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Reviews
August Underground's Mordum (2003)
Almost tied for worst movie I've ever seen
I used to think the worst movie I'd ever seen was Sex is Zero, Then I watched this. Then I thought to myself, Sex is Zero was an actual movie. As bad as it was, it distinguishes itself from this sack of ass in that respect. So, yes, Sex is Zero is still the worst movie I've ever seen. This is just the worst thing I've ever seen. I don't mean the gore (which I'll give credit where credit's due, does have some pretty nice FX for something so obviously low budget), I mean the "acting" (laughable), "directing" (was there a "director"?), "writing" (o rly?), torture scenes with the poor fat girls who agreed to this (even more laughable), pacing (it takes forever for any one scene to get to the point, not building tension along the way, either; GET ON WITH IT!), setting (the junkie's pad's in a residential neighborhood? Wut?), tone (lulz), everything else (garbage).
In the beginning, I'll admit, it's sort of intriguing and even though every fiber of your being is telling you it sucks and it's gonna keep on sucking so you should turn it off and watch a Snuggies infomercial to make better use of your time, you kinda wanna know where they're going with this. Then it becomes a bad (sooooo bad) knockoff of the original Funny Games. To be fair, maybe they didn't watch Funny Games, so let's say instead of being a knockoff of a good movie, it's just original drivel.
The plot... scratch that, there's no plot... The idea is Hot Topic meets 4chan's /b/'s sickest fantasies and daydreams of having any actual power over others (no, bad kids! You do not r*pe dead little girls while wearing pigtails and covering yourselves in s**t), and I suppose it succeeds in that respect. When the fat guy with the long hair (who I think actually wears a living dead dolls shirt at one point - HAHAHAHA, OH, WOW!), I guess he's supposed to be the OMG! EVEN MORE "HARDCORE" KILLER (WATCH OUT FOR THIS ONE, GAIZ!), is doing his thing, it just gets hilarious. Completely wooden "performance" before and after his kill scene and the protagonist's reaction to his evil lair had me in stitches.
This mov... piece of s**t and the people who made it try so much to be shocking that the thing just becomes a parody of itself and finally comes across as silly. It's so boring, I'd rather cut MY OWN d*** off than even THINK about how I actually spent time on watching it.
If you just wanted to watch this crap because someone told you it's OMFG DISTURBING! and were interested in watching gore and a depiction of evil in humanity, don't bother. Watch Cannibal Corpse or Scanners or ReAnimator or Devil's Rejects or the original Funny Games or Ichi the Killer or Zatoichi or Old Boy or Day of the Dead or Story of Rikki or pretty much anything from Troma or Evil Dead or Dead Alive or Hellraiser or Cannibal Ferox or 8mm or even Hostel and Saw or something... anything... else. Watch Troll 2, even.
The one redeeming part is the one random shot intermixed with the other footage in transition from one scene to the next of a guy who appears to be wearing what seems to be a blue luchador mask while mumbling something incoherent. That was actually pretty funny.
August Underground (2001)
Garbage
Too bad I can't give this 0 stars. It's an unwatchable mess. Poor, abysmal, awful, and other descriptive adjectives meaning bad in terms of direction, acting, dialog, setting, tone, plot, and etc. It's even bad etc.
There's no way for me to wrap my head around why anyone, even hardcore gore fans, seem to like this movie other than the somewhat impressive FX in such a low-budget pic.
As far as a plot, there's no sense to anything. Before you say: "But, subliminal, isn't senselessness the point?", I already know that. The thing is that the point is missed completely. If you watch a movie like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Requiem for a Dream (not comparing those two movies against each other, by the way, just using them for emphasis as very different films that understand there's a point to be made behind the senselessness they portray), you can easily understand how the idea can be handled in an effective manner. This, whatever it is, is a laughable attempt. Laughable, that is, if it didn't bore you to tears first. Don't go near it or you will be haunted by the ghost of an hour and change of runtime wasted, which is a lot more disturbing than this garbage was supposed to be.