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Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Unwatchable.
I tried. I really tried. But I couldn't watch this. I got around half an hour in and then ended up jumping to the last act.
The movie has no idea what it is. I have no idea what it was trying to accomplish. What is did manage to do is show why an over-reliance on mediocre CGI over the top action sequences are completely inferior to old 80's practical effects. It shows how modern writers don't know what to do with Indiana Jones. It shows how modern writers can't even decide what the focus of the movie should be.
The end is just flat out terrible. Gone is the joy of the adventure; of the blurring of the lines between faith, myth, and the unknown, and now it's all gears and agendas and gatekeeping.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
Just Awful.
I'm not going to even touch on the "woke" factor, because it doesn't matter one way or the other. That's the least of this movies many, many problems.
Starting with a failure to present a terrifying Dracula. This is a creature that controls the beasts, can become any form or even mist at will. Who mesmerizes with a glance and nigh impossible to kill. Instead, it's a fancy gargoyle. We never see the mustached gentleman, nor the force of nature that is the unstoppable vampire. Just a winged toothed beastie.
Secondly, either embrace that the audience knows the premise or do something original. Trying to present this as a by the numbers horror movie makes it drag all over the place. The audience knows what a vampire is, the audience wants to see the vampire. You have a crew to kill off in cool ways and instead nope. This is presented like no one has ever seen a vampire story before, let alone Dracula and doesn't do anything with the material. This is by the numbers film making and it's a lifeless slog.
Finally I can't stand that they couldn't even honor the original source material and not even kill off the crew. The entire point of telling this story is to showcase a doomed crew who has zero chance and are just a small part of a much larger story. But instead it has the main protagonist survive and try to "hunt" Dracula. That alone earned it one star, to not have the guts to kill off the entire cast to the monster when that's the whole gimmick that makes the story worth telling. Anna and the Doctor both should've died at the hands of Dracula and realize that they were nothing but specks against him and never had a chance, that bad things happen despite every attempt otherwise, as the Doctor said to Toby earlier.
Ultimately this movie isn't for anyone. Lovers of the book and classic vampire stories are going to feel insulted and bored. People wanting to see a cool vampire sieging a ship film are going to be bored and wonder why it's a gargoyle. People wanting to see a spooky at Halloween will regret not watching any tried and true and significantly better movie. Or one of the many other and actual Dracula films.
UnPerfect Christmas Wish (2021)
A Plot Device Isn't a Plot
What a piece of dreck!
There isn't a plot here, there aren't even any real characters here. Guy likes girl since they were childhood friends and she doesn't see it. That's the entire movie. There's nothing, nothing at all more to it.
There's no Christmas to it besides that it takes place at Christmas and "Santa" tries to open the woman's eyes to his affections.
It's like if someone who writes morality plays tried to write the standard Hallmark Christmas Romance movie but didn't understand what makes them work. The characters are entirely lifeless and there's nothing more to any character other than try to help the boy get the girl. There's no hook, there's no tension, there's no Christmas Activities, there's nothing to keep anyone engaged.
Christmas Around the Corner (2018)
Bad Even by TV Christmas Movie Standards
Let's face it, there's not a lot of plot diversity when it comes to Christmas movies; sure there's variations within the themes, but there's really only about four plots.
What separates them is the ability to execute those plots and Christmas Around the Corner fails so spectacularly, that it makes me wonder how people could enjoy any of it. There's no chemistry between the leads, nor any moments of personal growth that would lend any rational person to think that they're any kind of couple material; in fact they have so few social interactions that it didn't even seem like it was going to be a romance plot. The remaining plot is dull and plodding, merely ticking along all the checkmarks until a rushed resolution that leaves you wondering how that's a payoff to anything.
Frankly the best thing about it was the product placement from Chewy and the growth between the baker and the main character. I'd mention the student, but she's forgotten about in the last act so her plot ends up never going anywhere.
Blithe Spirit (2020)
Lifeless
How? How does one get an all star cast, a tried and true story, and make this?!?
It's not a good adaptation of the source material, completely butchering the story and the actors aren't given anything to do that really showcases their skills outside of Leslie Mann.
Even without knowing that this is based on a stage play or prior films, it's blatantly obvious that the third act is a total mess; it doesn't go anywhere, nothing in the first two acts sets it up, and there's no payoff. It's just cinematic white noise.
Don't waste your time with this one, sadly.
Torden (2020)
I Feel Misled
Perhaps it's because of a review, I had read, but I felt like my expectations were thoroughly misplaced. I had expected a story about Norse Mythology, not Thor/Ragnarok Mythology.
I could have accepted the slow pacing and the generic characters if there had been a real payoff to all the buildup. Instead, I felt like every opportunity to introduce some other aspect of Norse Mythology outside of Thor's was entirely skipped. I was really hoping after they bothered to include both "Iron Gripper" (though why only one? It's a pair of gloves!) and the "Belt of Strength" that they'd include it all, and that at the end, Eric would've revived Christine, since, that's one of Mjolnirs abilities in the actual mythology (Thor would often kill and eat his Goats "Toothgrinder" and "Toothgnasher", then gather up the skins and bones and in the morning, use Mjolnir to revive them), but no, it ends with a supervillian shout almost because they had recently seen Brightburn or if this were bigger budget, to introduce an "evil mythology" movie series.
The entire movie instead feels like a very long first act to what could've been a much better story. They're just getting to what should've been the meat of the story, a cult of Thor and the instant glorification of Eric, how other religions react to the reveal of the "Truth" of the Norse Gods, how do governments react, etc.
If you've read this far and haven't watched the Netflix/Norwegian series "Ragnarok", do so and enjoy an actual story with real characters playing in this same sandbox.