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Reviews
Family Guy: Something, Something, Something, Dark Side (2009)
Not as Impressive
I'm a HUGE Star Wars fan and a HUGE Family Guy fan. I was so excited when I heard about this DVD and then I got it. I don't think this was their best work. I even looked for hope while listening to the commentary, which rambled on about everything but this show. WHen I checked out the Extras, the TABLE READING had better gags and flow to it than the actual episode. Something got lost in translation, too many things got edited, and there were too many INSIDE JOKES that most people won't get. I think the Original FAMILY GUY: BLUE HARVEST was WAY better by comparison. This felt like they were dialing it in. I'm not a fan of Critics, so for me to give it this kind of review pains me. I can only hope that their JEDI episode is up to par.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Light our Darkest Hour!!!!!
Johnny: Tell me a Story Michael Bay.
Bay: Okay so this guy Sam has a car that becomes a giant robot named Bumblebee. They had many adventures together, like when Sam goes off to college, but can't because the giant robot Semi OPTIMUS PRIME needs Sams help instead, and they go off to that one place to do that one thing and meet those one guys. Then Giant robots start fighting and break a lot of things, Then there's these 2 Retarded (Steve Urkle wannabees) robots that follow him around for no reason. Anyway the world will blow up unless they find the Matrix.....The End.
Johnny: WTF was THAT! You didn't even try, did you even work on this film?
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Firstly, lemme say "STOP DESTROYING MY CHILDHOOD ICONS". Every fanboy knows that in Transformers there was a set of Twins named SIDESWIPE and SUNSTREAKER. If we wanted twins in this movie, why did we disregard Sunstreaker and create the 2 worst characters in cinema since JAR JAR BINKS? Okay so we at least added a new G1 Face (Sideswipe), but lets ruin it more, he's not even red.....in fact, lets make him Silver like every other robot in this film. Okay, so lets add 3 more classic favorites...ARCEE, CHROMIA and MOONRACER, the only Female Autobots we've ever had.....and completely ruin them into these UNICYCLE-riding Worms with no form of a body whatsoever, and show them for about 10 seconds. Instead lets follow the RETARDICONS, which are so annoying that even BUMBLEBEE slams on them...physically.
Secondly, there was no character development at all in this movie. We added new robots, barely mentioned any names, didn't explain who they were, where they came from or why we should even care. That goes for both sides. There's an army of Decepticons who apparently won't die. We see dead robots from the first movie return as well as multiple Constructicons, some being part of DEVASTATOR and some fighting singly at the exact same time over the next dune.
I can't even glorify this movie as a 2 hour car commercial nor a Toy Commercial. It might as well have been 2 guys rolling 20 sided dice for what each characters next move was, because it felt that long and drawn out. They might as well been throwing POKEMON cards in saying "MY DEVASTATOR WILL ATTACK YOU". "Yeah, well I play my INSECTICON". "I see your Insecticon, and call on my RAVAGE". "You killed my Optimus PIKACHU".
You can't throw in all these things with no explanation of what a CONSTRUCTICON is, what an INSECTICON is, what a RAVAGE is, and most interestingly enough....what a PRETENDER is. This would be the Hot Blonde College girl who tries to kill SAM. There used to be toys called PRETENDERs. They were SKIN on the outside, but a robot underneath. This was the only cool thing I saw in this movie and it lasted 3 minutes maybe. Fanboys recognized also JETFIRE and WHEELIE, which in no way came close to their predecessors. I understood this movie for the most part, but then again 30 years plus of Hardcore FANBOY living, ya pick up a few things. NEWBIES are completely freaking lost.
Megan Fox just spoke out about this not being a film about ACTING, and MICHAEL BAY tore her apart for it calling her childish and immature, knowing nothing about what the fans want. I think the real problem here is MICHAEL BAY. I haven't heard anything out of his mouth that's not I, ME or MY. Judging by these reviews, the Lovely Miss FOX is Absolutely right and BAY doesn't know what the fans want. I've seen and heard about things that were supposed to be in this movie that could only make it better. One being the return of more of the original voice artists, aside from Welker (who still should've been Megatron, and Soundwave sounds like Inspector Gadget should be chasing him.) I'm tired of Hollywood telling us to shut up and take it as they butcher our beloved treasures, claiming artistic rights or it'll make it better. If it's not broken, don't fix it. If you think I'm wrong, try making ROOTS with an all white cast, or Little Orphan Annie with the JONAS BROTHERS. And lets keep letting them shove IGNORANT characters down our throat like SKIDS/Mudflap, JAR JAR BINKS, Will Ferrall...etc. After this disappointment, all I can say is that GI JOE had better be DAMN GOOD! Until All Are One...and we are all watching a better TF movie from Stephen Spielberg.
Photon (1986)
Nostalgia of the 80's was good clean fun.
Remembering back to the 80's, I get chills of nostalgia. Toys, Video games and all playthings just got reinvented and/or turned on it's ear. Back when the Rubik's Cube was at it's peak, Worlds of Wonder released LAZER TAG. This craze became the rage, but when it came to the Entertainment Marketing, we got a horrible Saturday Morning Cartoon. Entertech, a division of LJN toys, countered with PHOTON. Like it's counterpart, you got a PHASER, a Sensor, but also a Helmet with lights and sensors as well. They didn't stop there. Action figures with the same InfraRed Tag tech followed. Actual Characters that we can get into. Then to top it all off, the LIVE ACTION TV Show. I remember all of the SCI FI Space stuff, kind of a STAR WARS meets POWER RANGERS feel. The Plot. EVERY world has a light orb that lasts 100 years. If the orb is charged by the good guys, everything is beautiful for that time. If the orb is charged with Darkness from the bad guys, the planet becomes a wasteland. So the battle ensues. The good guys fly around in the ZEPHYR with MOM, their computer leader. They use the PHOTON centers as a training facility. Chris Jarvis/BHODI LI becomes the best player and is recruited to join the team of good. He is taken in by: Tivia, warrior princess of Nivia; Parcival, adolescent computer geek from Earth (we think); Lord Beathen, Robotic Ninja Warrior; Leon, the giant Lizard Hero; and Pike, who looks like a Mr. Potato Head. It was a Grandfather to the Power Rangers but without the Bulk and Skull like cheese. More serious like the newer Rangers series. All in all, lots of fun for what it was. Not everything has to win an award to be fun.
And YES, AGAIN IMDb is displaying the wrong COVER to this series. What is pictured is an ANIME that is completely UNRELATED.
Doctor Who: Rose (2005)
Dr. WHO, what, where, and when......WHY....because we love it.
Since Sci Fi channel has been showing this series, I was hooked from the first episode. I hear a lot of bad press about it but I don't care what they think. I love this show for 2 reasons: FIRST being ROSE (actress Billy Piper). She is sweet, lovable and very beautiful, with an arsenal of emotions and faces. We see the (altered) world thru her eyes, our standard Earther beliefs. It just so happened that she made contact and got to board the TARDIS, but it could have been any one of us. SECOND is "THE DOCTOR". He is trying to save the other species and is giving them a chance to live and do right, compared to our Kill the Aliens politics. He takes Rose and us by surprise by looking at things from a completely different point of view. His out of time, out of the moment, completely oblivious to the situation style of wit cracks me up. Like when he is scorning Rose's kidnappers and between sentences turns to her and gives her a cheerful "OH, HELLO." and return to scorning without missing a beat. He comes off as having a "I don't know what I'm doing, but you don't know what I'm doing either so we're even." personality.
The sets, costumes, props, are all obviously TV grade, not as good as Farscape, but fitting for the show. The "END OF THE WORLD" show had several good aliens and props, but true to WHO. The advertisements show upcoming episodes with robots I remember from the original WHO series in the 70's. I can't wait to see where this series goes. OH, and the theme song is the same for true fans. However I always have to think back to the ROCK AND ROLL PART 2 parody from the TIMELORDS.... Dr. WHO and the TARDIS
V for Vendetta (2005)
Swirling Daggers of Justice
A masked man is skulking in the shadows of London in a very bleak and bitter view of the future. Take Darkman, Beauty and the Beast's BEAST, Weapon X, Phantom of the opera, and Zorro, put them in a blender and set it on liquify....This is the man known as V. Madman or genius? Terrorist or Hero? These are the questions you have to watch to find out. This mystery man I found very fascinating. Who is this man behind the mask? England is up to no good. In the wake of a Chemical Plague and second Halocaust...The British have donned the cowls of BIG BROTHER and the Nazis. There is no HOPE for this totalitarian society. You do what they say, when they say or pay the price. If you're caught out after Cerfew, so help you....
When a young girl find herself cornered by some "FINGERMEN" and her options are rape or death, she finds her world is about to change forever. In the blink of an eye, a mysterious stranger saves her from the bullies and invites her to witness history in the making. Well now she is linked with V whether she wants to be or not, as his friend or as his prisoner. One thing's for sure, the cops want to put her away for good for a stack of charges, one being his accomplice. Now her only aid to avoid capture is the mysterious madman V.
The film has action scenes and lulls to catch your breath. In some places it was kinda dry English film-making and then catapults into some John Woo like fight scene. Many places pulled at your heartstrings too. You really care about these characters. And my personal favorite, I got chills from the whole "RALLY THE TROOPS" type of action.
It's a good moral story, Hard times lead to much pain, if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger and stand up for what you believe in. It painted some very disturbing yet very realistic pictures of a bleak and hopeless future. It's definitely an eye opener. Very good movie.
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story (2005)
So far out in left field, it's a home run.
AWESOME, 200%! I can't remember when I laughed so hard. Stocked with all of the usual sidebar obscure 80's references and humor, this feature is true to the fan-boys with it's own brand of twisted humor. Nothing is sacred, from Super Friends to politics to time travel.
When Stewie sees a man on TV with his very likeness, he and Brian plot to go across country to San Fransisco, to track down the man they suspect is Stewie's real father. They borrow Quagmire's "Bang Bus" for their adventure. Meanwhile Peter and Lois are desperately trying to get some alone time together and away from Meg and Chris who keep foiling that very plan. It's a pretty good story but it's the usual references to forgotten family members and movie and commercial parodies that'll keep you in stitches.....oh and the fact that the movie doesn't take itself seriously. Although Stewie gets to unleash his destructive behavior a few times, watch carefully for his full grown stunt double, as he leaps out of a window and into a trash bin. Subtle but Freaking Hilarious. If you're any kind of Family Guy lover, you will not be disappointed.
Caged Women II (1996)
t&a + s&m = TNT
Sex sells, so naturally I bought this video. The story was riddled with a sick and twisted feeling that kept me on the edge of my seat. The plot had bad cops with drug abuse problems, who had a fetish for bondage and S&M, who kidnap local girls and beat them for an underground paying audience. Ivan Rogers plays slick and cool detective to cracks the case and saves the day without breaking a sweat. It has a real feel to it that makes it hit close to home for anyone in a small town. With all of the nudity and violence I doubt you'll ever see something this this hot and twisted on TV. I can't wait to see the next installment.
G.I. Joe: Spy Troops the Movie (2003)
Way to go GI Joe! New faces, old faces, Agent Faces?
GI Joe is the codename for America's daring, Highly trained special mission force. It purpose...to defend human freedom against "COBRA", a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. He never gives up, he'll stay till the fight's won. GI Joe will dare. GI JOE, a Real American Hero.
If you're like me and grew up with the original GI Joe cartoons and are completely nastalgic about it...Those words probably just gave you chills up and down your spine. Visions of awesome vehicles and weaponry and Big Explosions just filled your head and battle cries of "YO JOE!" and "COBRA!" rang in your ears. This revamped and upgraded GI Joe team won't let you down.
Most of the old favorites are here and some new ones too. Led by Duke, the team made up of Snake Eyes, Scarlet, Wild Bill, Heavy Duty, Beach Head, Shipwreck and Polly, and Dusty test the new MIRC control device helmet created by new Joe, High Tech. Little do they know an enemy has infiltrated their squad with intentions to steal the technology. An enemy in disguise...ZARTAN!
Meanwhile, Cobra Commander has ordered Destro and Baroness to meet up with Zartan to ambush the Joes in order to steal the MIRC helmet so Dr. Mindbender can rig it up to the Battle Android Troopers (BATS) which will be commanded by Cobra ninja StormShadow in hopes they will be more effective warriors in battle. (wheeze, wheeze, deep breath) But to Cobra's surprise they have a spy in their midst as well. GI Joe has recruited their own master of disguise...Agent Faces. Then all the Joes want to play spy games. Shipwreck and Snake Eyes infiltrate Cobra Mountain dressed in Cobra Attire. Shipwreck and Polly get decked out in Cobra Commander's outfit and try to get the code to the shield to let the battalion on in. Snake Eyes fights his ninja brother Storm Shadow in an awesome display of Equality as each shoots the others bullets right out of the air.
Old and new Joe Fans will love this video/DVD. Older fans might have to get use to some of the characters voices changing since the old series and bad attitude Beach Head is now a Surfer Dude. Other than that, it looks great (CGI animated instead of the old cell animation), The action rarely slows and we still have our favorite goodys and baddies. What can I say, action, adventure, explosions, ninjas, and robots...all in a days work for .....GI JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO.
G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)
lights, camera, nonstop action!
SPOILERS!! Where else are you gonna find Burgess Merideth, Don Johnson and Sgt. Slaughter all together? Mix them in with our GI Joe team and you got one big production on your hands.
Much to Dr. Mindbenders surprise, there is more to Serpentors past than we were all told in "Arise, Serpentor, Arise!". When Cobra is infiltrated by a strange mutant woman, a story unfolds like something from the Twilight Zone.
GI Joe is testing the Broadcast Energy Transmitter (BET), a device that sends power through the air like radio waves, when Cobra attacks. The Joes drive Cobra into retreat with major damage to their side. Serpentor is knocked out and taken prisoner. Duke takes a snake arrow in the chest that was meant for Lt. Falcon, his younger half brother, and goes into a coma. Cobra Commander leads them into a haven which turns out to be where he grew up...Cobra La. Many Joes followed and were captured or worse. Led by Golobulus (part man, part snake, part crustacian), Nemesis Enforcer (large manbat) and Pythona (sexy & venomous) take in their weary troops and make plans to free Serpentor and steal the BET.
Lt. Falcon abandoned his post, guarding Serpentor. Cobra and Cobra La made their way in, taking out troops and equipment as they go. Lt. Falcon is court martialed and sentenced to major retraining at the SlaughterHouse, a rigorous training camp ran by Sgt. Slaughter. Once Serpentor is Freed and taken to Cobra La, his past is revealed, as is the history of Cobra Commander and his banishment. Then Golobulus explains his plans to launch mutation spores into orbit and ripen them with the energy from the BET. Then as they fall to Earth, they will mutate everyone on the planet except those in the Ice Dome of Cobra La. When Cobra Commander is used as a demonstration, he is mutated into a snakeman. When the captured Joes attempt their escape, Roadblock is the only one who makes it out but is blinded by another spore pod. He finds the mutated Cobra Commander and together work their way back to the original battlefield where they find the other Joes.
Cobra La mops the floor with the joes at "THE PITT" (GI JOES command center) and steal the BET out from under them. Joe, in turn sends the full force to COBRA LA to knock out Cobra, Cobra La, free the Joes, get back the BET, and stop the Mutation spores.....a task nearly impossible for a full on attack force of GI JOE......except one....Enter Sgt. Slaughter. He and his band of marauders join up and help take back the battle, the war and the planet.
Great animation and acting. Very good movie.
Daredevil (2003)
Make Mine a Marvel
Hey there True Believers, Marvel has hit with another Great movie in the Super Hero Genre, proving once again that it's not only possible, It's Awesome. Fanboys all over love to see their heroes on the Big Screen. This is another hit in a line of many Marvel-ous movies. Blade, X-men, Blade 2, Spider-Man, and now DareDevil the Man without Fear.
Ben Afleck played a Great Matt Murdock, but I never would've guessed him as a Super Hero, especially a Blind One. He Blew me away!. But save your breath for Jennifer Garner to take away. Wow! Not only was she drop dead gorgeous but her fight scenes kicked butt, literally. Her and Ben had great chemistry.
After Batman nipped itself in the bud by making Billy Dee Williams play a part that later was played by Tommy Lee Jones, I didn't think Hollywood would play around with the race of the characters again. However, I'm glad they did. Michael Clark Duncan Played a Perfect Kingpin. He was the almost Lovable Businessman that everyone despised and then became the ultimate Evil Nemisis. I thought it was the end for our hero for sure.
Don't forget about Bullseye. Colin Farrel played a psychotic egotistical killer whos sanity is quite questionable. He's almost scary. Either way, you know he's pure evil.
Fanboys need to be on the lookout for cameos like our beloved Stan "the Man" Lee and Kevin Smith, along with many familiar character names. A True Marvel fan will recognize names like John Romita and Jack Kirby, which are as we know Great Marvel Artists who have worked on our favorite heroes for years.
In Closing, it's a thrillride filled with action, suspense, tongue in cheed humor, romance, tight leather costumes, cool effects and Stan Lee. Who could want for more.
Excelsior.