implaxis's Reviews

Dune: Part Two (2024)

6/10

Three hours of Zendaya looking over her shoulder and glaring.

29 May 2024

Dune Part Two, or, "They fly now?" "They fly now."

Well, that was... less than compelling. I liked Part One enough to watch it twice. By the end of this one I was so sick of light brown I was craving a blueberry. I have a lot more to say about it than I want to put here now (little of it good) but I'll try to keep it short.

Lots of miscasting IMO. Zendaya spends most of the film glaring and looking over her shoulder. Seriously. Her flat midwestern accent was terrifically out of place in the midst of all the other Fremen. Austin Butler looks down and to the side, like he does in every other performance (I just saw him doing nothing but in The Dead Don't Die.) Christopher Walken was a great dramatic actor but I can only see him as a joke now.

Fine visual effects, but far too long getting to them. Lots of people just... looking. I thought maybe Spielberg directed it for a while. This movie really made me hate sand. (It's coarse, and rough, and gets everywhere...)

I don't know if the book ended there but the movie ending seemed rather abrupt.

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South Pacific (1958)

4/10

Least favorite musical I've ever seen.

4 May 2024

Warning: Spoilers

I love it when long movies have an Overture and Intermission The opening song, even though it's about "dames", is gayer than the Top Gun volleyball scene. (Check out Ray Walston's getup. Village Person all the way.) ("Gayer than laughter, am I...!" -- sung by the main male character, a handsome but Pee-Wee-Herman lookalike.) Of course, that's in the historical context.

The cinematographer must have just bought a new set of Cokin colored filters because those and vignettes are used a lot! I hated that because the on-location South Pacific is so beautiful on its own, why overlay a single-color gel and remove all other color? There's probably a reason I've never seen that technique used in any other movie.

I did vaguely recognize some of the songs, but the singers are... adequate at best. So far there's been very little actual plot and a lot of static singing. (Yes, I know it was a stage play but with this location, open it up a bit!)

It was a curious mix of the stage singing and then cut to the WWII drama with hundreds of extras and ships. Weird. But that entire war plot was only about 15 minutes of the whole movie.

I have to admit I was totally surprised when

(spoiler) the handsome American Lieutenant whom we've been following since the opening scene -- is killed offscreen and is last shown being covered with palm fronds by the natives. No blood or obvious injuries. I thought the last scene would be him having deserted by faking his death (with the help of the Frenchman) and reuniting at the top of a hill with his Polynesian love. But no... it ends with the middle-aged Frenchman and the young nurse getting together and that's it.

(end spoiler)

Sucky musical, sucky movie. I feel sorry for all the husbands/dates that were forced to sit through this thing on initial release. Perhaps many times.

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Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

6/10

A lot worse than I remembered.

31 March 2024

Well, that was a lot worse than I remembered. But I watched it sober this time, too. A lot of the jokes fall flat now because they were so timely then -- the references are mostly lost here 24 years later.

I thought it was poorly directed and edited. One guy did both those jobs - Kevin Smith. One-shot, two-shot, one-shot, two shot, there was almost no camera movement at all. It seems like most of the back and forth dialogue was shot on different days. The 4th-wall breaking still works in Deadpool, but not very well here.

Jay is still entertaining but seems a lot less unique nowadays. And much of it is quite offensive in a way that wouldn't make it to the screen today.

So now he and Kevin Smith are going to track me down and kick the **** out of me for dissing their stupid movie. Bring it on boyeeeezzz!

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Cool as Ice (1991)

7/10

Vanilla Ice got a bad rap

29 March 2024

I've just seen the best worst movie for the first time -- Cool as Ice, starring yep, yep Vanilla Ice. I watched it with the Rifftrax accompaniment (the MST3K guys).

I think Vanilla Ice got a bad rap with this picture. (Ouch!) And I don't mean that in the cliche way. Everything from the 90s was thrown up on the screen (and I mean "thrown up"!) Hilarious in itself, colorful, and catchy tunes badly rapped. Never mind the creepy stalker vibe -- he didn't do anything that vampire creep in Twilight didn't.

It's got one of the best Rifftrax I've ever heard, but is entertaining enough on its own. It is surprisingly well-photographed and edited. Imagine my surprise to find out the cinematographer went on to do Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan.

This would be a great party movie. Take a drink every time he says 'Yep, yep!" You'll pass out after ten minutes.

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Under the Skin (I) (2013)

2/10

Total waste of your time.

28 March 2024

(in about 25 minutes) I should have remembered that as a rule of thumb, any movie that opens with a static shot of over a minute is going to suck. This one qualified. It goes about 20 minutes without any dialogue or anything happening, really. It's one of those where if you see a car's headlights far down the road, it's going to hold the shot until the car is right at your position. Same with a guy swimming on the beach, getting out, and walking slowly to camera position. Driving, driving, driving, walking, walking, walking -- it makes Manos The Hand of Fate look like a masterpiece. I gave it the 20 minutes, and ff'd the rest of it (watching a couple interesting visuals along the way). I'd made a mental note from a mention about this movie but I couldn't remember if it was "must see" or "total waste of time." Definitely the latter.

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Waterworld (1995)

7/10

Far better than its original reception would have you believe.

26 March 2024

First off, I'll say I found this movie really entertaining. I've seen it a few times, but this cut only one time on TV. This is the Blu-Ray which has both the theatrical cut and this one. I much prefer this one. It doesn't have any extra scenes that seem like they should have been cut when you're watching it, unlike other extended edition movies.

The long cut runs about three hours, which was rare at the time (1995). Nowadays we get one that long every other month. I know the production was fraught with problems, and it got a horrible but in my opinion undeserved reception.

Oh, there are problems with the premise, and dozens of nitpicks (mostly about things surviving that long in a humid or wet environment.) But just ignoring those this time around I liked it even more. It is surprisingly comical (often intentionally so), improbable, and in places, laughable. But Dennis Hopper just chews up the screen and I think it's my favorite thing I've ever seen him do.

The visual effects are mostly practical and impressive. However, the blue screen is awful, even moreso on hi-def. But there are far fewer of those shots. It had a nice balance of action and quiet scenes, and a nice denouement that was cut from the original.

I found the music exhilarating although a little repetitive with the themes by the time it was over. That didn't bother me as much as in other films. James Newton Howard -- I think he did some other epic stuff.

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It Comes at Night (2017)

4/10

Payoff not worth the journey.

22 March 2024

****. I don't think I'll ever go into another movie blind, or not actually recommended by someone. The blurb sounded interesting -- contagion, isolation, desperation. But the title is misleading. Lots and lots of walking down dark hallways with only a lantern. (But I will give kudos for the shooting in the natural light. None of this lantern-shows-its-own-shadow-on-the-wall garbage.)

Nice atmosphere, a couple of telegraphed jump scares. But the denouement is not a decent payoff. Not worth even the short playing time because of that. And I don't really care for Joel Edgerton in anything -- he of the permanent "Wha?" expression.

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Doom Patrol: Evil Patrol (2021)

Season 3, Episode 9

8/10

Didn't think much of the last few episodes, but loved this one!

14 February 2024

This one had a nice balance of character development, action, and just plain bat-craziness. More general randomness but it made more sense in this episode than some of the previous ones this season.

I like seeing the bonus features after the show. I'm taken aback at Joivan Wade's normal accent -- I just can't place how he can nail his character's American accent without a trace of that. The other thing, seeing him with his shirt off... I always thought that the sweatsuit and the armor was extra-padded or something, but no! Turns out he really is built like a super-hero!

I'm glad I can binge-watch all these in a short period because there are often things from way back that I might have forgotten about if I had to wait much longer between episodes.

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Doom Patrol: Bird Patrol (2021)

Season 3, Episode 7

7/10

Batsh** insane.

10 February 2024

First review of the series up to now. I like the show, but when the viewers are saying "Holy ****!" and "What the ****?!" more often than Cliff Steele does, its time to pull a story together. By now it's just a psychotic melange that makes no sense whatsoever. Any weird adventure could practically be taken from any other part of the series and placed in another part, and it would hardly make a difference.

The various stories are generally interesting, but again just so random it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. (I don't know why so many characters in a review are required when one can get their point across with fewer.)

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Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)

4/10

There's nothing new or unique here.

14 December 2023

Restart of the Hitman series, even though there was only one previously. Based on the video game. Now, I really liked the game, but there is nothing new or original here, not even fan service. The new actor just looks wrong. He should be bald, not have a 5-day scalp growth. And I couldn't get past his really weak jawline, not something I thought fit the character at all.

And again, a cut to black, inconclusive ending, and an end credit sequence setting up a sequel. Yawn.

This movie isn't that old, but considering how long wire removal effects have been around, one would think they could do tire (track) removal as well. It's obvious that a certain take has been done several times when there are tire tracks showing you where they're going to skid.

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Solaris (1972)

1/10

The single. most. boring. film. experience. of. my. entire. life.

10 December 2023

And there it is. The single. Most. Boring. Film. Experience. Of. My. Entire. Life. And nearly three goddamn hours long.

I took it as a personal challenge to get through this thing (even though it took me two days, splitting it between.) I'd first read about it in a magazine about 1978, listing classic or important sci-fi movies, and was mildly curious about it, but never got around to seeing it until now. (I know there was a remake starring George Clooney, no interest in that at all.) Oh I didn't mind it being in Russian with subtitles -- in fact that's about the only thing that kept me awake, having to read them instead of nodding off. My biggest question is "why?" Why did they make this thing so long and so boring? Perhaps the original story was more absorbing and I can bet a damn sight shorter.

I know it's a cliche to say "There's (x) hours I'll never get back." At least it filled some time where I didn't feel like doing much of anything, even thinking, and it succeeded there admirably.

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Jack the Giant Killer (1962)

8/10

The first movie I ever saw.

9 December 2023

I believe this was the first movie I ever saw, in the theater. It would have been about the time of its release so I would have been four or five years old. For years the image of the blue witches flying and approaching the boat stuck with me and I wondered what movie it was from. A few years ago I caught it on cable and immediately bought the DVD.

Watching it again I was taken away by the similarities with "The 7th Voyage of Sinbad", another of my favorites, and I did notice the quality difference. Cheaper sets and effects and whatnot. But even though the creatures look ugly, rubbery, and shiny, the stop-motion animation is top-notch. You can tell it's really good when the creature grabs a person and you can see them struggling to get loose -- it's not like the monster is just holding a doll.

Quite entertaining, and the princess has about the most beautiful voice I've ever heard.

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Mafia II: Definitive Edition (2020 Video Game)

4/10

One of the worst games I've ever played.

26 November 2023

Oh, I was excited getting into it, driving to my first location and taking in the ambience. I liked the cars and the general atmosphere, and I thought I'd like the game as well or more than Mafia I. But then... Several chapters in and I'm realizing, it's nothing but DRIVING. And at very slow speeds (unless you want to get pinched by the cops.) Drive home, sleep, get up, drive to Joe's, talk, drive to the bar, get a mission, drive to the mission, have a little gunplay and cutscenes, drive back to the bar and have a drink, drive Joe home, drive yourself home, go to bed for the next chapter.

It might not be so bad if there were some side missions along the way, but each trip is practically always on the other side of the map and there's no Fast Travel. There are lots of shops along the way but there is no reason to ever visit them unless it's part of the very linear story.

The checkpoints are also too few and far between. You can get through killing the hundred guys and several rooms to get to your goal, then the guy behind the last door whacks you, and you have to restart that section from the beginning.

The glitches are abominable. You can be driving along and suddenly fall through the street and be flying in the air underneath the city. The only option is to restart (and replay that mission up until then, and hope it doesn't happen again). I had one entire conversation where the guy's Fedora hat brim was around his neck. I don't think it was supposed to be a metaphor for "talking through one's hat".

The facial animations and voice acting are pretty good. But the story is inconclusive, at best.

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Kill Order (2017)

4/10

Be forewarned -- this has no ending.

7 October 2023

I hate it when I invest my time in a movie that's interesting enough to keep me watching, but has absolutely no payoff. What was this, a pilot for a lengthy TV series? (Although with a lot more blood than would be allowed on TV.) There is so much in here that is unexplained. Is this intended to be a movie franchise? Good luck getting anyone to watch another one.

I was impressed by the fight choreography although they did overdo the slo-mo quite a bit. The guy is entertaining to watch but is The Unkillable Protagonist. Other, helpful people are killed out of the blue and we don't even care because there is no backstory at all. Oh there are a lot of crazy flashbacks, none of which make any sense.

The sets are obvious cheap sets. The visual effects are adequate but could probably be done in Photoshop nowadays. The music is a bunch of jumbled generic stuff that you could get off of a disc of samples.

Don't waste your time.

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Ong Bak 2 (2008)

4/10

Like watching someone play a video game.

11 September 2023

Watching this was like watching someone play a video game, like Injustice 2, for example. A few cut scenes just to get you to the next place, lots of one-hit-knockout henchmen, then a boss battle.

Fight scenes can be great if they serve a decent story -- this plot had nothing new that we haven't seen 100 times before. There is a full five-minute dance scene where the film stops dead. It could have made its point in 30 seconds or less.

Everything is in sepia tone -- there isn't a shred of blue in the entire movie. It's all mud and rain, and very unpleasant to watch. Plus, it's no spoiler to say it just ends, but doesn't conclude. "OK, that's it! Budget's gone, let's go home!"

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Tales from Earthsea (2006)

6/10

Literally nothing happens here.

29 May 2023

Oh, it starts with two dragons fighting and a prince who kills his father in the first five minutes. Which has literally nothing to do with the rest of the story. Then for the next two hours, nothing happens. Really, nothing.

The animation is nice, in a limited, Ghibli style. Typical that the young boy and girl look exactly the same except for the hair and dress. The other characters look like every other anime character you've ever seen. The backgrounds are interestingly detailed, and the music and sound design are wonderful.

But there is nothing in the least compelling about the story. The main Big Bad is a confusing design -- obviously female in dress, style, and voice, but referred to as "Lord" and "he/him". What an odd choice. Why not just make her a Lady and be done with it?

Lots of things irritated me about this movie, not enough saving graces to warrant recommending it. Unfortunate. I don't like feeling like a lot of effort was put forth to waste my time.

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Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)

6/10

All the import of a Disney+ TV movie.

25 May 2023

Well, this had all the import of a Disney+ TV movie. Cheap sets and visual effects (except for some), and a weird, gruesome, and horrible vibe. Shazam should be light and fun, and while parts of it are, much of it is surprisingly violent. Dozens or hundreds of people are apparently killed, some graphically so.

Zach Levi is too goofy to be so serious, and Freddy Freeman is way too annoyingly quick with a quip. Oh, and we get bullies too, beating up on a disabled kid. How fun.

The music reminded me of Lord of the Rings, with an appropriately epic feel when needed, no complaints there.

Lots of product placement, some of which plays a part in the script. I was surprised to see a newscast with (named) Wolf Blitzer on (named) CNN. I thought that practice was ended years ago. Granted, I don't mind some verisimilitude but this was jarring.

I was happy to spot the little cameo of the original TV Billy Batson, although his face is a lot "different". Well, it is about 50 years since his show was on.

I thought the movie was nearly over almost an hour before it actually was, so I put it on hold and watched the rest the next night. Glad I got it for free, though.

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Foundation: The Emperor's Peace (2021)

Season 1, Episode 1

3/10

This series is a complete waste of time.

20 May 2023

I gave this series a chance, having read the books many decades ago. I didn't recall much from the book series except for some of the names, Hari Seldon, Salvor Hardin (two very similar names, and characters from what I recalled), and The Mule.

I really tried to stick it out, but by Episode 5 it made me realize it wasn't going to get any better. I still couldn't distinguish any personality from any of the characters, or follow what little plot was being presented. Granted, some of the visual effects were pretty good, but far too few and far between.

The series consists mostly of people standing around talking.

I FF'd through the rest of the season and found that I missed little, and cared less.

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Foundation: Upon Awakening (2021)

Season 1, Episode 5

2/10

This is the point I started fast-forwarding.

20 May 2023

I gave this series a chance, having read the books many decades ago. I didn't recall much from the book series except for some of the names, Hari Seldon, Salvor Hardin (two very similar names, and characters from what I recalled), and The Mule.

I really tried to stick it out, but the first part of this episode made me realize it wasn't going to get any better. I still couldn't distinguish any personality from any of the characters, or follow what little plot was being presented. Granted, some of the visual effects were pretty good, but far too few and far between.

The series consists mostly of people standing around talking.

I FF'd through the rest of the season and found that I missed little, and cared less.

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Titans: Titans Forever (2023)

Season 4, Episode 12

5/10

I for one am glad it's over.

12 May 2023

Warning: Spoilers

Final episode! While I thought the first couple seasons were great, I don't know what happened in Season Four. The actors seemed kind of bored (especially Raven), it got all horror-y and gross, and just wasn't all that compelling. Several episodes with virtually no action, just people talking in a room. With excellent drama that can be absorbing, but here it was just superficial.

It was nice to see Jason Todd again (previous episode), undoubtedly the coolest character on the show (maybe next to Hawk). It might have been nice to see some of the other old recurring characters as well, if even in cameos.

Dumb things in the story: -- Gar struggles to pull the cables to turn the machine off. Um, he can turn into a gorilla, why didn't he?

-- Bernard is dying. Oops, no he's not! He's okay!

-- Connor is dead. Oops, no he's not! He's okay!

-- Starfire is dead. Oops, no she's not! She's okay!

-- Even after his transformation, Sebastian still came across as a pouty kid, rather than the threat he was supposed to be.

-- Trigon only appearing in a bathtub, and easily dispatched.

Knowing Season 4 was the final one, I was eager to see how it played out, but ultimately disappointed.

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Titans: Game Over (2023)

Season 4, Episode 10

4/10

Boring as hell.

30 April 2023

Probably the worst episode in the entire series. Made worse because I thought it was the series finale, but there are two episodes left. They better be a lot better...

The only "action" in this episode was Dick doing one side kick against the generic bad guy. Mainly it was just a bunch of people standing around talking. Boring!

Also, why introduce a bunch of new characters (or characters from other series) into the last part of a current series? Focus on our main stars, thank you.

I really liked the first couple seasons with the dynamic characters, Jason Todd, Hawk, etc. I still don't get the whole thing with "The Red". Hopefully the last two episodes will redeem the show somewhat.

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Interstellar (2014)

7/10

"MURPH!"

4 April 2023

Murph! MURPH! MUURRRRPH!!!!! MUUUURRRRRPPPPHHHHHHH!!!!!

That was just about the only intelligible word I could make out that Matthew McConaughey didn't mumble. Oh, the effects were quite amazing, and the science is mostly not too bad. Did you know that Dr. KIP THORNE was a science advisor for the movie? If not, you didn't read the Trivia section. His name is mentioned there almost as much as MURPH!!!'s is in the movie.

TARS and CASE were simply executed, but pretty cool, as were the spaceships and the celestial effects. Nice music also.

Just be sure not to miss the fact that MURPH! Is a key figure in the movie. Not to mention Dr. KIP THORNE.

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Foreigner (2018)

3/10

Pointless waste of time.

28 February 2023

Open Water did it better. There are a couple of nicely shot scenes.

A man visiting friends goes snorkeling at the local beach and unwittingly gets sucked out to sea in a dangerous, fast current. What follows is an unexpected adventure in survival. A man visiting friends goes snorkeling at the local beach and unwittingly gets sucked out to sea in a dangerous, fast current. What follows is an unexpected adventure in survival. A man visiting friends goes snorkeling at the local beach and unwittingly gets sucked out to sea in a dangerous, fast current. What follows is an unexpected adventure in survival.

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Mobile Suit Gundam F91 (1991)

2/10

Incomprehensible.

26 January 2023

Although I am a big fan of the original Mobile Suit Gundam series, this was just awful. Apparently it's a clipshow movie of what must have been a series, but it's totally incomprehensible. I couldn't tell the good guys from the bad guys or the good mobile suits from the bad. Several elements seemed to be rehashes of the original series. I also detected some homages/ripoffs of music from The Empire Strikes Back.

Also, the DVD presentation is not only letterboxed, but pillarboxed as well. You're lucky if you have a TV setting that can adjust it to full screen.

It was worse than any Transformers live-action movie.

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Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (2022 Video)

9/10

Excellent presentation!

20 January 2023

Wow, nice to know that DC can still make some good movies, even if just the animated ones. Battle of the Super Sons ranks as one of the top 5 best DC presentations I've ever seen. Great animation, music, and storyline! Sometimes funny, sometimes horrifying, all done well. Lots of background trivia for longtime fans as well.

This is the first time I've ever seen this animation style (and it's better than most of the other DC animated films.) It's a successful combination of CGI and cel style anime that really works well. Somehow they were able to get facial expressions like I've never seen before.

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