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Reviews
Seven Periods with Mr Gormsby (2005)
Delightfully twisted, un-PC humor at it's best
This New Zealand gem of a comedy follows the horrible antics of old, grumpy school-teacher, Mr.Gormsby, as he sets about trying to discipline a classroom of unruly school children in the most unbelievable ways imaginable. The humour sometimes descends into uninspiring childish toilet humour, and it's not immune to getting laughs out of the mentally-challenged, but thanks to a priceless deadpan performance from David McPhail as the title character, this crude, dry and utterly hilarious take on New Zealand school life is wickedly un-PC comedy brilliance. We don't get much New Zealand television here in Australia, but this one's a gem. 8/10
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
Fahrenheit 50/50...
SOME SPOILERS
A mixed bag from Oscar winner Michael Moore coming after his highly entertaining Bowling For Columbine. The first half of Moore's incendiary anti-Bush film is largely lacklustre, to say the least. Focusing on Bush's connections with the Saudi royal family, it's hard to determine what his point is, and for the better part of an hour, Moore spurts out unconvincing facts and theories about this apparently diabolical relationship. Just what he's trying to say is unclear, and borders on incoherence. Not all of the first hour is wasted- the scene of Bush sitting in a classroom is quite bewildering, and the 9/11 segment is tastefully, and movingly, done. There are also some amusing, albeit cheap, laughs to be had from Bush, and his cronies, in this segment too, but for the most part the first half is dull, unconvincing, and maddingly unfulfilling. When it gets to Iraq, it's a whole other story. It's in turns infuriating, upsetting, disturbing, and staggering. Highlights, if you can call them that, are footage of a heart-broken conservative mother who has lost her son; footage on disenfranchised, corrupt, or just plain lost soldiers; footage of despairing Iraqi civilians; and, in Moore's home town of Flint, Michigan, footage of two recruitment officers going after everyone who's of the right age, relentlessly trying to persuade innocent young adults to join the army, no matter what their real ambitions may be.
Moore's narration in this segment is also significantly more poignant than in the previous one, his final words being both eloquent, and so very true. It's a biased documentary to be sure; it only shows one side of the story, but so what? Their are other, more valid, more important criticisms of Moore's film, which is almost forgiven for it's unremarkable first half with an absolutely harrowing final one...but not quite. In the end, it's a good film, and an important one, but a flawed one.
***1/2/*****
The L Word (2004)
Superficial, but entertaining...
An entertaining enough show about the love trials and tribulations of a group of lesbian friends who live in L.A. Starts off shakily, in introducing it's characters, but really hits its stride mid-way through the series, and ends on a rather brilliant cliff-hanger that leaves you wanting more. Some characters are better than others (Dana, Alice, Lara, 'Lisa'- Yay!; Jenny, Bette, Tina- Nay!), but they're all likable enough.Pretentious and melodramatic, poignant and surprising, funny and sexy, often superficial but occasionally, powerful; "The L Word" is all these things. Most importantly, though, it's entertaining.
Pitch Black (2000)
The Best Bad Movie In Years
Has all the cheesy dialogue, and B-grade acting you'd expect from such a film, but the concept of daytime=safety, nightime= lots of monsters ensures an utterly thrilling, exciting and suspenseful 90 minutes. Deaths aplenty, with little time, fortunately, to dwell on them. Quite simply, this is the best use of darkness/nightime in any horror film of late. This is junk, make no mistake, but it's junk of the highest quality.
8/10
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
Not Quite what I was Expecting
Silly beyond belief, with all the groan-inducing one-liners you've come to expect from these movies. Thirteen Ghosts is also the most ridiculous yet entertaining modern horror film I've seen for a long time. Not since Pitch Black has a 'dumb' horror film delivered so much entertainment. While others revelled in 'Jeepers Creepers' for some inexplicable reason, 13 G's, while like JC's, isn't scary, it is (unlike JC) entertaining, (without resorting to a 'slasher' film), especially when the ghosts start doing their business. The whole premise of seeing ghosts with special glasses (with some people having them on, others not) makes for more interesting viewing then anything JC threw at you. In the dumb horror film department, it's nowhere near the fun of Pitch Black, but it is entertaining, despite the weak finale, and at least one death scene will leave you with a smile. Some will call it tame, but unlike JC, at least there's some interesting deaths, albeit them being few and far between. 7/10
Micallef Tonight (2003)
So that's where Australian 'funny' went...
Oddball, strange humour is oddly clever and strangely endearing. No toilet, low-brow humour here (with the exception of a vomit-Matrix gag, which he was clearly embarrased by and which he asked the audience not to applaude; they did anyway) just clever, clean, odd fun. It's also very, very funny. Micallef Tonight deserves a lot more attention then Micallef Tonight gets.
"If you're like me, then it's probable your a clone with my exact same DNA."
"Worried about dry skin? Concerned about wrinkles? Well, visit a burns unit and get some perspective"
"If you want to get Donald Bradman's hat back in Australia, send money to this address. OR if you want the hat to stay where it is, send your money to this address, and we'll give the money to World Vision" (to people who actually need it; this wasn't said, but it was implied)
To embarassed guests- "Yes, well, a good story, and well told!"
The Ring (2002)
Convoluted and Messy, much like The Ring
Having not seen the original, here is my two cents: an interesting premise, and a solid build-up, plus a few genuine slight scares here and there (but no where near as many as some will have you believe) are all let down by a convoluted, messy and just plain lame explanation at the end, which will make you go "phtt, yeah right" (or make you LOL) rather then "Ahhhh, so that's it" M Night Shyamalans suspense-thriller Signs similarly has a lot of flaws, but it excels in the suspense department, and the last 10 minutes in that movie (before the final, similarly disappointing resolution) are a hell of a lot more nail-biting (and satisfying) then anything in The Ring. And about that so called 'terrifying' scene toward the end of film, I say that birthday party scene in Signs is not only more chilling, but a lot more riveting and interesting. Not without it's merits, but it's sheer over-ratedness prevents me from delving in to either of them. 2/5. BTW- I saw both movies at the cinemas.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Awful beyond imagination but still manages to blind millions of fans from the truth
This movie is painful. Fast but still second-rate martial arts scenes, 1 surprisingly mediocre car chase scene, lots of 'nice' and not-so-'nice' special effects are the least of this films problems (but flaws nonetheless). Intolerable dialogue, and acting, and a pathetic excuse of a story is mashed convolutely in between seemingly exciting action scenes and scenes of boring 'nothingness' really, with all the uninteresting chitter-chatter you can handle, and then some.
The Wachowski's have done two things with this film- one surprising, one not so. Firstly, they've managed to make me hate, no despise, the first film (note to self:go see 1997's Dark City instead) which even in the most incompetent hands I didn't think anyone could do, but Kudos to you Wachowskis, Kudos to you. The less surprising thing they've managed to accomplish is having millions of die-hard fans convinced what they just payed for, and spent nearly 3 hours in the cinema for, was not only worth it, but was the greatest movie event of their lives. (A similar thing happened with LOTR, but any disdain I felt for either LOTR movies have been completely wiped away and replaced with this excuse for entertainment). People who call this the greatest WOULD piss me off more if I didn't know that (most) people like that, shallow as they are, change their opinion every few weeks or months, according to what's hot.
Family Guy (1999)
Quite Simply: FG had the Funniest Moment in Cartoon History EVER,
Family Guy is not a better, or funnier, show than the Simpsons (even in it's newest seasons) but I do grant it the honour of having the funniest scene EVER in cartoon history, involving a court case and a jug of juice. It's funnier then it sounds. That aside, the show was full of hysterical moments, involving people like Willy Wonka, Hansen, The Brady Bunch etc. One of the funnier scenes, also quite awful, has the father reflecting on the most disappointing day of his life-in a flashback we see him at the hospital being told his baby is a girl. Funny show, it was a lot funnier then people gave it credit for.
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Like the first one over-rated, but like the first one, still good value
In fact, this is a better film then fellowship. Slightly better structured, story-wise, the film has a better pace then it's predecessor, with greater challenges facing our heroes, now split into 3 groups. The frantic last 15 minutes are amazingly well done, and the film is littered with visual delights, such as Gollum, Treebeard and, briefly, the Oliphaunt. Acting is up a notch on the first part, probably largely due to additions of Bernard Hill and Miranda Otto. The rousing score is put to even better use here, the final battle at the end, with the ladders, deserving special mention. Cinematography is again sensational. A significantly worthy addition to the series, in which the special effects, oddly far superior to part one, are worthy of recoginition (unlike say, something along the lines of The FAKEtrix Reloaded). 3.5/5
Futurama (1999)
T'was Good while it Lasted
I was not a fan at all of Futurama in its early episodes- they reminded me of the early episodes of The Simpsons- just not funny. But then, I started watching it again, and I discovered the funniest cartoon character in quite some time.Dr.Zoidberg. I will miss thee- alas, no more 'Hooray For Zoidberg's will we hear. Man is he funny.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Far from perfect, but good.
A good adaptation, going for the right amount of time, with all the best bits kept and all the unnecessary bits disposed of. An amiable effort, with a resounding score and top-notch cinematography capping it off. On the downside,it lacks coherent story-telling for those uninitiated to Tolkien (unless they pay VERY close attention and/or see it multiple times), there are too many characters under developed (albeit for good reason; i.e time) and the acting (as is the norm in this type of film) is adequate at best; it is also criminally over-rated. Good special effects, but they have little influence on my final grade of any movie. Jackson's least impressive effort yet, is still enjoyable, and improved is upon in his next installment. 3/5
Funny Games (1997)
One Word: Chilling. This movie is scary, and it's relentless, mean-spirited,hard-hitting, terrifyingly brutal. Brilliant performances aside, this movie is not easy to watch, but it is an amazing movie. Watch it.
Signs (2002)
Scariest Film of 2002
(WATCH AT CINEMAS OR BIG SCREEN IN DARKNESS!)
I'm not entirely sure if it's scary or suspenseful. Maybe it's both. In any case, this film is the only film to have got me scared, sweating, almost unable to watch. Unlike the much over-rated The Ring, Signs makes your heart-pound faster without spoiling it with a convoluted, non-sensical, ridiculous plot. Even with some ridiculous plot points, and ridiculous scenes, and ridiculous director cameos, the suspense remains. The last 10-15 minutes are truly terrifying- long silences, complete and utter darkness, bumps,footsteps,heavy breathing leave the viewer on the edge of their seat.
**SLIGHT SPOILER** One of the best scenes has Joaquin Pheonix walk up a stair case, camera positioned, fixed, at the bottom. Slowly, he gets to the top, turns around, window behind him, and says to his family below- "It's all Clear. they've gone". What happens next I won't spoil, but it's surprising, and a master stroke from Shyamalan It's one of the most gripping scenes in a film I've seen recently, matched only by another scene in the film, involving a hand-held camera video,a children's birthday party and an alien. As riveting as it is nerve-racking**SLIGHT SPOILERS END** The suspense begins early in the film and is sustained for much of the entire film, but the last minutes don't just take it up a notch, they take it up 10 notches. Having said that, the actual resolution, after 10 frantic, frightning minutes, is a major disappointment, rather trite, and the film is not otherwise flawless, inconsistincies in plot making the film suffer. 8 and 1/2 out of 10. Frightening.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Down with Jim, Up with Tom!
I'm probably the only person here who HATES Jim Carrey's "COMEDY" (Truman Show is awesome) with a passion, but LOVES Tom Greens hilarious antics.
Freddy Got Fingered should be acknowledged for it's stupidity. Just think, when Tom stops his car and runs to masturbate a cow, ask yourself WHY? Keep asking yourself that (what was the point of that?) and you will keep laughing. The more you think abouty it, the funnier it gets. Thats the humour of this movie. So ridiculously stupid, its funny. If you like Monty Python, and can stomach some pretty disturbing scenes without cracking a hissy fit like all those critics, then watch its hilariousness unfold. Oh, and the part where tom Green mockingly asks his brother "Wheres your car? I don't see your car anywhere? etc" is not only hilarious, it's CLEAN. So, yes, there is non-offensive humour in here, just, er, not much. Mind you, that's DEFINATELY not a bad thing.
In Conclusion: A hell-of-a-lot funnier then any other teen gross out comedy ever released (inc. American Pies).