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Reviews
Capone (2020)
Another Trank disaster
Well he did it. How do you follow up the worst comic book movie ever made? With the worst gangster movie ever made. This movie is the same as Fant4stic in the sense that every thing I would want to see in a movie of this genre was not present. I havent seen many bad Hardy performances, but he was not good, the makeup was terrible and the story was not particularly interesting. Do not waste your time on this one.
What genre can he defile next? Maybe give him a western?
The Rendezvous (2016)
Like a bad episode of Castle with no Castle or anyone else interesting
I of course watched this because I liked Castle and Stana Magic. She is lovely as always, but her usual shtick doesn't play as well against the less charismatic lead, and also he is the straight man not the loveable buffoon. Her characters brother is murdered but she gets over it in about 3 minutes since he is always needing money, so screw that loser. Very implausible plot with lots of eye-rolling. Just not a good movie in my opinion.
The Defenders (2017)
Huge disappointment
Just binged the Defenders and I don't know what show people are watching but I witnessed a horribly written farce which only sucks marginally less than Iron Fist.I stuck it out to the end hoping for something good, but alas.The fight scenes were forgettable.I just don't care if they make another one at this point.
From the dozens of pointless arguments, the repeating loop of that's crazy, I can't believe this! In a world where space aliens were fighting flying people and giant green monsters live on television, to lines like "What do you mean mechanical!?" The writing is just so hollow.I did like Jessica Jones smart ass remarks for the most part though. Save your weekend, this is not worth your time.
By the way I dug daredevil,Luke cage and Jessica Jones. Which may hav3 magnified my tremendous disappointment.
Life (2017)
What a bummer
You might think I thought it was a bummer because of the ending, and the ending did suck. But I was most disappointed with the lame creature and the very stupid script. The ending did top it off though as they blatantly cheated to instill " shock". By misleading the audience with shots of both astro-idiots reaction to their impending fate they took me from meh to this movie sucks in about 10 seconds.
The creature was set up as a creature with great potential..."each cell is a muscle and a nerve." And then they give you a space octopus with fewer tentacles and the only thing frightening about an octopus(it's beak) replaced with a cicada face or something. TOTAL FAIL.
The Paperboy (2012)
Worthless smelly garbage
Despite strong performances from some of the actors(Cusack was pretty creepy), none of the characters in this film vaguely resembles any person who has actually lived on this planet. There are only one-dimensional stereotypes and excuses to insert "shocking twists" into a rather unimportant and undeveloped "story".
You have a reporter(?) out to expose the truth about a wrongful conviction. A woman obsessed with a imprisoned killer who says it's because he is innocent, but really she just doesn't think she deserves any better. A housekeeper who is narrating the story(who is difficult to understand) for some unknown person for some unknown purpose. A kid who sits around and feels jealous of everyone else's relationships and pines for the previously mentioned prison groupie, because, well as is the norm in this film who knows(or cares for that matter).But it is insinuated because she reminds him of his mommy. And she is of course unrealistically hot for a prison groupie. These characters are not explained or developed in any meaningful way aside from the fact that the boy has mommy abandonment issues, the reporter is ashamed by his homosexual desire for black men and, oh white people were really racist back in the day. And swamp people walk around naked with dead alligators hanging everywhere. And eat ice cream out of pots. And I guess they had not yet invented air-conditioning or indoor plumbing whenever this film was supposed to take place. Because most of the characters are covered in dirt and sweat throughout.
These characters serve only as a prop, as does the story and film itself for the writer/director's desire to "shock" the audience and show how brave they are for using the "n-word" and showing taboo things like masturbation, rape, gay bondage rape and alligator guts. Oh and don't forget pointless urination and the constant reminder that the world is and has always been a terrible place and any attempts to do the right thing will be met with disappointment and murder.
They do not develop any tension in the so-called story relating to the completely inconsequential investigation and consistently have every major plot development off screen. Focusing mostly on the fantasies (twisted and otherwise) of I presume the writer. A complete waste of time and film. All concerned should be ashamed to be associated with this cinematic cum stain.
Looper (2012)
"Science fiction" for dummies
Having seen the overwhelmingly positive reviews of this film, i mistakenly believed it would at least be a passable science fiction/action movie. Sadly, the so called "science" portion of this movie is so absurdly handled i was compelled to vent about it.
If you are entertained by Bruce Willis movies of the past few years, this may seem a step up in quality.But the how the hell could that happen moments are so frequent that i found it to be insufferable.
The tons of plot-holes are maddening and quite frankly, an insult to the intelligence of a fifth-grader.Yet, the issues of how you can come back in time if you have been dead for 30 years, seem to be entirely forgivable be those who champion this pathetic excuse for sci-fi.If you ignore feasibility it is fantasy. Saying "that is the reality of this movie" does not erase the absolute absurdity of it.
This is not Science fiction. It is a bad comic book movie without the people in spandex. And that is an insult to comic book movies.