Change Your Image
kgoodin9
Reviews
The Empty Man (2020)
Yeah, no.
This started off promising, then at around the 20 minute mark there was a complete shift and suddenly it was a different movie entirely: a painfully long mess that envisioned itself as a deep, philosophical, Lovecraftian, psychological slow burn.
It does not succeed at any of that.
What it does succeed at is being a load of self indulgent nonsense. And I don't know how you would categorize it. That could absolutely be a good thing, but in this case it's just an indication of how disjointed and pretentious and messy it is.
And did I mention long? Lord. It's 137 minutes, and yes indeed I did watch all of them, specifically because I wanted to be able to write an honest review. You could easily shave an hour and I truly think it would still be too long. There's just not enough story here.
Philosophy of a Knife (2008)
Self indulgent dreck
I'm rarely moved to comment on movies and books because others have generally already expressed everything I have to say. No need to repeat.
However, this movie is so appallingly bad that it deserves every terrible review we can collectively muster.
As a documentary, it fails. Too many inaccuracies, too much left out, too many things left unexplained. The man whose interview answers are interspersed throughout was not directly involved in any of it and had nothing new to contribute. The narration, delivered in all its monotone glory, is insipid and adds no insight. Of course, despite purporting to convey a true story, it's not billed as a documentary so I suppose you could forgive the faults. But seriously, this is laughably inaccurate.
As a horror film, it fails. Mostly because it's too long by at least 2 hours, has no momentum and is, frankly, boring. Yes, the experimentation scenes are graphic. But there are only a handful of them – maybe one every 20 minutes? - so this can't even qualify as a gore fest. Besides, the effects are amateurish at best, and no self-respecting horror fan would be impressed. The infamous tooth-pulling scene is shockingly fake. There are numerous lengthy scenes of prisoners sitting around waiting – is Iskanov trying to create suspense? I have this bad habit of doggedly finishing a book or a movie I really don't like or actively loathe, just because I hate leaving something unfinished. I don't usually regret this because it's a conscious decision and I feel I have a better idea of the work as a whole if I actually finish watching or reading it. I regret wasting my time with this movie.
It was some of the most self-indulgent dreck I've ever come across. Iskanov's repetitive use of silent snow-falling-on-gray-building scenes were maddening. I started timing them, and they ranged from about 2 to 6 minutes, making them ideal for bathroom breaks, walking the dog or fixing a sandwich. If you wanted to skip over the Russian guy's interview scenes too, you'd have enough time for a solid power nap.
Actually, don't bother with it at all. Then you don't have to mess with fast forwarding and all that.