Change Your Image
planetjeffy
Reviews
Van Helsing (2016)
Starts Off Godawful and Slowly Gets Good
I'm only up to #9 but Van Helsing starts getting exciting, finally. At first it's a bunch of people trapped in a building arguing with each other. There are just a few skirmishes with the zombie-vampires but it's brutally devoid of action. I guess I missed it but they really don't explain the Van Helsing connection, which is really a TV version of link bait. You can keep waiting for flashbacks to the 1800s, forget it. But it's good enough to keep watching. There are a zillion takes on the ending of civilization we know it movies and shows with zombies or vampires. Here's another. If you want something a little wackier and fresher, try The Strain.
Helix (2014)
I liked the Helix series, a lot. Too bad it didn't last long.
This series had a budget, good actors/acting and quality sets, totally unusual for SyFy. AHiroyuki Sanada, Billy Campbell, Kyra Zagorsky and the rest of the cast turn in great performances. The story gets moving quickly and sucks you in fast. Science fiction mixed with horror and suspense - what's not to love?
About the story...It's a TV show, people turn into genetically engineered psycho zombies. Quit trying to say it wasn't realistic. That's like trying to say Walking Dead isn't realistic. Yes, the show went way off the tracks in the 2nd season - the arctic location lent itself much better to the story. Would have been nice to see where they story was going for a 3rd season. Hello, Amazon, Netflix are you listening?
The Christmas Sweater: A Return to Redemption (2009)
Some people have no shame
in stealing the public's hard earned money to satisfy their ego. I was dragged to this by my neighbor, who didn't tell me what we were going to see. This guy has not been to a movie in years and loves GB. We both walked out of the theater after 45 minutes. We left about 20 people behind.
For 25 of those 45 minutes, I was on my blackberry. This man has a very dark soul and it is all on the screen - paranoia, death, fear, weirdness. I don't know who they expect to see this film (not really a film). It comes from a kid's point of view, but it is way to dark for kids. It is way to juvenile for any adult I know. I guess if you like last part of Old Yeller, you might like this.
Site Specific: Las Vegas 05 (2006)
Real made to look fake
I just saw this on the Sundance Channel. I had to look it up to see if it is real or just a miniature set. The use of hand held camera with it's shake, adds to the sense of unnaturalness. The addition of fake sounds makes you wonder if it is miniature or real. The ubiquitous slot machine noises are very tinker toy like. He cleverly shoots some car show vehicles in a parking lot that look like toys. There is even a hot pink roadster. Some amusement park type attractions sitting in a lot that look like toys. As said before, the short focal length that blurs out fore and aft adds to the "is this real" effect. Kind of a strange idea for a short film. But this endeavor definitely hooks you once you start watching it.
Knocked Up (2007)
Sex and Drug humor
are the only things going for this movie - which thankfully is quite a lot. I'm sorry all you enlightened pot smokers, but I've seen many more who are closer to the stereotype in this movie (not that it's bad). The mushroom scene was classic and to whoever hated the velvet rope bit - it was the funniest take on that weirdness I've ever seen, though hard to watch at the same time. Aplow, if you read this silt, dump the touching parts, and give us all meat next time. That is when you and your crew are at their best. I do have a question. Why didn't she tell him that she tried to call the doctor already? That leaves a weird jump in the flick. Am I the only one who noticed this?