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Reviews
Cats & Dogs (2001)
A big smelly dog turd of a film
I've just whatched this on video after renting it from the video shop and i just have to get my frustration out of my system. IT'S A DISGUSTING FILM. Apart from some impressive(if a bit cartoony)visual effects,cats and dogs is about as much fun as having one's pubic hair plucked out by a pair of pliers. It has none of the charm,intellegence or the captivating story of babe(or the underrated paule)all it has is dumb jokes about poo and cheep sentimentality. Also the slapstick is surprising violent. And what the hell is jeff goldblum doing sluming it as a bofin who descovers a cure for dogie odder.(or something like that,i lost interest by then) The novelty of seeing cats and dogs walk,talk and fight wears off after two minutes,so whatch the trailer instead. If you whatch the film you will only be depressed at the amount of misery these poor animal's look like they are going through just for the sake of cheep,nasty,moronic entertainment.
one star out of five
p.s not even my dog was interested. After twenty minutes,my dog fell asleep in front of the fire. All human's should folow suit.
Akira (1988)
MYSTIFYING,GRAPHIC,BEAUTYFUL. THE BEST ANIMATED FILM EVER MADE.
This was the film that(like a lot of people)got me interested in anime,and even though i've seen some good anime film's since,(as well as watching some bad one's like the just plane vile legend of the overfiend)nothing has had the same impact on me as this gem. Made strictly for adult's,akira has all the thing's that western animated film's don't have,a deep,dense plotline,graphic ultra violence and above all else,realistic fleshed out characters which you can invest your emotion into. Together with visuals which are so spectacular you will never see them in a major holywood movie(this could not be made as a live action film because it would cost to much)and you have a endlessly rewatchable masterpiece. why cant disney make a film like this.
five stars out of five stars
p.s dont watch the dubbed version. It may be in 5.1 sound on the dvd,but the american accents sound fake and it takes away from the film's realism.
Moulin Rouge! (2001)
The most fun I've had in a dark room with a load of strangers in a very,very,very long time.
I will keep this on short,but i saw moulin rouge on saturday affternoon. Its now sunday night It's nearly 10:40 and i simply cant get this wonderfuly bizare,deeply moving masterpiece out of my mind. Any one reading these comments who hasn't yet seen amazing movie must see this jawdroper of a film yet, please do so as soon as posable. I intend on seeing it again this week. And maybe again after that.
The best film of the year bar none
If this isnt the toast of the oscar's next year then there's simply no justice in the world.
Brazil (1985)
The best film ever made.
I first saw this about three year's ago,it totaly blew my mind. It's complex story is one you may not get on a first viewing as the film move's with such energy that it's hard to keep up. It took me about four viewing's until i got the intricate detail's,but is so visualy arresting that you may get sucked in to it,and will enjoy watching it again and again to understand the thing's you might of missed.
The perfomance's are brilliant,(johnatan price has never been better)the direction by terry gilliam is masterful and shows the true sign's of a cinematic genius(surely one of the best director's ever. It's a pity he doesn't make film's more often)startling visual's and arugably one of the most beautiful and haunting film score's ever.(scored by lethal weapon composer michael kamen).
The only problem with the film is that it's very difficult to describe,and many people more aquainted with more mainstream film's will probably hate it,mainly because of it's offbeat,not to mention downbeat tone. This film's got to be up there with seven and arlington road as having one of the most downbeat ending's seen in a mainstream film. Much to the dismay of the film's distributor universal,who not only demanded gilliam cut a hefty 50 minute's out of the film's 2hrs 20 mins runing time but also change the ending to a happy,more commercial ending. The studio totaly missed the point of the film.
Because of it's odd,hard to define subject matter,it remain's a very underrated film,gaining a small but loving cult following. But if you are the type of film buff who has a dark sence of hummor with a taste of the bizarre and enjoy's watching the type of outthere,chalanging film's which you very rarely see these day's,then get out there and see this unsung masterpiece now.
If you have an offkillter taste in film's(like me)then you wont be disappointed.
*****/***** five stars out five
The Avengers (1998)
Month's of hype and this is what they came up with.
When this stinker came out in the summer of 98,i was actually looking foreward to seeing this retard of a film. After all,it had a huge production and marketing budget(any thing from 65 to 70 million on the film with about another 50 million spent on advertising)a hot cast,stuningly offbeat visuals and judging by the trailer. Action packed. So how could this go wrong. By cutting large chunk's out of the film that's how.
I wasn't a fan of the avengers when this came out, being fifteen at the time,i'd never really seen the t.v show.(i sitll have'nt mind you)But with it's british spy theme going on and the fact that it stared sean connery,led me to believe this was goner be like a bond movie. Having allways been a fan of the bond film's,i was intrigued, and planed on see it as soon as possable.
But on it's week of relese i read a lot of negitive thing's in the press. Critic's being banned from seeing it in the form of no press screening's,nearly thirty minites being cut because of poor test screening's,ralph fiennes and uma thurman having no on screen chemesty,none of the star's showing up for the premire. Anyway i finaly saw it on the second day of release,really wanting to enjoy this film because of the great trailer. But when the credit's started to roll and the lights came up, i realised that it was impossible to like this film. It was an utter travesty and to be frank,i felt quite p##sed off.
It was badly acted especally by fiennes and what sean connery was doing in it i will never know. Many of the cool looking bits that were in the trailer,never made it to the final cut,making the film run at a pidlling 85 minutes(inculding credits)and as a result making no sense what so ever. The only possitive thing one can say about this insult of a film is that it has great production design and good visual effects, but apart from that the avengers is a cinematic mess and one of the worst film's i've ever seen. A film not excitting enough to be an action film. A film not funny enough to be a comedy. And not serious enough to be any kind of drama. And it allso rather dull,which is probaly it's fatal flaw.
I am glad it floped at the box office
*/*****
One star out of five.
Rocky IV (1985)
YOU WILL LOSE......about twenty quid if you buy the dvd.
I have to admit that i own this on video(I didn't ask for it,my mother brought it home one day,years ago in fact,allthough i kind of liked it at the time.)but having watched this again the other day,having not seen it in ages,I realised what a dumb,racist,cheese fest it is.
The acting is uninspired with stalone acting with his pecks as allways. Wheathers is cocky as hell as allways(thank god he gets killed in this one). shire is bland as allways. And young is anoying.....as allways. there's just no suprises what so ever. And the less said about lundgren,(in his acting debut)the evil red commie scum,the opponent which rocky has to beat,the better.
stalone who wrote and directed this crass abomination just patches together a series of baywatch style music video moments(for when they run out of plot). Lame,badly chrographed fight scene's. And training scene's that disturbingly verge on homo erotic fantasy. Also rocky's everybody can change speech at the climax will make you cringe. But probally the most amusing scene in the film(unintenional that is)is when rocky has a conversion with his son before he goes of to russia(watch the kids face).
The public had enough after this one(rocky 5 sunk like a stone at the box office compared to this one)and it was this one that proved to be a big part in rocky's downfall. The downfall to one of the most boring film series ever. Only the original is worth watching.
**/***** two stars out of five