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Love Lies Bleeding (2024)
You've seen it before...
There's not much here that you haven't already seen before. It's a pretty generic, paint by numbers, thriller a La Blood Simple. The only difference is that there's a body builder chick in this one.
The acting was very middle of the road. I don't think anyone really did an amazing job. Especially the two leads.. they were probably the worst out of the whole cast. In fact the actress who played the beat up sister character was the best one and she only had minimal scenes..
Anyway.. I think the cinematography and music were actually very good and it did handle the thriller aspect pretty well. The violent parts didn't shy away from the gore which I really appreciate in a movie like this. But I did find myself laughing at things that were definitely meant to be taken seriously.
The girl basically pulling a Lou Ferrigno everytime she shout up roids, had me laughing my ass off and the ending is so ridiculously cringe and stupid, my eyes rolled so hard that they almost fell out of my head.. But overall it was way better than I thought it was going to be so I guess it wasn't a total fail..
American Me (1992)
People romanticize about this movie smh
This is the REAL street life homes! We're struggling... then stop. Move somewhere better. I'm always hearing people talk about this movie as if it were some masterpiece. I saw this back when I was in highschool (like 25 years ago) and all I could ever really remember about it is the shocking R@pe scene. Yea there are some brutal moments in this. It's a typical prison movie tho. Honestly I'd rather watch Death Warrant with Jean Claude 20 times over before I watched this again.
So yea I revisited it recently and it was worse than I even remembered. Again. It's not BAD. It's just not great either. The acting is honestly the worst part about it and the fact that there's no real protagonist. Meaning you don't really care about any of the people when it's all said and done. Just waiting for the movie to end.
Betrayal: The Perfect Husband (2023)
Cringe documentary
I couldn't stop mocking the woman telling her story. Her fairytale relationship that she had with the most perfect of perfect perfection guys. Women like this are like the epitome of stupid female.
I feel like so much information was left out of this thing. Like who this guy was in general. It focuses so much on this lady and how in love she was with this monster. The fact that she tells it like she still loves this POS makes it even more cringe.
Like she will be gauging every guy she gets with from this point on next to this p3do. Because all she thinks about is the "good things" which.... WERE FAKE! Jeez lady...
Sure I'm focusing on this woman a lot right?? Well that's because the whole documentary is mainly about her and her feelings.
Aaron Carter: The Little Prince of Pop (2023)
Spotlight
This just felt like a platform for all of these washed up nobodies.
Overly long documentary that spends too much time unfocused. Highlighting these leeches that have no clout left in this dying industry. Dude with tattoos all over his body, backwards trucker hat and nose rings talks about himself for most of it.
A documentary about Californians, for Californians, made by Californians.
It's tragic what happened to Aaron Carter, I would've rather watched a 90 min documentary that was solely about him and more detailed. Maybe shine a light on how terrible Hollywood is, because we all know it is by this point.
The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon (2023)
I dunno why I'm watching this lol
But I am...
I will say that I rather enjoy the setting of this show. But it's honestly just pretty boring for the most part. Like the Dead City first season, this is helped by the six episode runtime. I didn't feel like a wasted as much of my time watching it.
I'm going to say what I said about basically every walking dead show and really any post apocalyptic show or movie ever made... I'm sorry but there would be absolutely no girl bosses if this actually happened. The fact that men are following women's instructions and even in some cases cowering to them is laughably ridiculous. It's just not the way things would actually go down. The men would take charge of everything and the women would do whatever they were told. I'm not saying this because I think it's right. It's just reality.
But yea you get more of that here with some French boss lady that grown, burly men are afraid of. It really takes me out of it tbh lol.
The Walking Dead: Dead City (2023)
I'm watching this?
Couldn't tell you why, but I watched this lol. Pretty frustrating that if you want to hopefully see a conclusion to TWD you have to watch all these spin-off shows as well.
This wasn't horrible to be honest. I think it REALLY helps that it's only 6 episodes. Having said that, the following probably 10 seasons are going to be 16 episodes. I highly doubt I'll keep watching this for more than another season or two.
It's nice seeing Negan and what he's up to. Maggie is more annoying than ever. So is her son... I also have to point out that like the previous walking dead shows, there's always this female boss lady, which is always so unrealistic. In a post apocalypse people would revert to a more primitive mindset. The strong (men) would totally dominate the women. The females would have zero authority, just saying...
Madame Web (2024)
2 stars for laughs
It's funny how a superhero movie comes along and everyone piles on it (including the usual fans of the MCU and DCU)
This movie IS terrible but it's honestly no worse than anything Disney marvel has put out in the past 3 years. But I guess people openly hate this because it's not connected to their precious MCU or anything else for that matter?
I dunno but yea this is a really stupid movie. But it is actually very funny too. In an unintentional way. I was genuinely laughing throughout this entire movie. The dialogue, acting and just general actions of the characters was hilarious.
Would i recommend paying money to watch it? Nope ::wink wink::
Promising Young Woman (2020)
Seriously?
I've seen other people say that this movie is like "I Spit on your Grave" but without the gore. That statement is laughable at best. One movie actually gives you an accurate depiction of a horrible act followed by a well deserved revenge, whilst remaining serious about the whole thing. The other basically making a joke about the whole thing all while saying to the audience YAS QUEEN REVANGE N STUFF WOWIE!
The latter would be this movie. It's honestly embarrassing how it goes from serious for a slight second to lighthearted for most of the movie. It's like some revenge fantasy for stupid women who think everything is misogynistic.
Like don't get me wrong, dudes are bad in this movie but instead of actually making it intense, shocking and serious, the filmmaker decided to turn it all into a dark comedy for some bizarre reason.
The fact that people are championing this movie is honestly out of this world. It's in such poor taste. I found myself laughing at stuff that one should never be laughing at in a movie because that's the tone it set for these scenes. It's so weird... it almost seems like a joke..
Aquaslash (2019)
It's really not as bad as people are saying
I notice theres an influx of "I love REAL horror" people nowadays. Which basically means you're not a horror fan. You like some actual horror movies that are genuinely scary or what you perceive to be scary. But as far as the entire genre and all its sub genres are concerned, you're not really a fan.
Ask 90% of actual hardcore horror fans what their favorite movies are and I'm willing to bet most of their favorites are just fun, gory, action packed movies. Most likely funny and has some nudity thrown in for extra points..
Well that's basically what this is.. I mean don't get me wrong, it's not a very good movie. But it's enjoyable if you're a fan of stupid, low budget slasher movies. This clearly isn't supposed to be remotely scary and it doesn't have to... I personally don't find a single slasher movie to be scary and they're some of my favorites of the horror genre.
But yea rant over.. just tired of these people who clearly aren't even into movies like this chiming in with their pointless opinions. They probably loved that new Exorcist turd lol.
Mission: Impossible (1996)
The Hitchcock Impossible
Brain De Palma has always been a favorite of mine despite him almost blatantly ripping off Hitchcock with every film he makes. Hey, he does it well so whatever.
I vividly remember seeing this in the theater back when it first came out and falling in love with it. Still to this day when people ask me what my favorite movie of the series is, it's this one and it's for one big reason. It feels like a movie that was made by an artist. This is what I wish more spy movies felt like. A cloud of mystery and intrigue. Even a bit of eeriness to it where you as an audience member don't know who is who or what is real.
Aside from this huge point, the supporting cast is stellar and the action set pieces are still awesome to this day even if the train sequence looks a bit dodgy, it still works well.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
Maybe it's not meant for me?
So I'll begin by saying that I've never played any of these games but I did watch someone's breakdown of the entire story line/lore a while back, so I'm sorta familiar with the concept, look and backstory of this franchise. But I must repeat, I'm not necessarily a fan really.
Having said that, I went into this with not the lowest or highest expectations. The last two of these animatronic Chuck E Cheeses gone awry horror movies were absolutely horrible (Willy's wonderland and Banana Splits.) so I figured maybe third times a charm..
Unfortunately this was basically on par with those. Just in a different way. This time it's obviously meant for a younger crowd and is based on a popular video game franchise. So it's basically like a big budget episode of Goosebumps, which if you're an adult sucks balls. If you're a kid maybe it's fun. But this movie wasn't really fun imo. It was boring as all hell.
I've even seen fans say they that the things it did right were basically just the fact that aesthetically it look d like the game. That's a pretty surface level bar to hit if you ask me. The movie just dragged and dragged. The first hour like nothing happened. I looked at the runtime and was like god there's like another hour of this left.....
The Exorcist: Believer (2023)
Insulting to actual real fans
This was laughably bad.
Like I was laughing out loud while watching this.
It was beyond stupid.
I am a huge fan of the original movie. It's a genuine masterpiece of cinema. The sequel was horrible and Exorcist 3 was a very surprising entry in the series that honestly never should've even been.
The two shots at doing a prequel were a giant swing and a miss. So when I saw that the same hack who did those Halloween movies was making another soft reboot of an even more serious movie series, it was a big eye roll.
The only redeeming thing I can say about this movie is I think the two girls actually did a good job at acting possessed. That's where the 1 star goes. Literally everything else was idiotic, nonsensical, over the top and convoluted.
It's hard to imagine that there's going to be 2 more of these turds coming in the future lol.
Once Bitten (1985)
A favorite of mine
Despite that, it's a pretty average movie. It's not laugh out loud funny and the horror tropes make little sense at times and is pretty tacky.
There are some charming bf elements of the movie tho. I think the casting is great and I actually love seeing Carrey not be over the top and play a normal guy.
The soundtrack is great and the movie overall oozes 80s flare.
I've seen some overly sensitive cry babies on here refer to this movie as offensive and homophobic because it was the 80s and people threw the "F word" around freely. There's also a scene where one of the guys is freaked out by a cross dresser. You know, because he's straight and the big dude dressed as a woman grabbed his knee..
But yea it's funny how people say things like "this didn't age well" and whatnot. Like they're the damn movie police or something. There's way more offensive movies out there than this, believe me.
John Carpenter's Suburban Screams (2023)
Kinda silly
I'm just gonna come out and say it.. John Carpenter was the king of the 80s. But he hasnt been on that throne in over 3 decades. He had a couple passable movies in the 90s but the dude lost his touch tbh. He's been thriving producing synth music for a while now. That's where I think he should've stayed.
His last movie The Ward was so awful I was like yea dude, retire already lol.
So when I saw that he was doing this series, I literally had no interest at all. But... then I saw that it was a documentary series and that had my intrigued! Like wow a true crime series hmmm. This could possibly be worth a watch maybe.
Unfortunately all of these "cases" seem really unbelievable and honestly very uninteresting. I found myself bored to death through the whole thing. I also felt somewhat phony. Like these people recounting the events were actors or something. Not to mention the re-enactments were REALLY horrible. Like that's to be expected from your run of the mill true crime series.. but this is John Carpenter right?? It should be better I would think...
I mean for comparison.. ID has a series called Real Detective that was rebranded to The Case That Haunts Me and that series has amazing re-enactments and it's on the discovery channel..
Anyway... it's not like the worst thing I've ever seen (hence the 3 stars) but it was definitely boring and I can't really recommend it either.
Big Vape: The Rise and Fall of Juul (2023)
Vaping helped me quit cigarettes
It's true I switched to vaping almost 9 years ago and I never smoked another cigarette since then. I also quit vaping around 3 years ago and haven't hit the vape once since then. It's possible I would still be smoking today if it weren't for vaping.
Having said that.. I never even heard of JUUL till probably a year before I quit vaping... in this documentary they act like they were some innovators or something. I remember hundreds of different pods, tanks, mods, you name it, on the market long before.
This whole documentary just felt kinda try-hard. Like sure they made a ton of money and it was super successful. But to act like they actually did something mind blowing or innovative as far as vaping is concerned is pretty ridiculous.
I know the score is super low. But honestly the biggest problem this documentary has is the fact that it's insanely too long. They could've easily made this an 80 minute movie instead. Felt like a huge waste of time and sorta putting these dudes up on a pedestal.
The Fall of the House of Usher (2023)
Seriously?
Seriously this is what y'all are talking so highly of??
Anytime you see nothing but 10/10 ratings from people, you need to be very suspicious. Even a 9/10 is a super high score for any piece of media.
What we have here is another instance of Flanagan completely missing the mark.
People say "if you're a huge fan of Poe than you'll love this." How?? It literally has nothing to do with his short story. This is (in name only)
So yea specifically, the acting for one is abysmal. Completely unbelievable. Story is predictable, overly long and drawn out, boring, characters are unlikable and annoying and of course it wouldn't be a "modern day retelling" if It didn't have some stupid one sided social commentary in it.
...like yea I went into "The Fall in the House of Usher" for modern day political commentary!!!! That's what I wanted!! Thank you!!
Ugh.. I think I'm done with Mike Flanagan...
I Spit on Your Grave (2010)
It's not bad, but not great either
So I'll start by saying that I'm a huge fan of the original 1978 film by Meir Zarchi. It's very realistic and was one of the first "shock" movies I ever saw like 25 years ago.
When I heard they were making this, I was incredibly skeptical but saw it when it came out and was pretty surprised by how faithful it is to the original movie.
However... the third act of the movie kinda jumps the shark. It's borderline comical when the "revenge" part happens. Girl goes from incredible acting of just being assaulted and left for dead to like over the top villain acting. Spouting off oneliners and sticking shot guns up a dudes butt. It's like way overboard and honestly had me dying laughing. It's just a weird juxtaposition to the genuinely shocking and unsettling lead up.
But yea I don't hate it. It's just not great either.
I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)
Bad lol
So I'll start by saying that I'm a huge fan of the original movie from 1978. I thought they did a pretty good job remaking it in 2010 with the exception of it being insanely over the top when it came to the "revenge" part of the movie. I honestly just start laughing and rolling my eyes which is a jarring contrast to the first 2 thirds or so of the movie where it's actually quite realistic and shocking.
Now when taking about this one... it's sorta the same deal. The first half or so of the movie is pretty realistic. However the lead actress' acting is incredibly bad. She's only good when she's crying or screaming lol. Which I guess is a plus for this type of story.
But yea once the "payback" part of the movie kicks in, it becomes wildly ridiculous like to the max. I was cracking up thru most it. Which is the last thing going you wanna be doing after having seen what happened prior in the film.
Anyway.. i gave it 2 stars for a few decent lot done moments in the movie. But overall, this flick is pretty stupid.
Ritual (2002)
Seriously? Lol
I saw some reviewer on here saying that he watched all three Tales from the Crypt movies and Bordello of Blood was the worst one...
...I hadn't seen Ritual because it honestly looked and sounded like it was gonna suck. I avoided it for the past 20 years and finally decided to check it out because this reviewer said they were a "huge horror fan" and was stating that it's far better than Bordello...
Well buddy... you're wrong lmao
This movie was so damn boring. Lacking gore, blood, FX and humor. All of which make it break a TFTC movie.
The only thing that was even remarkable about the flick was the cast. But even Tim Curry couldn't save it...
Fast X (2023)
Let's be real...
Like c'mon... if you're watching the tenth Fast and Furious movie, you know by now that these movies are stupid. They don't need to make sense. They are very self aware. I honestly have come to expect them to be more ridiculous every time and welcome it.
I have to say I was pretty surprised by this movie. After Paul Walker died I wasn't sure if they would be able to keep me interested. The last 2 movies (8 and 9) were pretty uneventful and I was kinda struggling to care. I think Charlize Theron being the villain had a lot to do with it. Never really cared for her as the antagonist.
Here we get Jason Momoa, whom I'm not a fan of at all to be honest.. but I actually enjoyed how cartoony and over the top he was. I think it's what this franchise has needed for a while. Basically Joker...
But yea I also liked the cliffhanger ending. Left me with something to kinda sorta look forward to in the next one.
Again. I'm not saying this is a good movie be any means. But it's serviceable if you're into these mindless action movies that you watch while stuffing pizza in your face hole.
Barbie (2023)
Oh my!
Oh my glob! I freakin love this movie like total so much like holy wow!
Ken is the bestest character of all times. He's such an inspirational inspiration I can't even come up with words to even like totally explain it and stuff.
He was the highlight of the movie by far. I hope they make a Ken movie next time. Ryan Gosling is so amazing in this movie like holy freak! He deserves the Grammy award for this master piece of perfect performances in the Barbie movie like whoa!
How is it even possibly real that he was that good in the movie that wasn't even his own thing?! Like oh my globbbbb for really real I'm blown away like wowie wow.
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
2 stars for makeup
So I remember seeing this in the theater when it came out and thinking it was ok. Came out around the time that the House on Haunted Hill remake came out. I liked that one too.
But I hadn't seen the movie in a long ass time... always hear people saying how amazing it is and whatnot, so I decided to revisit it..
Good lord, it's way worse than I remember. Especially for how praised it seems to be. This is probably one of the most overrated pieces of garbage ever. The only thing it has going for it is some decent practical FX and I do like some of the casting. The rest is just corny as hell and honestly pretty boring.
It's oozing that crappy late 90s horror aesthetic.
Of course, they're making a TV series apparently that is an origin for each ghost.... What a stupid idea. But ya know, people will eat whatever poop you serve up to them nowadays.
Insidious: The Red Door (2023)
I didn't think it could get worse
So I've arrived to the latest movie in the series after going back and rewatching the first 4. It's been a journey.... A journey of nothingness to be honest.
These movies are like Groundhog Day. Just the same thing happening over and over. It has gotten tiring..
This movie actually surprised me by just how crap it was. I thought hey, this one might be better since it's been a while. Maybe they have a good story to tell. Maybe it'll actually be scary for once. NOPE.
This thing is beyond stupid. I mean I can repeat my criticisms of the last 4 movies in that it's predictable to know end, cliche, corny as hell, over the top, overacted and unintentionally hilarious at times. But this one took it a step further and had extremely unlikable characters and super cringe modern dialogue (if you know what I mean..)
Oh... and also this movie is a freakin snoozer for real. I couldn't wait for this thing to be over. I only finished it because I committed to revisiting this whole franchise and wanted to see it thru lol.
Insidious: The Last Key (2018)
The Last Key Jangle
Seriously this movie just basically turns it's head at the camera and winks like "REMEMBER THIS CALL BACK?!"
So yea I'm continuing my marathon leading up to the newest movie "The Red Door" and the future ain't looking good lol
This is seriously more of the same over the top, overacted, goofy, cringe fest that the last 3 movies brought to the table.
Now don't get me wrong, some of my favorite horror movies aren't scary at all. But those movies also have a-lot of other entertainment values to them such as blood, gore, nudity and laughs. These movies have none of that. So they seriously NEED to be scary or else it's a complete failure if you ask me.
But yea this was just another Lin Shaye vehicle with her pulling that OH MY GODDDDD face over and over that you just can't help but bust out laughing at.
Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015)
The marathon continues
So I've just finished the third installment of my rewatch marathon and honestly this is probably the best one so far in terms of scares.
Now don't get me wrong, it's still cheesy as hell, cliche, predictable, the score is hammering you over the head and the acting is way over the top. But there was at least a glimmer of something good here.
I thought the runtime also helped a lot. I mean it's only like 10 mins shorter than the previous 2 films but it made a world of difference. Felt like it breezed by which offended me less lol.
Overall this got the same score as the first movie but I think I enjoyed it slightly more.