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Bicuitrocious
Reviews
Corpses Are Forever (2004)
Good lord... Just walk away from this film.
Here's your "zombie" secret-agent "thriller" in a nutshell: There are twelve zombies that never come close to hurting a soul, no plot, bad acting and a script so bad it poses the question: If 1,000 monkeys with 1,000 typewriters were put into a room for 1,000 years, would they be able to write something better? No and yes. No, they wouldn't write anything, but Yes, the flinging of monkey dung would be better than this dog of a film. If you are an indy filmmaker, why would you work so hard and gather some B- and C-list celebs into a movie only to make a confused, worthless half-ass piece of crap? Yes, I will crap on someone's dream because I love movies. I love movies so much that it hurts me when someone makes the effort to produce something so thoroughly weak.
And here's a question: If you're a CIA agent (that looks like a nineteen year-old kid with drawn-on tattoos) in the midst of a zombie invasion, why are you driving around in a convertible Caddy? Next time, the filmmakers should have ONE story and not only a real actor, but a REAL DIRECTOR. Find someone who knows how to write, and another guy who can operate an editing device. And a non-deaf person to be your sound guy...
I've got to go set this DVD on fire.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (2003)
Subject matter experts?
Why is it that it takes a gay man to make a straight man well-dressed? Why should good fashion sense and heterosexuality be mutually exclusive? Truth is, they're not. This is just another campy effort to make homosexuality more cuddly to the majority. "Aww, aren't they CUTE?" No.
Personally I don't give a crap about homosexuality in general. I don't think they're wittier, more observant or more sensitive than the average male, despite what mass media is pushing on us with their image of the "gay best friend," the "harmless funny gay guy," or the "ridiculous homo next door."
Let's forget the core deviancy involved for a second (look up the word deviancy before you label me a homophobe...) and observe the attached lifestyle. Have you ever seen a gay pride parade in person or seen the inside of a gay bar? I have. There's no way in hell I'd let those geniuses dress me. Why should I put more faith in these five than I put in a moron dressed up like Judy Garland or wearing leather chaps?