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Down to the Dirt (2008)
Things I Learned from Down to the Dirt
1. I'm a fool for sitting through the entire movie hoping something interesting will happen eventually.
2. There be rednecks in Canada.
3. In a town where cops let known major alcoholics, pedophiles and arsonists walk/drive freely with impunity, people are afraid to gather lawfully in a remote forest location.
4. Bad poetry can always get you in hot dates and get you out of jail free.
5. Bad poetry is no longer confined to Britain. It has spread to Canada. Along with bagpipes.
6. Bagpipes is a symbol of culture. Such symbols will eventually drive people to consume hallucinogenics.
7. Prostitutes will give you freebies if they learn you are not a local.
8. You should always accept an invitation to meet your prostitute's pimp/bf/husband. You never know what goodies you can mooch off them.
9. A cat does not have 9 lives. Maybe 3. No more than 4 certainly.
10. If you are rooting for a bad man to fire a flare gun in the main character's eye, you should probably walk out of the movie.
11. If your audience will care more about a minor cat character's life in the movie than that of the main character, you should probably not make that movie.
12. I'm a damned fool.
The Notebook (2004)
Things I Learned from The Notebook
1. True love is when you off yourselves simultaneously.
2. Richie Rich jilted lovers can only think of 3 options - 1. Murder, 2. Assault, 3. Termination.
3. If you build it, she will come.
4. Always deflower in a condemned, hazardous mold-infested abandoned mansion. It enhances the mood.
5. Be sure to tattle the location of your impending deeds to a random friend just in case you have to practice coitus interruptus at 2 AM.
6. Rich gals have their schedules so packed tight that they only have a little discretionary time late at night to catch up on their reading. They also possess a time traveling device so that they can squeeze in hours of extra time to go frolicking all day with a newly acquired boytoy.
The Invitation (2015)
Thing I Learned from The Invitation
1. Copious amount of facial hair gives you immunity against contracting diseases from the bare-handed handling of road-kill.
2. Mexico exports services fatal to US citizens.
Children of Men (2006)
Things I Learned from Children of Men
1. An African-American woman will not get credit on the movie poster even though she does most of the work relevant to the plot of a movie.
Outlander (2008)
Things I Learned from Outlander
1. Underwater dwelling creature can drown easily
2. Monsters save hot babes for dessert
3. The width of your tool matters more than its length
Revolutionary Road (2008)
Things I Learned on the Revolutionary Road
1. Avoid scrambled eggs before getting an abortion
2. Snails, Frogs and Monkeys are some common Parisian attractions
3. An American coupling with a European will work as well as a ship with an iceberg
4. Kate Winslet can suck it all out in mere seconds, while she is fully clothed
5. Schedule to station troops abroad on their birthdays so that they will return with fond memories of their deployment
6. IBM computers are harmful to an unborn child