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Reviews
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
Missing Everything That Made X-Men Great
Story: I felt like the components were there for a potentially good story. But I think it would have been better served to have two parallel storylines going. I would have liked to have seen more depth developed from the mutants that were helping the government and place more contention between Dr Xavier and Magneto over this (which is a common reoccurring theme for these X-Men). If half the storyline were focused on that aspect, we wouldn't have had to endure so much of the typical superhero storyline as what they decided to delve into with Jean Grey. Side note: Did they forget just how great of a character Quicksilver is?
Acting: Nearly everyone was terrible! Jean Grey, Cyclops and Storm all were the worst! Beast, Dr X and Mystique were bland. Nightcrawler was tolerable. Michael Fassbender shined. Why was the cast so bad even though there were standout actors here? The directing...
Director: Simon Kinberg! Who? Exactly! I had to look up this guy. He is best known for directing an episode of the new _Twilight Zone._ Yep, that is it! He has one directing credit to his resume. So obviously this is the guy that should helm a flagship franchise piece like the X-Men! I can't help but wondering since Fox was in negotiations to sell themselves to Disney back when this movie was in its planning stages, was hiring Kinberg just a cheap way of making the movie and as a result boosting the cost of the Fox sale since they could say they had one more X-Men movie in the can? Whatever the reason, Kinberg wrote and directed this movie. Although it wasn't as bad as Apocalypse (another movie he wrote), it was obvious to me that Kinberg had forgotten how to fully utilize the mutants. Again, where was Quicksilver?
Bottom line: My expectations were low for this movie as I had always felt it was a throw away feature due to the sale of 20th Century Fox. The movie came across to this audience member as exactly that. It could have greatly benefited from some (or any) one-liners and have been a real blockbuster if they stayed with Bryan Singer as the director despite his misstep with the aforementioned Apocalypse. And now that this franchise is officially wearing Mickey ears, I fear that the mutants will be simply relegated to background noise within the MCU instead of where they belong, as a centerpiece of movies who refuse to conform to the prototypical superhero genre.
Igor (2008)
Underwhelming and Not For Small Children
Igor is a movie which attempts to be witty and bring a dark animated comedy to children. Tim Burton did this successfully in Nightmare Before Christmas. Anthony Leondis and Chris McKenna failed miserably.
Although the drab look of the world they created was fitting, it never quite felt convincing. For example, in the world of Malaria (the world in which Igor lives), there is a king. However, it never felt that this king ruled over very much because the audience was never allowed to see the beauty (or lack of beauty) of Malaria. Most of the movie feels as though it was shot in the basement of Igor's house! Finally, there was never enough compelling characters to carry this movie. Beyond Igor and his pals, you just didn't care what happened to anyone else.
As for small children, they should be forewarned that with a dark comedy comes some very questionable topics. One common one (without giving anything away) is the trivializing of suicide. Although nothing bloody was shown, many forms of death and torture were alluded to. I have a 6 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. I prefer that my daughter not hear about such things, albeit even in a joking manner.
So if the material is not suitable for small children and teenagers would rather spend their time in a more entertaining theater and adults won't find this feature engrossing... that leaves kids 8-11 who MIGHT enjoy the 90 minutes of footage.
Save your $12 per ticket and take the family out to dinner. You're sure to stomach what's served to you there over Igor!
Five Weeks in a Balloon (1962)
A Comedy... of errors
A very slow and predictable movie with very little to offer. Although this movie is touted as a comedy, the funniest part was that I actually sat through the whole thing. This feature could have gotten a lot worse had they made it into a musical. I did ironically enjoy the theme song that was heard a couple of times throughout the movie. A little diddy that was sung by The Brothers Four. But I suppose the only redeeming part was the skimpy outfit that Barbara Luna was dressed in throughout most of the movie.
Of course, I am by no means a fan of older movies, which probably accounts for my distaste in this one.