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Reviews
Silverado (1985)
(Maybe) my favorite western
So I saw Silverado from 1985 and I really liked it. I'm stuck between this and Once Upon a Time in the West for my favorite western. The characters are the best part of this film. Paden, Emmett and Mal are all really cool. Even the bad guys are cool, with John Cleese as a town sheriff and Jeff Goldblum as a gambler.
The action scenes are cool too. The shootout at the ranch towards the end is amazing. Most of the characters are likable and relatable, and each of the main characters has their own story arc. Well, all except for one. My only complaint with this film is that the four character of the four main characters has no personality.
He does absolutely nothing in the film until the end and he's just a loudmouth alcoholic. It doesn't help that he's played by Kevin Costner either. Overall, though, this is maybe my favorite western and even if it won't turn out to be your favorite, I would still say check it out.
The Monster Walks (1932)
A very boring film
This film is very very bad. Not that I really expected much from a film called The Monster Walks. Most of the film is just people sitting around and talking about a will. THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT A WILL! Real exciting, right! Right!!
In fact the "monster" doesn't even show up until the half way point. And then you would finally expect something to happen. But no, they just sit around talk about what could of happened. But you know what the thing is that really irks me about this film? There's no monster. There's a Chimpanzee they keep locked in the basement but there isn't a monster.
The only reason this gets a 3/10 is because of the twist that it was the old guy using the butler to get all the money from the family. And then it turns out that the butler is actually his son but the son accidentally killed his mother so then he kills the old guy. That's the only part I kinda liked. Everything else just sucked.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)
The best version of Jekyll and Hyde
I don't think I need to explain the plot of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and why it's brilliant. So let's move on. This film takes risks in almost every way. The POV shots of Dr. Jekyll were pretty ambitious for the time and even now films don't really use it. Of course there's the transformation scene where they already had the makeup on his face but only be shining certain lights and filters on it would the makeup appear. This gave the illusion that he was changing before the audiences very eyes!
But perhaps the most ambitious scene of all is the seduction scene near the beginning where there's a fair bit of half-nudity. And the kind of abusive relationship Mr. Hyde makes her go through must have been enough to give it an X rating. But then there were no ratings back then. The acting from all the cast is good especially from Fredric March who somehow manages to play both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A great film, would definitely recommend it.
Frankenstein (1931)
One of the best horror films ever
Two words: Boris Karloff
Another two words: Colin Clive
And another final two words: James Whale
What do you get when you put these three people together? Why, you get Frankenstein! I shouldn't even have to say what makes this film so great. But I will. And I'll put them in a list!
#1: James Whale might be the best director of all time.
#2: Colin Clive's performance as Dr. Frankenstein gives me chills every time, especially that iconic line. You know which one I mean.
#3: Dwight Frye as Fritz is probably favorite performance of his. He basically plays the same role he did in Dracula but this time he's a hunchback.
#4: Boris Karloff as the Monster is not only iconic but brilliant as well. Karloff portrays it as a sympathetic creature who only wants to be loved but is beaten and tortured into the Monster he becomes.
#5: The sets and props in the film are amazing! Frankenstein's laboratory is the best with all it's gadgets and stuff.
And there you go... Frankenstein.
M - Eine Stadt sucht einen Mörder (1931)
Peter Lorre's best film
I've always preffered to watch foreign films. There a lot more unique and artistic. And even back in 1931 that statement is true. Words cannot describe how unique this film was for it's time. I would judge the acting but since it's German I don't know how natural it sounds or not. So I'm just gonna skip over that.
What I can say though is that Peter Lorre in the final scene is great, he seems so panicked and he seems genuinely sorry for what he's done. And that part where he days that he can't control himself just gives me the shivers. I would have to say that the best part of the film is just the concept in general. Some of the best scenes are where all the townsfolk are searching for Peter Lorre because the police won't do anything about him. My personal favorite part would have to be the scene near the end when all the people manage to trap him in a building and they search the entire thing looking for him. And they get so close to finding him but he manages to stay hidden and your left in suspence on weather he's gonna get caught or not.
A great film, check it out.
Miami Connection (1987)
This movie sucks, but I kinda like it
This NOT a good movie. Not by a long shot. The acting and dialogue make Troll 2 look good, the characters suck, and there's way too many slow points. However, the plot to this movie about a rock band fighting cocaine selling ninjas is so insane I can't help but like it. In my opinion this is the epitome of so bad it's good kind of movie, the story is hilarious, the acting is bad but funny, and the part where the rock band starts promoting peace and then five minutes later brutally kill the ninjas is the best part. Check it out for a good laugh.
Daikaijû kûchûsen: Gamera tai Gyaosu (1967)
On par with Gamera vs. Baugon, but lacking one thing: a lack of little kid characters!
I would say this one is mostly the same as the last one, and because I've already voiced my opinion on that movie I can't really say much else. The acting is good, the sets are good, the effects are awesome, and the storyline is pretty standered but not bad. The one thing that makes this worse though? The little kid! Just like the first Gamera movie all he does is wine and complain and get captured only to be rescued by Gamera. Overall, not a terrible movie but I wish they left out the kid.
Come rubare la corona d'Inghilterra (1967)
Not a good super hero movie, but not bad
While nowadays there's been a big boom in super hero movies, it's a little known fact that it's not the first. During the 60s there were a ton of them, most trying to cash in on the Batman show although they did have their own sense of style. Argoman is different in the fact that it lacks the style, because of this it just becomes like the campiness of the 60s Batman. Which IS a good thing by the way, but it doesn't seem as original as stuff like Danger Diabolik. Also, most of the movie is pretty slow, with Argoman trying to find out where Jennabell is by standing around and talking to people!
However, the last act in the base makes up for it. Overall, while it's not as stylish as some other 60s super hero movies and is pretty slow at times, it has most of the other traits of a good movie down. Food acting, good effects, a catchy theme song, and a robot! Check it out!
Daikaijû kettô: Gamera tai Barugon (1966)
A very silly movie
When I say that this movie is silly, I mean it! A giant lizard with a horn that can punch things with it's tongue and freeze them with it can also shoot rainbows out of it's back. And if that wasn't enough, it bleeds grape juice. With all of that you might think the movie to be bad, but no! The dubbing is pretty bad but it's better than reading subtitles in my opinion, the sets are good, the costumes for Gamera and Barugon are good, and for once the storyline is on par with something from 60s Godzilla!
The best thing about the movie though? There's no annoying kid character! Definitely recommend this movie, but I will say that if your looking to see Gamera a lot you won't find him, he's barely in it. Other than that though, I would say to go check it out.
Misterio en la isla de los monstruos (1981)
One of the most annoying movies ever made
This movie sucks! I mean it, if I had a choice I would give this a zero. But I can't and so it gets a one. The story is awful, the twist that all the monsters were toys sucks like, why couldn't they just be actual monsters? Maybe because the effects were so bad they decided that, I don't know. After all, they do look like toys.
But the worst part, the very worst part, is the acting. Everyone except for Terence Stamp and Peter Cushing sucks! But they only have two scenes, so the rest of the movie your stuck with some annoying stereotypes. While most of the actors and actresses suck equally, there's one character that stands out as being the worst. Professor Ardelect!
I want to rip this guys throat out because all he does is complain, "I'm hungry, I don't want to walk!" Yeah, well I'm sick of him! Then, when the monsters show up all he does is stand there and scream like a little girl. And it's supposed to be funny? That's not funny, a two year old could come up with better humor!
Bottom line, don't watch this at any costs! Not even if your family is being held hostage, you would just be better off.
Daikaijû Gamera (1964)
What could have been a good monster movie was ruined by the little kid
This movie COULD have been good. The plot while being a rip off of Godzilla at least has an interesting and unique monster, the acting mostly pretty good, and the models and effects aren't all that bad. What kills this movie though? The kid. All he does is cause trouble, and he defends Gamera after he saved him even though five minutes later he goes and destroys a city.
Usually I would only take away tow points and give this an eight because the kid is annoying, but what makes it worse is when the army comes up with a plan to stop Gamera and he tries to save Gamera and succeeds! Then, Gamera goes on to kill more people, it's like, "great job kid, you killed millions of people and caused property damage but hey, you're a little kid so I'm supposed to like you and not want to kill you!" I HATE KIDS!!!
Tarantula (1955)
An underrated 50s monster movie
I really love this movie, seriously, not enough people talk about it. The acting is pretty good, the effects are decent, and the storyline of nutrients causing the tarantulas growth instead of the usual radiation is unique. Another thing that's unique is that the guy that creates the giant tarantula isn't all that bad of a guy, he just wanted to help the world but accidentally created a giant tarantula. Some people might say that the rear projected tarantula looks fake, but in my opinion it looks very real because they used a real tarantula and not CG. My only problem with the movie is the very blatant 50s sexism.
America 3000 (1986)
America 3000 (1986)
This movie is quite possibly the blandest movie ever put to film. This movie has no style, sometimes it's cheesy and sometimes it's serious, and because of that I don't know weather to be laughing because it's funny or laughing because of how bad it looks. The background in this movie is just desert and all the sets look metal shacks giving this movie a tone of... well, bland. The acting is bland, the story about the men and woman learning to get along is bland, the sets are bland, and the tone can't decide on what it wants to be. I'd anything this movie does have some good parts near the end when the final battle takes place. Not a horrible movie, but far from good.
Queen Kong (1976)
What might be the WORST King Kong rip off ever!
This movie sucks! I mean it, the acting is abominable, the sets and costumes look like something from an Asylum movie, and the jokes suck! That's my biggest problem is the jokes, in the hands of Monty Python they could have done a great job. Instead most of the jokes here are either movie references (like "Lady Jaws"), horrible puns, or stuff that does6make any sense. Like when they find the prehistoric bagpipe and instead of doing something Monty Python would have done and take a surrealistic direction, they make a I'll take the high road joke.
That's not funny, that doesn't even make any sense! The costumes and sets suck, the acting sucks, and the jokes are horrible. Don't watch it at any cost!
Li san jiao wei zhen di yu men (1977)
WOW!
A movie with fake Bruce Lee, fake Popeye, fake Dr. Who, fake James Bond, fake Clint Eastwood, fake The Exorcist, and fake The Godfarher what could go wrong? Nothing, that's what! A ten out of ten just for the moment when Dracula shows up. Need I say more.
Zhan shen (1976)
A very weird monster movie
The first half of this movie is really slow and that's the main reason this gets a low score. The first half mostly just consists of people standing around talking about what they should do to stop the martians. Although granted enough weird stuff happens parallel to keep you entertained. When the second half of the movie starts up is when it gets good with the martians and the War God doing battle. The storyline is nothing special at first, but when the weird dream sequences and the anti gravity stuff start happening you know it's something special. A very weird movie, but an entertaining one. Check it out.
Epic (1985)
A really slow movie
As the only guy so far to give this movie a rating I have to say that I feel pretty alone here. The fact that I'm seemingly the only person on Earth to see this garbage makes me want to rethink my life. But, let's get to the review. This movie is so slow, like a snail combined with a slug kind of slow. Most of the movie consists of people talking and walking.
Whenever they come across a dinosaur or one of the elements they only show a few seconds of them fighting a collecting the elements and that's it! One thing I do like about this movie though is the animation for the characters, they're all given unique designs. Overall it's a good looking abomination to man kind. Don't watch it.
Alienator (1990)
A fun cheesy movie
This movie is just too fun. That doesn't mean it's good, but it's still really entertaining. With bad acting, an over-the-top storyline, an alien that looks like the very definition of 80s (even though this was in the 90s), and two of the dopiest comic relief characters ever put to film what can go wrong? I don't even want to say any more, go check this out if you haven't, it's the very definition of "so bad it's good."
Bordello of Blood (1996)
A very bad movie only saved by some cool effects and Dennis Miller
This movie is BAD! While the first Tales from the Crypt movie managed to strike a good balance of over-the-top comedy and horror, this one is just over-the-top comedy that's not even that good. Sure, Billy Zane did some wacky stuff too but he also knew when to chill out. In this movie half the characters chew up the scenery and make silly expressions. The underground brothel setting is stupid and is only and excuse to show more tits.
Most of the characters are paper thin and annoying with the exception of Dennis Miller. The only reason this movie doesn't get a one is Dennis Miller and the gore effects. Dennis Miller while being a jerk in real life does do a good performance here playing a snarky sarcastic jerk. Essentially what he is in real life. Also, the gore effects in this movie are awesome, especially when the guy at the bar gets decapitated.
Overall a bad movie and would not recommend it. Only for fans of Dennis Miller.
Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)
A forgotten horror classic!
This movie is awesome! All of the actors are character actors including William Sadler, Jada Pinkett Smith, Brenda Bakke, Carol Pounder, Thomas Haden Church, Charles Fleischer, Dick Miller, and most importantly Billy Zane. The plot is unique, the effects are awesome, and the characters are great and relatable. It also has the balls to kill a kid character which is nice. It manages to find a balance between horror and comedy, like when Billy Zane has his freak out by the truck. Although that's not to say Billy Zane doesn't give a intimidating performance when he manages to convince one of the characters to be posessed by giving them their deepest desire. But it's also pretty scary, like when the kid turns into a demon. Please watch this, I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
Giochi erotici nella terza galassia (1981)
Wow, this movie is BAD!
I HATE this movie! It's bad, not fun bad but bad bad! All this movie is is people talking, that's it! People talk and talk and talk. Then when they finally get up and go somewheres it shows them walking there in full length with no dialogue.
Not only that but the characters are just obnoxious, and the acting makes Troll 2 look good. It's only until the last few minutes when it kind of picks up with some lame but kinda cool set pieces. But even then all the characters do to defeat the bad guy is kiss him and then he just disappears. The plot sicks in this movie too, instead of being a cool action sci fi movie instead it goes to planet Earth and tries (and fails) to make comedic scenes. Stay far away from this movie.
2019 - Dopo la caduta di New York (1983)
Not a bad movie
Despite what people say, I actually think this movie is good. Sure, it was meant to cash in on Escape from New York but other than the post-apocalyptic New York setting it's pretty original. The miniatures and effects in this movie are great, especially the opening model of New York. Most of the characters are likable and the story takes some interesting directions. But I do have my complaints as well.
One: the story isn't paced very well with characters doing stuff and going places for no reason. And two: the main character is the most pathetic excuse for a character ever! All he does is get captured and constantly getting the group into trouble. But even then those two flaws don't ruin the movie, and I would say that this is a good movie. Check it out.
The Giant Claw (1957)
If not for the monster and non sensical plot, this would actually be good
The monster in this movie sucks! As much as I actually think this movie is kinda good, the monster sucks! Case closed. Who came up with such a monstrosity to man kind? And what makes it worse is that Ray Harryhausen was supposed to do the effects but it was deemed too expensive so they made this abomination instead.
Another thing holding this movie back is the cliche plot. They hold off showing the monster for the first half an hour, nobody believes the main character, when the monster does show up it attacks people, and then at the end some scientists figure out some non sensical way to kill the monster. Despite all this though, for a 50s monster movie the acting and characters are solid and the idea of a flying monster had never been done before (at least to my knowledge).
Slaughter High (1986)
An okay slasher flick
This one is just okay, the setting of the abandoned high school is cool and a lot of the death scenes are creative. But in the other hand, the acting sucks and the characters are two dimensional while also making the stupidest decisions known to man kind. After one of their friends dies they all decide to go to sleep! Who would do that!? I would actually give this a lower rating but the ending gives it some points. Overall it's an entertaining mess of a movie and I kinda like it.
Kaijû sôshingeki (1968)
A almost perfect Godzilla movie
I like this movie, I really do. It has great acting and characters, the monster costumes look great, and while the plot of the aliens taking control of the monsters is very overused I still like the design of their spaceships and base. Also, for once the human storyline is really interesting. My only problem? The monsters barely ever show up until the end!
With a movie called Destroy All Monsters I expected to see a lot more, but instead all it is is just the humans watching them on moniters occasionally. Despite that though, the ending monster battle is pretty cool, so I would recommend it. Just be aware that the monsters don't show up a lot.