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Villains (I) (2019)
6/10
Wanted to like it, but...
21 May 2024
I've been a fan of J. Donovan for over a decade, so I will usually give anything he's in a chance. That being said, as hard as I tried I couldn't watch this movie without constantly thinking about Maika Monroe and all the rumors. Trying to separate the art from the artist is easier said than done, however I can't seem to do it with Kevin Spacey and definitely not with Maika Monroe!!!

I know it's "innocent till proven guilty" however sometimes you just know the accusations aren't even the tip of the iceberg, that's most certainly the case when it comes to Maika Monroe and her twisted, demented behavior!!!
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Madame Web (2024)
3/10
Why?
14 May 2024
Despite countless past experiences, I continually watch these movies with hopeful anticipation, only to later regret my decision. This was definitely one of those regrets. The entire movie was gratuitous, poorly written and even more poorly acted.

I will forever question why the studios continue to pay Dakota Johnson for her "acting" as her entire performance feels uncomfortable.

This movie was a whole lot of cheesy cgi thrown together with a sub-par plot that made the whole thing feel like it was comprised of scraps picked off the cutting room floor and thrown together for a 116 minute-long headache.

I don't look for this to have a sequel or a franchise and if it were, I will definitely avoid subjecting myself to it.
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5/10
A long play with lots of prop bl00d
10 May 2024
Warning: Spoilers
I came across this at the behest of an IG post that intrigued me enough to locate it streaming on the platform with the big colorful bird. Fugit makes some interesting choices and sometimes I enjoy them so I gave it a watch.

One reviewer said it best when they described this movie as being like opening a book midway and jumping into the story.

Two siblings, an elder brother and a sister, are performing murders of local transients, immigrants and prostitutes to drain them for their blood to feed to their sickly younger brother.

Right away it seems apparent the younger brother is a vampire but for all intents and purposes he may as well just be anemic. He had no strength, no supernatural abilities, not even any fangs. He basically just lies around the house drinking blood from a bowl and occasionally singing karaoke or getting bathed by his sister. Made me wonder what the point of him being a vampire was since he can't even feed himself and clearly he's not immortal since the other two have to kill to keep him alive.

If you want to save yourself the time, the older brother struggles with all the killing, in the end the sister dies, the younger brother decides he's a burden I. The eldest so he asks him to pull away the cardboard blocking the sunlight, it's implied he does this so he can die to free the eldest brother but you don't actually see anything.

The. The remaining sibling gets in his truck and drives to the ocean, cut to credits.... There are NO special effects in this movie, say for the gallons of corn syrup fake blood and although the acting is great, the plot line feels like you're stuck in a slow moving airplane that never gets enuf speed to leave the ground.
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Savageland (2015)
4/10
Straight to TV movie
2 May 2024
I ran across this after reading about it in a post on Instagram. I found it for free on Tubi (with ads) so decided to give it a whirl.

First impressions, it's a docu-style film about a man charged with murdering all the residents of a tiny tiny boarder "town" told via a collection of 10-30 second clips.

The scenes are intended to look like interview pieces for a documentary-style film but come off as very amateurish.

I'm about an hour into the film as I'm writing this. So far nothing has changed, it's mediocre actors portraying a desperately melodramatic script in tiny clips that flip back and forth at breakneck speed.

I can't seem to figure out whether they're accusing the protagonist of killing everyone in town or arguing how it's not possible for him to have committed the acts.

Watched this movie twice, neither time gave me a sense of an "ending". If I were reading reviews before deciding whether to watch this, I'd definitely pass...
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Abigail (2024)
8/10
Great bloody, gory popcorn flick
1 May 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Just came from seeing Abigail and it was exactly as expected. It was a simple, star-filled horror flick that spends more time laughing at itself than worrying about the holes in the story.

So long as you go into this film looking for entertainment and not factual-accuracy, you should enjoy it.

In a nutshell, a band of criminals is hired to kidnap a 12yr old girl for ransom. While holding her hostage they soon discover that the "girl" is actually a centuries-old vampire (they never say exactly how old). The only remark regarding her actual age came when one of the characters complimented how well she played a little girl to which Abigail replies "I've had centuries of practice".

I won't spoil any of the plot because truthfully there's not much there to spoil. It's mostly jump scares and buckets of fake blood but in the end I came away feeling entertained and not wishing I'd spent my $20 on something else.
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Dreamkatcher (2020)
1/10
Absolute krap
28 April 2024
Warning: Spoilers
If you think yourself "wow how bad must the movie be that they misspelled the name just so that they can try to ride off the, success of that awful Steven king movie?" Well, you are on the right track!

This movie was horrible! The entire plot of this movie was so bad. The only good thing I have to say about it is that I'm glad it's open! The script was unimaginative at best although wasn't bad, you can't say a bad movie with good actors. The whole printer is that a father takes his girlfriend and his son up to a cabin where apparently the young boy mother was murdered some ??? Years ago, there while he runs off to the city to tend to a songwriting emergency???

, The young boy goes into the whole "you're not my mommy "routine and ultimately becomes possessed by a poorly created CGI spirit trapped in a bargain bin, Dreamcatcher.

One day, 2 Hour long way. In the ending leaves a lot to be desired! I am happy that I missed this movie when it came out, and very sorry that I caught it now.
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American Horror Story: The Auteur (2024)
Season 12, Episode 9
1/10
Worst season yet!!
26 April 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Ryan Murphy is obviously obsessed with witches. Personally, I find the subject "slightly interesting " at best, certainly not interesting enough to be the basis for 3+ seasons.

That being said, "Delicate" was just Rosemary's Baby with a hack-writer rewrite and a LAME finale.

The entire season, I'd hoped there would be more that would reveal itself but guess what? There ISNT!!!

Blah blah blah, witches do witchy things, blah blah blah, Emma Roberts mumbles some Latin and destroys the bad guys (or gals, as the case may be) and poof! All is right with the world!!

Knowing what I know now, I never would have even bothered to watch the season. The "finale "was the biggest disappointment to date! I really feel like Ryan Murphy used up all his best tricks after season five and since then has just been either remaking, lame, modernized versions of old horror, movies, or just rambling off some gibberish with some witches thrown in. I probably won't be watching another season, if they even bother to produce another season after this bomb.
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Lopez vs. Lopez (2022– )
1/10
Same jokes, same stories
24 April 2024
I find nothing original or even entertaining about this show. George Lopez hasn't written an original joke in 30 years. If you've ever seen one of good sitcoms, you've seen them all.

I'm not sure if this is because he's gotten lazy, if the p*t has destroyed too many brain cells, or if he's just not funny anymore, but this series offered absolutely nothing new that GL hasn't repeated many many MANY times over.

I suppose the biggest difference is now he's got grey hair... I'll be passing on this one from more on, I would recommend you do the same...

*yawn *yawn *yawn *yawn .......................
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The Portrait (I) (2023)
3/10
Blah
24 April 2024
Ryan Kwanten movies can be hit or miss, this one was a definite miss for me. In a nutshell, a married couple moves into a house and encounters a haunted painting. The majority of the movie is the wife dealing with trying to determine whether the painting is possessing her husband or she's just losing her mind.

All things considered, the movie offered nothing original regarding its premise and although the acting was solid, it couldn't make up for a lackluster script for a paint-by-numbers film.

I wouldn't recommend this one, not even as a way to kill time. Better to just watch paint dry.

-- -- --
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Parish (2024– )
3/10
Hard pass
19 April 2024
I've always thought Esposito was a great actor so I was happy to see his return to tv but I just don't think this is the role for him. Basically, it's "The transporter" with cheesy dialogue from "taken". The premise of the show is entirely on original. An OCD former criminal is sucked back into the world of crime and working for a family of foreigners who do nothing but constantly complain about how much better their home country is and yet they seem to be perfectly content being in America and making all their money.

The real trick with this show is that AMC gives you the first episode free in the hope you'll get sucked in, then they want you to subscribe to ALLBLK at $6 a month to keep watching. I won't be doing that, so I won't be watching this show and since most people are not going to pay for a subscription to a channel just for one show, it's basically a death sentence.

It may have survived a season or two if it had been left on AMC, but given the decision to move it to this other network, I look forward to it demise.

***the day after posting this criticism, the show was suddenly available on regular amc again. Not sure if Amazon realized it was an Id10t idea to put the show on ALLBLK or if some low-level lackey screwed up but it doesn't change my opinion that the show is completely unoriginal.
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The Sandman (2022– )
6/10
Good on a little too long
23 March 2024
Firstly, I've never read the comics. I've never been a comic book person nor have i any desire to be. That being said, I am a big tv/movie person. I did not watch this series upon its immediate release. It's currently 3/2024 and I'm just finishing season 1.

It took a few episodes for me to get into this show. I originally only became interested because of some of the cast, I figured if they thought the story interesting enough to become attached to the project, it may be worth a watch.

I have two main issues with this series. Firstly, it becomes convoluted when you begin attempting to mix the metaphysical world with the "real" world. Feels like sometimes the writers have gone too far down their own rabbit hole that it just doesn't make sense. I consider myself reasonably intelligent and as a tv/movie person, am pretty adept at understanding complex plots. This series felt as though it became too entrenched in fitting so much into the story that it lost its way.

My second criticism is that it sometimes carries on when it should have simply ended. Episodes such as the diner felt like it could have been resolved in a 15 min sub-story and dragging it on and on was just painful.

Where the season should have ended at the end of episode 10, it keeps going with some weird cats-rule-the-world episode. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

All in all, it wasn't necessarily bad, but if you're not someone who pays attention to plots, you will quickly lose interest.
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4/10
Seemed like a good idea at the time...
17 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
This show had so much promise, a great cast executing what appeared to be a true "who done-it"but somewhere along the final episode the entire thing fell apart. Right away, my immediate grievance was the complete lack of realism. Nowhere in reality can a couple in America raise FOUR kids and put them thru schoolAND start their own successful business AND have this big lavish home, but it's not reality, it's TV.

So here's the plot in a nutshell, a newly retired couple is dealing with learning what life looks like now that they're no longer running their tennis-coaching business. When the mom goes missing, the father immediately becomes suspect #1, even his kids come to suspect his guilt. Let's just say he does himself NO favors in assuaging his family of his guilt.

Now, spoiler alert!!!

In the last 39 minutes of the series, we learn that the entire time the "missing" mom just felt sorry for herself and decided to take a short break in a cabin in GA the entire time with some random chick that she'd met.

Finally she comes back home, everyone cries and hugs and gets released from prison...tears are shed, all is forgiven, now let's have a family project and clean the storm debris from the personal tennis court, cut to black... This show greatly disappointed me. I wished I'd read more before sacrificing my Saturday to watch this letdown.
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The Rookie: Trouble in Paradise (2024)
Season 6, Episode 3
3/10
Where to begin...
14 March 2024
ABC has always shown Nathan Fillion love and being a Firefly fan from back in the day, I consider myself a fan if his work, however this show continues to test my devotion... Firstly, I agree with the previous review that Bailey is an unnecessary character that has zero romantic chemistry with Nolan. Her exiting the show would not change things one bit for the negative.

This episode in particular bothered me. How does a beat cop in LA afford his own home, to pay for a tropical honeymoon, and buy about 10k in surveillance "toys"? Why does the resort owners daughter work as a maid and why is she always wearing a leather jacket? What world would allow two detectives to take off to the tropics to play "backup"? In reality, they'd know that would never be allowed and it'd be much more efficient to let the local cops handle things, but for some reason it took less time for two cops to fly down from LA than for the locals to come to the island?

I've come to like Aaron after he replaced Jackson, but the entire mood of the show has become so interested in not offending anyone's sensitive feelings that it's resulted in successfully creating a weekly hour of absolute garbage. Fillion is no rookie anymore, wrap it up and move on to your next ABC career!!
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4/10
Luke warm paint-by-numbers "thriller"
9 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
I'd heard so much about the book (that I'll never read) that I had expectations for this to be a solidly-engaging film. My mistake was having expectations. The entire movie felt like a plane that never left the runway.

The director never explains why everyone is supposed to know this "marsh king" since, prior to his arrest, the biggest thing he'd done was kidnap a woman, force her to have his daughter, then shoot some guy on an ATV. Not to minimize those crimes, but they would hardly make him as notorious as the movie expected him to be. I also didn't believe that in 20 years since being "rescued" from her situation, his daughter wouldn't have gotten tattoo removal, much less psychotherapy for all her. "Trauma" But no, they never bother to build "the marsh king" up to his "reputation ", instead, the whole thing ends with his daughter killing him in a creek during a shootout. I won't say the entire society was a waste of time, at the very least it kept us engaged, but just don't go into it with expectations and they won't be let down.
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Red Lights (2012)
4/10
Good start, poor finish
2 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
For me, this was one of those movies you run across on Saturday afternoon when looking for anything to watch. At first it seemed promising, Cillian Murphy and Sigourney Weaver as scientists set out to bust fake psychics like Houdini back in his day...the duo has a "white wale" in Steven Silver (DeNiro), a blind man who is a world-renowned psychic come out of retirement for one last performance.

Weaver's character doesn't make it thru the first half of the film, which emboldens Murphy to prove DeNiro's character to be a charlatan.

Murphy is always entertaining to watch, however he grossly overacted in this one. His character's motivation to go after DeNiro seems entirely unexplainable, resulting in a final screen where he challenges DeNiro in a crowded theater and DeNiro's character goes in a ridiculous rant from being challenged.

Ultimately, Murphy proves DeNiro's abilities to be fake and that he can actually see. Murphy throws a coin and DeNiro catches it out of reflex.

Murphy doesn't really "prove" anything, so much as he just babbles to the audience about not believing.

In the closing scene, it's honestly unclear to me whether Murphy's character actually has psychic abilities himself or not but it seems that's what's implied.

It wasn't necessarily a bad film, just over-acted and with a really weak, anticlimactic conclusion.

For killing time in. Saturday, it's fine, but beyond that it's a letdown.
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2/10
Mockumentary
2 March 2024
The supposed "investigators" are siblings, the "psychic" is in IMDB as a "character actress" and everything "real" about this so-called "investigation" is completely fake. Wondering why you've never heard of the Witch of Hinsdale? It's because it's all made up and this "documentary " is complete farse.

I though the "psychic" was kinda cute, and she's got a silly insta where she advertises as a "spiritual healer" I used a lot of quotations in this review, it's because everything about this movie was complete rubbish.

Didn't care for it, offered me absolutely nothing new or even remotely entertaining.

Don't waste your time, this belongs in the "5 for $10" dvd bin of a dollar store!
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2/10
Hokey rubbish
2 March 2024
We rented this one night out of boredom, unsure whether it was supposed to be a "ghost show" or a movie-movie and 78 minutes later I'm fairly confident in calling it the later.

Basically a couple of Vegas "bros" with random tattoos and giant bottles of whey powder go around to places where people "felt something" and try to prove poltergeists but it comes off like a bad Paranormal Activity movie then just as things start to happen, it ends... The first thing that stood out to me is how completely clean and empty these "haunted houses" are. Being a traveler myself, it's fairly obvious that these al"haunted houses" are all air b-n-b's, including one of the host's houses, which is so ridiculously clean and empty that there's not a chance a single man actually lives there.

I definitely wouldn't have paid money to watch this and next time I'll come here to check reviews before shelling out $$$ to watch such ridiculousness.
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Haunted Homes (2004– )
2/10
Complete rubbish
21 February 2024
The scariest thing about this show is that I actually lost hours of my life watching in the hope it might be the least bit entertaining.

Full disclosure, I am a skeptic, I love watching paranormal shows but do NOT believe in ghosts.

That being said, this show provides NO evidence or even suggested-evidence of proof of the paranormal. It's essentially a couple of Brit's talking about how they "felt" spirits Andrei acting confused that the camera's and other equipment captured no evidence.

There's a skeptic Brit as well, he's much nicer than I would have been as I most certainly would have laughed in the face of these ppl claiming their house is "haunted".

Right out of the gate, episode 1 features a group of high-strung, socially awkward women who feed into each other's delusions of ghosts.

If you're the tour of person who believes a feeling constitutes "evidence", you may actually enjoy this show, but if you require something more than a so-called psychic claiming to feel the spirit of "Beth and pat@ then I wouldn't waste a moment of your life in this ridiculousness.
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Night Court: A Crime of Fashion (2024)
Season 2, Episode 7
2/10
Going backwards
21 February 2024
I admit I was not a fan of this show initially. The jokes were pathetic, the script leaned way too much on the original series and the laughs were phony.

Despite this, I continued watching in the hopes the characters would improve and eventually they did. JL completely carries the show and even though he may be a little rusty, the man is a legend from my childhood Andrei will always have my utmost respect!

In regards to this episode, it was as if the show had gone completely backwards! The cast was desperate for laugh's and the comedy didn't even deserve the canned laughter it got. Through the entire episode I didn't so much as crack a smile.

I suppose the writers thought by bringing in a cameo from a BBT alumni it would be okay, but they were very very wrong!

If the show doesn't get better, I will absolutely be moving on from this.
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Yellowstone (2018– )
7/10
Great show without an ending
8 February 2024
We avoided this show for years, no particular reason, just didn't seem interesting. We finally gave in and watched, only to get hooked into 5 seasons that ended abruptly with no conclusion!

It's basically a modern version of Dallas, about a ranching family trying to maintain a 100+ year old dynasty while all comers are trying to take "their land". There's a lot of internal conflict, with a father who won't relinquish control and a family who doesn't want the responsibility.

I'm not doing it justice, it really is a great show and if you can make it past the first few episodes you'll get hooked. But buyer beware, the show ends abruptly at the end of season 5 and it's been over a year with no additional episodes in sight, so be prepared to make up your own ending, preferably one where Beth doesn't survive! Lol.
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Fear the Walking Dead (2015–2023)
4/10
Started slow, ended trash
5 February 2024
When this show first aired, I was very excited to see a somewhat different aspect of the whole TWD universe. The first episodes were rather slow, and to be honest, it took me a while before I feel the show found its groove and kept my attention. By the latter part of season one I was pretty engaged and I continued to stay that way until about season five when the show suddenly just went off the rails and became meandering garbage. I don't know if they just never thought the show would make it this far or what, but it feels like a Collaboration of random story ideas are thrown into a hat, and whatever is chosen is what that season is going to be about. The entire show has lost all cohesiveness and I can't suffer my way through a single episode of season eight. Much like the walkers, I'll be happy to put this one to rest by driving a bike through its brain. I don't blame the primary cast members for leaving but I do blame the ones who keep coming back!
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Street Kings (2008)
8/10
Who knew?
28 January 2024
For me, street Kings was the first time I'd seen Keanu in a role where he wasn't the outright golden-boy hero. SK allowed him to be the protagonist, trying to do good, but using not-so-good methods to achieve those results.

If you haven't seen SK, it's about a quick-on-the-trigger cop who's a member of a squad tasked with dealing with the city's most despicable criminals. Think "the shield" meets Bill & Ted...

Thru the course of performing his duties, he comes to learn that just because you wear a badge, it doesn't mean that you're the good guy. There's several recognizable faces in this, including Forrest Whittaker and Hugh Lauren, just to name a few.

A recommended must- watch!
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5/10
Self-serving
19 January 2024
It's tragic what happened to this young lady, her mother definitely abused her and her trust. That being said, she IS a murderer and a manipulator and used that horny, slow boy as a weapon. Now he's serving life and she's making a show about getting married to some Easter-egg of a human? Let's not forget, this guy is the exact same as those sad women who write fan mail to serial killers.

I watched the entire series just to see if there was anything new they would convey. If you're wondering, there's not. It's 6 episodes of "I killed my mother, BUT.." the whole thing puts me in mind of the self-serving Casey Anthony "special" that came out a few years ago. It's a desperate attempt to hold on to the fleeting 15 minutes for a despicable act.

This girl was abused, no argument. But rather than go to the authorities or any number of people on the planet, she chose to USE some rando in the internet to do her dirty work. The only reason the prosecutor cut her the deal is because they knew when she got in the stand and boo-hooed in her little girl voice the jury might have found her not guilty so they figured some prison is better than no prison.

In reality, she deserves to spend her life behind bars, not getting married and doing book signings. Does this little killer realize she's not "free"? She's on PAROLE!
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The Call (VIII) (2020)
2/10
Waste of time
4 January 2024
I ran across this gym while actually searching for another movie with a similar title. Come to find out the movie I wanted to see was only available to rent so instead I opted for this free movie by the same name. What I got was 90 minutes of boiler plate be rated horror with an ending that made absolutely no sense.

Essentially, the entire movie is about a group of kids who harass the local old woman in town who everyone blames for the disappearance of a little girl many years ago. The kids are sucked into an arrangement where they're offered money if they can complete a phone call. Only to find out that the phone call is with the dead old woman who apparently is possessed by demons blah blah blah. There was absolutely no thought put into this plot or the storyboard and the end just sort of happened. I can't even really explain what went on. It's just one moment the movie was going in the next minute it was over and the credits were rolling. If I knew two hours ago, what I knew now, I would have avoided this movie like the plague. Save yourself, don't waste your time on this one.
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The Curse (2023– )
3/10
Round hole, square peg
8 December 2023
I put off watching this show for several months because the trailer and the description didn't give me anything interesting to make me think it might be good.

Finally I broke down and watched it and my initial impressions were not unfounded. I watch a lot of tv, a lot of movies, I do this for entertainment, not so I can feel like someone is forcing their social values and opinions on me.

This "show" felt like it didn't know where it belonged. Is it comedy, drama, overly pretentious garbage? The later, perhaps, but definitely didn't make me laugh or feel anything, other than annoyed.

Essentially, best I could comprehend, it's a couple of annoying white people trying to blend in with a minority culture, quite poorly.

Honestly, the world is crap, we all know it, the point of tv is supposed to entertain and distract, and this show fails to do that. No point listening to some Hollywood writer preach at me.
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