I thought the yellow-haired girls went right back to the cathouse!) But ONE "nice" little thing HAPPENED right before the angry momma packed her kiddies into the SUV to drive out of her hubby's life: she sadly said that "fries and chocolate milk at least made a nice Christmas memory".
I do like the special effects on the Christmas lights, however. And the ending actually had some charm and creativity.
Otherwise, the movie is just one big dumb pratfall.:P
Little House on the Prairie (1974)
Heavy fictionalization of "true-life" books.
First, while Michael Landon may be a good ACTOR, he certainly DIDN'T look it (look at his fluffy afro and his good 1970s-style looks while the REAL Pa Ingalls had a long BEARD like in the books!) There was also the many, many additions to the Laura Ingalls story like a circus, a fire, the wild dogs, etc. to pile on more adventure and drama than ever. Nothing like the original books, which were supposedly based on a REAL little girl's life in the pioneering world.
Some characters (like Nellie Oslen, the little monster) were either made to be a little like cartoon characters with exaggerated personalities or overly idealized, like the sweet, saintly Caroline Ingalls - and of course, the ruggedly handsome hunk of dad played by Michael Landon himself. What's more, the language and manners of the characters were probably not 100% authentic, either.
This is just like romanticized 1870s gone 1970s.
Peter Pan (2003)
Peter Pan was such a little hunk!
Seeing a handsome-looking young boy on the brink of adolescence barely dressed in leaves kind of made my heart flutter a little. And, he acted especially sexy when he crawled over Wendy in her bed (though it certainly WASN'T his intention in the first place!) And to tell the truth, I was kind of disappointed when Peter Pan pushed Wendy away after a brief romantic intervene in the fairy-filled forest. But at least he was rewarded by a tender kiss on his sweet lips when he lay unconscious on the pirate's ship.
Overall, the movie was very amusing and colorful, with plenty of swashbuckling action and such eye-filling backdrops, though the clouds look a bit fake and overcrowded in some scenes. What's more, I think this movie is a bit more reminiscent of Disney's 1953 animated feature than the book itself, especially the fur-clad Lost Boys. And that Tinkerbell! She was such a mischievous little lass who would stop at nothing to make merry and even shake her fanny at Wendy!
Along with its light romp through the realms of dreamy childhood, this movie also had its very dark moments. Captain Hook posed a real threat to the lives of the innocent young Wendy and the other children, including Peter Pan. What's more...the hero was also reluctant to leave his beloved fairyland behind and go with Wendy back to the real world, where serious adult commitments like marriage and having families and a career would have awaited him. So, young Peter Pan had to preserve himself from falling for Wendy so he could continue to remain free and play forever and ever with all the mythical creatures in a fantasy world that only children can envisage.
The Cat in the Hat (2003)
This movie is very misleading.
I really enjoyed it because of such whimsical fantasy settings (just look at all those curly clouds in the blue sky!), such silly slapstick humor (the Things really had me howling with laughter!), and such dazzling special effects. But, I am hearing impaired, so I never heard any of the cuss words that Mike Meyers supposedly uttered in his cat suit. What's more, a couple of shots really startled me: Mike Meyers turning around to flash his fake buttocks or caressing his coconut bra as a Carmen Miranda. I certainly NEVER saw that coming!
While it may be pretty cool that the film expands itself to the grown-up viewers, such crude humor is not really all THAT necessary, especially since the original book was created for CHILDREN! Wacky slapstick action is just enough, thank you...no need for sexual suggestions or anything sleazy like that. The Cat holding up the mom's photo like a centerfold is enough risqueness to be allowed into a kid's movie and it would probably have gone over the kids' heads anyway. But well, the movie kind of went over the top, sorry to hear it.
Too bad to see such a visually beautiful movie go to a terrible waste like that.
Zoboomafoo (1999)
The poor kids can't spell the title!
And neither can I! But I'm 32...soon to be 33.
I saw a few episodes and liked it. I love the leaping lemur's colorful animated sequences and the cartoons of mysterious lumps turning into cute animals! It's such a whimsical "Animal Planet" show for preschoolers where the grown brothers play around with all kinds of critters and run off into adventures with their camping equipment to explore the wilderness. It's a real romp in the vine-covered playroom indeed!
Teletubbies (1997)
Freakish!
This is simply the WEIRDEST kiddie show I have ever seen...just looky at all those phone-poles that pop up from everywhere. Reminds me of my old humidifier that sat on my dresser when I was a toddler. It looked just like a little UFO in the dark and it scared the living daylights out of me even at such a young age. The same thing goes for "Noo-Noo", that bizarre-looking vacuum-cleaner with wriggling light-up eyes and a long sucking trunk. That thing would frighten the poor little tots half to death!
The aliens themselves are curiously portrayed as parentless kitten-faced infants with hare lips and monkey ears that bodily fell from the outer space and forever lost in a rustic paradise with all the hopping bunnies and plastic flowers. They squeak, wriggle, and hug each other for all eternity to come...they certainly act like they don't have any brains in their skulls. And the baby sun...such BRIGHT blue eyes...would giggle and look around as if it doesn't have anything better to do. The big pink pinwheel spins, sprinkling shiny pink stars to stupefy the pot-bellied creatures into delirious submission.
The worse thing of all is how the clippings of tykes doing everyday stuff are forever repeated in the aliens' fat tummies as if the watchers don't know any better...whether they just got off their mother's breasts or not.
The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002)
A little dizzy, but pretty cool nevertheless.
The animation is so fast-paced it's actually like the staff is hyper-high on...well, sugar and spice. And the way the Girls fly around SO FAST it makes you think of those mini-M&Ms you see on TV commercials that are out for trouble and mischief-making. Just like tiny, tiny little elves with BIGGG eyes that can drive any adult hopping crazy and desperately reaching for aspirins!
At least that's how someone outside the PPG fandom sees this movie...if he or she doesn't get too giddy from all the startling, dizzying sequences first, that is. But like the kindergarten-going superheroines themselves, the movie itself can be far "more than meets the eye". So, it carries a pretty interesting story that reveals the very origin and birth of Townsville's littlest crimefighters and of course, it's not a pretty sight to behold. Still in their infancy, the alien-like Girls suddenly lose their scientist-parent (who's a real mouth-watering hunk!) and thus are doomed to wander the dark, lonely streets as everyone detest their very existence. And then a homeless lab monkey with distended brains picks the wee tots up and gets them to join forces with him to DO EVIL IN THE WORLD! No wonder so many parents are spooked away from this pretty bizarre film in the first place!
The use of many different kinds of monkeys (with distended brains, of course!) as a part of evil force is a very interesting concept indeed and some CGI effects are fascinating to witness, like a whole army of gigantic monkey robots ravaging the innocent little city of Townsville. And the graphics aren't so bad, either. But whewww...what a ride!
So this curious little movie is best made for those who like the world's oddest-looking female toddlers with eyes the size of moons and the weird, strange little world that they inhabit...for whatever reason, that is.