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Reviews
Monsters (2010)
It didn't do anything for me
I've been meaning to watch this for years and I kind of wish I hadn't bothered. It felt like a very slow, drawn-out romance film that incidentally had aliens in it, albeit the aliens only appeared on-screen for ~2 minutes total.
I don't need my monster films to be full of blood and gore, but I do expect them to have a slight focus on the monsters themselves. Ultimately the film is about a courtship between a photographic journalist and his boss's daughter who needs escorting back home, with a small commentary on immigration, human survival, and corruption. We don't ever learn anything about the aliens, what they are, what they want or where they came from. If you like slow romance/drama films with a semi-apocalyptic setting, this is for you. Otherwise give it a miss.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: P.C. (2010)
Usually love SVU but this one was a stinker
This episode almost seemed to deliberately be taking the piss out of lesbian women and turning them all into a gross stereotype. Aside from that the acting sucked. Super disappointing.
Hereditary (2018)
I honestly don't know what I just watched
It was eerie and chilling and completely twisted, and the acting was pretty fantastic, but I'm not really sure what I just watched. If you enjoy bizarre, left of centre horror-esque films with a bit of mental illness, demonic possession, satanic worship and extreme gore, this one is definitely for you.
The Last House on the Left (2009)
Could've been good but the 100% unnecessary 3 minute long rape scene ruined it entirely
Honestly can't even think to say anything good about this film because I feel so disturbed and mortified by the rape scene that seemed to drag on and on and on. Aside from being an awful plot device, why on earth was it even necessary for a rape scene to occur after a massive car accident while on the run from the police?
Do better, writers. Women don't just exist to be raped and traumatised in films for funsies. This would've been a significantly better film without the rape.
Day of the Dead: Bloodline (2017)
A rapey stalker zombie is all you need to know about this film
Pretty much the entire premise of this film is based around a creepy, stalker-y rapist who becomes a zombie, but somehow retains some intelligence based on his desire to rape one particular woman. That's kind of all you need to know about this entire film. Truly the worst concept for a zombie film I've ever heard of; I felt dirty watching it. The acting was also atrocious. It gets a generous 2 because some of the make-up was decent.
It Comes at Night (2017)
Nothing comes at night
I don't really know what I was meant to take away from this film. It was 1.5 hours of build and then...nothing. Nothing happens. Nothing comes at night. Nothing is explained. Ultimately it ended up being a film about sick, violent people. Maybe the message was meant to be something about the depravity of humanity? I don't know but I wasn't impressed. I really wanted to like the film after having heard so many good things, and I was intrigued throughout most of it, but the insubstantial ending left me feeling totally dissatisfied and disappointed.
Annabelle (2014)
Super disappointing
This film wasn't anything exciting or radical, but I was enjoying up until the point where the black woman committed suicide to save the white family. To me that felt incredibly gross and it totally dampened the whole movie for me. It was crappy, unoriginal story-telling at best and blatantly racist at worst. I'm not going to be hanging out for Annabelle 2 given how disappointing the first one was.
Black Water (2007)
Probably one of the worst horror films I've seen
I've seen a lot of awful horror films in my life and this one is pretty high up on the list. It was just so utterly boring; at times literally nothing happened and you were forced to watch people sitting in a tree, not talking and unmoving, for minutes at a time. The footage of the crocodile looked like it had been taken out of an Animal Planet documentary and spliced into the film, and the pacing was all over the place. It kept being implied that great lengths of time had passed without any evidence or illustration of that actually having happened. All in all the film took itself far too seriously...it probably would've been better as a comedy.
Amusement (2008)
Possibly the worst horror I've seen
This was one of the worst horrors I've watched, not because of bad acting or a low budget or anything else but because it was so utterly boring and had no depth.
The whole thing was completely disjointed, there was no real explanation for the killer's tendencies and the scenes jumped all over the place. There was also no back story and you didn't get a chance to build up a connection to any of the main characters.
There was very little gore in the movie and no actual frightening moments. As a horror film it has nothing going for it. It has one slightly shocking scene but the rest of the movie is dreary and just lame.
It was incredible boring and disappointing. I'd rather watch a terrible B-grade any day.