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The Darkroom (2006)
2/10
Good idea, poorly executed
10 March 2007
The story idea is excellent. Unfortunately, the execution lets it down.

The movie lacks pace, for one thing. It should be an exciting ride, but it is slow and more than a little boring.

I think the problem's mainly in the screenplay and editing. There aren't enough obstacles and reversals to ratchet up suspense, and there are scenes which don't really move the story along very effectively.

The producers should have seen this in the screenplay and insisted upon a major rewrite. Unfortunately, when the producer is also the writer and the director, this evidently ain't gonna happen.

Much of the acting seems kind of flat, and that is down to the director - all the actors have been quite competent in other projects.

It's a shame, because with better writing, editing and direction, this could have been a really good thriller.
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Serendipity (2001)
2/10
Not a good movie, despite the cast.
10 March 2007
Not even good actors (John Cusack, Kate Beckinsale and the rest of the cast) can save this movie from the awful script, which does not hang together logically - rather, it is glued together with deus ex machina events, making the story progressively more unbelievable.

Characters are shallow, which, unfortunately, makes it impossible to care about them or what happens to them.

What a shame.

John and Kate must have really needed the money. Or, perhaps, they both simultaneously succumbed to fits of temporary insanity when reading the script.
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The Pet (2006)
1/10
Abysmally poor in every respect
23 February 2007
Breathtakingly, stunningly bad. Production values seem to be even lower than the average adult movie.

Total acting skills displayed by all participants: close to zero. Poor shooting, directing, editing, script, DVD transfer, etc. If anybody connected with this movie was paid more than bus fares and lunch money, they were overpaid.

Some movies are bad, but entertaining because they are bad. Not so with this turkey.

The only reason I gave it one star is because there isn't a zero-star voting option.
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Caché (2005)
1/10
Stupefyingly boring and pointless
23 September 2006
Yes, I get the p-c France/Algeria allegory, but this is a movie which could have been made as a 30 minute short and would still be boring and pointless, unless livened up with commercial breaks. It is often described as a psychological thriller, but there is no real suspense, and thrilling it is decidedly not.

The plot is childish and simplistic, and the few subplots go where the plot ultimately goes: nowhere. Watching one's grass grow for two hours would be much more exciting than watching this movie.

The fact that so many critics like it simply serves to highlight the pretentiousness of the critics.

I am here to tell you that the Emperor isn't wearing any clothes. Don't bother with this clunker.
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