Reviews

Truly one of the worst modern horrors I've ever seen. The first ten minutes sets things up rather nicely but then this thing just tanks. Yet another gimmicky (read: lame) attempt at using the conventional sudden "shock" tactic found in many Eastern horrors to instill scares. How on earth did this become some new standard in horror? If you thought the Grudge was moronic wait till you see this.

Absolutely NO script whatsoever. Just people walking around babbling about hearing something or maybe seeing something odd. Then follow up with more ten minute walking around doing nothing sequences followed by a streak of lightning or a wide, opened-mouthed kid (how original) turning their head suddenly or some other pathetic attempt to make the audience jump. I was bored to tears.

You keep waiting, praying these people would even say something remotely interesting. Hell they could have talked about what they ate for lunch but no, there is no script. They don't say anything. At the hour mark I honestly thought this is contention for worst horror I've ever seen, in my life.

I really don't see how a plot device so basic as a sudden loud noise, something that should happen once or twice in a movie and make up like what, 10 seconds of a feature film has been blown into the only thing a movie does. I mean there is no substance at all, nothing. A completely devoid and stupid movie that I can only see appealing to like-minded people who really just don't expect getting anything out of a movie. So if you're anxiously awaiting the next Hilary Duff horror or silly Asian remake, this will probably hold you over. Everyone else, avoid at all costs!!!

I am fully aware there is no statistical data that readily supports the correlation between video games and real life violence. The movie is false and phony because it is in complete contradiction of itself, which is what I tried to emphasize in my original review. The movie fails, not necessarily because I really do think these kids were influenced by video games, but because the movie sets it up as "random" and doesn't follow through. Let me clarify. In Aileen: Life and Death of a Serial Killer, you can see her claims about the police and being controlled by radio waves are ridiculous, yet she is so troubled, she really believes them to be true. The viewer can make the distinction however. In Zero Day, the 2 kids keep saying how they are not influenced by anything environmental, which is obviously false since everything they do contradicts this. Neo-nazism, talking about going on CNN with Wolf Blitzer (which is laughable not only because they know his name, but its a shameless attempt by the filmmaker to get coverage of his bad movie)..etc. This movie doesn't depict 'reality', it shows nothing but phoniness to prove a point. Unfortunately you fell for the bait and didn't see this, and you didn't pick up on it from my review either. The entire movie is just taking Michael Moore's hypothesis and applying it to something "real life" in hopes of validating and it fails, not necessarily because the hypothesis is wrong, but because the movie is wrong and doesn't support it. Of course I don't think kids that play video games are more likely to kill people, but if I'm not mistaken, didn't video tape exist of the Columbine kids (or some teen killers) shooting guns in the forest claiming how much they looked or acted like the weaponry in Doom? Hmmmmmmm, the distinction is kids are most likely aware of the media, influenced, but obviously balanced or intelligent enough that its not even an issue. Zero Day is a bad movie not because I really believe a correlation exists, but because the film maker doesn't know what hes trying to say, and the movie does more to disprove his point then support it. It's almost as if the new ratings given to video games made someone upset so they came up with 'Zero Day' in retaliation. If you want to see the 'mindless' teen killer theory pulled off right, go watch Bully.

What an abysmal piece of trash. This is nothing but a lame attempt to use Hanks as a vehicle to cash in on some new 'technology'. The film is a total dud. Dumb, boring, annoying, irritating...I mean everyone looks like a freakin' mannequin, but oh wait, they MOVE realistically. So amazing. Too bad the novelty wears off in what, the first minute?

The train is filled with the most annoying bunch of kids you'll ever hear. There is absolutely NO PLOT whatsoever, just a train riding around with some stupid obstacle getting in the way every 5 minutes so they can show off more of that amazing new technology. Pad this out to 90 minutes and you have TPE. The movie is so beyond hurting, I mean we're forced to sit through singing and dancing waiters for what? So things can move on screen really fast and we can be even more stunned by those amazing visuals? Its like they just threw anything and everything out there to get this to feature length.

Tom Hanks is as awful as ever. I mean the guy has zero range. Every movie he's the exact same no matter how hard he tries, even his voice as a conductor is unbelievable. I'm so glad this is flopping because its not a movie, its a pathetic attempt by Hanks and some computer geeks to milk people. Next time give us a movie instead of a showcase of your computer coding. One of the worst of the year.

Do not believe the raving and ranting about this one, you will not find it shocking, or gross, or 'nauseating' as some other reviewers would have you believe. Once again we have a terminally boring and dumb oddity that no one has seen, and those that have feel privileged for some odd reason and thus, obligated to hype it up into something its not even close to being.

"F'ed up" and "sickenly far" are phrases some reviewer chose to use to describe Splatter Farm. Needless to say, that made me laugh almost as hard as the movie did! THERE IS NOTHING SICK OR SHOCKING IN THIS FILM. ITS ALL JUST WORDS. Sure there's some blood and gore, but when an entire movie comes of like a goof, how on earth can it be shocking? For example, the animal cruelty scene (token for any exploiter) shows man lifting hammer, cut to closeup of horse, cut to hammer being lifted, cut to closeup of horse, cut to horse naying and running away...yes folks, ready those pacemakers and prepare for the shock!

Or howabout the incest scene with the aunt and the nephew, here's how it goes.

Aunt: I'm feeling lonely, I drugged your drink. Cut to someone sitting on bed with a big sheet over them, bouncing up and down for 3 seconds (that is supposed to be the aunt and nephew doing it under the covers). End scene. And yes, thats as disturbing as this stinker gets. Every "shock" in this flick is poorly executed and lifted from either Nekromantik or Island of Death (others I'm sure) and just comes of as ineffective and funny(!), the type of reaction you shouldn't have.

The only thing more perplexing than the oh so "sick and twisted...I love it" kids praising moronic movies like this are the detractors condemning them for being so filthy and disgusting (eg. Cannibal Holocaust), anyone that enjoys it must need help. I mean I just don't get it. Like most exploiters, nothing comes off as genuine and is usually badly handled so why bother making a fuss? Anyway, if you're looking for shocks or hell, even just a fun time, don't be mislead. This one doesn't deliver the goods at all, fan of exploitation cinema or not.

After wanting to see this for nearly 2 decades I finally got around to watching it...pathetic. First off, I actually did feel excited during the yellow bordered title sequence, I mean the theme music kicked in and I thought I was really in for a something special. My God was I wrong. This film is unwatchable.

We have this tin can going around beeping every friggin two seconds. Easily the most annoying thing I've ever had to endure since seeing Julie Andrews (a grown woman btw) actually skipping while singing a song about confidence in the Sound Of Music. Then the dialogue sets in and let me tell you, I've never in my life heard anything so juvenile. Like I cant even revert my brain back far enough to an age where this dialogue would seem even remotely interesting, fantastic, or fun. The whole movie, script, costumes, story is just one tacky, immature mess that absolutely stunned me in its awfulness and I'm being completely serious. Turkey/5 Recommended for fans of Sesame Street, bandwagons, and all things overrated.

It really makes me mad to see fellow Canadians praising such a dumb movie, especially when its as horrible as this. I don't think Ive ever seen another movie, horror or otherwise, where absolutely NOTHING happens for so long. Like the amount of boredom in this movie is actually unsettling. The entire movie is filler right from the get go. 45 minutes in and still nothing, just pointless conversation that Im guessing was supposed to be the character development? We get a girl brooding into the mirror trying to conceal her secret but yeah thats about it...for 45 MINUTES! Then we get a 3 minute chase scene, then revert to 30 more minutes of nothing. End of movie.

Acting/budget are never a factor in horror so I wont comment on them. Usually plot holes and such shouldn't be a factor but there's just so much lameness with the whole rehab clinic and so many "Im so sure" moments, they'll be constantly on your mind agitating you. (since, chances are, NOTHING will be happening on screen.) An anti-climatic ending, no scares, no jumps, no gore, no laughs, nothing. Not a single fun scene in the whole movie.

Seriously, if you want a horror with developed characters pulled off right, and with stuff actually happening, go rent the remarkable Pumpkinhead and avoid this straight to video nonsense. One of the most wildly inept horror/thriller flicks that Ive seen in recent memory, and believe me, Ive seen them all.

What a terrible picture! Completely non-sensical and boring to boot. If you're going to make a character piece, make something, ANYTHING happen to said characters. Dont shoot between timeframes in some lame gimmick to draw depth to these characters that you cant even understand anyway. Why all the fuss of dating the trashy white girl? I mean everyone was going on like she was a leper or something..."stay away from her, she's bad news"...and that was supposed to be the backdrop for all this turmoil? Totally absurd and dumb! Then when the "drama" kicks in, all we have is nicole kidman's forced crying or hopkins yelling in what turns into some afternoon soap opera. geez talk about ATROCIOUS dialogue! I must have rolled my eyes at literally every line in the "tense" kitchen scene. Not to mention they could have actually did something with the identity crisis Hopkins was going through, but instead they resort to the same constant racism rhetoric that sadly, is just not interesting and does nothing but exemplify the progressively failing script.

Kidman does have talent but the writing only gives her strength in maybe the first 45 minutes, forget anything after, its boring history lesson nonsense with zero appeal interspliced with Hopkin's and Kidman's pointlessly aimed angst at god only knows what. A very annoying film.

Unfortunately the movie is more concerned with making lame social commentary on a real event, but doesnt have the balls to legitimately document what happened. The constant rhetoric of how violent video games are not to blame (I get the impression Ben Coccio is an avid gamer), or how media and music is completely devoid of influence is the obvious message (we even get a laughable scene of the two boys burning ALL their cd's, talk about subtlety!), but the movie only gets away with it because its 'fiction'. Nice try. Yes its a great idea to relieve media of influence, but how do we know the kids that have actually planned and executed a school shooting werent influenced by media? or video games? We dont, and we wont with this movie because once again these kids are smart enough to completely relinquish the media, yet dumb enough to scorch a nazi symbol on the ground? haha I somehow dont think so.

The movie bats you over the head with its portrayal of the normalcy of the families, its almost doing a disservice to think that there wasn't a serious flaw in the family dynamic of kids that have actually gone out and shot their fellow schoolmates. Why is everyone so concerned with making killers seem "normal", when they are so obviously not? A completely false and phony depiction.

What a lame friggin movie. I cant believe everyone going on about this like it's the most disturbing thing ever put on film...grow up! Watching this nonsense is a definite feat indeed, not because of the content but because its so damn boring! Like I had to chain smoke just to keep my eyes open.

So it was banned, big deal. Its not shocking, its not disturbing, its just stupid(and yes I saw the uncut version). Like I kept waiting for these "appalling" scenes to come and they just never did. Then ten minutes later Id be wondering if what already passed was one of "those" parts that was supposed to do what exactly? Make me feel sick? Close my eyes? Feel the horror?...whatever. I mean everyone goes on about some rape scene, oh its so shocking...are you people for real? Its some guy motioning on top of some tribe girl, like its almost laughable at how ridiculous the scene looks, coupled with the fact that there is ZERO acting or emotion, I mean it just comes off like a goof. 90210 portrays stuff like this more realistically. And im not saying I wanted the scene to be more realistic, my point is on just how far from being actualized the ideas, the incentive to shock, or basically the whole damn movie really is. Total Crap!

sorry folks, but the movie sucked big time. people really need to get over themselves, like Im so tired of everyone using ebert or the critic's take so to speak to rationalize the fact that they either cant think for themselves, or have terrible taste. this is honestly as bad as any hollywood explosion flick, if not worse. worse because it tries so so SO hard, and it so painfully obvious, yet the "mature" viewer supposedly is able to appreciate it. ha!

How exactly is this a good movie? It's not even watchable! The most nothing story told in the most uninteresting way possible...ugh, it was even lamer than gosford park. Such flat charaterizations.... women: "hi" man " "hi, blah blah blah" women "blah blah blah blah" man "do I know you?" ...groan. that is an actual snippet of the soap opera cornball dialogue that makes up seabiscuit, but or course, people that "liked" the movie will tell you its a brilliant character piece. er, ok. believe me, you'll be more than just rolling your eyes while trying to take this nonsense in. not to mention the annoying, dare I say volatile editing. scenes that have no relation to anything, pointless conversations, jumping around timewise with no care for resolving anything brought up, geez, I needed a dramamine just to make it through this thing! I tried so hard to get into this but it just wasn't happening and I absolutely refuse, REFUSE to believe there are people out there who didn't think "what the hell is this?" at least a dozen times during this movie, hell during the first 30 minutes alone! sorry, but forcing yourself to sit through rubbish in an attempt to appreciate a "good" film is just wrong. if we all had that mentality crap like titanic would be in the top 250.

The emperor is naked folks, and it sure aint pretty.

First half is basically an episode of the X-Files but not nearly as smart. The second half is so horrible and dumb, it basically kills any chance the film had. And the last half hour...forget it. So beyond moronic, its practically unwatchable. I mean did this thing even have a script? Or was it a mission to keep all the bookworms happy by putting every possible element of the novel into the movie. Either way it didnt work and we end up with a completely illogical mess. I swear at one point I didnt know what was going on. Like the way the character Henry figures out the whole master plan, completely out of nowhere was laughable! But hey, after 90 minutes I guess they had to finally move the story along. And I wont even go into how pointless the whole military part of the film turns out to be. Bad movie.

very bad movie. Just when I thought Bruce Willis actually gave up his lame 80's tough guy crap he comes out with this, a complete rip off of every stupid 80's jungle action movie in existence. Seriously unoriginal and boring to boot. I mean this was actually worse than Rambo. Every scene is so predictable.."no you cant stay here, its too dangerous", "I'm not going anywhere, my people are here" haha gimme a break! Willis' flat hollow acting is especially annoying, and the doctor lady with her constant yelling...unbearable. Like how can anyone call this entertainment? The only thing different in this 80's remake is the lack of cheesy one liners, although Willis doesn't completely disappoint and still manages to stammer out one or two exceptionally unclever ones. But hey, if taglines such as "Nonstop Action Thriller" or "Best Action Movie Since Die Hard" dont deter you enough, surely my review wont. For everyone else, avoid like the plague.

Im sorry, but this movie was beyond boring and way too dumb to take seriously. Over 2 hours of nothing. How can you drag out something as pointless as running around writing bad checks? Um yeah, because everything presented in the movie could really happen right. Dont believe the hype, a stinker through and through.