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And remember folks: Animation is a MEDIUM, not a genre. It's for kids, teenagers, adults and even seniors. Therefore, it's for EVERYONE! Screw the age ghetto, and embrace the art of animation.
Also, please DON'T harass the animators working on "Beyond the Spider-Verse". They have suffered through poor working conditions and we can't let the higher-ups rush the finale film into something completely undeserved. So let them take their time and be patient for once, even if the SAG-AFTRA Strike is over and that production is now back in order. Also, did anybody saw the tragic news on Peter B. Parker? It's extremely jarring, despicable and just so damn heartbreaking. With that being said, please let them work in peace. Oh, and one more note; just say NO to Artificial Intelligence. Be a hard-working man, not a lazy slug who relies on a machine, and I definitely mean IT!!
"Fuck the Oscars!" - Josef Fares at the 2017 Gamer Awards; a literally true response for not nominating Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror, Frankenstein, King Kong, Duck Soup, M, The Third Man, Singin' in the Rain, Rear Window, Seven Samurai, Tokyo Story, Vertigo, North by Northwest, Some Like it Hot, Psycho, The Searchers, Cool Hand Luke, 8½, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Blazing Saddles, Duel, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Mirror, The Jerk, Alien, Manhattan, Airplane!, The Empire Strikes Back, The Blues Brothers, The Shining, The Evil Dead, Blow Out, Blade Runner, The Thing, Videodrome, Scarface, Local Hero, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Terminator, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, Fright Night, Ran, Brazil, Back to the Future, The Breakfast Club, After Hours, Aliens, The Fly, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Princess Bride, Three Amigos!, Full Metal Jacket, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, The Lost Boys, Roxanne, Withnail and I, Dead Ringers, Akira, Grave of the Fireflies, Die Hard, My Neighbor Totoro, When Harry Met Sally, Do the Right Thing, Jacob's Ladder, Misery, Boyz N' The Hood, The Fisher King, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Reservior Dogs, Braindead aka Dead Alive, Jurassic Park, Groundhog Day, Leon: The Professional, Clerks, The Mask, Dumb and Dumber, The Lion King, Se7en, Toy Story, Tommy Boy, Heat, Get Shorty, The Usual Suspects, Before Sunrise, Scream, Trainspotting, Sling Blade, Chasing Amy, Face/Off, Princess Mononoke, The Truman Show, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, The Big Lebowski, Being John Malkovich, Eyes Wide Shut, Magnolia, The Iron Giant, Toy Story 2, The Matrix, Fight Club, Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai, In the Mood for Love, Requiem for a Dream, Almost Famous, Memento, The Emperor's New Groove, Shrek, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, The Royal Tenenbaums, A.I. Artificial Intelligence, Mulholland Drive, The Others, Donnie Darko, Far from Heaven, Spirited Away, Lilo and Stitch, Minority Report, City of God, Elf, Oldboy, Kill Bill, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Mean Girls, Mysterious Skin, Saw, The Incredibles, Howl's Moving Castle, Before Sunset, Shaun of the Dead, Shrek 2, Sin City, Brick, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Cache, A History of Violence, The Prestige, Casino Royale, The Fountain, The Devil Wears Prada, Stranger Than Fiction, Children of Men, Pan's Labyrinth, Paprika, Like Stars on Earth, Enchanted, Superbad, Hot Fuzz, Into the Wild, Zodiac, Ratatouille, WALL-E, Kung Fu Panda, In Bruges, The Dark Knight, Iron Man, The Wrestler, Hunger, Let the Right One In, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Loved Ones, The Milk of Sorrow, Coraline, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, How to Train Your Dragon, Shutter Island, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows; Part 2, Locke, Shame, Contagion, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Source Code, Drive, Attack the Block, Kung Fu Panda 2, The Hunt, Skyfall, The Avengers, The Master, Wreck-It Ralph, Prisoners, Gone Girl, Edge of Tomorrow, Clouds of Sils Maria, Nightcrawler, The LEGO Movie, Interstellar, Wild Tales, Anomalisa, Creed, Wild Tales, Silence, Your Name, The VVitch, Deadpool, Sing Street, Blade Runner 2049, War for the Planet of the Apes, The Disaster Artist, I Tonya, The Big Sick, Coco, The Florida Project, Good Time, First Reformed, A Silent Voice, Logan, A Quiet Place, American Woman, Eighth Grade, Paddington 2, Mandy, Blindspotting, Mission: Impossible – Fallout, Hereditary, Sorry to Bother You, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Avengers: Endgame, The Farewell, Us, Booksmart, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Uncut Gems, Knives Out, The Lighthouse, Soul, Another Round, I'm Thinking of Ending Things, Pig, The Mitchells Vs. The Machines, tick, tick... BOOM!, Spencer, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Red Rocket, Flee, Aftersun, Del Toro's Pinocchio, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, The Menu, RRR, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, The Boy and the Heron, and Godzilla Minus One for Best Picture, and also Hoop Dreams, Grizzly Man, Life Itself, Fahrenheit 9/11, Won't You Be My Neighbor? and Val for Best Documentary.
Favorite Movies:
Grave of the Fireflies
Saving Private Ryan
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - This made me cry HARD.
Mary and Max - Philip Seymour Hoffman's greatest magnum opus. Also, the fact this masterpiece wasn't nominated for Best Animated Feature OR Best Picture is the second-worst thing to happen next to the horrendously awful "A Silent Voice" snub.
The Dark Knight (2008) - The Academy should tell the makers of Slumdog Millionaire to hand back the Oscar, have it doubled, and have it both delivered to Andrew Stanton, and Christopher Nolan for not only Best Picture, but also Best Director.
WALL-E - If there is a movie that can be considered by many to be the "most perfect sci-fi rom-com about robots" ever made, it would definitely be this one. Yes, this and The Dark Knight should've won the award. Why? It's making history, of course!
Dune: Part Two
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Fantasia (1940)
The Holdovers
Poor Things
The Fabelmans
Dick Tracy (1990)
The Truman Show
Godzilla Minus One
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Good Morning, Vietnam
Before Sunrise and Before Sunset
Sing Street
Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Baby Driver (2017)
Yojimbo
Fruitvale Station
Heat (1995)
Uncut Gems
Get Out (2017)
Do the Right Thing
Malcolm X
Boyz N' The Hood
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Ratatouille (2007) - Boy oh boy, I can't wait for this to be inducted in the National Film Registry.
Jaws (1975)
Hunger (2008)
Coraline (2009)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
Moonlight (2016)
Black Panther (2018)
Fargo
The Big Lebowski
Miller's Crossing
The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
Akira (1988)
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
Minority Report
Donnie Darko
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Lawrence of Arabia
Spirited Away (2001)
The Boy and the Heron
The Favourite
Howl's Moving Castle
Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of The Were-Rabbit (2005)
Breathless (196)
Up (2009) - Dedicated to the late Ed Asner and Christopher Plummer.
Soul (2020)
Metropolis (1927)
The Apartment (1960)
Rango (2011)
The Adventures of TinTin: The Secret of the Unicorn (2011)
ParaNorman (2012)
Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
Toy Story 1, 2, and 3
The Incredibles (2004)
Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2
How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Challengers
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
The Birds (1963)
Who Killed Captain Alex?
Casino
The Great Dictator
The Thin Red Line
Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Edge of Tomorrow
Dope
Da 5 Bloods
Parasite (2019)
Pig (2021)
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
The Great Escape
The Graduate
The Thing (1982)
Scream (1996)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
M (1931)
Saw (2004)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Halloween (1978)
Del Toro's Pinocchio (2022)
Popeye (1980)
RRR
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
Mean Streets
The French Connection
Like Stars on Earth
Snatch (2000)
Braindead aka Dead Alive
Scarface (1983)
There Will Be Blood (2007)
Badlands
Dog Day Afternoon
GoodFellas
Killers of the Flower Moon
Apocalypse Now
Shutter Island
Killer Bean Forever
Fatal Deviation
Ninja III - The Domination
Love on a Leash (2011)
The Beyond
The Peanuts Movie
Bingo (1991)
Tommy Boy
Beverly Hills Ninja
Despicable Me (2009)
My Neighbor Totoro
Ethel and Ernest
Every film by Neil Breen, Alex Maisonette, Stephen Groo and Alexander Nevsky
MegaMind
Office Space
Mean Girls
Memento
Galaxy Quest
Spaceballs
Zolar: The Extreme Skateboarding Alien
The Master (2012)
2001: A Space Odyssey
Kubo and the Two Strings
The Dead Zone
Zodiac (2007)
Furious 7
Mission Impossible - Fallout
The Fountain
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Gone Girl
(500) Days of Summer
Arrival
The Banshees of Inisherin
Aftersun
Past Lives
Moonrise Kingdom
Brazil (1985)
Sin City (2005) - Prepare to get Marv'd, O'Hara!
Speed Racer (2008)
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010)
Bubble Boy (2001)
Die Hard
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Vertigo
North by Northwest
Psycho
Once Upon a Time in the West
Singin' in the Rain
On the Waterfront
Ben-Hur
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Double Indemnity
The Color of Money
Charlie Bartlett - Anton Yelchin is so cool that he has outrizzed both Tom Holland and Ryan Gosling, and defied the Academy Awards.
Popstar (2005) - Aaron Carter was snubbed for his Oscar. I hate the Academy Awards even more. >:<
Inception
Interstellar
Oppenheimer
American Psycho
The Terminator
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Ghostbusters (1984)
Misery
Alien and Aliens
Fight Club
Seven Samurai
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
The Iron Giant
Watership Down
GETEVEN aka Champagne and Bullets aka Road to Revenge
The Usual Suspects
Se7en
Leon: The Professional - Mathilda reminds me of Peni Parker from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, don't you think?
When the Wind Blows
Punch Drunks (The Three Stooges)
Favorite TV Shows/Cartoons:
Gary and Mike
Succession
Breaking Bad
Better Call Saul
Generator Rex
Titus
The Secret Saturdays
The Penguins of Madagascar
Clerks: The Animated Series
Regular Show
Code Lyoko
Get Ed
Dragon Booster
Hero: 108
Yin Yang Yo!
Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!
The Amazing World of Gumball
Courage the Cowardly Dog
The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Static Shock (2000)
Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil
SpongeBob SquarePants
Arcane
Blue Eye Samurai
Scott Pilgrim Takes Off
Chowder
My Life as a Teenage Robot
Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi
The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack
Gravity Falls
Close Enough
Meta Runner
Murder Drones
Sunset Paradise
Helluva Boss
Hazbin Hotel
Three Delivery
Medabots
Chaotic
The Secret Show
Storm Hawks
Skyland
Huntik: Secrets and Seekers
Magi-Nation
Harvey Beaks
Time Warp Trio
Stoked
Grossology
6teen
Megas XLR
Sym-Bionic Titan
Kappa Mikey!
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Oban Star Racers: The Alwas Cycle
Favorite Review Shows:
Good Bad or Bad Bad
Best of the Worst
The Angry Video Game Nerd
Schaffrillas Productions
FanboyFlicks' "Bad Movies!"
Weird Movies with Mark
JonTron
Musical Hell
Jason Brant's "So Bad It's Good"
Rerez's "Just Bad Games"
The "No Such Thing as a Bad Movie" Podcast
Best "BOTW" Episode:
The one with Ryan's Babe (2000).
Worst "BOTW" Episode:
The one starring Max Landis (except for the Double Down portion).
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againPrevious Show: Bad Movies! New Show: Weird Movies with Mark
6 more reviews till' the 200th episode! Woooo!!
MISSING:
- Musical Shorts Gift Pack (because I'm pretty sure half of it is unavailable to apply).
Reviews
Mr. Magoo (1997)
Catchy music, good animated segments, godawful waste of time.
You would think that a movie starring the late Leslie Nielsen would be incredibly funny, right? Well, this is not one of them. 'Mr. Magoo' is a film that achieves one thing; it's so surprisingly awful in every way, shape and form that it got itself pulled from theaters after only 2 weeks. The main reason was that this film offensively depicted blind people in a negative light, even though there's a half-assed disclaimer at the end stating that it was never meant to offend anyone. While I personally disagree with this being offensive (as Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel noted in their review), I still didn't laugh once while watching it. Maybe it's because the idea of a man who wanders around causing mayhem thanks to being very nearsighted is not enough to sustain an 87-minute runtime in live-action form, or because the fact that there is godawful cgi when the Star of Kuristan falls onto Magoo's boat. Speaking of which, all of the jokes are rehashed from the original source material and made less funny thanks to the horrible, shoddy script. If you want to watch Jennifer Gardner play as some vague South Asian empress, or Stephen Tobolowsky dress up in brownface makeup to look like an Indian, be my guest. I wish I had poor eyesight so that I would never get to see this awful movie again.
Self Reliance (2023)
Decent directorial debut from Jake Johnson; would've been a lot better if Dignan showed up and robbed Tommy's house.
Before I watched this film, I've known about Jake Johnson ever since I watched "Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse" (which, by the way, is still a top-tier animated film of 2023 despite its flaws). So, I decided to watch some episodes of 'New Girl' to get an idea of how a comedic actor like Johnson could direct & star in his own film that's described as 'Jacob's Ladder meets Bottle Rocket'. After I've completed my first watch, it's not half bad. For starters, the idea of a man signing up for a deadly game in which the only way you'r safe from danger is to be with others and not be alone is a pretty clever premise for a thriller. Andy Samberg plays as himself who leads Tommy (Jake's character) into a deal in which 2 men offer him $1 million if he succeeds in their dark web reality game. And so, he think's it all one big piece of cake but then the real trouble begins. Now, he has to tell others around him that the situation he's in is not part of his delusion and is, in fact, in danger. Now that I've got the positives drawn out; let's talk about the negatives. The parts revolving around Ellen DeGeneres really didn't sit well with me and the pacing started to drag out by the second half of the film. Also, I don't understand the Bottle Rocket link because there's not a single thing that reminds me of Wes Anderson. Maybe it would've worked if there was some symmetrical shots here and there, but I highly doubt that this film could ever replicate Wes' iconic style. As for the flaws on Across, I didn't like what they did to poor Scarlet Spider. He deserved better because he never once acted like an emo in his original run. Anyways, I'm getting off track. This film is perfectly decent for a comedic thriller, but it would've been a lot better if the pacing was a bit more coherent and the premise being more fleshed out.
Amazing Ape (2015)
Raw Food propaganda disguised as a kid's film.
It's actually kinda amazing that nobody else has talked about this film yet until now, because it falls under a special kind of bad. The kind that makes you want to scream high in the mountains with utter rage. I saw this film practically 4 days ago, and I'm gonna be honest -- It's the worst thing I've seen in quite a long time.
I think that the director wanted to share his viewpoints on raw foods, so he created this film and later marketed this as a family-friendly comedy in order to attract viewers. Anyways, the main star is a young boy who's terminally ill with cancer. So, he befriends a woman in a fake chimp suit and the whole plot goes into pieces. The mother decides to 'cure him' by replacing every cooked food with raw alternatives, because apparently nobody involved had any sort of idea on how cancer works.
Considering the garbage that I tend to watch bi-weekly, this deserves to be in the 'Horrible' category.
Final note; there's a scene in which the young girl skips school to avoid getting vaccinated. Because why not of course.
Witless Protection (2008)
Witless Indeed.
It's about time that I started making reviews again. "Witless Protection" is a movie in which Larry the Cable Guy plays as a town sheriff named Larry (because the audience wouldn't be confused) who mistakes a women under witness protection as a kidnapping victim. So, he kidnaps her and the movie later shows that the FBI agents are actually corrupt & were assigned by her husband to be neutralized. Anyways, Larry's love interest (played by Jenny McCarthy) serves almost no purpose other than to shoo away the agents and reconcile with Larry at the end. Also, Yaphet Kotto plays the leader of the crooked agents and this was his final film role to date (which proved to be quite a whimper) and Eric Roberts appears so that he and Larry could fight with each other in a ceramic room that feels like it came straight from a better movie. Last thing to note: Larry defecates on a TSA security guard's face.
Schaffrillas Productions (2015)
In memoriam to Patrick Pyrillas and Chris Schaffer.
When I first saw his videos, I originally did not like him due to his conflicting opinions on animated movies. When he states something that I can agree on (i.e. Spider-Verse being top 10 material, and WALL-E being a universal Pixar masterpiece), there's also the times in which he states something very controversial (i.e. His older Disney ranking videos, and his extremely controversial view on Howl's Moving Castle). However, this all changed after what I have learned about that fatal incident. James Phyrillas had just suffered from a freak car accident that took away the lives of his brother Patrick, and his editor Chris Schaffer. I have never received something so devastating within my whole life. Now, I really regret my past thoughts, and reformed myself into acknowledging him as one of the greatest animation reviewers of all time. Thank you Schaffrillas for everything that you have created, and I hope you make a speedy recovery. Rest in Peace Chris and Patrick.
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)
This is even worse.
Somehow, the sequel to the "Lightning Thief" manages to be even worse on so many levels. Everything that was not mentioned in the first movie had to be included in this sequel, just so that it could keep track of its own continuity. The girl finally got her hair color right, and the acting still sucks. The most noteworthy thing about this pile is that apparently it couldn't get the boss fight right from the book. Apparently, it took the powers of at least a couple of gods to defeat the final boss, but in here..Percy manages to defeat the boss in a couple of minutes...ON HIS OWN!!!
This one absolutely sucks. Do not watch at all..
Misery (1990)
RIP James Caan.
I watched this movie for James Caan. I stayed for James Caan. I got horrified when he got his legs broken again. After it was done, it was an extraordinary adaptation beyond many levels. The villain is this movie, Annie Wilkes, is absolutely terrific, since she displays the exact feelings you would expect from a crazy fan. It also shows to be extremely faithful towards the Stephen King book that it was based on, from its plot points to its characterization, meaning that this counts as being one of the very best book adaptations since "The Shining", and "The Shawshank Redemption". Therefore, this movie is a must-watch.
Last Ounce of Courage (2012)
Nothing more American than showing a snuff film to an all-ages group.
This film is quite possibly the second worst "Christian Christmas" movie next to "Saving Christmas". The production values look like it came direct-to-DVD, yet it somehow got itself into the silver screen. Anyways, the film kicks off with a father celebrating his son becoming a solider, and wishing him farewell, alongside his wife, and his son's then-pregnant finance. Sadly, the son dies, and everyone goes into a mourning phase. Years later, the deceased son's grandson, now a teenager, has to do a school play, alongside a couple of his friends. Now, it's up to the father to save his religion against those doggone atheists from "removing the Christ back in Christmas". Perhaps the most disgusting thing about this movie is when the teenage son and his elderly grandpa decide to "teach the audience who were watching the play a lesson about American love" by locking up the doors to escape, and showing his soldier father getting brutally murdered during war, and instead of being completely horrified that children (yes, literal CHILDREN) had just watched a man getting brutally killed in war, they instead applaud the son for "showing true American love". I absolutely despise this movie with a burning passion. Anything redeemable? Brad Jones proved this movie wrong.
The Item (1999)
I lost half of my IQ after watching this.
This is quite possibly the most ugliest, ill-conceived, and incompetent film I have ever witnessed in my own two eyes, and I just finished CAD: The Series, so you know it's gonna be bad. The film has some of the worst editing in the history of films; everything moves very fast with no sense of pace, there are a lot of closeups of the character's faces, and everything looks like it came from the sewage. The main plot is some of the most idiotic flagrant garbage ever created by mankind. It kicks off when a group of felons meet some mystery man who gives them a box that contains an alien worm inside, hijinks ensue, and the movie was over.
Bad movie. Don't watch. 1/10.
Bear (2010)
I want that BEAR!
This movie is bad. No, not "bad in a good way". Just plain bad bad. The film kicks off with a group of twits who get stuck in the middle of nowhere after the driver pops one of the car's tires. Now, they have to be in their car while help arrives to pick them up. Unfortunately, nobody picks them up, and even worse, they don't have any cell service. Unfortunately, a guy in an obvious bear suit comes toward the car, and plans to eat everyone for dinner. Now, it's up to the morons to find out how to escape from the bear. It only gets worse from there. The special effects are horrible, nothing scary happens, and I pretty much wasted 80 minutes on this pile.
In other words, this was BEAR-ly good. Get it? Haha. I'm the worst. Go find a better bear movie to pass the time.
Within (2005)
Absolutely abhorrent in every way, shape, and form.
This movie is about a group of morons who set foot in a cave that's completely dark with little to no lighting. Said morons have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and they all scream and shake the camera like there in some kind of massive earthquake. At some point, they all settle down next to an obviously CGI campfire, and discuss some pointless talk that is nowhere near interesting. After some of their blokes get killed off, the group suddenly realizes that there is a monster in this cavern, and, now in a state of panic, try their best to find the entrance. Of course, the last 2 remaining female survivors are bare-naked with some leaves to cover themselves up. The two find a roast and eat off from it, only to realize it was one of their members. This leads up to the big reveal in which the monster was actually a young boy who got horribly disfigured from a plane crash, and went to the cave for shelter, and to hide his face from anyone to see. Last but not least, the movie ends, in the most disgusting and extremely insensitive way possible, with the grown-up boy, now transformed into an incoherent, ravaging beast, smashing the first girl's face with a rock, and then proceeding to rape the final girl while she screams in pain, and he hollers like a mad man. Oh, and that's where the film ends. No kidding, it literally ends in the middle of a rape scene. No wonder why Film Brain hated this film so much.
Encanto (2021)
At least it's better than both Frozen 1 and 2, but not nearly as amazing as both "Tangled", and "Wreck-It Ralph".
Ah yes; the only and only "Encanto". A film that resonates with the Columbian culture with a lot of precision and depth, has a worldwide song that does not get nominated for "Best Original Song" at the 94th Academy Awards, only to have it completely desecrated into a terrible promo remix sung by Megan THEE Stallion for the awards show the people are ALREADY watching; and then lose its purpose of an "all-ages" classics, after 3 live-action Disney princesses tell everyone that's watching the ceremony that animation is "something kids watch, and adults endure", even though PG-13 and adult-oriented movies like "Flee", and "Anomalisa" were nominated for Best Animated Film, and that the R-rated "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" only got "Best Original Song" for "Blame, Canada", and not Best Picture. Wow, it's almost like I'm watching that Frozen schtick over again. Can I go back to watching WALL-E again? I've recently heard that movie has been implemented into the Criterion Collection. Perhaps Ratatouille will soon be in both the National Film Registry, and the Criterion Collection, since everyone (including Roger Ebert, Schaffrillas Productions, LS Mark, and Chaze) acknowledges that film as an actual masterpiece and not something that gets slandered as something "for the little kiddies".
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022)
This movie had its moments, but it was mostly a lot of wasted potential.
"Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile" is a movie in which Shawn Mendes voices a crocodile who can sing, but never speaks properly once in the entire movie. Constance Wu plays Mrs. Primm, which is actually pretty sad since I saw her in many better movies like Crazy Rich Asians, The Feels, and the series EastSiders; in here, she's a mother whose married to Wallace Keefe from Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, and they have a young son named Josh in which he gets bullied at his school for no reason other than to make him all teary-eyed for most of time. The great Javier Bardem stars as a magician named Hector P. Valenti who adopted little Lyle from a pet store, raised, and later abandoned him in his house, because stupid Lyle got stage fright on his first live performance as a kid, and even stupider Henry sells out his own house for that performance, just because he ran out of money. There's also a grumpy neighbor named Mr. Alistar Grumps who serves as the main antagonist and he has a horrible CGI pet cat who hates Alistar in return. The Primms are very unhappy with their lives, since Mr. Primm has outlived his wrestling days, Mrs. Primm became a health nut and abandoned her passion in painting, and Josh gets depressed at moving into a new place. This is where Lyle comes in; his singing voice is ridiculously out of place, and the songs don't sound very good at all (excluding Javier's parts, since he is the only good one who actually managed to entertain me throughout the whole movie). It would've worked better if the filmmakers decided to go for a "WALL-E"-like approach, which means that Lyle would be completely mute throughout, with his emotions being displayed through body movement and eye contact, but noooooooooooo....they just made it the way it is, so that they could appeal mostly to very young children without getting something from the older audience. Anyways, the main reason that this movie is a 4 is because it actually has some clever moments. For example: the scene in which Mrs. Primm is watching videos of her marriage to Mr. Primm, as well as their son Josh when he was a baby is surprisingly touching, and the moments where Lyle shows his emotions through his eyes actually works a lot better than having him speak his voice through song (speaking of which, why does he only sing his voice and not speak once without singing. That makes no sense at all!) Sadly, those moments only show up separately throughout the film. As for the rest, it's just your typical childrens' movie shenagians like dumpster diving for old Chinese food, and "generic chase sequence in which funny stuff happens on the road". In conclusion, this movie had a lot of potential going on, but it was executed poorly just to appeal to children, who deserve a lot better than this. Now, I just want to know how Javier Bardem managed to agree himself to this.
Reindeer Games (2000)
Convoluted and boring mess that made me waste 3 hours of my life.
When I first heard of this movie, I thought the negative reviews on it were just being a little too harsh. After all, I'd still watch films that star celebrities who did very bad things that ruined their high-rise reputation (Men in Black starring Will Smith, Se7en starring Kevin Spacey, Annie Hall starring Woody Allen, The Hunt for Red October starring Alec Baldwin, etc.), but since Ben Affleck had massively improved himself for a fresh start directing movies, I decided to give this a gander. Now after seeing it, they were totally right. Ben Affleck stars as Rudy, a convict who gets released from prison after his beloved cellmate Nick gets murdered during a prison riot. He then sleeps with his dead cellmate's girlfriend Ashley (played by Charlize Theorn in her golden years), only to be then taken hostage by a gang of ruffians who want to rob a casino. What happens next is a boring waste of hot chocolate, padding, and Rudy being a complete hypocrite to Ashley, just because she lied about her identity, even though she did the same thing. The worst part is the twist near the ending, which is so confusing and ridiculous that not even M. Night Shyamalan would approve. The movie ends with Rudy eating Christmas dinner with his family, and the credits finally roll. I knew I should've watched either Elf or Ocean's Eleven instead.
Loonatics Unleashed (2005)
I mean it.
This here is the greatest superhero show of all time. It has it all. It has the greatest character designs I've ever seen. The action is up the top. I laughed at every single joke that was sputtered. The animation is perfect in every single way, and the greatest moment is when the main characters teamed up and said "IT'S LOONATIC TIME". Truly the superhero cartoon of all time. Why? This is the cartoon in which the descendants of the Looney Gang get superpowers and save the world. That's right. THIS IS THE CARTOON IN WHICH THE DESCENDANTS OF THE LOONEY GANG GET SUPERPOWERS AND SAVE. THE. WORLD.
Kill Switch (2008)
There was a scene in which a perp was kicked out of a window by Seagal and 13 repeat cuts were shown in that scene and I liked that scene.
There, now that I've stated my favorite part of the film, let's talk about the rest. "Kill Switch" is a terrible film that tries to copy the ideas from the 2007 masterpiece "Zodiac", but fails miserably in a very laughable way. The editing is an absolute joke, the fight scenes make "Fatal Deviation" look Oscar-worthy, and Seagal speaks in a terrible accent that supposedly sounds Southern, but I'm really not sure. The only good thing is that it is riffable for its content, and that Isaac Hayes made his peniultimate cameo on the silver screen. Oh, and one more thing to note: ze clown joke is a no.
F.A.R.T. The Movie (1991)
I was honestly disappointed.
For a movie about farts, there is certainly not enough to entertain my palatable senses. For what I can make of, the story centers around a man who likes to fart, but his girlfriend heavily despises his gross obsession. So, we get thrown into a hodge-pot of farting and such, and at the end of the movie, the girlfriend has a nightmare of farting anuses, wakes up with a loud scream, and now loves the art of fighting, much to the boyfriend's gleeful happiness. So, what's the lesson here? If you want to make something around farts, just record yourself farting. One of the children is a young Ke$ha.
365 Days (2011)
Don't even think about it.
This here is a perfect example of why films don't make their main characters horrible people. Mark Fisher is an irredeemable psychopath who beats up his sister's boyfriend, kills 2 people, and watches his mother getting assaulted by a bunch of guys who got paid by him to do so. It also ends with a dying 2-year-old bleeding to death. So yeah, this movie can go into the trash.
The Boss Baby: Family Business (2021)
Why? Just....why?
There's simply no reason for this sequel to be made. It's just not necessary. We wanted a Spider-verse sequel, so we're getting it right now. That's what kind of sequel we want, not this dumpster fire that reeks of schlock. We never asked for a Wreck-It Ralph sequel. We never asked for a Frozen sequel. So, we definitely didn't need this schlock.