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marty344
Reviews
Big Stan (2007)
This is the worst and most offensive movie i have ever seen in my life!
As you can probably guess from the summary i gave i hate this movie with a passion. This is the most disgusting, horrible excuse for a movie i have ever seen. I had the misfortune of wasting $10 of my money as i went to see it at the cinema. So offended was i by the movie i walked out half way though it and i have never walked out of movie until i watched this. The jokes in this movie, if they can be called that are the opposite of funny. The storyline is so utterly ridiculous and absurd, it just gets stupider by the minute. The themes in the movie were so very offensive from the fight scenes in the prison to the main character fearing getting raped in prison. I should have known from the first 5 minutes of the movie it was going to be a crap movie. When he tells the old lady that she should fear getting raped by black men i should have walked out at that moment.
I don't want to write anymore about this crap movie. I am so ashamed to have wasted my money on this piece of horse manure called Big Stan. I have absolutely no idea how so many people can find this movie funny. This movie is so typical of the long list of trashy movies that Hollywood is making. If anyone reads this, please heed my advice and avoid this movie like the plague. this movie has single handedly put me off going to the cinema forever, and i will not be watching anymore of Rob Schnider's (aka MR can't act, can't direct, isn't funny) films again as long as i'm alive and breathing.
Haute tension (2003)
Good idea for movie. Poorly thought out.
In terms of it being a scary movie id give it 10/10. It is very scary and full of high tension, no pun intended. But it terms of the storyline and the so called twist at the end i give it a big fat 0.
By the end of the movie it turns out the short haired girl is the killer. So appraently whenever you see the man going around killing people its actually the girl. As mind boggling as that is there's a whole bunch of scenes in the movie that are equally mind boggling.
1) at the start of the movie we see the 'man' in his truck masturbating with a decapitated female's head. BUT at the same time the short haired girl is in the car with the brunette as they are driving to the house. what the??
2) when the dad gets killed (man knocks on door dad opens, he gets stabbed), the girl is up in her bedroom. what the??
3) the short haired girl is hiding under her bed, the man looks around the room. what the??
4) the short haired girl is in the mothers bedroom closet when she witnesses the 'man' stab her to death. what the??
5) the short haired girl looks out the window and sees the child walking to the corn field. soon after the 'man' kills the child. what the??
6)the short haired girl in in a car following the 'man' in the truck. what the??
7) the short haired girl is in the service station and sees the worker being killed by the man. what the??
8) the short haired girl goes down to the toilets. the man soon goes to the toilet as well, searches cubicles, while girl is hiding. what the??
9) the short haired fights with the man using the barbed wire wooden post. what the??
can everyone see what I'm getting at. not one of those scenes makes any sense when it is know by the end that the girl is the killer. how can she be doing two things at once?? (eg be driving the truck and car at the same time).
anyone who thinks this is a well thought out movie with a well thought out plot ought to check them self into a mental hospital too. no one in their right mind can say the twist at the end made any sense (in relation to the scenes I've spelled out).
like i said its one of the scariest movies I've ever seen. the chainsaw seen is one on the scariest ever. Especially when the poor girl in the back was looking a chainsaw in the face less than a meter from her. Anybody not scared by that should check their pulse. But also like i said the storyline was ridiculous. why didn't they have someone look at the script and point out the contradictions to the director. It could have been SO much better.
So I'm giving it 5/10. If u want to be scared out of your chair watch this movie. But you will be disappointed by the twist at the end and the ending. You will also have your mind boggled. Once again if anyone out their can explain the inconsistencies in the movie especially the scenes I've pointed out PLEASE LET ME KNOW. maybe I'm not as smart as everyone else. maybe i don't get what the twist was supposed to represent. but what i do know is that a person cant be in two places at the same time.
Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)
This movie is crap!
This is one of the worst 'horror' movies I have ever seen. It is just another stupid horror movie made by Hollywood. its as if Hollywood movies are produced on a factory line without any effort made into developing the characters and the plot. The plot in this movie is non existent. It turns out the Haunted House has an evil idol in it and the only way to get rid of the evil in the house is to get rid of the idol. And how do they do that I hear you ask. By flushing it down the sewer! The death scenes are totally absurd and not scary. And it is so predictable. You just know by watching the first 10 minutes the main character will make it out of the house. Unfortunately they didn't build on what made the first movie work so well. This is movie making at its absolute worst. This movie is 100% CRAP!!!!