NozinAroun81's Reviews

Diário de um Exorcista - Zero (2016)

4/10

Just made me wanna watch "The Devil Inside" again.

13 August 2017

This film popped up on Netflix and I've been starving for a decent exorcism film lately. I checked IMDb and it had a rating of 6.0/10 (209 votes) which isn't bad for an obscure foreign horror flick and it had yet-to-be reviewed by critics or users, so I was hoping to be the first to write a glowing review. Unfortunately this is yet another bog-standard entry in the demonic possession genre.

Considering that it's clearly a relatively low budget independent film, the production values aren't too shabby. Sadly the acting, the effects and the dialogue fluctuate between good and bad. I noticed a lot of grammatical errors in the subtitles. You expect that sort of thing when you're watching a dodgy pirate copy but obviously you expect more from an official Netflix release. The demons are like watered-down Deadites from The Evil Dead. They display all the usual demonic clichés such as body contortions, sticking their tongues out and asking priests to f*** them :p

There were a couple of twists but they were nothing we haven't seen before or couldn't smell coming from a mile away. I thoroughly enjoyed The Last Exorcism even though the ending was a bit crap and the sequel was a lot crap. The last decent exorcism flick I saw was The Devil Inside over 5 years ago. I'm aware that it has a low IMDb rating and the reviews are wildly mixed but I consider it to be a 9/10. The ending was lacklustre but it left me hoping for a sequel. You may wanna consider watching or re-watching The Devil Inside before giving Diary Of An Exorcist a go... unless you're Portuguese :D

Check out my IMDb list for potentially better suggestions http://www.imdb.com/list/ls008092160/

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Chopping Block (2016)

7/10

A Slightly Above Average Black Comedy

13 March 2017

Yet another obscure little horror flick recommended to me by Ewen MacIntosh (Big Keith from The Office UK). Judging by the title and the poster, you'll probably be expecting a gore-fest, but it's actually more of a black comedy along the lines of HORRIBLE BOSSES. I'm not sure if it's the acting, the direction or the script that lets it down a bit but essentially the characters are fairly well-drawn, there's a smattering of witty dialogue and the odd laugh-out-loud moment. It also reminded me of an obscure little gem called SEVERANCE... but if you've already seen that... and you're in the mood for some mindless black humour... you could do a lot worse than CHOPPING BLOCK.

For more suggestions, check out my list: HORROR/THRILLER: OBSCURE, OVERLOOKED & UNDERRATED http://www.imdb.com/list/ls008092160/

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From the Dark (2014)

6/10

Slightly Above Average

1 April 2015

30 minutes in... I genuinely thought this movie was going to deliver. The acting was good, the production values were great, it had oodles of atmosphere and bags of potential.... but sadly it went nowhere! I'm a 33 year-old horror buff who's starved for decent new horror movies to watch and unfortunately this film left me gagging.

Without giving too much away, essentially it's about some Nosferatu-ish creatures who are afraid of light. Apparently even a burning match is enough to repel them. It's a shame that the creatures aren't very scary and the characters aren't very sympathetic. Adding insult to injury is the fact that there are only two main characters... so the maximum kill-count you can expect... is TWO!

All I can say is that I was thoroughly enjoying FROM THE DARK... until it lost its spark. It could've been brilliant?

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Contrition (2012)

3/10

You're Tearing Me Apart

20 November 2014

I always get excited when I find a movie that hasn't been reviewed on IMDb but my excitement is USUALLY short-lived when I realise why no one has reviewed it yet. If you can't say anything nice... don't say anything at all! I apologise to the cast and crew of this film who have obviously put a lot of effort into it, only to be criticized by a nobody like me who is STILL sitting on his arse... but I only sat through 100 mins of discomfort because I enjoy writing reviews for bad movies. I can only recommend this film to friends and family of the cast and crew. I can't imagine why anyone else would want to follow in my footsteps. I'm trying to save my fellow horror/thriller fans from wasting their time.

CONTRITION is merely a poor-man's cross between Groundhog Day & Fatal Attraction. It has a p**s-weak "religious bent" that goes absolutely nowhere! It's got something to do with the seven deadly sins and yet not all of the sins are represented clearly... let alone cleverly! I can't help but feel that this film was written by Christians or Catholics who are trying to scare us out of infidelity... and doing a horrible job! As IMDb's synopsis dictates, this film is about a guy who wakes up on the day his wife is murdered... over and over again. He starts doing drastic things before doing obvious things... LIKE STAYING HOME AND STAYING BY HER SIDE! All of the actors have moments where their acting is okay... and moments where their acting is atrocious. The script is USUALLY at fault. Josh Hodgins (who co-wrote the script) portrays the main character. He puts me in the mind of Ricky Gervais' David Brent from The Office... but with no redeeming qualities. The best actor is probably Ashton Leigh (who plays the alienated wife)... but her character is totally unbelievable... as is the secretary. I hate to sound like a bitter, shallow, sexually- frustrated loser in his early 30's... BUT they should've either gotten a better looking dude to play the main character or fuglier chicks to play his leading ladies. I'm not buying it for a minute Josh! I was waiting for a decent twist but it never presented itself! I can't say any more without adding a spoiler alert and that's not my style. I'd rather just save you the bother.

In closing... CONTRITION is not remotely spooky or gory. It is however a bit creepy and boring! At one stage there's blood on a knife and it looks like strawberry jam! Enough said?

I should've just watched Groundhog Day for the hundredth time. It's like I can feel you inside me... and I wish I were dead!

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Hemorrhage (2012)

6/10

Worth Enduring

6 December 2013

This film is rather difficult to review without giving too much away. It was recommended to me by none other than Ewen MacIntosh who made a name for himself as Big Keith in the original British version of The Office. He said that the main character reminded him of me. I read the synopsis on IMDb and discovered that the main character is a recently released mental patient dependent on anti-psychotic medication who kidnaps a female co-worker and takes her on a traumatic joy ride. Ewen loves to flatter me.

As I watched the film, I got the feeling that Ewen only recommended it to get back at me for recommending a film called ABSENTIA which I thoroughly enjoyed (even though there was one particularly ludicrous aspect to it and it doesn't really go anywhere) but which he described as, and I quote, "dross". By the end of the flick I realised that he probably wasn't trying to get revenge on me. HEMORRHAGE is an above average thriller with some half-decent acting, an unsettling atmosphere, a couple of unexpected surprises and a fast enough pace to keep you tuned in. Without giving too much away, I'd probably describe it as a David Lynch Cheese Dream with a slight element of FIGHT CLUB. I've only given it 6/10 but Ewen MIGHT give it at least an extra star. Having said that, I'd only recommend this film to major horror fanatics who are desperate for something vaguely watchable. You could do a lot worse than HEMORRHAGE.

Feel free to check out my IMDb lists, specifically the one entitled "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated". http://www.imdb.com/user/ur23177327/?ref_=nv_usr_prof_2

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Man Down (2013–2017)

8/10

Man Down? Thumbs Up!

3 November 2013

Greg Davies (probably better known as Mr Phil Gilbert from The Inbetweeners or as Cuckoo's reluctant father-in-law in Cuckoo) conceives and carries this brand-spanking new comedy series about a man-child with a lot of growing up to do.

When Dan's long-suffering girlfriend, Naomi (Deirdre Mullins) bins him for not taking life seriously, he tightens his belt (or should I say tightens the cords of his jogging bottoms after misplacing his only pair of trousers), scribbles down something that vaguely resembles a to-do- list and promptly seizes the day in his own unique half-a**ed way. Apart from the fact that he's a teacher who's considerably less mature than his pre-pubescent student body, he must also contend with his maniacal father played by Rik Mayall from The Young Ones. You heard me! The People's Poet is now old enough to play Greg Davies Dad! Adding insult to injury is the fact that Dan's friends are just as misguided as he is. Jo (Roisin Conaty) is an independent young go-getter who goes and gets things that only exist in her wonderfully warped mind. The only "straight-laced" person Dan knows is his close personal acquaintance/financial adviser, Brian (Mike Wozniak) who is often dragged into Dan's immature antics. Then again, Dan's co-worker, Emma (Jeany Spark) is fairly straight-laced... AND she has a nice a**e. Maybe she can put him right? Don't hold your breath!

BRIAN: The last time you said that you asked me which one of The Muppets my wife's vagina most looked like!

DAN: I know... and you said Gonzo... all purple... all messy thick tufts.

:D

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The Moaning of Life (2013–2015)

9/10

Is Ignorance Really Bliss? Just Ask Karl Pilkington.

28 October 2013

An idiot is bored with the meaninglessness of his existence and seeks to broaden his horizons in an attempt to become a better man. PSYCH! It's actually about a little roundy-headed, chimp-like Manch moron who is being paid handsomely to travel the world and seek out freakishly happy freaks in an attempt to understand why they seem so much happier than him. For example, the first episode sees Karl probing the human compulsion to get married. He's been in a relationship with the same woman for half his life and they've never tied the knot because he doesn't see the point. Can anyone in the world possibly change his outlook on what he's always considered to be the myth of so-called "Wedded Bliss"?

The only reason Karl Pilkington has agreed to make this "Travel Mockumentary", that could very vaguely be referred to as "An Idiot Abroad Series 4", is because those brilliant "bullies" (aka Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant) are no longer at the helm. They have absolutely no say in where he goes or what he does. Karl is finally in charge of his own itinerary... and there's no Dwarf-For-Hire tagging along to act as a "hindrance" (No offense Warwick). This means that if Karl should find himself in a lacklustre location and/or a sticky situation, he has no one to blame but himself. LET THE FUN BEGIN!

How's my review? Call 1800 DROP OUT :p Here, have a few more quotation marks and misplaced commas ",",", :D

Check out my other IMDb lists - http://www.imdb.com/user/ur23177327/?ref_=nv_usr_prof_2

BEST BRIT-COMS: MY TOP 100 POM-COMS - http://www.imdb.com/list/tk9Ev4e6mBY/

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Visible Scars (2012)

4/10

Well... I Am Visibly Scarred After Watching This.

19 July 2013

WOW! This film is rather difficult to review. It was also rather difficult to watch. Before I begin listing the numerous negatives, I'll start by saying that at least VISIBLE SCARS kept me watching until the very end. This is partly due to the fact that the main character and her best friend are rather easy on the eye and there's also a rather cute, albeit annoying, hippie chick. It's also partly due to the fact that I respect Tom Sizemore (Heart & Souls, Natural Born Killers, Saving Private Ryan, True Romance) and I was desperately trying to understand his motives for lending his name to this seemingly low-grade nonsense. He must've owed someone a favour.

The opening scene gripped me mildly and I was hoping to be gripped tighter as the film went on. Alas, the B-grade acting failed to improve, the plot was all over the place, the death sequences were pathetic and (without spoiling anything) the less said about the ending, the better. By the halfway mark I began to ask myself why I hadn't turned it off yet. It's mainly because I still wasn't sure where they were going with the plot. Unfortunately I don't mean that in a good way. Even though I was rooting for the end credits to roll, during the final 30 seconds I found myself thinking, "The credits better NOT be about to roll... because if they are... this film went absolutely nowhere!" Then the end credits rolled.

To sum up, VISIBLE SCARS is an atrociously acted, shoddily scripted, mindless mess that begins and ends nowhere. I can't explain my reasons for rating it 4/10 as opposed to 1/10 without adding a spoiler alert. Needless to say I'm being VERY generous. Don't bother watching it unless you're a huge fan of bad horror flicks and you're totally desperate. Watch Guillermo del Toro's MAMA instead.

Check out my IMDb List for some better suggestions. "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated" http://www.imdb.com/list/8QFZ78e4Ar8/ :)

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This Is the End (2013)

9/10

WICKED FUN! (Written By A Die Hard Apatown Fan From Down Under)

29 June 2013

I'm a huge fan of everyone who appears in this flick and I thoroughly enjoy almost every Apatown-related production. My favourites include; ANCHORMAN, 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN, KNOCKED UP, SUPERBAD, PINEAPPLE EXPRESS, FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL, GET HIM TO THE Greek and THIS IS 40. I'm a former Video Shop Manager who currently works as a Cinema Manager and who dreams of becoming a Comedian/Comedy Writer... so basically I'm a walking cliché. THIS IS THE END is yet-to-be-released in Australia but I was lucky enough to be treated to a private screening and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it... except for the last 60 corny seconds worth. I won't say precisely what I'm referring to because I don't want to spoil it. I'm sure you'll understand what I mean when the time comes. Apart from that, I must admit that I laughed heartily at least every few minutes, I jumped a few times, the gore is quite full-on and the effects are really quite good, particularly the De... errr... once again I don't want to spoil it, so I'll just say "Baddies". All I knew about the film beforehand was that the stars are "playing themselves", the world is coming to an end in some way and they're all trapped in James Franco's mansion. I'm glad I didn't watch a ludicrously long trailer or read a ridiculously long review prior to watching the film. You might want to consider that before reading any further :p

In my opinion, Oscar-nominated thespian Jonah "MONEYBALL" Hill and his SUPERBAD co-star Michael "George Michael" Cera are the real scene- stealers. Hill is the best "main character" and Cera is the best "cameo". I also have a "thing" for Emma "Hermoine Granger" Watson and I thoroughly enjoyed her little stint. Extra kudos also goes to Danny "EASTBOUND & DOWN" McBride for being the character you'll love to hate.

In closing, THIS IS THE END is an utterly unique treat and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who considers themselves to be a huge fan of any of the guys on the cover (or a mild fan of at least 2 of them) and/or anyone who enjoys the majority of the Apatown-related productions that I mentioned earlier.

If you like my review, you MIGHT also LIKE my Facebook Page;

"IN THE BUFF (Movie News, Previews, Reviews & Rumours)"

Btw... GET HIM TO THE "Greek"... is excruciatingly frustrating! Every IMDb review I've ever done has had some sort of annoying glitch like that and there's nothing I can do about it! I tried re-typing it, holding down shift instead of using caps lock, putting it elsewhere in the list, writing it at the bottom of the page and cutting/pasting it. NOTHING WORKS!!! I'm a chilled-out and laid-back kinda guy... BUT IT REALLY GETS ON MY FLAMIN' BLOODY TITS! And I have high B's or low C's :D

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Derek (2012–2014)

9/10

Kindness Is Magic... And So Is DEREK!

1 February 2013

Warning: Spoilers

MY "SPOILER" ONLY SPOILS THE ENDING OF THE ORIGINAL PILOT EPISODE (not to be confused with the 1st episode of the 1st series), it doesn't appear until the end of the review and I give you ample warning :)

People keep commenting that "Derek is NOT a comedy!" I can assure you that Derek is indeed a comedy. It just happens to be a tad sad and a touch touching at times. Feel free to label it a "Comedy/Drama" or "Dramedy". If you find it depressing as opposed to uplifting, you have my every sympathy. I can only feel sorry for you.

DEREK is yet another modern masterpiece by THE Ricky Gervais aka "The Arrogant Man-Child With An Annoying Laugh Who Bullies People". If that's your opinion of Mr Gervais... YOU'RE WRONG! He should be perceived as "The Hysterically Hilarious, Incredibly Intelligent, Painfully Poetic... Arrogant Man-Child With An Annoying Laugh... Who Brings Out The Best In People". AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME!

If you decide that Derek is crap without watching the whole thing, that'd be like turning off Forrest Gump, Rain Man or Shine after 5 minutes because Hanks, Hoffman and Rush are merely mocking retards... or hating Matt Groening because characters like Grampa Simpson and Professor Farnsworth are merely mocking senile senior citizens. If you look at Derek and see nothing but David Brent acting like a Gumby whilst shuffling around a Nursing Home with his jaw sticking-out, you're missing the bigger picture. Derek is merely a lovable simpleton with a heart of gold. Nothing more, nothing less. Ricky cleverly resists the urge to "Go Full Retard".

Some may argue that the real scene-stealer is none other than "The Little Roundy-Headed Manch Twonk", better-known as An Idiot Abroad's Karl Pilkington, who portrays Dougie the Caretaker. Even though Karl's essentially playing a Suzanne-less version of himself who works in a Nursing Home and sports a Monty Burns hairstyle, his performance is nothing short of impeccable. In fact it's so good that he could give acting lessons to the likes of Hanks, Hoffman and Rush. This inevitably adds to the "conspiracy" that Karl is merely an actor and everything he has ever said is simply scripted by Gervais & Merchant. Anyone who has avidly followed Karl's career up to this point will instantly dismiss this theory... and quite rightly so. Ricky is brilliant... but not quite brilliant enough to write the kind of crap that Karl dribbles daily.

Rounding out the main cast are relative newcomer's Kerry Godliman as Hannah, the increasingly lovable Nursing Home Manager, and David Earl as Kev, the increasingly creepy Autograph Hunter who gives the likes of Quagmire from Family Guy and Jay from The Inbetweeners a run for their money in the seediness stakes.

SPOILER ALERT! I very much doubt that a resident will die at the end of every single episode. The sheer brilliance of the pilot's heart-warming conclusion should be blatantly obvious. It's to hammer home the concept that Derek is NOT "Retarded" or "Spastic" or "Scope" or whatever the PC term is these days. He's not an "Ass-Burgers" sufferer or whatever you find yourself compelled to label him. He's just a tiny bit slow and a tiny bit simple. He MIGHT be "Or Tistic"... but we'll PROBABLY never know. He's easily amused because he clearly doesn't get out much, hence his enthusiasm over something as simple as going to the pub. With his prominent under-bite, his bizarre bowl-cut (that his mother probably opted for) and his bland taste in clothes (that his mother probably picked out for him), the poor bugger never really stood a chance of being accepted by "The In Crowd". I imagine that he's probably spent most of his youth being bullied and now, as an adult, he's finally found sanctuary among the elderly. He also loves working in the Nursing Home because he loves Hannah, he loves Dougie, he loves Kev, he loves taking care of people and... more importantly... he loves to be needed. GOD I'M DEEP! :p

As Karl would say, "BULL$H!T! You're talking BULL$H!T!"

If you've never seen the original pilot episode of DEREK that I referred to, simply search YouTube for "Derek Full Pilot" and click on the one uploaded by "NozinAroun2". You MIGHT also LIKE the Facebook Page "David Earl aka "Kev from Ricky Gervais' Derek". In closing, I'd like to apologise to anyone who was offended by my use of pop culture references such as "Go Full-Retard" and/or "Ass-Burgers" ;)

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Meeting Evil (2012)

7/10

Not A Bad Ride

23 February 2012

IMDb have provided a blurb so I'll just give you my opinion. I only review movies if no one else has done one yet.

Meeting Evil could be very vaguely described as "Changing Lanes with more carnage". I'm not sure why this film went straight-to-DVD. It's probably because the plot is a tad all over the place. Sometimes it's hard to understand Luke's actions and Sam's intentions. Some viewers may find this frustrating while others will simply consider it to be part of the fun. On the plus side, it's quite fast paced. You're barely 5 minutes into it before Sam pounds on Luke's front door and the thrills begin. Sam Jackson is quite clearly having a field day as the full-blown psycho who despises people with a lack of common courtesy. Luke plays the hero/victim and his character isn't exactly likable, but hopefully you'll be able to relate to him in some small way. He claims to be a nice guy and he's obviously accustomed to people treating him like a doormat. He's cheating on his wife... but then again she's cheating on him too. By the end of the film I still wasn't sure which one of them cheated first. They might've explained it when I tuned out for several seconds. I'd never heard of Leslie Bibb who portrays the no-nonsense wife and she gave a good performance so she's officially on my radar now.

I originally intended on giving this film 6 stars but when I think about it, I found myself empathising with Luke's character and hoping that either Luke or Leslie would lay their vengeance upon Sam at the climax. On that level it worked for me but if anything, that's just a testament to Sam's performance. If you're in the mood for a thriller and you can't find anything that tickles your fancy, you might as well let Sam Jackson take you for a ride. Let's face it, he RARELY steers us in the wrong direction. It also helps if you consider yourself to be a fan of Luke Wilson. If you hate him, you'll probably find this film to be average at best. I very much doubt it will change your opinion of him as an actor or a human being. Countless actor's could've played that role... but they didn't... he did... and he did a good job.

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Resurrection County (2008)

6/10

Fairly In Tents

10 November 2011

When it comes to bad horror films, "Resurrection County" is slightly above average. Winner of Best Horror Film at the Bare Bones Festival (whatever that is), it's a low budget, straight-to-DVD slasher flick that entices you with its R18+ rating. I can't really see the need for it myself. Most of the gore is left to your imagination.

The plot owes heavily to the likes of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Wrong Turn"... to name a few. Two couples set up camp a little too close to a clan of Rednecks who "don't much like them city folk". Nothing new here. Fortunately it boasts a few genuinely intense moments and the acting isn't too bad. It sags a bit in the middle and it suffers from a few classic horror movie mistakes. Don't leave shotguns behind, don't waste bullets and don't stop for a quick smooch when you're surrounded by psychos.

If you enjoy the occasional bad horror movie, you could do much worse than RESURRECTION COUNTY.

Check out my IMDb List for some better suggestions. "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated" http://www.imdb.com/list/8QFZ78e4Ar8/

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Scream 4 (2011)

5/10

GHOSTFACE RETURNS for more of the same.

7 September 2011

Warning: Spoilers

THIS FILM IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO REVIEW PROPERLY WITHOUT SPOILERS!

The year was 1996. I was at the peak of my horror flick obsession when my favourite Horror Meister unleashed his latest creation upon the world, Ghostface! Like most people, I loved every minute of the original Scream. Wes Craven had singlehandedly reinvigorated the "Slasher" genre. What followed was an endless string of poor imitations such as I Know What You Did Last Summer & Urban Legends as well as "fresh" installments of Friday The 13th & Halloween, to name a few. Regardless of how hard they tried, they never managed to "Wow" the audience in quite the same way as Scream.

Unfortunately it wasn't long before Mr Craven tainted his original masterpiece with 2 lackluster sequels. The main flaws in these follow- ups were the introduction of a whole host of new characters, most of whom would serve as mere dagger fodder, whilst 1 or 2 of them are randomly selected as the new killer(s). I was hugely disappointed by the ending of the Scream 2. It's almost as if Wes picked his 2 new killers out of a hat. I was really hoping the twist would be a little more exciting. Oh how I would've loved to discover that Gale or Dewey were involved from the start, preferably Dewey because he's a cop and he always ends up "left for dead". No such luck. Timothy Olyphant & Laurie Metcalfe were the new killers. These characters uttered a few lines each throughout the course of the film and I couldn't help but feel cheated by this outcome. Especially the revelation that Metcalfe was Billy's Mum, a corny nod to Friday The 13th. Needless to say I was even more disappointed by Scream 3. The fact that there was only 1 killer is bad enough (if anything there should have been 3 or even 4), but to confound matters by making the killer Sidney's recently introduced long-lost brother left a very bad taste in my mouth. In the closing moments of Scream 3, as Sidney stares at the back door of her home, I truly expected something astounding to happen. Then the credits rolled.

It's a decade later and Wes has somehow convinced Neve, Courtney & David to reprise their iconic roles. The price must've been right. Scre4m has a very impressive cast and some rather cool cameos, chief amongst them being Anna Paquin & Kristen Bell who share quite an intense moment near the start of the film. It might just be my imagination but the 3 lead actors seem a little bored. Emma Roberts (Niece of Julia), Hayden Panettiere (The Cheerleader from Heroes) & Marley Shelton (Planet Terror) do an okay job considering. Macauley Culkin's little brother Rory doesn't seem to be trying very hard. The rest of the cast aren't given much time to win you over.

The tongue-in-cheek humour is still very much present and this 4th installment still has plenty to recommend it. Sadly there are too many moments that will have you screaming at the screen... for all the wrong reasons. Ghostface has all the time in the world to stab Gale and yet for some reason the blade ends up in her shoulder, which would've been great, if Gale turned out to be one of the killers.

Obviously the finale of this film affected my review the most. As you can imagine I spent the whole film trying to guess the twist (or lack thereof) and who the killer(s) would be. It's safe to say that I wasn't very surprised. To make matters worse, Sidney gets stabbed in the gut and the killers chat with her for about 10 minutes before stabbing her in the gut again. They assume that she must be dead. LAME! Almost as lame as Dewey getting knocked out by a bedpan... at which point Miss Shelton gets shot so blatantly in the shoulder.

In a nutshell, Scre4m is just like Scre2m & Scre3m. The first 75 minutes has it's moments, but is ultimately ruined by the finale. Will a 5th installment make up for it? I doubt it! That's what I thought the 4th installment would do. Scratch that! That's what I thought the 3rd installment would do.

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Kill Katie Malone (2010)

3/10

The eBay gHost

2 March 2011

Two guys and a girl are tickled pink to discover a ghost for sale on eBay. Apparently the ghost is capable of granting wishes. One of the dudes simply can't resist placing a bid, with a little contribution from his buddy. A package soon arrives containing what seems to be nothing more than an old jewelery box with a crappy locket inside. Obviously the locket holds a photo of Katie Malone. Suddenly people on campus are mysteriously dropping like flies. It's almost as if they're possessed by some masochistic entity. Some average acting leads us through a series of mildly creepy moments... ... ... you know what? I don't even know why I watch this crap let alone review it. There's not even any boobs... except Dean Cain! Run away!

Check out my IMDb List for some better suggestions. "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated" http://www.imdb.com/list/8QFZ78e4Ar8/

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Killer by Nature (2010)

7/10

Not 2 Bad 4 a Str8 2 DVD Serial Killer Thriller

23 January 2011

I didn't know anything about this film and I wasn't expecting much. I only watched it because I'm a fan of some of the actors and because it was yet-to-be reviewed on IMDb.

Owen (Zachary Ray Sherman) is a teenage boy being plagued by vivid nightmares that usually involve random sleepwalks. They always seem to feature a young woman being drowned in a bathtub and then out comes the power-saw. Before too long the murders get closer to home and Owen soon becomes the prime suspect. His usual quack (Svetlana Efremova) brings in a different quack (Ron Perlman) and all of a sudden the sh*t hits the fan. Armand Assante portrays a cold-blooded killer on death row. You'll be speculating about the significance of his character for the first half of the film. Horror veteran Lin Shaye is on the ball as Owen's long- suffering mother, desperate to cure, or at least understand her sons bizarre sleeping disorder.

They do a good job of making you suspect everyone. Is Owen the killer? Could it be his geeky, yet sexy girlfriend? Could it be his mother? Surely Hellboy wouldn't be the killer? And how could Armand possibly get out of his cell every night?

Zachary Ray Sherman has the potential to make it as an A-list actor, although some of his lines do feel forced and tacky. It's hard to tell if it's his fault or the writers. He shares a scene with Armand that is certainly a highlight and both actors were in good form that day.

To sum up... Ron, Armand and Lin are doing their very best to make this low-budget chiller watchable. Haley Hudson plays Owen's weirdly attractive love interest. Her character is quite fascinating to watch, even though she seems to randomly fluctuate between virginal and sultry. Watch this face.

If you're in the mood for a thriller and it's slim pickings at your local video store, you could do a lot worse than Killer By Nature.

Check out my IMDb List for some better suggestions. "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated" http://www.imdb.com/list/8QFZ78e4Ar8/

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Arctic Blast (2010)

6/10

The Day After Tomorrow When the Cold Snap Began in Hobart!

29 November 2010

My "Summary" pretty much explains it all and my 6 star review is very generous. I only watched this movie because it was yet-to-be-reviewed on IMDb and because I have a... thing for Indiana Evans (Matilda from Home and Away). It's very similar to The Day After Tomorrow and sadly it's destined to drown in the shadows of Tomorrow When the War Began. Nevertheless it was nice to see a straight-to-DVD Aussie disaster movie that wasn't a total disaster.

The ozone layer lets us down and suddenly an icy gust manifests itself just south of Tasmania. It soon becomes a global concern when Tazzies turn up looking like a T-1000 drenched in liquid nitrogen. If only they'd listened to the guy who tried to warn them... blah blah... and his daughter is so hot... blah blah... and his boss is that rubber senator dude from X-men and he's not being very helpful... blah blah.

The acting is very "Home and Away on a Good Day", but I get the feeling that all the actors did the best they could with the wooden script. Sometimes it's hard to tell if they're Aussie's pretending to be American's or vice versa, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. There's a little splash of Kiwi and even Big Ben gets a wee bit nippy at one stage.

The more you like Aussie films, disaster films, mindless entertainment and/or Indiana Evans, the more you'll like this film. In a nutshell, the acting is okay, the concept is okay, the effects are okay and for all we know it could be the most prophetic movie ever made. If we all instantly freeze to death, I'll give it an extra star or 2. Needless to say that I strongly recommend it to Meteorologists from Hobart or Sydney.

Check out my IMDb List for some better suggestions. "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated" http://www.imdb.com/list/8QFZ78e4Ar8/

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The Comic Strip Presents: Susie (1984)

Season 2, Episode 3

6/10

It's.... OK.

20 November 2010

This one hasn't really aged gracefully. It's strictly for die hard Comic Strip/Young Ones fans. Dawn portrays the... ahem... titular role of Suzie. She's a primary school teacher who's primarily a "Village Bike" in this episode. Adrian Edmondson is her long-suffering husband who also happens to be an insufferable bore. This is arguably the most pathetic character Ade has ever portrayed. He's in Neil Pye mode, but even Neil has more confidence than this guy. Suzie is having an affair with with Nigel Planer's working class character who shares a caravan with his Mum (Jennifer Saunders). Things get more complicated when a young, yet eccentric muso (Peter Richardson) moves into the area and Suzie finds herself falling into a love quadrangle. In a nutshell, Adrian is the funniest thing about this episode and Peter has his moments. The best bit is between Dawn and Ade at the end of the episode... but I don't wanna spoil it for ya.

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The Comic Strip Presents: "Consuela" (Or 'The New Mrs Saunders') (1986)

Season 3, Episode 1

9/10

Don't miss this one!

20 November 2010

When I were lad, I was browsing the comedy section of my local video store when I happened upon a double feature called The Comic Strip Presents... Mr Jolly Lives Next Door and Consuela. This was my introduction to Comic Strip. I'd just reached the point where I'd seen every episode of the Young Ones and the Dangerous Brothers to death and was desperately in need of something new. This was long before I discovered Filthy, Rich & Catflap and shortly before Bottom and Ab Fab were conceived. Needless to say that I'd just stumbled upon a British comedy goldmine that had me wetting myself uncontrollably for 90 minutes. After watching Mr Jolly and seeing Rik & Ade doing what they do best, I watched Consuela and saw a side of Rik & Ade that I'd never seen before... "serious" acting. Ade's character seems to be ripped straight out of Monty Python's Upper-Middle Class Twit of the Year and Rik plays the ultra- sensitive, ultra-sensible hero of the piece, which as you can imagine, is ball-bouncingly hilarious.

Written by Dawn & Jen, Consuela is a loving spoof of Hitchcock's "Rebecca" (because they'd just watched it the night before). Jen portrays Jessica (a.k.a. the New Mrs Saunders), whilst Dawn takes on the role of Mr Saunders' creepily over-bearing housekeeper Consuela. Jessica just wants to be the lady of the house, but not only is she living in the shadow of the old Mrs Saunders, she's also forced to contend with "The Help". Obviously in the absence of his first wife, Mr Saunders has become far too reliant on Consuela, leaving Jessica feeling redundant. She becomes increasingly paranoid and suspicious of Consuela's actions and attitude towards her. Come to think of it... whatever happened to the old Mrs Saunders?

Needless to say that everyone is on fire in this episode. Dawn is almost too good at portraying the sinister Consuela. Peter Richardson is a riot as Consuela's ultra-sleazy beloved son Julio. I'd also like to add that Jennifer looks truly beautiful in this episode. Nearly as hot as Helen Mucus. If I was Ade, I would've been all over that!

Consuela will never get old! Consuela will never die?

RICHARD: Jessica... do you know what this is?..... It's my shoulder.......... and it's yours... anytime that you want to use it.

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The Comic Strip Presents: Eddie Monsoon, a Life (1984)

Season 2, Episode 6

9/10

Pure Classic Ade!

2 October 2010

This episode of Comic Strip is a perfect showcase for Adrian Edmondson's humour.

Tony Bilbow hosts this "documentary" about the most loathsome, low-brow television star in history. If the name Eddie Monsoon rings a bell, it's because it's also the name of Jennifer's character in Absolutely Fabulous.

Jennifer plays the long-suffering ex-wife superbly, Dawn is a riot as the firm but fair rehab nurse and Peter Richardson is outstanding as Eddie's agent Tiny (I do not know what a video is) Townsend.

This is almost like watching an older version of Vyvian Bastard who gave up studying medicine, moved out of Credibility Street and pursued a career in television, with disastrous results. He even stoops low enough to offer Comic Strip Producer Michael White a blow-job in exchange for a career revival.

Sadly this episode lacks Rik, Robbie, Nigel, Danny and Keith. That being said, the remaining cast are on fire. Tiny Townsend is one of Peter's best characters, alongside Spider, Mr Lovebucket and the dude he plays in Travellers Cheques. Further kudos must be awarded to Bilbow for his superb comic delivery, in particular, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Give me another scotch... you bastards!"

If you love Vyvian... just wait until you meet Eddie Monsoon!

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The Comic Strip Presents: Dirty Movie (1984)

Season 2, Episode 2

9/10

A Little-Known Gold-Mine!

2 October 2010

This cheeky little number is truly timeless! Classic Comic Strip that never gets old!

Adrian Edmondson plays a Postman called... wait for it... Mr Bean! This was at least 5 years before Rowan Atkinson made the name so famous. Mr Bean simply can't wait to finish his rounds so he can attend an unusually early screening of his favourite film, "The Sound Of Muzak". Little does he know that Rik is the owner of the Cinema and didn't actually expect anyone to attend a session at 9am on a Monday morning. Instead, he's anxiously awaiting the delivery of an 8mm porno that he intends to play at the patron-less session. He doesn't have a projector at home, but luckily he owns a cinema just 2 doors down. All he needs to do is keep his wife (Saunders) occupied by leaving her in charge of the candy bar, whilst he enjoys his Dirty Movie. Sadly for Mr Bean, not only is he going to miss out on Muzak, but he's also blissfully unaware that his wife (French) is leading a double-life as a porn star... and she's about to appear on the big screen.

Nigel and Peter portray the filth who have been ordered by their superior (Coltrane) to crack down on... filth! They have a strong suspicion that the proprietor of the cinema is dabbling in silent porn. After a brief stakeout, they become hell bent on exposing Rik's perverted antics.

If you're a fan of the random, Python-like humour of the Young Ones, you're gonna have a field day with this episode. When you're watching Dirty Movie... just remember the chisel, the wheelchair and the pet Lobster called "Breakfast".

"I've got to clean the carpet when I get home."

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The Comic Strip Presents: Summer School (1983)

Season 1, Episode 5

7/10

What were they on? Can I have some?

2 October 2010

Written By: Dawn French

I hate to say it... but this is probably the weakest entry from the first year of Comic Strip Presents...(1983)

Never fear! It still has a few great moments for the Young Ones generation who are viewing this for the first time. Sadly, once should be enough.

A group of students have signed up for a summer course which is all about getting back to nature and experimenting with self-sufficiency... on campus! Basically, they're roughing it in some sort of ampi-theatre on school grounds. Half of them seem to be faithfully re-enacting the iron age, right down to the invention of their own grunting language, whilst the other half are treating it more like a swingers retreat (particularly Peter & Dawn). Nevertheless it still manages to go a bit "Lord of the Flies"... but instead of misquided little boys from the 80's... it's randy British uni students from the 80's.

Adrian Edmondson and Nigel Planer are playing it as straight as an arrow. For many people, this would've been the first time they'd seen Ade and Nige acting quite so square and sensible. It's also the first time that Ade and Jen portrayed an on-screen couple (I wonder if they'd started shagging at this point. Must remember to Google that later). Rik Mayall almost reminds me of Christopher Lloyd's character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Kevin Turvey meets Spud from Trainspotting). And as for Mr Coltrane... let's just say that he steals the show in this episode... with a little help from Rik who inadvertently explores his sexuality with a corpse! Or did he? Mmm Mmm Uh Uh!

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The Comic Strip Presents: The Beat Generation (1983)

Season 1, Episode 3

9/10

Classic!

26 September 2010

This is one of the many jewels in the Comic Strip crown. All of the usual suspects are present and they're all in fine form. Only a brief appearance from Robbie Coltrane sadly.

It also stands the test of time.

Essentially it's like a spoof of beat poets and Warhol wannabes. Rik is at his very best as a frustrated artist who has just been dumped by his girlfriend. Dawn shines bright in this episode, especially when Adrian is haphazardly licking her boob whilst Peter commentates. And thanks to Nigel Planer, I'll never look at a banana the same way again. "Oh Dear! Oh Dear! Oh Dear! Oh Dear!"

Don't miss this one!

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The Comic Strip Presents: War (1983)

Season 1, Episode 2

8/10

A bit dated, but every Young Ones fan should see it.

26 September 2010

This is one of the most important episodes for any self-respecting Young Ones fan to see. It hasn't exactly aged like a fine wine, but it still has much to recommend it.

Danny Peacock and Dawn French portray the central couple whilst Rik, Ade, Nigel, Peter, Jen & Robbie play a few characters each. Rik Mayall's General Irwin is a classically random character. There's a hilarious Russian Roulette scene with Edmondson, Planer, Saunders and Coltrane. Robbie also portrays a Japanese businessman, which is a sight to behold. When Rik spits in his face, I laughed so hard a bit of wee came out... of my nose.

Warning! Blind people should not be allowed to handle machine guns and grenades!

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Terror Trap (2010)

3/10

A Vacuous "Vacancy" Rip-Off.

26 September 2010

They should've sold this script as Vacancy 3. A couple who are having marital problems are involved in a crash on a deserted highway in the middle of nowhere. The other driver takes off. Cue the creepy Sheriff (Jeff Fahey) who recommends staying at a dodgy motel up the road until they can arrange a tow. Cue the creepy guy behind the counter who don't much like them city folk. Break out the guys in masks, the disturbance in the room next door, the loud banging, the awful realisation that they're being watched and then introduce the sicko's who are viewing this snuff for their own sick pleasure. The only differences between Terror Trap and Vacancy are the use of a sinister Sheriff as opposed to a smiley Gas Station Attendant and the fact that the snuff customers are watching a live feed of the mayhem as opposed to buying the videos.

Cue Michael Madsen as the dude in charge. I'm a huge Tarantino fan and I have oodles of respect for Michael Madsen, but someone seriously needs to tell that guy to stop playing Mr Blonde in every movie. Whether he's playing a good guy or bad guy, his persona is always the same. Although, he was quite different when he played the lovable cat burglar in Heart and Souls. Wait a minute... that was Tom Sizemore.

I have a newfound appreciation for Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale's performances in Vacancy. I couldn't bring myself to care even slightly about the main couple. The woman, Nancy, is the most unlikeable heroin I've seen for a long time. About 10 minutes into the movie I started preying for her to get brutally slashed to death, just to shut her up.

The only reason I made it to the end of this film is because it hadn't been reviewed on IMDb yet. That's how bored I was. My review is quite generous. Save yourself!

Check out my IMDb List for some better suggestions. "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated" http://www.imdb.com/list/8QFZ78e4Ar8/

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30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010 Video)

6/10

Hey Hollywood! I've got an idea for a vampire movie... sequel!

18 September 2010

Please keep in mind that I gave the original 30 Days of Night 7 out of 10. I really enjoyed it, but wouldn't exactly call it ground-breaking. I loved the atmosphere of it. I also appreciated the fact that they didn't rely too heavily on CGI, like the cartoon vamps that were over- used in I Am Legend (released at roughly the same time).

IMDb have already supplied a synopsis, so I'm just giving my review. Sadly Melissa George is not involved. If she was, Dark Days might have received a theatrical release and I might have given it an extra star. Nevertheless, this flick certainly has its moments. You just have to accept Kiele Sanchez in Melissa's role. She does an adequate job. Obviously Josh Hartnett isn't in it, but his character is still very much present in essence and there are still some other familiar actors amongst the cast. I'm a big fan of Mia Kirshner who plays a demonic, Bathory-like queen of the damned and Harold Perrineau (Matrix 2 & 3, 28 Weeks Later, TV's LOST & OZ) who has a rather interesting part to play. I don't want to spoil it. The blood and gore factor is pretty much equal to it's predecessor. There are some very creative methods of liquidizing a vampires skull to ensure that it's really dead. Once again they don't over-rely on CGI.

You'll be pleased to know that the creators of the original comic book series are involved with this straight-to-DVD sequel. I'm not familiar with the comics, but I know enough to guarantee you a 30 Days of Night Trilogy. This isn't just a sequel for the sake of it. Further installments were always inevitable. See also "Blood Trails" and "Dust to Dust".

Essentially, this a worthy follow-up. It's got enough cool bits to keep your attention for 90 mins. All you have to do is accept that Melissa was either too busy filming "The Triangle" or simply felt that the project was beneath her. Then again, it's probably best to save it for Tight-Arse Tuesday or to round out your package deal. I'm predicting that Dark Days will be more popular than the impending Lost Boys 3. I know that's not saying much.

Check out my IMDb List for some better suggestions. "HORROR/THRILLER: Obscure, Overlooked & Underrated" http://www.imdb.com/list/8QFZ78e4Ar8/

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