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Reviews
Antz (1999)
Antz: the video game
This game gave me acute pancreatic cancer, that spread to by bowels. Ever since playing this cursed game, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Has gone wrong for me. I got this game at a goodwill 2 months ago, and in that time frame, my life has gone downhill at breakneck speeds. My 2 uncles dies in separate plane crashes not 3 weeks from each other, my wife left me and took the El Nacho Grande in the divorce, my only source of joy in this mortal plane since the Antz incident of January 2023. My cancer has spread and I'm beginning to lose function in my hands from being in contact with the controller. I have seen the great beyond and it's level two of that horrible game. I dont want to go, not yet. Don't make me go.
-Thomas Edison, on his deathbed, October 18, 1931.
Gamer (2009)
gamer: the movie that saved my marriage
My wife and I constantly fought, however, upon seeing this utter garbage fire, sewage landslide of a "film", we could finally agree on something again. This movie, in its horrendousness, allowed me and my wife to see the true value in each other, compared to the one-dimensional, insanely boring and cringeworthy characters that honestly would feel quite at home in an episode of MST3K. My favorite part of the movie is when the main character (The Gamer) says his classic catchphrase: "it's gaming time" and then games all over the place. This terrible movie kept me from losing the El Nacho Grande in the divorce. Thank you, Gamer (2009).
-Thomas Edison, on his death bed, October 18, 1931.