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rakman12
Reviews
Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)
An Abomination with Dick and Jane
I don't know why, but there is a certain sect of people who are infatuated with pain. More specifically, they are obsessed with masochism, or the desire to inflict pain on oneself. They have been known to cut their wrists with razor blades, jab themselves with pencils or nails, and in the most extreme cases, stab themselves with knives. None of these activities-no matter how severe they seem-are as painful as "Fun with Dick and Jane". Let me preface this by saying that there might not be a bigger Jim Carey fan. Hell, I sat through bootleg copies of "Duck Factory" simply to see the flailing funnyman whip himself up into a frenzy. But now, after baring witness to this horrific concoction, I must first wonder if this was meant to be a joke. Perhaps Mr. Carey is such an unbelievably unprecedented comic genius that it was his goal to make the most unfunny movie possible so that he could sit back and see how many people could be conned into the theater. Then, sitting on the deck of his palatial estate, he could sit back and laugh and laugh when the box office numbers came in. Perhaps that is the only explanation why the star/producer would allow himself to be sucked in to a remake of a sub par movie. This film has exactly three (3) laughs, and none of them are particularly memorable. Without spoiling them, one involves a funny voice, one involves a quick visual gag, and one occurs about twenty minutes into the film when you realize you're trapped and your only reaction is to nervously chuckle for fear of insanity. Heed this warning; Hollywood has tried to force-feed us trite before, but it has never been so vile and so horrifying. Lastly, should you accidentally find yourself in a seat and the lights go down and you see the credits for this film, RUN! Run like you have never run before. In the end, you might as well watch a test pattern, or worse, The Family Stone.
Living with Fran (2005)
There is a special place for a program like this
There is a special place for a program such as this... Hell. No, I think hell may be too good for this unbelievably bad show. It is a disgrace to bad shows. This half hour of pure torture should come with a Surgeon General's warning. It's not just that it's hackneyed. It's not just that it's cliché. It's not just that the premise is unbelievably ridiculous and executed with the precision of a blind marksman. No, it's that the WB network would have the gall to think that THIS should be put on the air and promoted, while a show like Arrested Development could be so close to cancellation. Billions of years from now, aliens will find our world and see this show and realize that there was never intelligent life on Earth. On the bright side, this should keep Fran from doing Old Navy commercials. Oh dear Lord, there's a bright side.
An Evening with Kevin Smith (2002)
I can't think of a better way to spend an evening without taking off my pants
An Evening with Kevin Smith is a compilation of his college tours from last year. In the 3 and a half hour two disc set, Kevin fields questions that range from how he met his wife to why Prince is the strangest man alive. If you're a fan of his movies, this is a requirement. If you hate his movies, then...what the hell is wrong with you? Kevin is very open and honest on every topic, but it may be hard to hear some of it because you're laughing too hard. Yeah, all it is is just Silent Bob at a lectern for a few hours rattling off story after story, but what more could you want? Also look out for an appearance from Jay Mewes and Scott Mosier as well as some hyjinx with a cell phone. So for a solid evening of entertainment without having to get off of your couch and actually make human contact, rent or buy the damn DVD. Actually, buy two in case your friends try to steal your copy.
Out Cold (2001)
Dear Lord Go See This Movie Right Now
Being only one of two people in the world to see this movie twice in the theaters makes me perhaps what one would consider an Out Cold expert. After buying the movie on DVD (available now in all self-respecting stores) I have enjoyed it four more times, and I have to say that not only does this movie not deserve the current ranking in the 4's, but the movie is far better then it is being portrayed. Out Cold is part teenage-gross-out laugh-fest, part Ode to Casablanca, part kick-ass snowboarding. This movie is rich in a deep, philosophical plot, in which our protagonist Rick Rambis, is locked into a bitter war to keep his life and his town. Bull Mountain has been his home forever, and when the departed owner's son decides to sell the mountain (to the Six-Million-Dollar-Man Lee Majors, playing John Majors-no relation) Rick and his n'er-do-well comrades must conform to the new ruler. Majors foresees the Black Diamond in the Rough as the next Aspen, and begins to change the quaint heritage of the land to conform to his new vision, Snow Nook. Rick and his friends decide to rebel and take back the mountain. And if the rich plot is not enough, it also has Victoria Silvstadt, former Playmate of the year, Zach Galifianakis, a great comedian who gets his helmut stuck in a hot tub, and a cast of tens of...well...tens of extras. The movie was unfortunately passed over at the Oscars for movies that did not have anyone having sex with a hot tub, that didn't have any playmates, that didn't have the Weezer song "Island in the Sun", nor did it have the greatest words of wisdom ever in a movie, "No regrets, that's my motte. That and 'Everybody Wang Chung Tonight'".