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kirsty-legg
Reviews
Called to Duty (2023)
Your life is worth so much more than this.
The most wooden Thunderbirds looking film I've ever seen! My husband is still watching it but I've had to leave the room because it's so terrible. However if he wants to leave a review on his own account he can but for me I can't even get past the fact that the crack fighter female pilots have got so much make-up on! No woman I know in the navy is on duty like that. Ridiculous.
However, if you want to have fun it's worth giving a shot to try to spot continuity errors or even Shazam the music. If you are shackled with your eyes pinned open in front of the film then you could imagine yourself acting each scene better. You could think that you were the director and how you would redirect this. You could think about how much of a telling off you would give the SFX team for the job that they have done. You could talk to your funding department and ask them why it seems the only actors they could get were ones that accepted Wetherspoons vouchers as payment or... You could go and do something better instead.
Stay Close (2021)
Wait..what...huh???
Contains spoilers...I watched this to rest whilst my new puppy napped. I finished it in two days and it was kind of irritating! There are some really good characters in there that just weren't established. Like how was the Eddie Izzard character her lawyer? How did the police chief get involved with that dodgy Loadsamoney dad who had lost his son? Why on earth did Dave roll that car into the lake? Really? Don't even get me started on the pair of killers who were hired and went around dancing and killing everybody. I thought that the girl redhead killer was the police chief's daughter. Turns out she wasn't! Tenuous... How did Cassie/Megan learn to fight like that? Why didn't anybody do anything about her stabbing another woman, and why wasn't that lead investigated? Why didn't she have a scar on her back when we saw her in her wedding dress? There are so many holes that getting my head round this is a bit tricky. Even James Nesbitt looks a bit stupid and has an idiotic script. Also, Don't you think that him working with his ex-wife so closely would cause a few more tensions than her benevolently looking on when he finds new love? Pffft. However...good makeup on dead Ed. And bunker pile was gory and impressive. Think that's where the budget went...
Beneath (2013)
An extra star for the worst 'monster'
There is more menace lurking in the depths of my dustbin juice than in this poorly constructed and terribly acted film. It would only get one star but I'm going to give it an extra one because the monster was so cheesy with its huge rubbery eyes and made me laugh.
I Am Vengeance: Retaliation (2020)
Cheese that can only be watched whilst drunk
Wow. My husband put this on without really finding out about it. We've just watched the first 20 minutes and it's the most diabolical diatribe we have ever seen. And he likes action and solder stuff too. Cheesiness extraordinaire! Watch if you have watched EVERY THING else first.